lisa35 Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Help,having horrific time with sons homework, hes got 100% worse with his organisation, I really dont know what to do to help, we ve made nightly planner,check s his bag after looking at his tick list on an evening and ina morning And this is only firstfew weeks,what the hell will we do when he gets even more At end of tether, I lost it tonight ,screaming like a banshee, is it so wrong to want a "normal" life, its so isolating , if you talk to other mums at work, theydont get it,you can see them thinking, oh, here she goes again Not at best today I guess, (anniversary of dads death,2 yrs) I just feel wrung out Has anyone got any ideas to help with organising homework?he has a school planner, and on his nightly plan we have time allocated for homework, quiet area in bedroom,desk,etc OT is going into school in october, but not sure whether to ask for earlier appt Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted September 17, 2007 <'> >< <'> >< <'> i dont know what to advice for homework ive more of that yet to come know what u mean about wanting a normal life though and the isolation sending you some hugs -go easy on yourself <'> >< <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spectrummum Report post Posted September 17, 2007 http://www.withyoueverystepoftheway.com/as...erhomework.html http://mywebpages.comcast.net/jorghahaq/A3.htm Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Hi lisa <'> , we have huge problems with homework.Our home life suffers immeasurably because of it.I eventually spoke to school and told them the stress and anxiety it causes him.They have been great and he now has allocated time at school to do his homework.He still brings a little bit home but not much.My sons LSA is very good though and writes it all down for him in his planner.Have you told school how difficult your son is finding homework , they may be able to help.Hugs suzex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Thanks all,calming now,spectrum mum, thanks, thats made me stop and take stock, I need to "wind my neck in1" and calm down ,Im not helping getting stressed Im going to use this as back up and ask the ot to suggest some of the strategies when we go into school I really dont know what Id do without this site Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
krystaltps Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Homework is a HUGE issue in our house too. C very rarely remembers to bring it home so we have to go into his classroom to get it, and by the time we have it it's due the next day and C does his wild-roe-deer-impression and hides and wails. This happens every Thursday night. His reading is ok, it's the spelling that causes the grief - because he has to write. Sometimes he simply doesn't do it - I put a letter in his bag and it seems to be accepted. He has massive organisational problems and the OT made him a visual reminder chart for all the things he needs to put in his schoolbag, but he doesn't remember to use it. The CT tries to help him, but he can forget what she's told him on the short journey back to his desk. Sorry, not much use... but I do know how you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted September 17, 2007 This week's homework was sent back having been scrumpled up into a little ball, stamped on and scribbled on! And only 1/4 done! Isn't it strange how our children are all so very different but that homework seems to be continuously such a huge issue for them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Our eldest dd 9 AS had idioms homework at the weekend She panics if she can't do her homework, and is terrified of asking her teacher for help. She was in tears, didn't understand them, and it took me a long while to calm her down. I said I would have a word with her teacher, and she was so upset, crying "Don't tell him about the Aspergers"............if I have to see her teacher, I have to do it covertly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted September 17, 2007 <'> Hi Lisa When I read posts like yours it really makes me question the value of homework in some cases. As a teacher I view homework as being useful in that it can, handled carefully, support the curriculum BUT there are many cases where this can't happen as the child becomes so stressed by the experience that NOTHING is achieved except negativity. Where is the benefit in that?? It sounds to me like you are doing all you can in supporting your ds so the root cause of the stress needs to be found. Are the tasks relevant/interesting/ differentiated/purposeful/achievable? If not then why bother? To be honest I think that children who find school challenging have had an absolute gutsfull of it all by the end of the day and the thought of more 'school'is just too much to bear. They need home to be home to build up the strength to face the next day. What a sad state of affairs that is if you really think about it Elun <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wardie Report post Posted September 17, 2007 I can't believe how timely all the posts are today! Thank you everyone! Homework a huge