dilemna over Cannabis

[Stella63]

Hi,

 

I have a huge problem with a situation that happened lat thursday at school. AJ came home from school and told me that one of his mates had some cannabis at school and showed it to him at school. Later walking home AJ was offered some which he accepted. He then told me what happened and showed me the cannabis. I took it away from him and we talked about the whole drugs thing and I said I was proud of him for being honest with me - he said he really wanted to try it and that was why he accepted it. He understood why I took it away and also that the other boy was in the wrong to have it in school and be offering it to other kids.

 

So, I work at the school and I felt a moral obligation to say something so I spoke to my SENCO who felt I should speak to the deputy head. I did this and suddenly I was summoned to the Head for a full account of what happened and AJ was summoned as well to substantiate this (without any forewarning from me). He was great with the Head and didn't seem to blame me afterwards but I have been asked to provide a written statement from AJ to hand in tomorrow. The school adopts a zero tolerance on drugs and this means that this other boy will be expelled immediately and AJ is not happy about this because of any repucussions and also knowing he has dobbed in a mate because of me.

 

I have a huge moral dilemna on my hands. On the one hand I know he shouldn't be involved with selling drugs, but I know the boy and he is not a bad kid, I don't want the responsibility of his expulsion on my hands BUT I don't want him to get drawn into the drugs thing and I am not sure what is the right thing to do. Do I force AJ to do a written statement knowing that he doesn't want to or do I go in and say look you have the information, warn the boy and give him a chance (if they will do that ) but refuse to put it in writing.

 

If anyone is being an insomniac tonight, please give some guidance because this is tearing me apart and I have to go in tomorow with something.

 

 

Stella x

[bid]

Sorry, but I think you have to follow the school rules on this one

 

Bid

[pearl]

Yes. What bid said.

Dont envy you <'>

[kizzy]

i'm inclined to say go with your prioritys

obviously YOUR CHILD

if him writing a statement is a really big issue for him don't make him do it lifes hard enough for kids without added pressure like that

 

i know this sounds like a cop out to many but the child who supplied the drugs will get punished anyway whether your son writes a statement or not and is expulsion really a good way to deal with the problem

 

what would he do if he had time out of school?????

spend it with mates (who if expelled as well are not likely to be a good influence on him)

 

to my mind expelling pupils is an awful idea its just a way of saying we dont want to deal with the problem and wasing hands of any responsibility to the child that is being expelled therefore passing all responsibility back to the parents, who lets face it have a hard enough time enforcing discipline these days.

 

if they were to punish the child in question by keeping him away from schol the school would be the first to complain!!!

 

DEEP BREATH

 

sorry if i've rambled and i'm sure this will probably upset some people but i really dont see how putting kids out of school onto the streets teaches them to stay away from drugs!!!

[bid]

Well, I guess I feel that you can't 'pick and choose' rules, IYSWIM.

 

I'm guessing Stella would want the school to enforce its rules on, for example, bullying if it involved her child...so I think you have to support the rules on another serious issue like drugs.

 

What are we teaching our kids if we decide which rules we will follow, and which we won't?

 

Just my thoughts, and not meaning to offend...

 

Bid

[kizzy]

i completely agree bid

 

you cannot pick and choose rules

 

however at the same time i think that there comes a time when rules have to be changed and when prioritys have to be chosen

 

as for explusion i stand by my original post it is no longer a valid form of punishment as i feel that many children would look upon it as a pleasure not attending school more than a chore

 

as for prioritys from my point of view dealing with this sort of situation is a part of every day life and children should be taught to stand up to people who push things upon them however i don't agree with pressurising children to do something that they dont want to.

 

yes explain why something needs to be done but they all have to make their own decisions and i feel that the sooner they learn to do so the better they become at it.

[Nic m]

I really dont envy you, and i agree with bid about following the rules, but, my gut feeling would be to protect my child. You have made the school aware and if they choose to go further then that is their choice.I dont think the onus should be on your son to provide a written statement if he does not wish to and the school should understand your predicament.

Have the school said what happens after the statement, who has access to it what are the repercussions of this etc.

The reason i am saying this is that my daughter let me know about smoking in her old school (which i informed school about when it was getting to stage that she may bow to peer pressure) and despite the head assuring me the source would not be divulged she was ignored by classmates for weeks afterwards.

you will know school best but i think your first loyalty is to your son.

