Should l let him go?

[soraya]

Nick is 14 and has started to want to go for bike rides in the evening. Yesterday he still wasent home by 10.30, l rang him and he said he lost track of time and would come straight home. When he got in l asked where he went and he said to the beach, he said he finds peace there and he likes to sit on the rocks and look out to sea!!!Now l am really worried about this, he has begged me not to stop him and says he will run out of the house and go anyway. He wants me to trust him, and he says because he is not in school he feels he has to go out and clear his head. My other two boys used to go down the park at 14 with friends but Nick is alone and l get very worried. What would you do? bearing in mind he is very strong and can get aggresive when challenged!!

[Clare63]

Awwwww Soraya thats such a massive worry, don't think I 'd feel happy about it, but you know your son best.

Sorry not much help.

<'> Clare x x x

[oxgirl]

Would he be able to go out on his own during the day instead, or is it the dark that he likes? Maybe if he had a scheduled time during the day that was 'break time' if you like, he could take himself off for a couple of hours on his bike to clear his head and you wouldn't need to worry so much. Is he meeting up with people in the evening or is it just the freedom of being out when it's late that he likes?

 

~ Mel ~

[allie]

No advice I'm afraid, my boys are still young I dread the day they want their independence.

But I have to say at 14/15 I used to love riding down to the beach, I would sit for hours on the rocks watching the waves.

My favourite time was when the sea was 'angry' - really rough and the waves would be huge. Admittedly this was always during the day,

at night I would sit on my balcony with my duvet wrapped around me looking at the stars - it had the same calming effect on me.

 

Good luck <'>

[JsMum]

No advice I'm afraid, my boys are still young I dread the day they want their independence.

But I have to say at 14/15 I used to love riding down to the beach, I would sit for hours on the rocks watching the waves.

My favourite time was when the sea was 'angry' - really rough and the waves would be huge. Admittedly this was always during the day,

at night I would sit on my balcony with my duvet wrapped around me looking at the stars - it had the same calming effect on me.

 

Good luck <'>

 

 

allie that is soo lovely and so discriptive that I could feel the duvet actaully enclosing, you need to write more.

 

JsMum

[JsMum]

Hi does he have a alarm on his watch that he could set or at least ring you to let you know he is safe, I can see that been near the beach at night is calming and tranquil, but he may not be seeing it from your perspective, that your worried, for him he likes been near the sea.

 

JsMum

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

meggzie walks to the beach and just sits

i only let her go at weekends just now cos of the dark

i have to say since she has been doing it she is calmer

can u go together and u not sit near him?

x

[Clare63]

Been thinking about this thread a lot, I guess our children need to find somewhere for peace and solitude. My son gets up when we are all asleep at night, he loves the night time when its dark and quiet, he told the psychologist its when he is most relaxed. The more I think about it the more I understand the need, but it still does not take away the worry of sitting alone in the dark in the middle of winter at the beach, is there anywhere else he could escape to, I don't know like say having his own shed in the garden which he could furnish with comforting things at least then he could run away down the garden and you'd know he's safe, just so long as you make a promise that its his space and that once he's gone there he'll be left alone.

I don't know I am waffling now....

 

Clare x x x

[soraya]

Thanks everyone for your replies. No Nick would not want me to go with him and if l tried to follow he would just run off. we have suggested that he has some space in the garden but he just laughed and said he has to get away and l have to trust him. I just have to let him go as l acnt stop him as he is stronger and bigger than me

[Tally]

Soraya <'>

 

It must be worrying, but it doesn't sound like you have many options.

 

The fact that he told you where he goes, and he did answer his phone and come home when you called are all good signs.

 

Can you ask him to come home by a certain time? He could set an alarm on his watch or phone so he won't lose track of time.

[Frangipani]

Hi Soraya,

 

Just noticed you reading this so I thought I might add to it.

 

When I was this age I was the same still am today, my children and I often today sit there watch the waves even better when the moon comes up. Thats quite calming and as you said his world is quite stressful.

 

Perhaps you can expand on this see if he is interested in photography let him take a camera. Or buy him some paints or pastels and different drawing mediums. Perhaps there is a hidden talent bursting to come out, then he might enjoy the beach in the day instead. I remember doing the same I ended up with a major work the school kept and framed in their foyer, capturing the light through the waves bubbles on the sand. You may be pleasantly surprised.

 

All the best

 

love

Frang x

[soraya]

Hi Frangipani, Nick is not at all artistic, l think it is just the sea that calms him, he has not been for a couple of weeks as it is really cold, also he is quite calm at the moment so l am hoping it was just a phase. Thanks for your thoughts.

[Frangipani]

<'> <'>