Adult Aspergers and Alcohol

[Jimbo]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this so bear with me if I make a few muck-ups!

 

I'm interested to see if anyone else has had experience of an adult with AS who is also an alcoholic - not an easy combination to live with - or be married to!

 

Jimbo

[ScienceGeek]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this so bear with me if I make a few muck-ups!

 

I'm interested to see if anyone else has had experience of an adult with AS who is also an alcoholic - not an easy combination to live with - or be married to!

 

Jimbo

 

Welcome!

 

I'm not personally an alcoholic so cannot comment on having both. I do have an alcoholic father so it must be difficult having AS and being alcoholic. Anyway I hope you like it here on the forum.

 

J

[Jimbo]

Welcome!

 

I'm not personally an alcoholic so cannot comment on having both. I do have an alcoholic father so it must be difficult having AS and being alcoholic. Anyway I hope you like it here on the forum.

 

J

 

 

Thanks for helping me get the ball rolling; I didn't think I'd get a response so quick - look forward to hearing what anyone thinks.

 

Jimbo

[bid]

I have AS, but I'm not an alcoholic (be quiet at the back!! ).

 

I have read that sometimes people with AS may 'self-medicate' with alcohol, but have no idea whether this is greater than in the rest of the population, or amongst those with, say, depression??

 

Welcome to the forum I don't mean to be intrusive, but may I ask if you are married to someone with AS, then?

 

Bid

Edited March 4, 2008 by bid

[Jimbo]

I have AS, but I'm not an alcoholic (be quiet at the back!! ).

 

I have read that sometimes people with AS may 'self-medicate' with alcohol, but have no idea whether this is greater than in the rest of the population, or amongst those with, say, depression??

 

Welcome to the forum I don't mean to be intrusive, but may I ask if you are married to someone with AS, then?

 

Bid

 

Hi,

 

I'm married to someone with all the signs of Aspergers but he's not yet formally diagnosed. Life is VERY difficult with that and the alcoholism and we are currently living apart while I recover from a breakdown.

 

All sounds a bit grim but I'm quite positive about the future so don't want to depress anyone.

[Flora]

Hi Jimbo, welcome to the forum

 

I can only speak for myself (as an adult with AS). I am not an alcoholic, in fact often go weeks or months without touching alcohol. However, unless I am going to be drinking alcohol I avoid as much as possible most social outings. The social situations I do attend without alcohol are usually things during the day that I have had lots of time to prepare myself for. However, going out generally to pubs or parties etc are an absolute no no for me unless I can have alcohol because it would be pointless me being there because I just wouldn't be able to give or get anything out of it. Alcohol has the effect of 'making me feel normal'. I am able to converse with people and enjoy their company when I'm a bit tiddly. I think if I had the gene for alcoholism I would certainly have a problem.

 

Hope you can find a way through this for you and your partner Jimbo.

 

Flora X

[Jimbo]

Hi Jimbo, welcome to the forum

 

I can only speak for myself (as an adult with AS). I am not an alcoholic, in fact often go weeks or months without touching alcohol. However, unless I am going to be drinking alcohol I avoid as much as possible most social outings. The social situations I do attend without alcohol are usually things during the day that I have had lots of time to prepare myself for. However, going out generally to pubs or parties etc are an absolute no no for me unless I can have alcohol because it would be pointless me being there because I just wouldn't be able to give or get anything out of it. Alcohol has the effect of 'making me feel normal'. I am able to converse with people and enjoy their company when I'm a bit tiddly. I think if I had the gene for alcoholism I would certainly have a problem.

 

Hope you can find a way through this for you and your partner Jimbo.

 

Flora X

 

Thankyou. Everything you say about socialising is so true of my husband; we just don't socialise anymore, although I'm beginning to have a social life of my own which he is fine with.

I think life could improve with a diagnosis and some guidance - has anyone found that a diagnosis helps? The specialists don't seem to understand why it's important to us (me more than him) for this condition to have a name as they say there is no cure, only management.

We've been trying to get a diagnosis for 3 years but just keep being told that although thery're sure that's what it is it's out of their field so we're refered on.

 

Is a diagnosis a good thing for the person with the condition or is it just an unhelpful label?

Sorry, I just have so many questions I need answers to.

 

Jimbo

[Karen A]

Hi Jimbo Welcome to the Forum. <'>

I am not an expert on adult diagnosis.However having been around here a while it appears that it is very difficult to access professionals who are able to diagnose adults especially through the NHS.Even with a diagnosis there appears to be very little provision within the NHS for adults with AS.

