yesterday i left

[JenRose]

We are having a real hard time atm, yesterday i left Dave and the kids and spent the night in a hotel, i cried a lot of the time but i did me good.

 

Its just too much with 2 SN kids and Dave who has depression and he is at home 24/7 and he treats DS as if he is NT and there is all sorts of arguments going on.

Yesterday it got too much and i left and i feel like doing the same again today.

 

I feel so guilty that i left the kids, even though they were with Dave and i know they would be fine but i feel like a failure.

 

I cant even manage my own 2 kids and there are mums out there with worse situations like me.

 

Any tips anyone?

[Clare63]

Oh JR, you are not a failure you are only human, you got to the end of your tether and took yourself out of the situation. As you say the kids were OK they were with Dave. Please don't compare yourself yourself to others, you are you and your situation is unique to you and your family, I feel much the same and only have one child. You have so much to deal with right now, especially as your OH is suffering from depression you have ended up with carrying all the weight of the family and that dam hard. You need to take time for yourself, is there any chance of any respite from family or friends?. Is your husband getting the help he needs to get himself back on track ?

Afraid I don't have any tips or advice, just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you.

Stop beating yourself up you are a wonderful Mum.

Clare x <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Edited April 11, 2007 by Clare63

[Bagpuss]

Huge hugs JenRose <'> <'> <'>

 

I've felt like doing the same thing a few times. Have you considered having a chat with your GP? It could prove helpful. I found mine to be smashing, and am now feeling much, much better. Support groups have also helped. Luckily for me DH is really supportive, so I can lean on him too....really feel for you that your DH is also struggling. Sometimes my DH finds it difficult, and then I try to be strong for him. Do you have any family or friends who could babysit so you and your DH could spend some time alone, either during the day or of an evening? Maybe just to get out of the house for a while, have a walk, go for a drink, the cinema, a swim, going to the gym........anything that you both find enjoyable.

 

Take care <'>

[JsMum]

From the posts I have read from your issues all I see is what a dedicated, and committed mother ensuring that her children get what they need, you have fighted and battled throw the hardest times, its courage and strength that I see and from what I can see is that by removing yourself was the right thing too do as you took time to take care of you, the most important person because without it wouldnt work so its very important to know when we cant take any more.

 

crying is good but I really dont like others suffering alone so wished I could of been there for you, I will be thinking of you and pray that things get easier.

 

Is there any further support for your husband for his depression, MIND may be able to offer further advice and support with a day centre or similair that offers support for the symptoms.

 

It sound hard what you have been throw so none of that others are in worse circumstances, crikey we would never tap into our own emotions if we where to go throw that senario, I know when its me who feels the pain then its me who has to bare it, so take it and get support to get throw it.

 

Hun we are here if you need us and ther is my pm if you needed a chat, so you dont have to be alone, you are really exhausted and need space and time.

 

God Bless you, Look after the basics within yourself, take as much time as it takes.

 

JsMum

[pearl]

I've no answers for you JenRose, just a big <'>

[bikergal]

You're not a failure JenRose <'> <'> <'> You've got an awful lot to cope with. Like Bagpuss said, maybe you could go to see your gp for some support, if you can't talk write it all down beforehand. I had a family support worker last year and she was brilliant, came with me to all the multi agency meetings put my view across for me when i couldn't. I'm sure there must be some support out there that you could access most likely via your gp. I have been struggling with depression for the last 4 years or so and how my b/f puts up with me sometimes I'll never know Please take care of you because it sounds like you are holding the family together at the moment and you need to feel well. Take care and please pm me if you ever want to talk <'> <'> <'>

[hev]

jenrose <'> <'> you are not a failure,it all gets too much sometimes doesnt it and we need a breather,i wish i had advice but agree with what others have written,try to take time out for yourself where poss,hard i know,take care love hev xx

[JenRose]

thanks, your kind messages have really touched me

 

We have talked since the other day and i am going to have one day a week away from SN, the home and the kids.

 

I have asked the psychologist who sees M if he will help me deal with my anger issues from my past and whats going on with the kids, he only works with children/adults with developmental disorders and he said he can help me.

 

Dave is on the waiting list for an NHS counsellor but it is 18 months and he has only been on it 8, we cant go on like this so he is going to go private and get help for his anxiety/depression.

 

He said he wants to go back to work, that being at home 24/7 with me and M is making him worse (he struggles to get on with M) and im pleased about that, i think it will do him and me and M the world of good, cos i understand M perfectly and know he needs his routines etc wheras Dave doesnt get that.

 

Im feeling a lot happier today, its taken this crisis for me to see that i have been holding my family together but negelcting me and thats not good cos if i go pop thats not good for anyone.

[pumpkinpie]

Sorry to hear you have been feeling so low, I know what its like!

I hear you mention th long wait for dave to see annhs councellor,have you looked at alternatives? I saw an nhs councellor for a while but it was for too short a time to make an impact. My doctor referred me to a well womans clinic who although I had to pay it was done on our income so it was five pounds for an hour a week. I went for two years and it was the best money I hVE ever spent.

Maybe dave could access soething quicker if you asked your doc etc?

 

I think we all need some time out. Therapy has helped me. When i STart to feel sad I can recognise the signs and do something before it gets too bad.

 

You are never alone jenrose, you have a lot of friends here

Love pp

[annie]

<'> JenRose <'>

 

You all have an awful lot to deal with, it's no wonder that things have come to a head for you .

 

Have you spoken to The Princess Royal Trust for Carers?. I know in the past they have been helpful to others here. It might be worth giving them a ring.

 

Annie

xx