BuntyB Report post Posted January 2, 2007 I am despairing about C and L's bedroom! I felt a bit sorry for them on Boxing day, partly because they've been settling into a new school and perhaps keeping their bedroom tidy hasn't been high on the list of priorities, but because they are now losing important stuff decided to completely bottom it and have it nice and organised before they go back to school. I finished doing their room, and they were really happy but the following day they trashed it and they have refused to pick anything up. We have removed their new presents until it's cleared up but so far they have just become more stubborn than ever and have gone on a complete strike. I'm not sure what to do now as if I go in and sort it out, I don't want them to feel it's okay to trash their room and I'll sort it. The girls blame each other, and I have left kids to fester in their own mess before but we don't have enough space that they can have their own rooms to do this. Anyone got any ideas what to do- I can't go in there at the moment as it just makes my blood boil when I think how much work I put into it and I have to come out to count to ten! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Report post Posted January 2, 2007 (edited) My ten year old tells me that when his room is cluttered it feels warm and comfortable but when it is tidy it can make him scared. My 19 year old got to the stage whereby I gave up and let him live in his mess He slipped on a crisp packet when he was 14 and broke his arm - we came home from the hospital and he cleared out 10 bags of rubbish from his room and it's stayed tidy ever since - a bit drastic I know but how about you just let them live in it until it gets to them? Cat Edited January 2, 2007 by Cat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted January 2, 2007 Hi Shona, I don't know what advice to offer, because i have the same problems with Kai. We recently moved to a new house to give him a bigger bedroom, which is also his play room. I spend ages tidying it up, but within minutes it's wrecked again. I did buy a load of those storage boxes, so i can just chuck cars/trains /lego etc into the right boxes and QUICKLY ! I actually feel physically ill when i go in there because it looks so bad. Last night my partner said, "Shut the door and ignore it. At least it's not in the lounge". Good point, but i still feel the overwhelming urge to go in there as soon as he's back at school and tidy up again!!!! When i try to get Kai to tidy up, he says the same as Cat's son, that he likes it messy and it feels "nice" like that. Kids Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted January 2, 2007 oh yeah whatever you do dont cave in now!!! they trashed it, they can sort it out..... i used to do el's for her and it was a nightmare, i got her loads of tubs and wrote on them what they were for ie cars, pokemon, digimon, pens......and she still couldnt sort it out. but it really got to her when she couldnt find stuff so now she makes more effort to put things away and prefers it to be tidy. also if her room isnt reasonably tidy then she doesnt get her pokemon cards at the weekend.....thats been the best incentive! just shut the door and dont go in there...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 2, 2007 We have the same problem too I think with J is its to do with his distractability and not finsishing his play with certain toys and then forgets to put things away, he rarely plays with a toy for more than 10 mins before getting distracted and playing with something else, he has a lot of playmobil so these are easier putting away, but its his little odd and ends that get me mad, so I now have a clutter box now. We have see throw storage boxes and spersific too, so all the lego in one box, playmobil people and assessories in another, dinosaurs in one, cars in another, action heros in another, dressing up hung in wall drobe, dirty washing in the laundry basket and rubbish in the bin, cups and plates taken down. we have a NEW RULE as from now, every other day, so Mon,wed,fri he is to spend 10 Mins just having a quick tidy or all his stuff is banned, ps2,dvd,internet,tv ect..... so he will be a very bord if he doesnt do it, I have comprimised to help and assist him but he isnt to let me do it all, if he stops so do I and I wont be allowing him to play with anything until his 10 Mins are done. wish me luck, I cant stand it either I am not expecting it spick and span, or a show home but at least a room you can walk into with out a sharp object piercing your foot when you put them to bed. I have also used the puppy as an excuse saying if she gets hold of anthing small she could be very unwell. we spent 10 mins yesterday together so its not too bad but the rule is in place as from tomorrow, and can see another visual poster coming to help him remember a nice big one on the front of his door! If not it will be a Danger enter at own risk!!! JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BuntyB Report post Posted January 2, 2007 I could easily shut the door on it all if they liked it aht way, but they don't! You can visably see how stressed they get in a cluttered environment and they like it tidy which makes it hard to understand why they do it. You might have a point about the distraction thing... The biggest problem is that they go into meltdown when they can't find school shoes, homework, their ties etc, so I do nag on about putting things back. My husband has now said we might need to remove everything except their school stuff- seems drastic! