Help with hitting please

[Lynden]

Hitting has been a bit of an ongoing thing with Logan. As a rule he will only hit me, or his sister. Generally its me though - her is more if its rough and tumble play and he doesn't know when to stop. He will aim for the face - he figured out pretty quickly thats the best place to hit.

 

In the past, although its been upsetting for me, I haven't worried about it as its only been when he's been really upset or stressed so we just did the usual gentle hands, or me removing him from me etc etc

 

However now it seems to have become a big game and he'll come up and slap me in the face just because. he will attempt to kick in the face too when he's having his nappy changed or whatever. He can be sitting getting my full attention and playing with me and all of a sudden I'll get a wallop. We've noticed too because of his sensory issues he definitely seems to get something out of hitting/being hit (when playing with his sister - we try and tell her to not play rough and tumble and as a rule she tries, but she's only 6 so she's going to hit back whilst its fun and games but always her that ends up in tears).

 

Now he's coming up for 5, but is a diddy little thing, probably about the size of your average 3 year old but I want to get it stopped now, because he's only going ot get bigger and its only going to get harder.

 

I have to say I did smack him on the fingers on Friday night, something I haven't done to him before and something I'm not proud of, and it didn't make any difference anyways - but there's only so much being hit round the face a person can take. I think if it wasn't my face either it might not be so bad as it just makes it that bit more personal. He does scratch too and has made me bleed on a couple of occasions lately.

 

So any advice on how to nip it in the bud?? I have tried just leaving the room, but if I do that, he will go for Leona if she's in there. If she's not its not such a problem but generally he'll just restart when I go back in the room.

 

I should say that he is still non-verbal with fairly limited understanding so social stories and the like dont work with Logan yet.

 

Lynne x

[Amanda31]

Hiya Lynne

 

Nice to meet you

Talking from experience with hitting out I used to take their favourite thing away from my son or ban them from things they like to do often. As your son is still young, yes keep it simple and make sure you mean what you say but keep calm. Try a chart that he can help make maybe? so that when hes been so good he gets his specail things to play with or a small treat. Whatever you do dont back down as this is the time to show him the rulea rather than later on. Not sure about a punch bag though at his age as this will probably make him worse but have heard form other people that used it but at a older age though. I used to tell my son he was banned of his xbox he hated that and i would do a diary and star chart to gain rewards as most of his problems were frustions taking it out on objects that cost.

Hope some of this does help but Im sure everyone will help on here as they have helped me alot in the past and I think coming back on here will make me feel better in given advice if I can.

Take care

Amanda

Hitting has been a bit of an ongoing thing with Logan. As a rule he will only hit me, or his sister. Generally its me though - her is more if its rough and tumble play and he doesn't know when to stop. He will aim for the face - he figured out pretty quickly thats the best place to hit.

 

In the past, although its been upsetting for me, I haven't worried about it as its only been when he's been really upset or stressed so we just did the usual gentle hands, or me removing him from me etc etc

 

However now it seems to have become a big game and he'll come up and slap me in the face just because. he will attempt to kick in the face too when he's having his nappy changed or whatever. He can be sitting getting my full attention and playing with me and all of a sudden I'll get a wallop. We've noticed too because of his sensory issues he definitely seems to get something out of hitting/being hit (when playing with his sister - we try and tell her to not play rough and tumble and as a rule she tries, but she's only 6 so she's going to hit back whilst its fun and games but always her that ends up in tears).

 

Now he's coming up for 5, but is a diddy little thing, probably about the size of your average 3 year old but I want to get it stopped now, because he's only going ot get bigger and its only going to get harder.

 

I have to say I did smack him on the fingers on Friday night, something I haven't done to him before and something I'm not proud of, and it didn't make any difference anyways - but there's only so much being hit round the face a person can take. I think if it wasn't my face either it might not be so bad as it just makes it that bit more personal. He does scratch too and has made me bleed on a couple of occasions lately.

 

So any advice on how to nip it in the bud?? I have tried just leaving the room, but if I do that, he will go for Leona if she's in there. If she's not its not such a problem but generally he'll just restart when I go back in the room.

 

I should say that he is still non-verbal with fairly limited understanding so social stories and the like dont work with Logan yet.

 

Lynne x

[Amanda31]

Hiya Lynne

 

Nice to meet you

Talking from experience with hitting out I used to take my sons favourite thing away from him or ban him from things he liked to do often. As your son is still young, yes keep it simple and make sure you mean what you say but keep calm. Try a chart that he can help make maybe? so that when hes been so good he gets his special things to play with or a small treat. Whatever you do dont back down as this is the time to show him the rules rather than later on. I used to tell my son he was banned off his xbox he hated that and i would do a diary and star chart to gain rewards as most of his problems were frustrations taking it out on objects that cost.

Hope some of this does help but Im sure everyone will help on here as they have helped me alot in the past and I think coming back on here will make me feel better in given advice if I can.