It may be helpful for your partner to at least have some understanding of AS if he wishes to address his alcoholism.I am guessing that any individual or group support for alcoholism would be more supportive if those involved understood those things that are part of AS.Karen.

[Corcaigh]

I have read that sometimes people with AS may 'self-medicate' with alcohol, but have no idea whether this is greater than in the rest of the population, or amongst those with, say, depression??

 

Unfortunately it is true. I live in Ireland, where alcohol has been used for decades as a self medication for depression, a very common problem in this island. Self-medication is more common than generally thought. We all do it somehow (chocolate, alcohol, nicotine, even compulsive running are all forms of self-medication, some healthier than others) but it makes me particularly sad when this happens in the spectrum, being the mother of an Asperger son with depressive tendencies

 

Jimbo, maybe (it's only a thought) a diagnosis might help both you and your partner to make sense of what has been going on in your lives. It might even start a healing process. It is very important that you get the right psychologist, i.e. somebody who's not only interested in giving a label and taking the fee, but who's really interested in helping you. Maybe somebody in your area may know somebody trusted?

 

keep in touch

 

Martina

[Jimbo]

Unfortunately it is true. I live in Ireland, where alcohol has been used for decades as a self medication for depression, a very common problem in this island. Self-medication is more common than generally thought. We all do it somehow (chocolate, alcohol, nicotine, even compulsive running are all forms of self-medication, some healthier than others) but it makes me particularly sad when this happens in the spectrum, being the mother of an Asperger son with depressive tendencies

 

Jimbo, maybe (it's only a thought) a diagnosis might help both you and your partner to make sense of what has been going on in your lives. It might even start a healing process. It is very important that you get the right psychologist, i.e. somebody who's not only interested in giving a label and taking the fee, but who's really interested in helping you. Maybe somebody in your area may know somebody trusted?

 

keep in touch

 

Martina

 

Thanks everyone; I wish I'd looked for this forum sooner as it's a help just to be understood. We found a great chap in Kent that has specialised for years in alcohol abuse and now specialises in AS - unfortunately he's out of our NHS Trust area so they won't refer us to him. We paid for an initial consultation and he has said we're definitely looking at something on the spectrum but to do the full assessment would be about �600 so that's on hold for the moment. As far as the NHS in our area goes - I give up!

 

Thanks again, I'll definitely be keeping in touch!

Jimbo

[pearl]

Found this which might be helpful

[Canopus]

I think a lot of depressed teenagers with AS are attracted to alcohol. There was a time when I used to have bottles of fizzy drinks mixed with vodka and would even take them to school.

[Lucas]

When I got depressing from taking Roacutane for ance as a teen, I self-medicated with coffee and avoided alcohol completely, knowing it was a depressent.

 

Now I drink once a week, but never more than two cans or bottles of lager at any time. The most I ever drink is spirits at Christmas and New Years.

[purplehaze]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this so bear with me if I make a few muck-ups!

 

I'm interested to see if anyone else has had experience of an adult with AS who is also an alcoholic - not an easy combination to live with - or be married to!

 

Jimbo

 

Hello Jimbo, welcome to the site. I have a teenage son who has an autistic spectrum disorder and am sure his dad has aspergers although never diagnosed. My ex drinks to hide lots of his problems/fit in and so did all the males in is family (i'm sure they all have ASD), he used to go off for days as well. I could not handle it and decided it was best to splint and so he just decided he couldn't see the children without me (ASD-couldn't handle the change). I do worry my son may turn to drink because he wants to fit in so much with the in crowd.

 

It is very hard but your hubby/partner needs to get some sort of support (but will he ask for help-is he at this stage), first try the Doctor, they will be able to refer for alcohol and ASD support/diagnoses. You can also get support from family groups of alcholics/ASD adults. Hope this helps X

[lindylou]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this so bear with me if I make a few muck-ups!

 

I'm interested to see if anyone else has had experience of an adult with AS who is also an alcoholic - not an easy combination to live with - or be married to!

 

Jimbo

 

Hi Jimbo

I realise this was posted some time ago but I have a son (adult) with what I think is AS (albeit undiagnosed) who is also an alcoholic. The two together make for an explosive combination and I was wondering how you manage to cope with both.