Good luck

Nicola

[Cat]

I think that the school have to accept that your son has a disability and also that you shared this information without his permission. I understand that rules are rules, and to be perfectly honest with you part of me says that you would be protecting your son by forcing him to write the statement that they are asking for. Then I look at the words 'forcing him to write' and my gut tells me that this is also wrong.

 

You can go in tomorrow and say that your son has refused to write a statement and that you have no intention of forcing him to do so. I think that you will probably find that they might well then call in the Police who will question your son. AND that is why I am posting this because the Head did not even discuss with you bringing your son to his room, which proves how little he knows about his condition. I am not saying that he should never have been called to his room but he should have discussed it with you first and looked for the best way to handle this. If the Police were called you must point out that your son has a communication disorder and I would want someone who has the expert knowledge needed to be there if he was questioned by them. I am not saying this to scare you this is a 'what if' scenario.

 

I feel heads they win and tails you loose really, or at least you son does and that is a dreadful situation for him to be in. But I would not want him anywhere near these boys at all. This time he told you will he next time, especially after what has happened. Good kids don't deal drugs what next after the cannabis?

 

Cat

Edited October 14, 2007 by Cat

[Jester]

Hi Stella

 

I'm ready to be howled down...but then teachers get blamed for everything.

 

Simple: Drugs are illegal...even Class C. Your child did the right thing. I can't believe there is any reaction other than to reassure and praise him for doing what is right. School kids are not carrying knives and guns because of Pokemon cards.

 

Don't listen to any of the Doom-Goblins... Drugs have NO place in schools; kids who deal in drugs are NOT 'good but misguided' ...the info-highway generation is NOT ignorant about drugs, it is OUR generation acting like we are dealing with 1970's style Lurve and Peace 'Weed' that is ignorant.

 

Your lad did ABSOLUTELY the right thing, you did ABSOLUTELY the right thing and I'll shake either or both of your hands if we ever meet.

 

Thank you for making classrooms safer.

 

[Suze]

I,m in agreement with Jester here, thats how I feel about stuff like this, however the school should also be doing their utmost to support your son and you through this best of luck Suzex

[darky]

I agree with Bid and the others. This is serious. Thank god your son told you about it and decided not to take it. ASD or not your son will be learning a valuable lesson in whats right and whats wrong. If it was me I would encourage him to write the statement. Yes it was great he came to you, he did not actually use the drug, but he still took it off the boy. If he didnt come to you, it could be your boy who is looking at exclusion or worse. You need to explain to your son both of you are doing the right thing to help his friend.

 

I tend to agree with some others opinions, that although your opinion might be the child who gave your son the drugs is a good lad, there is nothing good about drugs and there is no place for them in the hands of children. Cannibis now, perhaps worse later. You will be doing him a favour.

 

I would go out on a limb here and say that I would shop my own children if I had to, even if it meant them getting into serious trouble. A diagnosis does not exempt people from the law. I don't think that lad was thinking about that when he offered your son an illegal drug!

[mossgrove]

It is a very difficult situation, and I think you have done the right thing.

 

I think the mood in the country is changing, and cannabis is no longer seen as the 'benign' alternative to alchohol.

 

The think that make me a little uneasy is the automatic expulsion. There is too much of an assumption in the media (particulary i papers like the Daily Mail) that by allowing a headmaster to expel a pupil he of she is solving a problem on behalf of society in general.

 

Expulsion does not solve anything, it moves a problem elsewhere. The boy who is to be expelled will now be statistically far more likely to drop out of education, get further involved with drugs or end up in trouble with the police. Yes what he did was wrong, but maybe a less dramatic course of action may have had a better outcome in the long run.

 

Simon

[bid]

Just out of interest, what sanction do the people who disagree with expulsion think should apply for dealing drugs at school?

 

Bid

[mossgrove]

I think there is a dfference between passing on a small amount of cannabis to a friend (However ill-advisedly) and dealing drugs for money. If I have read the earlier posts correctly we are talking about the former.

 

If it's dealing drugs for money then involving the police and expulsion is probably the only option.

 

I am no expert in drugs policy but if it falls short of actual 'drug dealing' counselling and a period if suspension may be better in the first instance.

 

Simon

[Cat]

Just out of interest, what sanction do the people who disagree with expulsion think should apply for dealing drugs at school?

 

A unit kind of like PRU but one that educates them about drugs by showing them as many true life horror stories as possible. It will of course not work for everyone but it might stop some of them in their tracks

 

Cat

[Stella63]

Hi Guys,

 

Thank you so much for all your responses, I agree with ALL of them!!!