problem in our house too. In fact it probably causes more melt downs, and loss of our tempers than anything else! I understand DS's anxiety about the homework, but don't seem to handle it well. Does anyone have any tips for staying calm and keeping him focused? We have a planner and homework comes home written on slips, so no problem knowing what to do - it's the grief to get him started and get the task finished. Sorry to hi-jack the thread for my problems too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted September 17, 2007 (edited) <'> Hi Lisa When I read posts like yours it really makes me question the value of homework in some cases. As a teacher I view homework as being useful in that it can, handled carefully, support the curriculum BUT there are many cases where this can't happen as the child becomes so stressed by the experience that NOTHING is achieved except negativity. Where is the benefit in that?? It sounds to me like you are doing all you can in supporting your ds so the root cause of the stress needs to be found. Are the tasks relevant/interesting/ differentiated/purposeful/achievable? If not then why bother? To be honest I think that children who find school challenging have had an absolute gutsfull of it all by the end of the day and the thought of more 'school'is just too much to bear. They need home to be home to build up the strength to face the next day. What a sad state of affairs that is if you really think about it Elun <'> <'> I totally agree with you ! I'm about start on homework journals with my class, and I've glued this inside the front cover of every book. Homework is supposed to be helpful, useful and sometimes fun. If for any reason you don't understand it, please ask me to explain again. You are not allowed to panic, cry or worry about the homework. If it worries you, don't do it. Shut the book and come and tell me. Some of my class love homework, some need the reinforcement. I vary the activities, remember what the learning intention is, and remember that most of my class is 7 years old. It's hard enough for our children to cope with the school environment, without even considering the work they are asked to do. That said, B loves homework, and the 1:1 support in a quiet atmosphere. I don't have any difficulty getting him to do it, or to go beyond what is expected ( except in French!) I'm not bragging, it's just the way he is. Edited September 17, 2007 by Bard Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted September 17, 2007 I totally agree with you ! I'm about start on homework journals with my class, and I've glued this inside the front cover of every book. Homework is supposed to be helpful, useful and sometimes fun. If for any reason you don't understand it, please ask me to explain again. You are not allowed to panic, cry or worry about the homework. If it worries you, don't do it. Shut the book and come and tell me. Some of my class love homework, some need the reinforcement. I vary the activities, remember what the learning intention is, and remember that most of my class is 7 years old. It's hard enough for our children to cope with the school environment, without even considering the work they are asked to do. That said, B loves homework, and the 1:1 support in a quiet atmosphere. I don't have any difficulty getting him to do it, or to go beyond what is expected ( except in French!) I'm not bragging, it's just the way he is. That's lovely Bard <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted September 17, 2007 I wonder how long I can get away with it before The Powers That Be notice? Or some Alpha Yummy Mummy who thinks I'm not taking the job seriously enough? Bring it on! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
krystaltps Report post Posted September 17, 2007 I think there is a really good arguement against homework in many cases. I only give "homework" to my SEN kids when they haven't completed their work in school (with a nice note to mum asking her to give it a try, but if it's causing problems then not to worry about it). All too often homework is given simply because it's school policy. One of the children I work with in the secondary school is a good example of this. I have to give him maths homework because it's policy - this child is not in a position to deal with homework... so I cheat and let him do it with me during our time together. I'm going against the school policy, but I'm doing what I think is right for this child. Although homework causes problems for C, I still think he should do it. C is a very habit-forming wee creature, and I want him to get used to having to study at home - or he simply won't cope when he gets to secondary school. I think homework for SEN children should be a parent AND teacher decision. The children I send home with work are those whose parents have agreed to or requested this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted September 17, 2007 Bard, as a teacher you have a wonderful insight <'> Elun too <'> We need to clone you both and send versions all over the country given the amount of trouble we're all having with our kiddies and managing homework. I've proudly stated