Bad friend.

[oxgirl]

My lad is mortified and saying he wishes he'd never been born and he's useless and rubbish and a bad friend and he's rubbish at making friends. He says he shouldn't bother having friends over because it always goes wrong.

 

He was so looking forward to having a lad over for a couple of hours this afternoon, but again it's ended in disappointment. He wanted this lad to enjoy the new Lego computer game he has and he didn't show much interest, instead he wanted to take apart J's train set, but J couldn't allow that so they ended up not being able to find anything they wanted to do and were both bored by the end of the visit.

 

Now my lad is heartbroken and is saying it is easier to not even bother with other children and it's easier to be on his own. I just don't know what to do to help him. Not sure if this lad will want to come back again next time so now he has absolutely no-one to mix with and he's so desperate for a friend and so lonely but he just can't seem to make it work.

 

~ Mel ~

[Paula]

<'> <'> For you and youre lad

 

My 13 year old As son never ever has freinds over ,never plays with anyone outside or goes to the park ever...........

 

I was worried because i fealt he needs to be mixing needs to get out there but where and what......He now goes to a tae qwondo class once a week for half an hour hes the only special needs kid in it but hes loveing it and makeing freinds in a controlled enviroment,his confidence is soaring,hes learning new skills and hes even got a bit of an admirer in the shape of a 13 year old girl who thinks hes brill and realy different......Perhaps theres something similar youre son could get involved in locally its a start.it gets them out ,gets them amongst folks.....mine would sit and play ps2 games all day and night otherwise........I thought it would be a disaster and was scared but its the best thing weve ever done for him.

[Bagpuss]

Oh Mel, I'm so sorry to hear it didn't go well Must be very hard for you to see. Sometimes my eldest dd's friends can look abit bored, and I do wonder if they will out grow her at some point. Even now I can see differences emerging........they are all 9 going on 10 and becoming fashionable, with mobile phones and trendy hair cuts etc....this goes completely over dd's head.

 

Take care hun x <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Awww Mel, know how you feel, my son is alone again, like your lad he's keen to have a friend round but on his terms on what he wants to play, he could spend hours doing one thing where as he say's his friends keep wanting to do different things for example lets go outside and play football, 10 minutes later can we go up the shops, another 5 minutes can we set up such and such game, oh no now we want to play playstation or should we go to the park....poor Connor gets so confused and bad tempered with them that he ends up just doing his own thing. A friends Mum phoned today to see if he wanted to join them swimming but he just could face it, he seems to miss out so much because he can't cope with their chopping and changing of what they want to do. I hate him going to the park because he usually wanders back alone after about 15 minutes because they went off to do something else without explaining exactly to him what they doing, he certainly does not "follow the crowd"

Sorry Mel to waffle on about my boy, what's your son into ? maybe you could find like minded children, maybe there should be a kids forum so our lot could share their interests and make friends.

<'> <'> <'>

Clare x

[rainbow queen]

id have to second paula about the tae kwando class

my boy has no mates,or gets invited to friends houses ect

but hes been doing tae kwando for nearly a year now and its the bestest cash ive ever spent on him

he gets loads out of it -even helps with co-ordination[as he has very poor motor skills]

but ive seen his confidence rise over the year and its something he feels he can acheive at

because its repeative -small classes.alot of 1 to 1 ........and the belt system inspires them to try harder as they move up belts........

he gets to mix with kids ....plus its good excersise

hes nearly on his orange belt now

and he hates pe so dont let that put u off <'>

[oxgirl]

Thanks everyone, I know there are a lot of us in the same boat, unfortunately. <'> <'>

I just don't know where to start to find a friend for him. He won't go out and try any clubs, he doesn't see the point of things like that. There aren't any tae kwondo classes near to us and I know he wouldn't have any patience with it anyway, he'd get bored and uncooperative and show himself up as he couldn't see the point of doing it and then the kids would start edging slowing away from him and he'd get called weird, as usual, which would just make him feel worse about himself than he already does. All he wants to do is play with toys, but he plays like a four year old so nobody even near to his own age would want to play what he plays. Don't know where to turn. I can see him getting more and more isolated and cutting himself off from everything because it's just too difficult for him to mix.

 

~ Mel ~

[lynyona]

Hi Oxgirl

 

I am in the same boat as you as kieran doesnt even try to attempt to go to any clubs suggested in fact he very rarely leaves the house unless on his own terms.it is quite worrying as i know that while he stays in he isnt getting the social skills that he needs, but he manages quite well without them and doesnt need them when he s in 24 7,but it does make it a bit unfair that we cannot do anything as a family as one of us always has to stay behind with him.But it doesnt bother him he has a friend who he s known from school that comes and stays over on the odd weekend and seeing as they have the same sort of difficulties and interests they get on like an house on fire.as long as he s got his xbox 360 he s quite happy with his lot.