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 2, 2007 To remove all their stuff except their school stuff is very drastic, It could cause further stubborness, I was advised against this with children with special needs, but to support them and assist in the tidying, I personally think that removing all their stuff is a bit like boot camp as well, I would look at a more supportive method, they have to develop the skills of having an organised room, removing their belongings will not give them the tools to learn that. in a way with them experiencing the frustration in not finding key item will give them a more of understanding why things need to have its place and the need to put things back, I am still learning now with things like my housekeys, purse, scalf, ect... but now I have a place for these and put them away now. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted January 2, 2007 I removed everything at the begining of 2006 and put it all in a cupboard downstairs, then if he wanted anything specific he could have it. This was after he was going through a very destructive stage which included smashing about 20videos, most of his toys and his bedroom windows all of his bedroom furniture when he was in meltdown and I was insisting on using bloomin time out. As it's x-mas his new toys are in the room but slowly these will come out when I have time to sort it all out. Towards the end of last year I did buy a storage trolley with see through drawers and put lego in one, knex in another, playmobile etc in another it goes on. He's stil quite messy now but I give him say 3 tasks to do (not jobs as he hates that) and then once it's done he earns a treat, this is working quite well and it will be simple things like take all playsation games to your room, pick up all scooby stuff and put it in bag etc. The thing with my son is he doesn't just mess his room but the whole house and it's mostly cos he flits from one thing to another, before you know it everything is everywhere. At the moment he's much calmer and his room is staying abit cleaner, more random forget to put away mess than destruction mess. His clothes are also all downstairs in a cupboard and his pj's, socks pants etc are in a clear through trolley in my kitchen altogether it makes life easier for him and me. You need to do what you think is right, how old are they? could you write a list for each of them so they can see it visually what they have to do, then they can tick off what bits they have done and be rewarded for it. Best of luck with it, today I am very proud of my 6 year old nt daughter who tidied nearly all of her room with very little help, believe me it was a tip, you couldn't see the floor neither the hallway floor where all her babies were happily lying, lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 3, 2007 I'm reading this thread with interest as this is a constant battle for me too! Both my children are pretty messy and their rooms are really cluttered. I frequently tidy my 9 year old's room and scoop up old comics off the floor - even the threat (sometimes carried out) to put them in the recycling doesn't make him tidy them away. And my 17 year old can never find clean underwear and socks because she doesn't put them in the laundry basket - I spend my life retrieving odd garments from the corners of her room. I would love to follow Cat's advice to let them just live in the mess, but at the very least I have to make sure clean school uniform is available for my son, and ensure enough clean clothes are in the right places for my daughter to find - otherwise meltdown and she'd never get to college! That means taking a deep breath and occasionally diving in to sort things out. I have to confess, I'm not the tidiest of people myself so I feel a bit of a hypocrite asking them to tidy up. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anita81 Report post Posted January 3, 2007 having AS myself,i can relate to the cleaning thing.most of the time my hhouse is a tip.my neighbour has to come round every day to tell me what to do.i too feel uncomfortable in a tidy house.i know i have to tidy though coz i have 3 kids running around.i can see the mess,i know its there,but i just seem to lack this thhing in my head that says "now you need to clean".If i do start cleaning i get distracted and plan to do it later,but later never seems to come.when i think about cleaning i feel uncomoftable inside.when my housework is done,i never get the sense of sattisfaction that its tidy.i have tried aving a plan of action,because i can only work to routines,but for me,it didnt work.my neighbour comes round and gives me small tasks everyday,and(sad as it sounds)praises me when its done.if she dosent come over though my house goes to pot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Report post Posted January 3, 2007 It was the broken arm that did it for DS2 and that as I said is pretty drastic. However he now cleans his room twice each week including hovering He changes his bed every Wednesday And even cleans his own window And he's pretty darn good at washing dishes - but that's because he does not believe that I wash them properly - it worked He's 19 now by the way. Cat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 3, 2007 It was the broken arm that did it for DS2 and that as I said is pretty drastic. However he now cleans his room twice each week including hovering He changes his bed every Wednesday And even cleans his own window And he's pretty darn good at washing dishes - but that's because he does not believe that I wash them properly - it worked He's 19 now by the way. Cat wow I am in orr, J is pretty good genrally with house chors, loves to mop up, clean the windows, empty and refill the washer machine, and hoover his own room, and he is nine, so hopeful that by 19 he will be well on the way to a good houseperson. It has to be all on his own terms, and if I mop he goes mad, telling me off, so I always ask now, some days he will some days he wont. When did he brake his arm? and how did you get him to co coperate to do his bedroom and how did you get such a house proud young man? JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 3, 2007 Knowing my luck it would be me breaking my arm by slipping on a Beano. Nearly have done once or twice. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted January 4, 2007 well if you did break your arm on a beano, it might just guilt trip them into being tidy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