in J's diary tonight that I did half of his supposed homework, and that he did the relevant bits! I look forward to her comments Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wardie Report post Posted September 17, 2007 I think there is a really good arguement against homework in many cases. I only give "homework" to my SEN kids when they haven't completed their work in school (with a nice note to mum asking her to give it a try, but if it's causing problems then not to worry about it). All too often homework is given simply because it's school policy. One of the children I work with in the secondary school is a good example of this. I have to give him maths homework because it's policy - this child is not in a position to deal with homework... so I cheat and let him do it with me during our time together. I'm going against the school policy, but I'm doing what I think is right for this child. Although homework causes problems for C, I still think he should do it. C is a very habit-forming wee creature, and I want him to get used to having to study at home - or he simply won't cope when he gets to secondary school. I think homework for SEN children should be a parent AND teacher decision. The children I send home with work are those whose parents have agreed to or requested this. It didn't even occur to me to question whether homework might be negotiable! J's school is really very good with him and open to frank discussions, I might just raise it next time we meet with them and see what options there are. I do have secondary school to think of, and want to form habits, but sometimes it really doesn't seem worth the effort. Thanks for the tips Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleRae Report post Posted September 18, 2007 We have always had the same problem with homework. Apart from not being written down properly and not having the correct books home, he could have a total meltdown if things didn't go well, or if anyone even mentioned the word 'Maths'. His assistant last year would write his homework down and put the relevant books in his bag. This year she lets him do it alone with prompting to re-check books and also adds notes to the journal so I can understand exactly what his one-word instructions are! Since January he has attended a homework club at school. He attended on condition that if he worked for the 1 hour and 15 minutes (recommended homework time), what didn't get done didn't need to be done. Because it's at school he has no problem doing the work here. Last year he wouldn't even countenance doing anything extra at home, but so far this term (early days I know) he has voluntarily completed the homework at home. I know it won't work everyday, but the relief of stress - for both of us - is amazing. If your school doesn't offer this, perhaps they would be happy to provide it if asked. Most schools do after hours activities, homework club could just be another. It's useful for most kids - especially those whose parents work, or those who don't have the concentration or motivation to do it at home. Our school charges �10 per week approx, which covers Mon - Thurs. There is no homework given on Fridays. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
madme Report post Posted September 18, 2007 We always had a problem with this with son 12 (AS, Adhd and dyspraxia)- but things are much better as he does it in prep in school at his boarding school although I do miss seeing what he is doing. At his previous school they did understand and sometimes as the sheer effort of writing things out would cause problems we were allowed to assist with this. As for DD 6 (AS) she loves doing that which she enjoys and on her terms! If its maths fine- but her pedantic approach is causing problems- when asked to list the odd numbers between 1 and 20 she would not include number 1 as it is not "between"- her teacher neither marked it correct or wrong ! We had got her to write out alongisde the odd numbers so that the teacher could see that she did understand. The problem is that she often seems to question the question! She even corrects the teachers spelling! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wilson Report post Posted September 18, 2007 (edited) Hi, Homework is an issue in our house for both our AS elder son and his NT (but struggling) brother. To be honest, I am very uncomfortable with some aspects of the education system in this country. I feel that too much pressure is put on children to perform, far too early and homework, if not managed properly, can be a negative pressure (as Bard and Elun have pointed out) on children with Special Needs. Furthermore, homework can accentuate the difference between disadvantaged children and their more comfortable peers. That said, we have to operate within the system as it stands. Often my children will not do the required reading and number work, so we make use of the embedded nature of these skills. In our house any reading is good, and any opportunity for counting and taking away is used fully. Finally, I am in no way criticising schools or teaching. I am more than aware that we have some wonderful and dedicated teachers. It is