 

 

 

lynn

[curra]

Hi Mel,

It's very similar with my DS, he has no friends, he's lonely and never goes out. He's getting very depressed with it. Would your lad go to an AS support group? The NAS has a list of support groups in the country in their website. Most children learn social skills and play together in those groups. The group in my area has good sports facilities which is great for teenagers. Sadly, my son doesn't want to go anymore because he doesn't play sports and doesn't want to be AS. You could also ask the GP to refer him to counselling. It helps my son to cope with his feelings but it doesn't do much to improve his social skills. I wish there was a better solution !

Sending you many <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

[oxgirl]

Hi Oxgirl

 

I am in the same boat as you as kieran doesnt even try to attempt to go to any clubs suggested in fact he very rarely leaves the house unless on his own terms.it is quite worrying as i know that while he stays in he isnt getting the social skills that he needs, but he manages quite well without them and doesnt need them when he s in 24 7,but it does make it a bit unfair that we cannot do anything as a family as one of us always has to stay behind with him.But it doesnt bother him he has a friend who he s known from school that comes and stays over on the odd weekend and seeing as they have the same sort of difficulties and interests they get on like an house on fire.as long as he s got his xbox 360 he s quite happy with his lot.

lynn

 

 

It's great the Keiran has a friend who he can get along with, Lynyona. That must be so nice to see. <'> <'>

It's difficult when they don't have any independence, though, isn't it, it feels like our whole lives are planned around them sometimes.

 

Take care. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel,

It's very similar with my DS, he has no friends, he's lonely and never goes out. He's getting very depressed with it. Would your lad go to an AS support group? The NAS has a list of support groups in the country in their website. Most children learn social skills and play together in those groups. The group in my area has good sports facilities which is great for teenagers. Sadly, my son doesn't want to go anymore because he doesn't play sports and doesn't want to be AS. You could also ask the GP to refer him to counselling. It helps my son to cope with his feelings but it doesn't do much to improve his social skills. I wish there was a better solution !

Sending you many <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

 

 

Hiya Curra,

Yep, I just saw your post about your lad. Can totally relate to that, unfortunately.

Don't think there are any AS support groups in our area, certainly not for the children. There's a support group for parents to go to and they arrange a few holiday days out, but more for younger children, nothing much for this age group. My lad won't do any sports either, so there's nothing for them really, is there.

He's been referred for some counselling but we're waiting for an appointment, but hopefully it will be helpful when it eventually comes.

Keep on keeping on! <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Canopus]

He's been referred for some counselling but we're waiting for an appointment, but hopefully it will be helpful when it eventually comes.

 

I used to go for counselling between 10 and 14 but it wasn't exactly helpful. It just went round in circles and the counsellors started questioning what my parents wanted from them. Many of the counsellors were in favour of sending me to boarding school.

[butterfingersbimbo]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[mumble_rocks]

PMed Oxgirl!

[oxgirl]

I used to go for counselling between 10 and 14 but it wasn't exactly helpful. It just went round in circles and the counsellors started questioning what my parents wanted from them. Many of the counsellors were in favour of sending me to boarding school.

 

 

I wonder how much they can do as well, but it's worth a try I think.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

 

Thanks BFB. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

PMed Oxgirl!

 

Cheers mumble_rocks, hope you got my reply. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

Hi Mel,

 

I hope that counselling is helpful for your lad. It really depends on the counsellor. M was at first with a nurse who challenged him too much and caused him even more anxiety. He has just started with a good psychologist who understands him quite well.

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! I found this link that may have some interesting information about help in your area. I hope you can find something.

 

http://www.autismdirectory.org.uk/Pages/Se...cp=2&rst=-1

 

Sorry if you have seen it already and didn't find what you need.

 

Sending you more of these <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

[mumble_rocks]

Oxgirl,

 

I havent recieved the Pm! Sorry can you resend?

 

Thanks

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel,

 

I hope that counselling is helpful for your lad. It really depends on the counsellor. M was at first with a nurse who challenged him too much and caused him even more anxiety. He has just started with a good psychologist who understands him quite well.

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! I found this link that may have some interesting information about help in your area. I hope you can find something.

 

http://www.autismdirectory.org.uk/Pages/Se...cp=2&rst=-1

 

Sorry if you have seen it already and didn't find what you need.

 

Sending you more of these <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Curra

 

Cheers mate. <'> <'> Yep, I'm a member of OASIS but they don't have a group for the kids, unfortunately.

Hope you're having a good holiday. <'>

 

~ Mel ~