hes talking sexual

[hev]

steve went back to school today after suspension and teacher phoned me to say he is talking very sexually about the teachers and pupils,they sent home what he had been saying and it was terrible,they said theyve put ijt in their records,whats that mean?how can i stop him talking like it?

 

sorry if the topic title looks rude but ivel ost the word i wanted

[smiley]

Hi hun,

 

Not sure what to suggest really mate.

 

Depends on why he's saying it...?? He may have heard it elsewhere and is seeing what reaction it gets...?? Maybe it's something he's thinking about (being a teenager n all!! ) and is using this as a way to talk about it......??

 

Have you asked him why he said it?

 

<'>

[hev]

he said hes joking but hes getting older now and im getting very worried about it,he just wont see that its not taken as a joke,i cant control what he says at school,he dont say it at home,i think he likes the shock factor of the other kids at school as well

[baddad]

Hi hev -

 

 

 

Gotta say, I'm really stumped on this one ... All the usual stuff like social stories and chats about 'appropriate time and place' would seem like a double edged sword at the moment, 'cos given some of the other stuff that's been going on i'd say there is a good chance that S is doing this for more complex reasons than just lack of social awareness(?) On the other hand, ignoring it ain't gonna help any either

 

One thing i would say - he's had a hell of a lot coming at him lately what with all the school exclusion stuff, new support networks coming on the scene and the proposals re residential. While most of those things are huge positives, (exclusions aside!) it could be that he's doing some reading between the lines and coming up with the wrong sort of answers. Getting to the nub of that is going to be really difficult (if it has got anything to do with it!), but if you can, I'd try and get those walks going again (not the weather for it, I know, so fingers crossed) and see if you can get a casual conversation going to look for some clues...

 

Having said all of that, there's also that horrid hormones thing - and he is of an age when 'sexual' thoughts tend to take precedence... Maybe he needs a bit of a chat about that, and some reassurance about things that are perfectly natural but very confusing and scary when you're going through them... that's one for the other half, though... SERIOUSLY!!

 

 

 

L&P

 

BD <'>

[David Matthew Baker]

Not sure if this artical will be any help or not but it seems to be about sex education using the TEACCH methods. I think it is an overview but may contain some useful info. Fingers crossed it does in anycase:

 

http://www.autismuk.com/index9sub1.htm#sexed

[fairynormal]

I have the same problem with my son. He's used very sexually explicit language for about the last year or so and I absolutely hate it. I suppose I feel it reflects badly on me as his mum and feel so embarrassed. He will make very explicit comments about people, mostly women and make them very personal too. He seems to home in on any distinguishing feature and make very loud and repetitive comments about it.

 

When he is in a strop he will also use masses of expletives coupled with explicit sexual language too. Even his Psychotherapist picked up on that fact that he is totally fixated on both sex and death. On the whole I try to ignore it or just pay as little attention as possible, changing the subject as quickly as I can. When said in public or to other people I feel I have to reprimand him about it but it often makes it worse. I then usually explain that I am going to ignore him as no-one is interested and then just carry on as normal.

 

It's a really tricky one and one I wish I had an answer for but I don't. If anyone has a brainwave, please let me know too!!

[Bambi]

I would like some help here too if anyone has any ideas

 

T is very explicit in his behaviour at times and has always tried to touch private parts on myself and others, now he actually says the word sexing. During his little school yrs he has tried to chase kids to kiss them and has tried to pull their pants down another particular behaviour was actually noted by a teacher and the Ed Psych said he must have witnessed it whether he was ASD or not he had to of seen it!!! i was fuming!!! (T wanted to wee in another childs mouth and he told the child this infront of many kids and staff).

 

I have always been concerned about this part of Ts behaviour and when he is displaying at school, on the buses, in town or on any outing (pulls his pants down in public to show everyone his bits) and at home. I will be worried like any devoted parent but it seems some professionals are quick to judge US. I was reported to Child Protection after having 2 visits questioning me as to whether T had been sexually abused or witnessed oral sex!!!!(the weeing in the mouth comment was being construed oral sex!!!) i had to right a lettter of complaint to LEA due to all this rubbish and it all came from an Ed Psych making a very unprofessional comment about something he has no clue about obviously!!

 

I hope u can get somewhere here and i do understand ur concerns and i hope u find something that will help, take care <'>

 

Bambi x

[bid]

Can't really add any advice, as no experience of this, but plenty of <'> <'> for all of you facing this

 

Bid <'>

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Hev

 

 

My son is 13 and to be blunt he will sit and play with himslef oupenly in fornt of me and his dad and sister its not very nice at all........We tell him to stop and if he wants to do that then he must do it in the privacy of his own bedroom and not in front of us..........Its kinda a fine line between stopping them doing i guess what is normal teenage boy behaviour but at the same time not makeing them feel like its dirty and wrong ect........

 

Our son went through a period where he was fixated on one of his sister teenage freinds and would try to touch her and stuff it was a nightmare,hed make inapropriate remarks ect because he said he liked her........Luckily this has now stopped.

