Is it a bad sign....

[Bagpuss]

One more question.....in the paperwork, it has a part for the child's views. Should we leave it blank as in previous years? We were hoping that dd may be able to fill it in this time, as she was so set on going to a new school, now I'm not so sure it's a good idea. She's likely to say she wants to stay put.

[Kazzen161]

I agree that although you have to take your child's views into account, that you also have to go with your instincts.

 

There were a few schools that I visited, that my son would have liked for various reasons (eg: because they had a pond, or because they spent most of their time gardening), but I could see which ones could meet all his needs (even those needs he did not think he had eg: learning to have a shower every day, getting a few GCSEs).

 

Your child will want to stay where she is just because it is what she knows.

 

Could you put something like: although X currently says she wants to stay at Y, we believe that this is because she is worried about a change (to be expected as she has ASD), but when she visited Z school she was very keen to go. She said she liked .... there.

[oxgirl]

I think you're doing the right thing by going with what you, as parents, think is right, Bagpuss. It'd be so easy to confuse my lad by asking him, 'do you want this', yes he'll say, 'or would you prefer this', yes, he'll say again, until he wouldn't really know what he wanted or why anymore. He'd more than likely pick a school he liked because it had some nice snails in the garden or something! Plus, September is a long way off in your dd's future and to make a decision that big now that won't come into effect for almost a year is bound to be quite difficult for her to grasp. If I were you, I wouldn't mention it again for quite a while, maybe not even until the Spring, because it's so far ahead. If you ask her again then she might say something completely different anyway. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Thanks again to all for wonderful advice. Had a long chat today with someone I know whose grand daughter goes to same special school. Was not impressed by what we heard, but don't want to go into details. DH now swaying towards giving support base at present school a go, and seeing how DD gets on....bleh

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

at the end of the day we make the choices for our kids educations

that is why we have a system that allows us to do it

you know what is best for your daughter, not her teacher ( sorry to teachers)

Dd school would say she is not strugglin, but we all know better

 

x

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Lya <'> I think I've been so worried about making the "wrong" choice, and later regrettting it, that I've lost sight of the fact that there is no right or wrong choice. Until the decision is made, and we see how dd gets on come September, neither DH or I will know what was the "right" decision. Blooming hindsight.......

 

DH is more adamant that we should let dd go into the support base, based on the fact she has been happy at her present school since nursery and is coming on well, which is true, and monitoring how she gets on. If she struggles, or if her needs are not being met, then he feels we should look at an alternative placement. We've also been quite bogged down with trying to plan for her future long term, ie secondary school, and I think that has caused us further confusion, as she is only in Year 2.

 

It's also really hard not to listen to other parents experiences and not be influenced by it, so that has made us sway backwards and forwards.

 

Am I sounding really muddled?

[Bagpuss]

Hi all,

 

Just wanted to update this thread because we had our dd's annual review on Friday. I became so confused about which option would be best, that eventually DH took the decision. He thought it would be best, to move dd into her present school's support base, and monitor how she progressed. I can't deny she hasn't made wonderful progress at her present school, or that she isn't happy and settled. She was also absolutely adamant she did not want to change schools. I went to review, quaking in my boots. I'd writtan our views up, outlining why we initially felt the special school was the best placement for her, and then went on to explain why we had then opted for the support base. Thought this may be helpful should we need to move her in the future. I also laid out some concerns we had at the moment, ie the home/school diary which was sporadically filled out, the fact dd's attendance had been criticised although we had never requested more than 10 days off, how we felt dd's preference should never of been discussed without our prior consent (her teacher had put in her report dd wanted to stay at school). Things have been abit frosty between us and her teacher, since we had a disagreement over dd's annual report in July, so I was dreading having to iron out these concerns we had with her. I knew she would be defensive, and every meeting we have, I always come away wishing we'd handled it better, said more, explained better.....beating myself up for ages afterwards. We'd also received the EP report the day before. We had been concerned about his report, as he had a reputation for being very pro mainstream, and felt dd should not attend a special school because she was too bright (another thread......Special Schools and IQ). However, his report and assessment had her down to a tee! He didn't rule either placement in or out, and felt there were pros and cons for both.