badonkadonk Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Even though I'm also Aspergers, I cannot comprehend living in mess, at all. A cluttered room means a cluttered mind to me and I cannot think straight if my environment is messy. My bedroom is never 100% perfect, mainly because no room can ever be and because I don't have enough space as I'm living at home with enough stuff in one room that will go into various different rooms when I move into my own house. My parents don't have to house their tv, stereo, media collections, clothes, items they want in storage and day to day things in one room but because I don't have my own house yet I'm cramming everything into my bedroom!! Anyway, one of the problems could be that they don't know where to start. I know that you can sometimes look at an untidy room and it seems so overwhelming because you don't quite know what to do first. I also struggled with knowing how to tidy my room when I was little. What goes where and how to clean things. Perhaps you could give them a tidying your bedroom guide poster or something and list what to do first and in what order to do it. Stressedmumto2 seemed to have the right idea as you could make it a chart where they tick each job off and they build up points to a reward. It needs to be a really basic plan and not just things like "tidy up toys" because that doesn't really tell them what to do. Something like "put all dirty clothes in the blue basket" and "put all dolls in the red box". I dunno what toys kids have lol, but just keep it really simple and easy to follow and make sure that the jobs are either shared or distributed equally so it keeps fighting to a minimum. Encourage them to listen to music while they tidy up and perhaps invest in some funky cleaning outfits for them (Aprons or boiler suits or something, you can buy dyes and dye some cheap white aprons bright pink!....I know you can get lots of novelty kids cleaning stuff nowadays like rubber gloves with feathers around the end and a fake ring stuck on ...what I'm trying to say is, something that will make the job seem more fun). You could also get them a little cleaning caddy that has everything in it that they might need (bin bags, polish, dusters, laundry bag, hoover attachments) and keep it next to the hoover so they know where everything is. I dunno whether this stuff would work but it might be worth a try! Hope it helps Emily xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Am I the only one with an AS kid who is almost manically tidy!! My lad spends ages at the end of the day carefully lining up his toys in particular places and in particular ways. He's got so many of his toys lined up along the floor that they take up half the room! It's a nightmare when it's time to hoover, I have to pick everything up and put it on the bed and then spend ages on my hands and knees trying to arrange them all back in the same places, I could do the whole rest of the house in the time it takes to do his room! ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
badonkadonk Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Am I the only one with an AS kid who is almost manically tidy!! My lad spends ages at the end of the day carefully lining up his toys in particular places and in particular ways. He's got so many of his toys lined up along the floor that they take up half the room! It's a nightmare when it's time to hoover, I have to pick everything up and put it on the bed and then spend ages on my hands and knees trying to arrange them all back in the same places, I could do the whole rest of the house in the time it takes to do his room! ~ Mel ~ Haha Mel, I was just like that as a kid Except for I still am, and I have a thing for lining things up around/at the back of things. For example, when I was little I used to line everything up around the skirting boards. Mum would say "how about helping mommy tidy up?" and then half an hour later there would be everything lined up around the skirting boards....toys, toast, fluff, stones from the garden, washing, dirty cups Now I am more restrained But I still have to have everything lined up just so. Everything in the kitchen gets pushed to the back of the sides and lined up, same on my bedside table. Everything is stacked at the back so there is space at the front, even though I never put anything at the front It drives my poor mum mad! Emily xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BuntyB Report post Posted January 4, 2007 Believe me I have tried the lot! I gave them a flow chart for each item to pick up asking is it: clothes? yes? dirty- in the basket, clean in the drawer etc. They loved it for about ten minutes then gave up. I've tried to make it simple- Cati has a midi bed with storage boxes under. I've told them anything but clothes can go under there. I don't care which boxes they go in because if they're mixed up it only inconveniences them and not me, but I do want their clothes in the drawer and not on the floor so I can get them to school in time. There really isn't space to put the drawers elsewhere since there is only two rooms downstairs and 7 of us. The music thing is a non-starter. Cati dances instead of working and Lucy has an aversion to her music and yells at her to switch it off! Tonight their little neice fell over some stuff and cut her head. Cati was hysterical and I told her this is why stuff shouldn't be on the floor. She's also been on crutches herself after falling, but she doesn't seem to learn. Every morning something is lost. I've just found out that her new PE kit is lost. That's two sets in 3 weeks. I despair! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