 

Thing is like most have said what they can kinda get away with when there younger is not loooked upon favourable as they start to become young men..............

 

I dont want my son to be thought of as the local pervert...........

 

 

Baddad i think is kinda right teenagers hormones boys ...........all these sexy thoughts whizzing round there heads comeing out all wrong...........

 

 

I hope you find a solution Hev......Its not easy but it might be best just to totally ignore it...........

[jlp]

Slightly off main topic (I'm haven't a teenager but am dreading the teenage years !) but my ds will make silly remarks about poo and wee and I can quite easily see this extending to saying he'd wee or poo in a someones mouth - this would be if he got really silly, he gets carried away.

 

I'm horrified that an Ed Psych would imply that this has to be sexual!

 

On the other hand I can quite believe it. When ds was being assessed aged 4 our Ed Psych picked up on the fact that ds used very advanced threatening language - I'll stab you / chop your fingers off etc and sort of implied that he must be hearing this as 'it's unusual for ASD children to use such violent language', which was ridiculous.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

He's at an age where all boys talk about sex. It's obviously more difficult to deal with when you're talking about a kid with an ASD. I hope the school treat him with understanding instead of making a huge fuss and not talking about it. It could simply be that he's interested and giving him a book that's suitable for his age (an educational one) may help alleviate his curiousity. Other than that, don't know what to suggest. When it comes to my son, the more fuss I make about something, the worse it gets. Perhaps this is something that needs to be dealt calmly, even though it can be a difficult and embarassing subject.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline

[hev]

 

 

 

 

Thing is like most have said what they can kinda get away with when there younger is not loooked upon favourable as they start to become young men..............

i agree with that paula,i was trying to put it like that,thanks!!

I dont want my son to be thought of as the local pervert...........

Its not easy but it might be best just to totally ignore it.........

 

i am tempted to ignore it but the school are not and its worrying me they think he might be being abused you hear it so many times,i hate all this stuff,im the type who would like to bury hy head in the sand but it needs dealing with and im at a loss how to

[butterfingersbimbo]

oh no what a nightmare! i am sorry i cant think of anything you can do, apart from getting in touch with the NAS and see if they can suggest anything. <'> <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Oh no, my heart goes out to you all. I don't have any advice either at the moment but can see this could be a huge issue particularly to those who don't understand ASD. <'> <'> <'> <'>

Clare x

[Paula]

Thing is and this is kinda sticking me kneck on the line here so many of the things i have to do for my son could be seen as abuse............

 

 

I mean ive to wipe his bottom......not normally the done thing when youre son is 13 with all the bits growing bigger and in place............

 

Ive to check him in the shower and wash him to make sure its done correctly else hed smell.againe this could be seen as wrong mum washes teenage son.............

 

 

Ive seen him naked 100s of times and although i try to encourage that he remaines behind closed doors and stuff certaine things are private its like banging yer head against a brick wall...........

 

He also comes into our bedroom and will get into bed with us againe weve said this isnt appropriate..........

 

Its a minefield

 

 

I remember years ago when my NT daughter was 5 she came out of school and started talking about realy sexual stuff..............id no idea where it had come from.then my mum phoned me and asked me what on earth she was watching on tv as she was talking like shed been watching pornography..turned out the girl she was mixing with at school was the one telling her these things...........Id to report it to the teacher and i left it in her hands.........

Edited March 6, 2007 by Paula

[David Matthew Baker]

I can sympathise with you a bit about your son. I had a few suprises at the Special School when I worked there. The female staff would deal with the boys/men as often as the male. I can remember one day been sent to take one of the students who was around 12 to the toilet. On the day of the school christmas party dress rehersal. I knew they went in with him so I stood in the main area of the toilet whilst he was in a cubical. When he came out he'd also got undressed. So I had to encourage him to get all his clothing back on and with some bits to help him to do so. A few of the post 16 group still had to wear nappies. The female support staff tended to deal with them whilst the permanent male member dealt with a lad who mastibated everytime he went to the toilet. Most of that group had to be watched to check they didn't put there hands down the toilets and start smearing or anything. At the end of the day whilst it is not ideal it has to be done. I think in many ways it is better that a parent do these things than a stranger. Another example I can think of is that students right through the age range at the school (3-19) would occasionally just go to the toilet on the yard. Or in one case one of the primary students went in the hall. At least the oldest group didn't do this. It isn't abuse in any way. It is the support they need. Someone has to help them with it. At least you know that you are someone who won't take advantage of the situation.

[something vague]

Hi Hev,

 

If he's doin this stuff more at school than home, perhaps the other kids are feeding him lines to say and rewarding him with their attention. Also as others say the hormones are whizzing around but Steve wont really fully understand what its all about so might be fixating on the language in an attempt to make sense of it. Sorry I havent got any advice on how to deal with either case...............though I think you are best asking the school for their support in this. Ask them for appropriate sex education books etc. At 13 he's probably had lots of sex ed. in PSHE lessons. See if they'll give you some of that work to go over with him at home.

 

Let them know that you're just as concerned (more!) as they are and see if they'll support you in dealing with the issue.

 

Good luck <'>

 

SV