[purplehaze]

Hi jimbo, I just want to let you know there is support out there, my ex was DX last year with aspergers and it wasn't hard at all as soom as he plucked up the courage to get help he was DX soon after.

[lindylou]

Hi jimbo, I just want to let you know there is support out there, my ex was DX last year with aspergers and it wasn't hard at all as soom as he plucked up the courage to get help he was DX soon after.

 

Hi purplehaze

 

How did you get the diagnosis? I am having great difficulty even getting someone to consider whether my son is AS or not? My GP referred us to someone but ultimately was told there was no funding for my son to see her.

Lindylou

[baranigirl]

Hi Jimbo

 

We are also in Kent and are awaiting psych referral for a diagnosis of Aspergers

 

My partner has always used alcohol as a tool and it was when he stopped drinking due to going on meds for anxiety we realised he had been covering up potential Aspergers! From there on life got more and more difficult and we are coming out the worst now, regardless of whether we get a formal diagnosis or not (on list since October 2009) we are assuming that is what we are dealing with and working together to make things as easy as possible

 

Not always easy with 4 children who spring surprises on us all the time (as kids do) and DP unable to cope with that whilst I am at work

[purplehaze]

Hi purplehaze

 

How did you get the diagnosis? I am having great difficulty even getting someone to consider whether my son is AS or not? My GP referred us to someone but ultimately was told there was no funding for my son to see her.

Lindylou

 

Hi My son was refered by our doctor to our local children and family services and he was seen by various professionals and had to complete various tests and then he was diagnosed with autism-but my earlier post was about my sons dad who was diagnosed last year with aspergers-he was having support for depression and anxiety for a few years and they sent him to a place that assesses adults who may have ASD's. Not sure if it is legal for you to be told there is no funding for your son to be seen-go back to your doctor and say he needs suppport and you want to be refered again to someone that can diagnosed autism or any other conditions. Good luckxxx

 

Edited to say-apparently I live in a hotspot for autism and the support is supose to be good!!!

Edited February 26, 2010 by purplehaze

[lindylou]

Hi My son was refered by our doctor to our local children and family services and he was seen by various professionals and had to complete various tests and then he was diagnosed with autism-but my earlier post was about my sons dad who was diagnosed last year with aspergers-he was having support for depression and anxiety for a few years and they sent him to a place that assesses adults who may have ASD's. Not sure if it is legal for you to be told there is no funding for your son to be seen-go back to your doctor and say he needs suppport and you want to be refered again to someone that can diagnosed autism or any other conditions. Good luckxxx

 

Edited to say-apparently I live in a hotspot for autism and the support is supose to be good!!!

 

Hi - Many thanks for your help will try again with GP but must, in my case, deal with the alcoholism first. I am of course talking about my adult son! What do you mean when you say you live in an autism 'hot spot'?

[trekster]

My dad was a nasty alcoholic in denial asperger. There is a book called "aspergers and alcohol"

[purplehaze]

Hi - Many thanks for your help will try again with GP but must, in my case, deal with the alcoholism first. I am of course talking about my adult son! What do you mean when you say you live in an autism 'hot spot'?

I was told by professionals that where I live there was good autism support, diagnosing and apparently people move here so they can get the right diagnoses or support-so the numbers of adults and children with autism is high!

 

I'm not sure if this is right but my life deffinately has lots of autism in it-I work with young children and some have autism, my son has autism, his dad has aspergers, I work with 2 adults that have 2 children each that have either autism or aspergers, I know everyone that I know that has been refered for DX as an adult or child has had no problems what so ever and they have been DX straight away-whether thats because they have classic autism behaviours and DX is straight forward or that professionals are good at DX here????????

[Imposter]

I've had issues with alcohol - in the past. Call it an unhealthy relationship or call it addiction. I've tried moderation and was doing really well, was pleased with myself. And I do mean moderation - probably drinking less than most social or occassional drinkers. That kind of failed when I hit some stressful and upsetting times towards the end of last year - culminating in drinking 15 cans of lager in one day around last Christmas for no more reason than I was pissed off, upset and bored.

 

So I gave up entirely at New Year. 2 months dry and counting.

 

And I don't miss it at all. Life when I was seriously drinking was unhealthy, nauseous, headachey, lonely, angry, depressing, upsetting, angsty - basically not nice.

 

I find in truth moderation was me kidding myself - it's pretty much an all or nothing sort of thing.

 

And I'm pretty damn happy with life at the moment.

