explaining to your child

[farfalla]

Is there any simple ways I can explain to DS about his AS?

His communication with others is getting his own self into a pickle,

and he asked me last night why he was special?

 

I have tried to search the forums, but I don't know what I am doing!!

 

Any tips would be gratefully read.......

 

He is 11 years (and 10 months, as he tells me weekly)

[pearl]

There was a thread about this recently Farfalla, but I've no idea where it is.

JP was 10 when I told him - right age for him. And it wasnt planned, tho I'd thought about it a lot. He was off school sick & chatting about all the teachers & SSA's he'd had, so I said, ever wondered why you have a SSA? And it grew from there.

 

He knew lots of autistic kids from the support group but they were mostly more classicly autistic than Aspergers & he hadnt grasped that he was like them, so I described it as like being on the beach - NT's are on the sand: he was paddling in the shallows: his friend with HFA was doggy paddling a bit further out: and the non verbal autistic kids he knew were swimming out at sea.

 

He got it straight away, & used the metaphor many, many times as he came to terms with it. I dont know if it was the right thing to do, I just winged it really, but it certainly doesnt seem to have traumatised him.

 

Good luck. You will find the right way to talk to your lad.

[farfalla]

thanks Pearl, he does not know why he sits with the LA

or why he was in different parts of the class....... but I know it will come,

and as I said he asked why he was special, cause thats what i use to say

before we knew what was what after dx,

 

I dont want to say the wrong thing, and have him play on it........

as he tried when I mentioned a time out card.......

saying *oh good I can go out every ten mins!!!! and did the evil giggle thang!!

 

I am still trying to look, but as I said dunno what to type in search,

so flicking through hundreds of pages lol

[pearl]

If he's asking stuff, its probs the right time....

 

I'm useless at finding stuff too but I'm sure someone will come up with a link, & books etc.

[allie]

My ds is 6 and I've been wondering the same thing. We had a appointment up at the cdc last month, and when I told C where we were going he said but people go to doctors when they are sick and I'm not sick???? Was a bit stuck, and still don't feel he's quiet ready for a full explanation - his paed says Cahms will help with what should be said - not sure I have that much confidence in them but we are up there next week so will let you know what the 'experts' suggest!

[Karen A]

Hi I have a couple of books that might be helpful.''Asperger Syndrome the universe and everything'' by Keneth Hall -Keneth Hall was age 10 when he wrote about having AS.The other book is ''Different Croaks for Different Folks'' by Midoro Ochiai-a woman with AS who has 2 sons one with AS and one with ADHD.This book is aimed at children on the Autistic SPectrum.Karen.

[Bard]

I can't tell you a simple way to explain to your son about his AS, but I can share what I told mine that worked.

B was dx at 9, and he's got no other learning issues with his AS. But he kept getting into situations, meltdowns that involved aggressive behaviour, all sorts of things that made him struggle with other children and some adults.

I told him that his brain was wired differently from the majority of other people, not wrongly, but different.

 

I talked with him about some of the issues and situations that he found impossible or challenging, and picked out the elements with him that were linked to his AS. The more we have learnt together as we have gone along, the clearer the differences are.

I was also careful to be clear about the things that he chose to do that were annoying boy things, often linked to irritating his sister.

B was relieved and happy to find that many of the things he found bewildering or difficult had a reason why behind them, that he wasn't evil or a thug. The dx also changed the way that many adults responded to him, and thus the reaction that they got from B.

He loves the book 'All cats have Asperger's Syndrome'

Not everyone's choice, but one of his focused interests is cats.

Edited October 31, 2007 by Bard

[farfalla]

THANK YOU ALL for the replies(soz cap lock off now)

 

I will get those books, (getting hubby to look on ebay now lol).

 

I think I know what to say, but its how too with him,

and making sure he understands that he isnt wrong for being different...

the cat one will be good, as we have 2 and a dog and he loves cats...

one sleeps with him, and hates us!!

 

thank you again

Edited October 31, 2007 by farfalla

[baddad]

There you go, Bard/Pearl - i even removed all the evidence (so now people are wondering 'what is he going on about?! - so wot's new!)...

 

Falafal -

 

I think the easiest way of doing it is to just always have it as a subject that's kicking around the house anyway, so that your children just 'grow round' it rather than having a discussion about it at some point. I think that way is more 'natural' in that the day to day stuff doesn't all come under this AS/ASD umbrella that tends to polarise perspectives in some ways. To me it just seems a bit more of an holistic approach because the big discussion tends to break things into what AS is and isn't in general terms rather than expressing its impact on the individual...

 

Hope that makes sense. Just realised how late it is and how tired i am!

 

L&P

 

BD

[Mad_Kangaroo]

Dont explain to him directly in one go (not sure that he needs to know at all tbh), maybe begin by shoving news articles under his nose and the like, before actually telling him, gradually getting him used to the idea.

[Mumble]

Here's two previous threads on this:

 

How do I explain Aspergers to my son

 

When to tell your child

 

I'm afraid I don't have any advice of my own. I was dx as a adult, but had I been dx as a child I would have wanted to know - it would have allowed me to move on from thinking I am bad and wrong in so many things, but because these are the messages I got as a kid, they are the ones that have stayed with me into adulthood.

[pearl]

I told you someone would find the threads.

[DaisyProudfoot]

My best advice is don't expect them to understand it all fully at first. Martin was 9 when we told him and I would say it took him a good 6 months to grasp the meaning of it all.

 

What ever you do choose a time when he is going to be willing to listen, not when he's engrossed in his favourite pasttime, game, TV prog etc. or he won't give you the time of day and don't make it sound like his AS is a problem either.

 

Another warning: once he knows he will try it on, he'll use every trick in the book and blame it on his AS. "It's not my fault, I've got Aspergers." is no excuse - but you'll have to lay those ground rules early.

[tmf]

Here's two previous threads on this:

 

How do I explain Aspergers to my son

 

When to tell your child

 

I'm afraid I don't have any advice of my own. I was dx as a adult, but had I been dx as a child I would have wanted to know - it would have allowed me to move on from thinking I am bad and wrong in so many things, but because these are the messages I got as a kid, they are the ones that have stayed with me into adulthood.

 

 

My son is 8 and i have started wondering when is the right time to tell him. I was about to post a topic on it but thought i would have a look thru others first, glad i did! Thank you mumble for the link to previous threads.....

 

My friends daughter (who is in DS class) asked me in the summer why DS was special. I asked what she meant by that and she was referring to his 1-2-1 LSA. It kinda got me thinking when and what i should say to DS so i look forward to reading the threads.