claire3005 Report post Posted August 5, 2007 (edited) Hi all why is it i dont seem to connect with k??????? i know all his little ways yet i feel like we are total strangers! He is my first child who i wanted with all my heart, yet i feel like i dont even know him. we are worlds apart and i dont know how to connect, though god knows ive tryed, it is like we are strangers and he doesnt feel a single thing for me though i would give him the world. sometimes it is like the only thing he wants me to to is feed him and leave him alone and it is breaking my heart how can i show him im more than just!!!! A relationship with him is all i want yet, he doesnt understand. mine and his worlds are so far apart and i feel so helpless!! I dont know what i can do? I sometimes feel like its my fault and look for things that i could of done differently, how is it that a child can be so near yet so far??? Edited August 5, 2007 by claire3005 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted August 5, 2007 Claire <'> It sounds as though you are still going through the acceptance/grieving stage. I know that it hits me still even after the DX two years ago, it just happens out of the blue, sometimes. Don't blame yourself, this is not your doing. You are trying to do what you can for K, and I totally understand the feeling of "no bond", it really hurts.... El is also non verbal and I sometimes feel like a duff mum cos I can't always understands what he wants or is feeling and that the loss of control is hard to deal with, but I know deep down that I am also doing my best and that he knows how much I love him. All you can do is keep giving him the cuddles, the contact and talk to him. I don't know how long K has been DX'd for, so I may be rambling over old ground for you....but we keep going cause we have to and remember nobody will ever love K as much as you do, and that is one of the reasons why we all do what we do each day for our unique and lovely children. Things may not be how you thought they would pan out when he was born, but he is still that same little bundle you first fell in love with, but with extra special qualities. I really hope you have some breakthroughs with K, they can and do happen all the time, however small.....they mean the world. Always here if you need a chat, a rant, to cry or laugh...it's like a big lovely family here! Lisa xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
claire3005 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 thanx lisa k is verbal although you wouldnt think so, as he is very withdrawn, if you get any conversation from him it is about his computer games i only wish that, i could connect with him more personally but to him that probably is as person as it is going to get! thanx for your reply its nice to know theres someone there and your not alone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted August 6, 2007 (edited) Does he like being tickled and rough and tumble play. That's often a good way to engage your child then build from there. I've just started reading a book about playing with your ASD child (think K may be rather old) but it might give you a starting point or a similar book for older kids? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Playing-Laughing-L...6763&sr=1-1 (sorry my link thing not working!) This is the book I have. These are others http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/0...x=10&Go.y=5 Good luck, A x (hmmm link thing sort of worked lol) Edited August 6, 2007 by aro Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted August 6, 2007 Claire <'> I sometimes feel like a duff mum cos I can't always understands what he wants or is feeling and that the loss of control is hard to deal with, but I know deep down that I am also doing my best and that he knows how much I love him. All you can do is keep giving him the cuddles, the contact and talk to him. I really hope you have some breakthroughs with K, they can and do happen all the time, however small.....they mean the world. Always here if you need a chat, a rant, to cry or laugh...it's like a big lovely family here! Lisa xxx Claire <'> <'> I feel the same as Lisa, but especially agree with the cuddles and telling them you love them no matter what, it works and pays off eventually. Love F xx <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ASue67 Report post Posted August 6, 2007 I think we all feel like this at various times. I know I do! I am constantly hard on myself and convinced that I am doing the best for Mike. That is why it is so good to be able to come on here and know that other people understand what you are going through. Believe in yourself, you are doing a great job. Keep your chin up ................. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
