sleeping arrangements?

[JsMum]

I am presenatly sleeping in the spare bed in the same room as J at the moment and it was only suppose to be short term to let me get some needed zzz as when I was in my own room he was challenging and disruptive and causing havoc with the neighbors who complained about the noise so I transferred to his room into the spare bed.

 

I have had real difficulties with J settling in the late evening, he really needs to be right near me and he insists on sleeping with Fans which I cant sleep throw the noise, he gets in my bed which doesnt accomadate us and often have to lift him back into his for him just get back into my bed, I attempted to go back into my bedroom but everytime I do J gets hysterical and freeks out, so I return as its into the early hours so I dont feel like I can just leave him to it.

 

How do I get back into my own room again?

Edited January 13, 2008 by JsMum

[hev]

js mum,im also trying to get in my own room away from katie,when she was little i couldnt leave her on her own cos steve would keep rushing in and out rying to wake her up,flicking light on etc,she is 4 now and still in with me

 

i know i should be tough but for an easy life i spose im still in with her,im thinking now steves at resi i can get things sorted,i will wait for peoples posts as like you i want my own bedroom!!

[jb1964]

Hi J's mum,

 

We had similar problems with our daughter - we did have a little period of when she was 3 she started to sleep on her own for about 2 weeks and then suddenly wasn't well with a sore throat, headache etc and started to get frightened of being on her own and dying in her sleep. She eventually went back to sleep on her own when she was a week from her 7th birthday. Looking back I know she needed someone with her to feel secure because she was scared of something, and also because she couldn't just switch off to sleep - she would always lie there going over all the things that were worrying her and needed to go over and over them because they 'were in her head' (if you know what I mean) - while she was busy in the day she didn;t think about them until night-time.

 

Once she got older I'd let her have her portable cd player on and she'd listen to stories until she fell asleep - or she'd read until she fell asleep - she's never been able to just go to sleep until she's exhausted - she's exactly the same now - when she goes to bed - it's hard getting her to sleep because it's when she's led quiet in bed that she thinks and worries - so I just let her fall asleep when she does.

 

Hope you get some answers soon.

Take care,

Jb

[allsetuk]

im afraid i dont know on this one, my son is five and half and i was told to expect him to sleep with me till he is about 9 or ten. He has only had one night in his own bed, he is so petrified he crys and screams if he even wakes up and im not there. Its really hard

[krystaltps]

Not sure if my advice will be any use to you, but it may give you some ideas you could adapt to your own circustances.

C will not sleep by himself, never has done. But we have R (glorious, wonderful R!), who is very happy to share a room with C - they play (or fight) together until C is "drugged" (melatonin) and then they fall asleep together, sometimes in the same bed, sometimes in their own beds in the same room. C does have his own room, but never uses it.

We also have a single bed in our bedroom which we cover with a nice throw and cushions and use as a sofa. C knows it's there for emergencies, and if he wakes up with bad dreams or night-terrors he comes through and uses it. He sometimes feels the need to use it to fall asleep at weekends when he's not had his melatonin and R is sleeping long before him.

Before the melatonin, I used to lie with C in his own bed (the one in R's room) - after a story, we'd cuddle up together and I would stay until he was asleep. That way, although he would often end up in our room, at least he was getting used to falling asleep in his own bed.

C is petrified of the dark, so curtains must be closed and lights must be on. He also surrounds himself with a battalion of stuffed pokemon and dogs for protection. Letting him arrange these is part of a ritual he finds very comforting, and is built into an "under-no-circumstances-deviate-from" routine.

Perhaps you could ask J to find some night-time cuddly-toy-protectors, and give them all jobs (some of C's catch dreams, others growl at potential intuders, and the rest serve as a barrier from whatever may enter his room). Then try lying with him until he falls asleep and sneak away. Even if he wakes later and comes to find you, he's at least fallen asleep in his own bed in his own room and woken to find you not there but nothing bad having happened - which you need to point out to him.

It works with C, but then again, the melatonin works wonders at relaxing him and helping him get to sleep without too much fuss.

[JsMum]

Not sure if my advice will be any use to you, but it may give you some ideas you could adapt to your own circustances.