 

Well, I went in to see the head this morning after a sleepless weekend and quaking in my boots (he is a very formidable man). I said that I was not happy about AJ putting his name to a statement because of the repercussions in school for him and also for my family and home outside of school. (We live in a small village and the local drug dealer is an ex pupil who knows me and where I live). The head was absolutely lovely to me and totally understood my predicament. He agreed that AJ did not need extra aggravation at school which he said would happen even if was hushed up and endorsed my decision. He will haul the boy in anyway, with his mother, and read him the riot act (based on rumours going around the school) and hopefully he will learn his lesson. However he will be subject to random spot checks and be watched very carefully.

 

I feel so relieved about the whole thing but I will also be extremely vigilant with AJ incase he tries again without being so honest with me.

 

again, thanks for all the comments, it is great not feeling alone!

 

Stella

 

ps Mossgrove, yes it was a tiny amount given not sold

Edited October 15, 2007 by Stella63

[pearl]

Sounds like a good result for all concerned. Glad your lad doesnt have to go through any more stress.

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'>

[mossgrove]

I think the right thing has happened in the end.

 

Simon

[Kathryn]

A really delicate situation - who would be a head having to make these kinds of decisions?

 

It sounds as though yours has handled the situation the best way for all concerned, Stella. Hopefully the friend will get enough of a scare to deter him from dabbling in drugs, and your son will not be adversely affected by his own honesty and will be more likely to do the right thing should such a situation happen again.

 

K x

[Nic m]

Stella i think that was a very sensible decision from the headteacher, glad it went ok with least amount of stress possible for your son.

Nicola

[kizzy]

great stella

 

im soooo glad it worked out ok

 

just to go back over old ground i totally agree with cat that education about drugs is what is needed.

 

maybe yu could further help your son in school by trying to set up some sort of class regarding the dangers of drugs just a thought???

 

kiz

[Jester]

Hi all

 

Without being too contentious here...'friends' offering drugs to their peers (rather than selling) are often doing so at the suggestion of dealers. This is seen as a 'loss leader' by the dealers, not unlike supermarket offers to interest the punters.

 

Kids who would be too scared to approach a dealer get their first experience of weed from 'a friend'...then the 'friend' introduces them to the dealer. The dealer acts as if he only trusts the kid because of 'the friend'...the kid starts to feel cool and streetwise when he gets to 'prove' he can be trusted by buying (and maybe sharing with another school friend) and so on and so on.

 

There are some innocent kids caught up in this but that is the point; dealers USE 'nice' kids precisely because it gives them access to a schoolyard market that they cannot approach themselves.

 

It is harsh, I know, but I don't think it is unfair to put heavy sanctions on kids who are 'just' sharing soft drugs with their friends.

 

[Tally]

I'm surprised a zero tolerance policy does not involve contacting the police, because dealing drugs in school is really very serious. Anyone even rumoured to have drugs in school when I was at school was hauled into the head's office and introduced to some nice friendly police officers. The police probably would insist on taking a statement from your son.

 

The boy may only have given away a small amount, but that's what dealers do. They give you enough to get you into it, and then they start charging. And then it's, oh try this as well . . .

[mossgrove]

The boy may only have given away a small amount, but that's what dealers do. They give you enough to get you into it, and then they start charging. And then it's, oh try this as well . . .

 

Dealers can and do target schools but equally some children do pass around small amounts of cannabis amongst themselves and never get invoved in drug dealing. And expulsion can create more problems than it solves. Ultimately the Head has a better knowledge of the individual situation than any of us and it is right that he made the final decision.

 

Simon

[Tally]

I agree that expulsion would not solve the problem, but I do think that supplying children with drugs needs to be taken very seriously. Cannabis is illegal and it is dangerous and it can lead on to harder drug use. A child somewhere is involved with a dealer, and that child probably needs protecting most of all. I just hope that has happened in this case.

[Stella63]

Hi

 

Again, thanks for all your comments on this - it is an extremely difficult issue when you become personally involved. In this case I do honestly believe that the lad who offered the cannabis to my son was not 'dealing' as yet - just having a hard time time at home and school and looking for a bit of kudos with his peers. Once pulled in by the head with his mum and told the cold, hard facts he will hopefully leave it behind him and realise he has been given a second chance. He will be closely watched so he knows there will not be another chance. I know that the police are aware of the drug dealer in our village and hopefully it is only a matter of time before he makes a mistake - however I know that there will be someone lurking in the background waiting to take his place. what a horrible world we live in.

 

Stella