 

 

[Imposter]

Oh and I was diagnosed with Aspergers - 2 years ago this month. Unhealthy relationship with alcohol probably goes back about 5 or 6 years.

 

 

[noogsy]

hi my family have a history with alcoholism,

my dad is a registered alcoholic,

im carefull with drink,

and now my diagnosed son(he is now 27 years old) has decided he has a drink problem,he is a terrible drunk.

and has been prescribed disulfiram by his gp.

the impact on the family of a drunk is enormous whether we have asd or are normal.

my son has a adult diagnosis he also has ocd,add, and is on the spectrum.

we have been struggling with him for so long that me and hubby live in fog of stress.

i feel for anyone who has kids with behavioural problems

and wonder if they all realise kids with behaviour problems can become adults with very,very serious problems.

i dont write here so much as i always feel overwhelmed and dont feel i can add anything helpfull.

but i read a lot.

my son has now stopped drinking and takes medication to make sure he is alcohol free.

at least he is trying.

i feel strongly that no partner or parents should have to put up with a selfish alcaholic.

i have probably already said to much.......love noogsy

 

 

[lindylou]

hi my family have a history with alcoholism,

my dad is a registered alcoholic,

im carefull with drink,

and now my diagnosed son(he is now 27 years old) has decided he has a drink problem,he is a terrible drunk.

and has been prescribed disulfiram by his gp.

the impact on the family of a drunk is enormous whether we have asd or are normal.

my son has a adult diagnosis he also has ocd,add, and is on the spectrum.

we have been struggling with him for so long that me and hubby live in fog of stress.

i feel for anyone who has kids with behavioural problems

and wonder if they all realise kids with behaviour problems can become adults with very,very serious problems.

i dont write here so much as i always feel overwhelmed and dont feel i can add anything helpfull.

but i read a lot.

my son has now stopped drinking and takes medication to make sure he is alcohol free.

at least he is trying.

i feel strongly that no partner or parents should have to put up with a selfish alcaholic.

i have probably already said to much.......love noogsy

 

 

 

Hi there

I really feel your anquish. In my opinion all alcoholics are selfish.

My son is also 27 years old and a registered alchoholic who has, in the past, been prescribed disulfiram (aka Antabuse). He is at the moment in hospital yet again being detoxed - this being the fourth time!! He goes into rehab next week.

I believe my son has Asperger's Syndrome (although this is undiagnosed) but I cannot get anyone to confirm this as I am told they can do nothing until he is alcohol free.

I don't believe you have said too much - it is nice to hear from someone who understand the anguish this causes to family life. Have you any other siblings?

Regards. Lindylou

[noogsy]

sorry for being a daftie,

but do you mean my siblings,ie my sister and brother.

or his siblings two brothers one older who is 28 and a little brother who is 12 and adorable.

ill go with his siblings...lol

my oldest son i have never had a problem with he is normal.

my 27 year old selfish son was diagnosed as adult with adhd asd and ocd.

i basically have dragged him through phsychiarty and phsycology and then he got his final diagnosis 2 years ago.

he has adult trialled 20 equasym xl and did really well was in control of his life behaviours were much improved.

he didnt drink at all when he was on this medicine.he had no urge to drink.but he said he was boring on meds.(i just want to do loads of swear words here)

anyway when he is drunk he loses keys,phone,wallet,starts fights in pubs,has been assaulted several times in bars.gets arrested.barred from places.and is a general pain in the backside.he starts religous debates....he is aggressive with us, hits me but not his dad(his dad is 6 foot 5).we spend most of our time in panic mode with him.and to be frank we all argue over this guy who dosent deserve us.

i dont think people realise how hard it is looking after a adult with mental health issues especially when i t is fueled by drink.

please excuse my spelling its not a strong point.

and i type a lot faster than my ability...lol

me and hubby feel our 50 years....noogsy xx

 

[trekster]

Hi there

I really feel your anquish. In my opinion all alcoholics are selfish.

My son is also 27 years old and a registered alchoholic who has, in the past, been prescribed disulfiram (aka Antabuse). He is at the moment in hospital yet again being detoxed - this being the fourth time!! He goes into rehab next week.

I believe my son has Asperger's Syndrome (although this is undiagnosed) but I cannot get anyone to confirm this as I am told they can do nothing until he is alcohol free.

I don't believe you have said too much - it is nice to hear from someone who understand the anguish this causes to family life. Have you any other siblings?

