a question

[hev]

this is to the mums or dads of the older teenagers

 

would you say things get better as the kids get to 18 or 19 or whenever?once the puberty has passed is their a massive improvement in all your lives?do your children still have meltdowns when they are older?

[bid]

For us things are miles better.

 

DS is 19 this year, and now living a life that I never imagined when he was younger...he has a job, travels independently, is increasingly independent with living skills, etc.

 

He has ADHD as a co-morbid, but the more overt impulsive, hyperactive behaviour has really disappeared, and he hasn't been on meds for this since he was 14.

 

It must be about a year since he last had any type of meltdown. He might snap a bit now very rarely, but probably far less than many an NT young adult of the same age.

 

Don't know whether this is true for all our kids. What definitely made a huge difference to DS was going to a residesi school.

 

Bid

Edited January 27, 2008 by bid

[Kathryn]

A resounding yes for us!

 

L (19 in a few weeks) is a different person compared to three years ago, so much more mature and a real pleasure to be with. her real personality is finally shining through. I can trust her to do all sorts of adult things now. She has charge of her own finances, cooks her own meals, makes appointments via email and phone, and is starting to plan her future.

 

Yes she has anxieties but she is able to control them 99% of the time. She has had only one actual meltdown in the past six months and that was due to insensitive treatment at college. We have conflicts at home but mostly they are ordinary battles - not ASD related but just head on collisions between very strong willed and stubborn people.

 

K x

Edited January 27, 2008 by Kathryn

[Kazzen161]

T is a lot better than he was 8 years ago. This is mostly to do with all the help he had at his residential school, but also to being able to leave school and go to college and do the things he is interested in.

[Tally]

Hev,

 

I obviously see myself differently to how my parents or anyone else would, so do bear that in mind.

 

I was fairly obnoxious and stubborn.

 

I took an extra year in the 6th form, so was a year older than everyone else by the time I left, but I knew I was not ready or mature enough to go away to university. I did get a job, but I came across some difficulties there because I could be very stubborn and felt I was treated unfairly because they kept taking me off my job to do other things (in retrospect, I think that sharing my diagnosis of AS might have explained some of the difficulties I faced).

 

I don't really feel that I grew up until after I left home aged 20, although there were still some things I was very teenager-ish about.

 

Of course, I am absolutely perfect now

[pearl]

Yes, yes, yes!

JP is a pleasure to live with at the mo (twas not always so)

Hasn't had a meltdown since September.

Helps he's in the right place doing the right thing. His self esteem has shot up.

 

My only little niggle is that we may go through a rough patch in his 20s, which is when I'm guessing he'll feel ready to date. At the moment it doesnt enter his thinking. But in my new spirit of living for the moment, I'm not worrying about that now.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

even in a short space of time i can see meggzi better

i think some of it is cos she can communicate with me much better

 

you will get there honest

<'>

[asereht]

A resounding yes for us!

 

We have conflicts at home but mostly they are ordinary battles - not ASD related but just head on collisions between very strong willed and stubborn people.

 

K x

 

 

It's the same for me with K.We have those battles too Kathryn! but he is a different person to the teen of 2 or 3 years ago.He is 17 now . All the trouble seems like a lifetime ago. He is travelling to and from college alone,socialising with friends from martial arts class on weekends. Handling his own finances ( he's doing paid study).Buying and shopping for his own clothes.I never thought I would see this day

Edited January 31, 2008 by asereht

[pearl]

It's the same for me with K.We have those battles too Kathryn! but he is a different person to the teen of 2 or 3 years ago.He is 17 now . All the trouble seems like a lifetime ago. He is travelling to and from college alone,socialising with friends from martial arts class on weekends. Handling his own finances ( he's doing paid study).Buying and shopping for his own clothes.I never thought I would see this day

 

Ooh, we are still working on the buying/shopping for clothes thing as he has no interest whatsoever. I check with S what is trendy & buy it for him. You know me mum, he says, I've no fashion sense

Thank the lord for G*p bargain rail.

[Frangipani]

Hi Hev, '

 

I wish I could say my son is doing all the things Pearl's and Bids son and Kathryn's daughter are doing but all along I have said there are other causes.

 

His dx is ASD/ADHD plus prenatal 'what if's' - I was run down by my own car at 10 weeks pregnant resulted in fractured right fibula and car drove over my foot breaking it in 9 places. Complications at birth emergency he was in distress. I still blame the Obstetrician and many said I should have sued him as there is mild brain damage.

 

Overall, my son will never present like others on here. Yet in his own unique way he is going to surprise us all one day. He turns 21 in June but take 4 years off, he is more like a 17 year old - very green. Highly gifted in IT - NASA or Intelligence agencies would want him. According to his college teachers - he often has his friends and teachers stunned.

 

He is loving sensitive funny gets his kicks out of pranking mum loves weight training.

 

BUT without meds he is like a cheeky five year old would pick me up and throw me over his shoulder he's 6ft 3' No, means yes! Almost like dealing with a two year old at the shopping centre you say come and they run and giggle that's my boy - he calls me 'mummy' has a very childish expression on his face and gives a shrill squeal. This rarely happens as I am usually awake before him. He lies about taking his meds as sometimes he says yes he has taken it when he knows he hasn't but he says he does it deliberately as he thinks it hilarious stirring mum up.

 

So Hev I am no help as my gentle giant is a law unto himself. He is home educating, socializing on rare occasion has 5 friends since Year 7 a friend since Kindy.

 

On meds capable of many things but we a still waiting approval for a structured program that will cost $17,000 aust dollars per year - absolutely free govt funded, Read my other post 'Letter drafted for DADHC' The update.

 

Meltdowns what are they - they are very very rare since his little sister was very ill he promised us both to find ways to tame the beast - he tries sooooo hard. He is gorgeous. It's a bittersweet one day at a time regarding the future. But we are working on the foundations. A work in progress.

 

 

Love

 

Frang xx <'>

Edited January 31, 2008 by Frangipani