 

We found the review meeting really helpful and came away feeling really proud of ourselves. DD's teacher immediately began to defend why the home/school diary was not filled out often, and we stuck to our guns. I refused to back down, and gave many instances of difficulties we had had at home, resulting in meltdowns, when we had no knowledge what had taken place at school, or items dd had to take to school. DD's teacher then said she took our point and would fill the diary in and she had let it slide..................blimey, couldn't believe it! She apologised for the criticism over dd's attendance, and said it was down to HT (which in fairness to her, we already knew that), and she said she felt it was totally uncalled for, and that she totally disagreed with it (she wasn't dd's teacher at the time). She also explained that dd had made a comment about wanting to stay at the school, it wasn't a discussion as such, and that she would never undertake a discussion of that nature without our consent. We said that was fair enough, but that the first we knew about this comment was in her report, and we felt we should of been informed beforehand about it. Also, due to the fact we weren't, we were left wondering how/why dd had made such a comment. We also got lots of other points and concerns acknowledged, including dd not being able to poo at school, because she is scared, as she can't wipe her bottom, so is waiting till she gets home. EP said she needed urgent referrall to OT, as this needed addressing immediately. OT have huge waiting list in our area, and we were told it is approx 8 month waiting list to have her visual processing probs assessed by them, so it'll be interesting to see what happens.

 

The EP said we were obviously parents who were strong and clearly wouldn't allow anything to slide (I must be a good actress.......and hid my nerves well!). Everyone at the meeting agreed that the special school would be the best option for dd, if the support base does not work out, which was a huge relief for us, because we thought we'd have a huge fight on our hands. DD's teacher, who had orginally felt that a special school would not be appropriate, said that after reading our views, she could see why it would be a better option long term. EP also felt that long term, a special school would meet dd's needs best. We have ensured that our views on this are kept on record, so if dd's does not settle in support base, we can meet again, and push for a move asap, which everyone agreed to. They are hoping it will be writtan into statement.

 

We also felt, that another positive came from the review, that the air was cleared between ourselves and dd's teacher. When dd got home that night, her teacher had writtan up her diary, outlining what she had done that day, which was smashing, and enabled us to talk to dd about her day. Usually if you ask her, she says I can't remember.

 

So, all in all, we felt it went well and that the right decision for dd has been made. Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful advice on this thread and the other Special School thread....don't know what I'd do without you all <'>

Edited November 11, 2007 by Bagpuss

[brooke]

really pleased it has worked out well for you and i hope its a weight off your mind <'> You can look forward to your birthday now

[pearl]

Well done Baggy

Sounds like it couldn't have gone any better

We simply could not have managed without our home/school diary - it was the key element in communicating effectively, & was filled in daily. I also had JP's TA's number on Friends & Family. Then at 6th form the primary communication was email, which was just as effective.

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Pearl and Brooke. She came home on Friday, after the meeting, with a detailed account of what she had done that day. It included so much we would of been unaware of, had her teacher not taken the time to do it. She even tried Thousand Island Dip and because we knew of it, we were able to give her lots of praise at home, and also were able to talk about her day at school, rather than just not knowing, because she'd refuse to answer any questions about it, or say I don't remember, her standard response when she doesn't want to engage.

[Karen A]

Hi Bagpus.Great news that the Annual Review went so well.It may be too late to do anything now.However having had experience of ongoing battles over OT I wondered if it is worth getting OT added to the Statement -it may give you a case for getting it sooner. Karen.

[Bagpuss]

That's what the EP suggested Karen. She has writtan in her statement that she will need an increasing amount of OT and physio....they now have suggested it is reworded to say she needs in now.

[oxgirl]

Well done, Bagpuss, sounds like you and DH did a wonderful job at the meeting.

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Mel

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

great news

[Tally]

Glad it went well

 

This sounds like the best solution for now, and you still have room to change your minds in the future.

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Lya and Tally

[Karen A]

That's what the EP suggested Karen. She has writtan in her statement that she will need an increasing amount of OT and physio....they now have suggested it is reworded to say she needs in now.

 

Great.Karen.