just that, in our house, learning takes place despite homework not because of it. Edited September 18, 2007 by wilson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 18, 2007 wow,thanks all, love Bards "rules", such a simple thing, I may adapt it and put it on Joes desk Im seeing ot tomorrow, see if she has any strategies,maths is a no no here too, as is work that involves imagination, he has a fantastic one, just cant articulate it! Yet , if asked to design a poster for example, he has no problems Im hoping that comments made in his planner, if the issues continue, help back up his need for support Early days, probably wont be the battle we had pre dx, just get the anxiety and worry you havent the energy to fight his corner again, but we do dont we as they are wonderful kids!! Just dont want him to hate high school before he gets chance to shine, if that makes sense!? Anyway, this is obviously an issue for our kids, I read the Atwood article,fantastic, going to take it for our ot to read, she s quite fab too! Lisa ps quiet tonight, no homework! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted September 18, 2007 Hi Lisa <'> I'm glad you're having a better evening! Bard - is it OK to use your homework 'rules' for my homework books for the class ? I think they're excellent Thanks, Elun xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzer Report post Posted September 18, 2007 Hi, I wanted to share with you the Homework thing, Tonight was a stressful one, In the end I scribed as Jc told me what to write down, while both eating chocolate biscuits. Then when we had finished the Math section , on to the handwritten work !!! help Jc is still waiting for his OT sessions , So he gets into a mad anger and cries a lot , at the amount he needs to write, so out came the laptop and I typed and he told me the story and what punctuation to add etc , Aim is to get him to type, as he gets more confident with the Laptop - I have sent a note in to say " I have written down what Jc asked me to " - The parent partnership lady advised us to use this method as did the SENCO , Jc is supposed to be given extra time for his homework , - does not happen! The other item I wanted to rant about was - I went to school tonight to discuss issues with his Hyper motabilty , lack of written work, spellings, homework patterns etc and I thought it was a casual Chat with the class teacher, oh no I was met mod handed - Class Teacher , math Teacher and the Deputy Head !! I was met with a " Jack does not listen in class, tell him to do this work tonight, and stop leaving my class before he has written down the Homework " - from the math teacher - So I fought back the tears , my voice all a quiver - And let her have it ..... she then said oh ! " is this part of AS" !!!!! I was so mad; she then said oh yes Jack told me he was banging arms with the person next to him (jacks a lefty) Communication - you would think by year 5 they would have spotted he was a lefty... ! so they clearly do not listen when they attend a meeting with the parents of a child who needs help?. oh and just to say , the class teacher who is rather nice, said " I have been asking for a Pc for the bakc of the class to help Jack , but nothing has happened yet " Hum ! says it all... lip service to the parents , lip service to the LEA, who turned Jack down for an assesment.... So I was hacked off Me and the DH - had words - and I do not want to be the parent that is always seen as a nag, but , looks like that is the route to go I am going to have a large glass of wine, and just get a little once I have poped the kiddies to bed, and write a letter to the head, and re send a copy of the school strategies that have been sent by the consultant , and by me already ? As well as OT report ?. If you made it to the end of my Rant thanks, and if you have any wise words for me then please post them.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted September 18, 2007 Hi, my lad is hypermobile too,handwriting is awful, a t primary he used laptop, at high school Im waiting to see what ot suggests, we had all this too, your son is NOT lazy or stupid,people just need educating, we found as soon as ot went into school, they had a better understanding.In fact, ot has been my best help, Im going to see mine tomorrow re my sons organisation with homework,and forgetting. They do so much more than physical help, so good luck xxx I once almost strangles a teacher who informes me that Joes wring was due to laziness, cos it was sometimes ok, and others not, I said at the end of the school day he gets tired, he reply, yes, we all do!!!!! Your son has a PHYSICAL reason for his problems, they can be helped, they need to be eduacted, our kids actually get pain in joints,etc Wow,phew, just makes me cross, my sons handwriting has actually deteriorated, has anyone else found this? Think its cos has to write larger volumes Keep nagging, some teachers are amazing, they make up for the numpties xx Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzer Report post Posted September 18, 2007 Thanks Lisa, Great words , and very helpfull Karen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