C will not sleep by himself, never has done. But we have R (glorious, wonderful R!), who is very happy to share a room with C - they play (or fight) together until C is "drugged" (melatonin) and then they fall asleep together, sometimes in the same bed, sometimes in their own beds in the same room. C does have his own room, but never uses it.

We also have a single bed in our bedroom which we cover with a nice throw and cushions and use as a sofa. C knows it's there for emergencies, and if he wakes up with bad dreams or night-terrors he comes through and uses it. He sometimes feels the need to use it to fall asleep at weekends when he's not had his melatonin and R is sleeping long before him.

Before the melatonin, I used to lie with C in his own bed (the one in R's room) - after a story, we'd cuddle up together and I would stay until he was asleep. That way, although he would often end up in our room, at least he was getting used to falling asleep in his own bed.

C is petrified of the dark, so curtains must be closed and lights must be on. He also surrounds himself with a battalion of stuffed pokemon and dogs for protection. Letting him arrange these is part of a ritual he finds very comforting, and is built into an "under-no-circumstances-deviate-from" routine.

Perhaps you could ask J to find some night-time cuddly-toy-protectors, and give them all jobs (some of C's catch dreams, others growl at potential intuders, and the rest serve as a barrier from whatever may enter his room). Then try lying with him until he falls asleep and sneak away. Even if he wakes later and comes to find you, he's at least fallen asleep in his own bed in his own room and woken to find you not there but nothing bad having happened - which you need to point out to him.

It works with C, but then again, the melatonin works wonders at relaxing him and helping him get to sleep without too much fuss.

 

Wow thats brilliant and I love the idea of the spare small single bed in your room incase of emergencies, I use to do all that you suggested before the arrangement of me been in his bedroom but it really disturbed out sleep and if I insisted he go back to his bedroom he would get really panicy and make a lot of noise so I had to keep him calm which took hours and it would be morning again, I do understand your theory of sleeping in there own bed, and I will try again, J has a few things to help him be not scared, he does have a lovely soft teddy with his own PJs and he has layers of quilts, around three.

 

A laver lamp and a bedside lamp, two fans, a CD player with relaxation cd's and a dreamcatcher which have all contributed to J becoming better at actually staying in his bedroom, but its just that he insists on cuddling as close as possible and needing me to the point I get suffercated.

 

Having him 24 hours is very demanding and I require just a bit of a breather but its just not possible when he is squashing me.

 

J had a break from melatonin over the christmas break as I didnt want him building up a tolerance but now Its time to go back on it he is refusing because I think he knows he hasnt the same control and he is a child that needs a lot of control/power so until he takes the melatonin its going to take a lot longer to sort out, the melatonin works great.

 

He did manage to sleep in his own bed last night but he squezzed the beds as close as possible and he stretched my arm out to cuddle.

 

His anxieties have got worse on a night so I know he needs more reasurrance and protection, thankyou for the ideas though absaloutly brill.

 

JsMum

[krystaltps]

I know how it feels about needing a breather - if you don't get time to yourself it can be totally exausting and frustrating <'>

I suppose we're very lucky that C takes his melatonin without a fight - he was off it during the hols too, and towards the end, he was still awake at 4am!

The spare bed in my your own bedroom is certainly worth a try. We had a spare one anyway from when E got a new bed... we couldn't be bothered trying to squeeze the old one into the car to take it to the dump, so temporarily put it in our room. Needless to say, it's now a permanent fixture. A fold-up bed or a sofa-bed would take up less space though.

[stressedmumto2]

I really like the idea of the sofa too.

 

It's my daughter I have probs with, she wont stay in her room I have to keep putting her back this is before she's nodded off, sometimes not till 10.30. Then sometimes she will wake very early hours of the morning and come in my room saying that she has had bad dreams, often if I am too tired I will just tell her to lie on the floor in my room and give her a blanket to chuck over her and she will generally go back to sleep, if I'm not too tired I will take her back in her room and cuddle her for a couple of minutes. hardly consistent but it's about my needs also and I need my sleep!! She also has teddies all on her bed, dream-catcher, lamp etc

 

My son on the other hand takes melatonin and is usually asleep by 9-9.30 and may wake early hours of the morning, he wont get out of bed now but will bang on my wall to wake me up and I find this annoying....this week I have started to ignore the bangs.

