maisies_mummy Report post Posted October 2, 2007 I love my DD to bits but day in day out is such a struggle with her. She plays up about going to school, then plays up about coming home She screams she is hungry but argues when it is dinner time. she wants to go to her friends party but then has a meltdown for an hour about going every normal day to day thing is like this. Everyday is like walking on glass the whole house is scared to upset her which I just find unhealthy!! I find myself struggling with the other children and being ratty because dd has zapped all my energy everyday. Over the weekend she went to her nans for the night so I could have a break but even that is not worth the hassle she comes back worse than before and I end up shouting with in 1/2 hour of her being home! I feel guilty for being a ###### mum, I am guilty of resenting her at times, I am always moaning at the other kids because I am stressed out Today I have taken her to school and just come home and cried!! How can I love a child so much and feel so much anger towards her too! Yesterday I bought her some new clothes thinking she would maybe be pleased after school, but no she had a huge meltdown over it then in the evening decided to try on jeans, didn't like them and peed in them!!!! I should never of had kids, i beat myself up knowuing this is not dds fault but still bite to her rages and find it soooo hard to switch off! You all seem to be so lovely with your kids sometimes I read your posts and just wish I could be like you all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Awwww Maisies Mum, Please don't beat yourself up about this, we are only human and its so very hard, sometimes it all just gets too much. You will not doubt find that we have all been there, are there and will be there again. Its at time like this when you need all the support you can laid your hands on and this place is a great start. I too at the moment feel very over whelmed by my son's behaviour and he is currently off school again, I often feel that I am a bad Mother and that people out in the system think the same. But noone really knows what its like when you have to live walking on egg shells day after day. Take care Hun and trty to give yourself some space, you are a good Mum and you will keep going. Sending you lots of hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shortcake Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Please dont be down on yourself I am continusiously adament that I am a bad mum, I am exactly the same as you I scream shout and swear I compleatly lose it on at least one occasion per week but then i think about freinds of mine who do exactly the same and they dont have half the problems with their kids - we are not bad parents just mums who are trying to do the best we can and at the same time have something of a lives for ourselfs..... Try not to beat yourself up can you arrange a night out or a day out to have some you time? x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Hmmm..... It's funny how the guilt factor goes up because our kids have AS, when in fact many of the difficulties we face as parents just don't happen for parents of 'NT' children who become equally 'challenged' and respond in exactly the same ways but just view it as a normal part of parenting! we are sometimes very hard on ourselves... Fact is, all children need discipline and boundaries and to be made aware of when those boundaries are crossed... Yes, there are better ways of doing that than shouting or getting upset but I've yet to meet a parent who can manage that twenty four seven and if i did meet one I think I'd view them with a great deal of suspicion! Oddly, in my experience, the parents who don't 'lose it' occassionally with their kids don't have better behaved children as a reward for their saintliness: they tend to have horrid, lippy, undisciplined, selfish little monsters - same as the rest of us! (but often far worse for being "over-indulged". Keeping thing's cool, calm and collected should always be the objective, but there's no point in trying to be superhuman about it, and expectations that you can be will only make the situation worse by making you feel awful. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Aw masies's mum. I really have no advice to give you but please don't beat yourself up over it. I feel the same as you most days exactly the same what you have posted is like something I could of written especially where the NT children are concerned. Take care and have a hug <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted October 2, 2007 Please dont be down on yourself I am continusiously adament that I am a bad mum, I am exactly the same as you I scream shout and swear I compleatly lose it on at least one occasion per week but then i think about freinds of mine who do exactly the same and they dont have half the problems with their kids - we are not bad parents just mums who are trying to do the best we can and at the same time have something of a lives for ourselfs..... Try not to beat yourself up can you arrange a night out or a day out to have some you time? x i second that.................dont be too hard on yourself ....but i know how you feel.as im sure most parents on this forum have and do feel the same at times. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted October 2, 2007 (edited) Maisies Mum, I have something to tell you.......YOU are completely normal and just like the rest of us here! <'> We all have our bad times, but we also have some good moments too, those are the ones I try to focus on.....it's keeps me going when I get a lovely hug or a smile and outweighs the lack of sleep, challenging behaviour and the rest of the things we come up against! You are a good mum, that is clear, but you are also in need of nurturing and care and sometimes somethings got to give. Try and get a break or a bit space just for you. Take Care <'> Lisa xx Edited October 2, 2007 by ellisisamazing Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted October 2, 2007 <'> <'> dont beat u self up!! as BD says it is hard with nt kids. never mind struggling to support our asd kids atm if anything i be louder at nt son just now! we can all only cope with so much, one thing that can help tho is to pick the battles, work out what u really need doin ect ? thinkin of u x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted October 2, 2007 your not a horrible or bad mum,just frustated and challenged, all of us understand with asd people to care for,understand how you are feeling,are there any good times as well? things that make you laugh?do you get any me time as well? even just chatting as i have found is a great destresser,when times are challenging. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted October 2, 2007 It's funny how the guilt factor goes up because our kids have AS, when in fact many of the difficulties we face as parents just don't happen for parents of 'NT' children who become equally 'challenged' and respond in exactly the same ways but just view it as a normal part of parenting! we are sometimes very hard on ourselves... Hi Maisies mum, Couldn't agree more with baddad - very often I feel so guilty after something I've said or done - and I know i should have handled the situation differently (and I'll try to explain that to my daughter too) and probably on a different day I would have. But also very often when I hear other parents chastising their children or just the way they shout or speak at their children makes me think perhaps I'm not so bad after all. I think all parents (NT/ASD children) have felt like you do - sometimes we cope with stress and problems better than others - just like our children do - it's only because you love her so much that you feel so bad. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maisies_mummy Report post Posted October 2, 2007 <'> back to you all, and thank you. Guess today is just one of those days. I know you all go through the same problems, just feel bad that I am finding it hard to deal with. Hoping that ds will calm down abit as she gets older. Thanks for your support, I hear other parents moan about their kids and feel like saying you haven't got a clue lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted October 2, 2007 no child comes with a instruction manuel,so you can only do the best you can and that is good enough.how old is your child? are you getting any support ,apart from your mum, like have you any local groups or parents with ASD,that can empathize with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pauline Report post Posted October 5, 2007 I'm having a tough time with my DS at the moment. He was diagnosed about 2 months ago now & the change in his behaviour is increasing so much. I don't know how many times he has reduced me to tears with his constant naughtiness & cheek. I feel as if I'm hitting my head off a with him. I hate punishing him so much by constantly putting him in his room & taking away his X-Box & other toys but I know it's the only way to get through to him! He is only 6 & I'm so worried as I know that as he gets older things could get worse. He gets up to all sorts of ###### at school. As I keep his condition to myself, I am so fed up with the looks I get off the other parents! I feel like punching them all as the majority are so ignorant & are quick to judge when they know nothing at all. Most of their kids are badly behaved mostly because of themselves. My DS has a condition thru no fault of his own. I really wish these parents would understand that. Totally makes me soooo ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maisies_mummy Report post Posted October 6, 2007 I'm having a tough time with my DS at the moment. He was diagnosed about 2 months ago now & the change in his behaviour is increasing so much. I don't know how many times he has reduced me to tears with his constant naughtiness & cheek. I feel as if I'm hitting my head off a with him. I hate punishing him so much by constantly putting him in his room & taking away his X-Box & other toys but I know it's the only way to get through to him! He is only 6 & I'm so worried as I know that as he gets older things could get worse. He gets up to all sorts of ###### at school. As I keep his condition to myself, I am so fed up with the looks I get off the other parents! I feel like punching them all as the majority are so ignorant & are quick to judge when they know nothing at all. Most of their kids are badly behaved mostly because of themselves. My DS has a condition thru no fault of his own. I really wish these parents would understand that. Totally makes me soooo ! Pauline you sum up how I feel totally!! Maisie is 5, I get thouse looks too, and her latest thing is soiling her pants, so she stinks. I know the teachers are getting annnoyed with it now, I know how they feel I am at my wits end with it too. Not sure why this new one has started but hoping that it passes soon, the wetting has yet to pass she has not been dry ever. Chamhs say is maybe a sensory issue but not sure! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
