car2 Report post Posted March 15, 2007 (edited) Just had a long conversation with Dan's headmistress and while she has been really helpful, she really p**d me off today!!!! In an earlier post i spoke about Dan not dressing himself and asked the school what he was like after p.e. Daniel has already told me that he hates p.e because he has to get dressed after and is normally always last to finish...................... She said.............he doesn't appear to have any problems........we don't mind so much if he gets things on the wrong way.....at least he is trying.... So he has no problems with dressing at school.....is that why he always has his trousers on back to front and his top on inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet????!!!!! Thats not a problem that a 6 year old constantly gets his clothes on the wrong way, bearing in mind that my 3 year old can dress herself perfectly?? She then went on to suggest that he was trying it on at home..........!!!!! Does she think im stupid or something!!!!!! We have a communication book as evidence of Dan's behaviour at home and at school, and she said she read it and couldn't believe that his behaviour is like this out of school!!! Iv'e ben trying to tell them this for 3 years!!! and it was school who noticed that Dan was different in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So she hinted that she thought I may be blowing everything out of proportion I'd love them to see what Dan can be like and how difficult it is to have a child on the spectrum, I think i'm going to start recording videos, then they might understand. Sorry for the rant-but it gets me really down Further more, we have just applied for Dan's DLA and now im worried that the school have said the opposite to everything I have said................if Dan doesn't get DLA it will be heartbreaking because i will have to work every hour god sends inorder to make ends meet-and from past experience i know that Dan's behaviour will be horrendous if that happens, he only just copes with me working twice a week. I need to be with him as much as possible, to help him and stick to his routine- it's an essential requirement inorder for Dan to make progress. Hope I don't sound selfish going on about money etc, but everything is getting on top of me and im just about coping at the moment. I love him so much and I want to give him as much time and support as i can, otherwise i'l always feel that i could have done more to help him and i'd never forgive myself. As you all know trying to look after kids, keep the house ship shape, work, pay bills etc is bloomin hard going and I take my hat off to all you natural copers out there- I just go into meltdown almost every day!!! thanks for being there to read my thesis!! carolinex Edited March 15, 2007 by car2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Hi Caroline I don't think I've ever been a natural coper, if there is such a thing. I've never been able to organise children, housework and work so that everything runs smoothly. I think you're doing a brilliant job, working and looking after a child is hard work under any circumstances. I hope you get the DLA. The issue of children behaving differently at home and school comes up again and again - you're not alone in this: even the professionals note it. Recording a video isn't such a bad idea if the school won't believe you. L used to find it really hard to dress herself too at the same age - everyone used to treat it as a joke when she took a long time and came out with everything on back to front. She had to contend with tights, a blouse with buttons, tunic and tie - difficult enough for any 4-7 year old, let alone one with coordination difficulties! Hang in there <'> K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Caroline, So sorry that the school is not listening to you. It sounds very familiar to me, I think I've "graduated" in Coping- with- lack- of- Communication- from-school I try to make a joke out of it but in reality it has been a nightmare. Your son's peer will soon start noticing that he has his trousers back to front or his buttons in the wrong place. My DS didn't say anything until one day when he was about 7 he told me that there were children who laughed at him because of it. I hope that your son doesn't have to go through that. It can be avoided with the right support put in place. The school must understand that you want to prevent that from happening and not wait until he is humiliated to help him! I hope you get the DLA. Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Wow it seems teachers love to use that phrase along with 'but they are fine in school' grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr like talking to a brick wall eh! i had this oh so often with Ts schools and it goes to show 3 mainstream schools got it wrong and blaming my parenting!!! I know where they can stick my son's dx and the sun dont shine there at all!!! Hang in there hun and take care <'> Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Caroline, you are definitely not alone with this as Kathryn has said about previous threads on this subject... My son tries his hardest to hold it all in whilst at school, but his anxiety and feelings of frustration have to come out at some time and that is normally when he comes home and he feels secure enough to let it out...... He quite often walks out of school fine and as soon as we get in the car he starts head butting the back of the passenger seat and shouting about something that has happened..... he has also developed highly obsessive behaviour and his teacher has said that he doesn't do it at school, but some of these things he does wouldn't necessarily be noticeable to someone that didn't know him so well. As for the money, you are not being selfish one bit, and If you dont get any joy with the schools side of things concerning DLA then I would see the paed, I told my sons paed that they said he doesn't show the same behaviours at school as he does at home, I said that I'd read that they can just let it all out when they feel safe and she couldn't agree more......so it's worth a shot... Try not to let the patronising talk get to you, afterall you live it every single day... Brook <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Although this is not quite the same....I posted a topic quite a while ago about other people not really understanding my sons difficulties...... thought you might like a read as it has the same feel of frustration in it... http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...ic=3704&hl= Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