Regards. Lindylou

 

They are talking complete rubbish, if his aspergers was acknowledged and treated alongside the alcoholism he would more likely be able to recover. Pilot man abused alcohol (asperger as well) due to being unable to cope with his diagnosis. Also he found nothing else would help him sleep (ive been there with the sleep issue).

 

[albertosaurus]

I've worked within the alcohol and drug field for a few years, firstly adults and then under 18's. It is very common for some teens with ASD traits to gather some awareness that they are different somehow but are unable to work this through. As the age progresses the disconnection and the feelings of not being normal increase and initially alcohol helps as a form of self medication. Some people in their late teens, early 20s progress to heroin as it has a similar *numbing effect* which reduces the awareness of such feelings as "not being normal".

 

Any *good* alcohol service in the UK should be able to provide information and access to a psychologist who has experience of drugs and ASD traits.

 

AA often works well for people who have ASD traits as it's very regimented and has clear rules and boundaries, again any decent AA group will understand the needs of someone in your partner's situation and in all likelihood will have someone there in the same situation.

 

I would also contact your local ASD charity. It is ours who gave us our training when working in the drugs field about how to work with people in this situation so it's nothing they haven't seen or haven't been able to help with before.

 

Good luck

 

Alberta

 

[hsmum]

Hi,

 

My partner (undiagnosed AS) used alcohol as a prop in social situations. He has not drunk for years, but drink formed a major part of our relationship when we were courting.

[zenemu]

I have AS and my ex-partner was an alcoholic. I like the occasional drink, but to be honest I can take it or leave it, but at the time she was drinking a bottle of spirits every day at least. The relationship quickly went down hill. We were together for nearly two years.

 

I have found with most alcoholics, they are fine with a few drinks, until that one drink - the drink that tips the scales, and then you simply aren't talking to the same person anymore. When she got to that point she became a pretty unpleasant person to be around and treated me very badly, and I must admit that having AS didn't help me cope with that very well. I ended the relationship when one day, she became quite violent. I felt quite out of my depth and that also I was poorly equipped to help someone whose life was so out of control, especially as I didn't (again Aspie related I am sure) understand the reasons behind it or what it was she got out of being intoxicated all the time.I wanted to help, but simply wasn't capable of it and didn't know how. Added to that it was emotionally unsettling and incredibly draining for me and it got to the point where I was pretty upset by the whole business. So I decided to move on. A healthy decision for all concerned I think.

 

That was an awfully long time ago now - nearly 10 years, and she is much better these days (not drinking as much so I hear at any rate) and is in a serious relationship and is now six months pregnant. I am really happy for her. That relationship taught me an awful lot about life though, and although it was stressful and painful, I wouldn't change it. All part of the rich tapestry of life I suppose.

 

As for me, I am in a fantastic relationship and have been for over seven years. I couldn't be happier.

 

Zen

[zenemu]

Hi,

 

My partner (undiagnosed AS) used alcohol as a prop in social situations. He has not drunk for years, but drink formed a major part of our relationship when we were courting.

 

I admit, I used to do this too, especially when meeting new people or large family occasions or parties ect. Basically all the social stuff that I find stressful, and with a few beers, well lets face it, it is self medication for Aspies isn't it? It does tend to break some cracks in the social barriers. The only reason I don't do it these days is because I gave up smoking a little over a year ago (and god do I miss it), and I know if I drink I will desperately want to smoke.

 

Zen

[dekaspace]

Not sure if I am a aspie or not since have had a work psychologist saying I am and other people saying I have major symptoms but nhs psychologist said I didnt but I have problems with alcohol and the drinking mentality of the British culture.

 

Even when I was 21 which was when I peaked for nights out it was about once a fortnight unless a friend came over to stay for a night or two or my brother turned up on doorstep.

 

So when I was 21 I did enjoy a few drinks and became slightly popular and got permanent female attention for the first time then slowed to once a week or month or once every few months due to a family death when I was 22 and never recovered.

 

These days at 27 I cannot handle alcohol that often which is bad being a student since I have to live with drunk students often or people who like to party and scream, yell leave place packed with rubbish which is mainly take aways and empty alcohol cans and bottles I grew to somewhat resent alcohol.

 

But not just that but one pint or even half or even slightly less and I almost fall asleep yet I can handle more than before, dont know if either is due to me being fat now and skinny before the family death.