 

I don't know what to suggest. before meds my son was a terrible sleeper and we tried control crying which didn't help, my daughter on the other hand would sleep all the way through the night. <'>

 

I hope you manage to start getting some sleep soon <'> <'>

[allsetuk]

i like those ideas , also cant you hide the melatonin in a drink, get the powdered form then they dont know ?

[krystaltps]

I dissolve C's in apple juice simply because it works faster that way... he used to just pop the capsules in his mouth and swallow them with water, but it took about an hour to work.

He says he can taste it in the juice, it's not a bad taste, but it does make the juice taste different. I would imagine if he was going through an obstinate phase and I tried to slip it into juice, he'd know right away... then go wild at me.

But it may work for some...

[ellisisamazing]

We play musical beds on a regular basis!

 

Last night I ended up in Ell's bed while he got in with his Dad (OH went to bed earlier than me and El at some point plonked himself in my side! This morning I went in to find Romy, Ellis and OH all snoring in MY BED!

 

Friday night I was top and tail with Ellis, he just won't sleep so I gave in and decided to get in with hi m to try and show him that it was sleep time....cue, lots of fake snoring and shut eye from me!

 

Didn't bliddy well work, anyway!

 

I am craving sleep right now.............

[Clare63]

Will be interesting tonight, DS has slept with me all week and now his Dad is back from his holiday he obviuosly have to go back to his own. Can see it being musical beds in our house too tonight.

 

Clare x x x

[ellisisamazing]

I hope it works out for you, Clare!

 

I have just been upstairs to check on El as it was toooooo quiet......he and his sister are once again with their Dad......in my bed....again!

 

Guess where I'm sleeping tonight?????

[Clare63]

Awwww bless 'em

 

Poor you though.....wonder where I'll end up

 

Clare x x x

[ellisisamazing]

Clare,

 

I have no bed, no love life....but I do have a lovely Pirate Duvet and a glittery discoball to keep me company!

 

I hope you have better luck than me!

[Clare63]

Would like to say it gets better my DS is almost 13 !!! hence only having one child

 

Clare x x x

[ellisisamazing]

Clare....LOL

 

Hmmmm, a dirty weekend for me is when I don't get a chance to wash the dishes!

[JsMum]

I did manage to get J to take his melatonin and he was in bed by 10:30pm and asleep by 11:00pm so a big improvement, I was still in the spare bed but I have been discussing with him that I need my own room again and I am doing the single bed thingy in my room only strictly for emergencies, so we are slowly moving forward, this morning he was up by 7:30am and got dressed and had breakfast and out for school, no fuss or anything so the talks we have been having about school have slowly helped J look at going back, he only went for the morning but its a start.

 

JsMum

[ellisisamazing]

Last Night was awful...........Once again, my DH, DD and DS all snoring in our marital bed!

 

Anyway, I was up doing some Ebaying and Emails when El appeared at the door, leaping around like a mad thing.....I knew it was going to be a long night!

 

Eventually calmed him down from his euphoric state, by switching TV off, and the lights off, just a side lamp, gave him a malty drink and decided to just go for it...so upstairs we go, into his room to pop him to bed when I notice his bed is sunken.......looked under mattress and the metal bars that go across the frame are bent inwards, the bed is trashed basically so I, in my tired and distressed state decided that I had a right to sleep in my bed, so I dragged his mattress off the bed into my room, popped it on the floor on my side of bed and made him lie there, I then slipped into my bed with daughter and husband in, so was a bit squashed but far too tired to care!

 

Husband slopped off to the sofa at some point, said he couldn't listen to Ellis' tittering and gaffawing whilst trying to sleep!

 

Really annoyed about the bed...El has obviously been trampolining on it! He is really slender too, but very, very strong, so the bed that was only bought and delivered on the 17th Dec 2007 is now in need of a replacement! Oh, well I suppose we only need to get a frame, the mattress is fine. But I am now gonna have to get a Solid Wood one!

 

Such is life......

Edited January 21, 2008 by ellisisamazing