car2 Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Although this is not quite the same....I posted a topic quite a while ago about other people not really understanding my sons difficulties...... thought you might like a read as it has the same feel of frustration in it... http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...ic=3704&hl= Brook Thank you brook, i just read your link and you hit the nail on the head perfectly- I hate it when people do that- makes me want to rip off theirs heads and drop kick um!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rach04 Report post Posted March 15, 2007 i have the "he doesnt do that at school"thing. irritating or what !!!!!!!!!!!!! couple of weeks ago i went in to school about something j had said happened (cant remember what it was) and i said to senco but we have to remember that cams have said he shows autistic traits and as of yet we dont really no what to expect his answer "well he doesnt show autistic traits here" wtf so he does at home and he does at the hospital but in his professional eye (sarcastic lol) he doesnt well i piddled myself there and then and he has avoided me since Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marshmallow Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Like the police, maybe there are certain phrases teachers etc. have to be word perfect in to graduate: "S/he doesn't do that at school" "We never see that here" "Although we value your input.........." (we know your child better than you because you're only a parent) "Can I have aquick word Mr/s........." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted March 15, 2007 I had sometHing similar yesterday> TOm attends a special nursery and I was at a talK ON how they teach the children. Fortunately they acknowledged during the talk that children will exhibit behaviours at home that they don't at school. I was asking, later on, if they would hELP WITh a picture/story booK for when we go to the supermarket or to restaurants as things are getting increasingly difficult in crowded places. I explained all the things he does and the teacher looked surprised and said "he shows no repetitive behaviours here"> I thought "No, he just spends ages doing elaborate patterns, or sticking bits of wood together and ignoring the other children for the most part"> Apparently he is "a delight" in tHe nursery> I long for them to take him to the supermarket and then they can see what he can be like Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rach04 Report post Posted March 15, 2007 oh yer and when he was in yr2 (now yr 5) his teacher told me she has him more than i do shes now on maternity leave with her 1st so watch this space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted March 15, 2007 Hi, Just wanted to say that Kai is 8 1/2 and has big trouble getting dressed. It's painful watching him as he gets in such a muddle! I often dress him just to save time otherwise he'd never be ready in time for school. He boards monday to friday at school and they told me he dresses himself fine. The truth is though, he doesn't do a very good job of it, because every Friday when he comes home he has averything on all jumbled up! His socks are always upside down and he still can't get the hang of pulling his boxers up before his trousers. The elastic is always twisted and makes his skin sore . He also behaves pretty well at school and then kicks off at home. I think this is so common amongst our children. I was considering video evidence of his behaviours at home, but thankfully (?) he kicked off big time at school a few weeks ago so now they have seen what he's capable of. Sad that i actually felt glad he did it infront of them . <'> <'> Hang in there and ignore the comments, difficult i know. Just think to yourself, "You have never walked in my shoes". Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted March 15, 2007 we have had run ins with the school as well only just tues his teacher told us he was just playing up for his parents perfect angel at school about ten minutes after he has been dropped off and she was so patrinising, i felt ready to linch her who do they think they r keep yr head up we r better than them and we know our children also the school sent a report to dla that reece was fine but we still got dla goodluck love donnaxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted March 15, 2007 My DS's school used to say this alot and now they know better not to or at least not to do so with the hint that somehow I must be to blame. They understood - eventually and totally believe me that we have trouble at home - for whatever reason not the same as at school - in fact as a result of what's going on in school. Any SENCO - or indeed teacher (as they are all supposed to be able to teach and understand special needs) should understand this very common phenomenon. However last year the OT was making a visit in school to observe my DS - there he was drawing a lovely picture of a car and apparently everything was so good and calm she probably wondered what all the fuss was about and couldn't see anything different about him at all. UNTIL DS was asked what the picture was and he explained that he hated her and the picture he was drawing was of her being run over by a lorry!! I was so proud of him Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
car2 Report post Posted March 16, 2007 My DS's school used to say this alot and now they know better not to or at least not to do so with the hint that somehow I must be to blame. They understood - eventually and totally believe me that we have trouble at home - for whatever reason not the same as at school - in fact as a result of what's going on in school. Any SENCO - or indeed teacher (as they are all supposed to be able to teach and understand special needs) should understand this very common phenomenon. However last year the OT was making a visit in school to observe my DS - there he was drawing a lovely picture of a car and apparently everything was so good and calm she probably wondered what all the fuss was about and couldn't see anything different about him at all. UNTIL DS was asked what the picture was and he explained that he hated her and the picture he was drawing was of her being run over by a lorry!! I was so proud of him Thats priceless........ I also HATE the phrase 'He's had a wonderful day today' ..........yes of course he has because you have let him do excactly what he wants and not made him conform with proper school routine in order to stop him having a major bluey!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