Take care

take no notice to the first one.....lol

Amanda

Edited July 7, 2008 by Amanda31

[oxgirl]

Hi Lynne,

 

Is there something that you can give to him at times like this that he is allowed to thump and dig his fingers into and that you could redirect his hitting onto? Say a large soft toy or cushion or suchlike, maybe something bought especially for the purpose. As soon as he hits out at you or your DD, you could quickly hand him this item and encourage him to give that a good wallop instead, you might have to demonstrate, and then he might get into the habit of reaching for it instead of you. If he is frustrated or angry he could be given this item as a way of getting out some aggression and he might start to see that it is for this purpose. We tried this with a little girl who was a terrible biter. Everytime she went to bite a person she was handed a special doll and encouraged to bite into that instead and eventually she did start to go to it or indicate that she wanted it and she'd give it a good chew.

 

~ Mel ~

[Enid]

I think saying NO in a very loud voice and with your best CROSS face on!! and then somewhere he has to sit for just a few minutes so he knows it is wrong, worth try, but you must be absolutely consistant! Enid

[chill2computer]

Hi

I have a son who used to hit out and it was always my face he went for.

I would be firm and tell him hitting is not nice and would walk away from him, most of the time he hit out with frustration, My son does not like to be held so I used that when he hit out, I would hold him and wait for him to calm down then calmly tell him? hitting is not nice, I don?t hit you so don?t hit me? It worked and he stopped hitting out at me.

 

however he then turned his frustration on to toys, doors and even hit himself.

It took a while but he learned that breaking his toys only meant he lost out so he stopped doing it; he now tends to go upstairs and rave verbally which is a great improvement. It took a long time for me to change my son?s behaviour from three years old right up to seven.

 

I used words like inappropriate behaviour and used over the top praise when he was not destructive with objects.

All Autistic children are different so you need to work out what works for you and your son.

Not sure if any of this helps.

[Mumble]

He will aim for the face - he figured out pretty quickly thats the best place to hit.

I was just wondering (and this is me thinking aloud so I could be totally wrong and I don't know if it's any help) - might he, as is common with ASDs, be having problems with seeing faces properly? For me, they can be terribly frightening and distorted, a bit like monsters. If this is the case and he's non-verbal, might he be lashing out at the face as that's the most frightening part?

[Delyth]

Hi Lynne

 

Sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment - dealing with all this is exhausting. Can you make sure you have some time for yourself each day?

 

I think rewarding positive behaviour is a good way to try to stop negative behaviour - so every ten minutes (or whatever frequency is appropriate for your son) give praise and rewards (whatever your son finds rewarding) for doing the right thing - whatever it might be - and bringing every ones attention to your son behaving well, if attention is what he likes. Focus intensively on the good behaviour for a few days, whilst dealing with the hitting with as little fuss as possible until it stops.

I think inappropriate behaviour develops and continues because it is being rewarded in some way, so your son has learned to hit as he is finding something about the behaviour rewarding. Can you figure out what it might be?

Giving him an appropriate cushion or place to thump might also help him until he can express his frustration in a more acceptable way.

 

Hope things get better soon

 

Best wishes

 

Delyth

[bid]

Thinking about what we'd do at work...

 

Hold both his hands down and say something simple like 'No, hands down/No, gentle hands'...be absolutely consistent with this and use the same phrase always, and then turn your face away from him.

 

Depending on his understanding...if he has very little, then just change the activity to something else, especially one that isn't a 'reward' IYKWIM. If he has more understanding you could try very short 'time out'.

 

It's difficult, but you need to get a balance between making it clear that this behaviour is unacceptable, but at the same time giving the whole thing minimum attention/fuss.

 

Good luck, and keep plugging away as you're quite right that this hitting needs to be stopped when he's little.

 

Bid

[BusyLizzie100]

I was just wondering (and this is me thinking aloud so I could be totally wrong and I don't know if it's any help) - might he, as is common with ASDs, be having problems with seeing faces properly? For me, they can be terribly frightening and distorted, a bit like monsters. If this is the case and he's non-verbal, might he be lashing out at the face as that's the most frightening part?

 

Oo, Mumble, that's a really interesting idea. My DS2 (8, ASD and verbal) often scratches his nails down a person's face, sometimes both sides. Although he scratches other places, hits and kicks too.

 

I suspect he does this when he doesn't understand something, like social stuff in the playground, or when people laugh cos he either thinks they're laughing at him or the laughter is just too loud. he does it too when he has to comply with something but doesn't want to, eg his turn on the computer is up (despite using TimeTimer!)

 

These could be very different reasons to someone who's scratching/biting for sensory input for example, but the face thing is interesting as that's my son's preferred target.

 

How do you find out, with an eight-year-old, if that's the case??

 

Lizzie

 

Edit to add, we find that saying 'no' is just inflammatory for our son, so we try to say something like Bid suggests: 'Hands down', although often he refuses and that annoys him now too. Might give 'gentle hands' a try. Also, turning my face away sounds good; we try for low arousal in any case.

Edited July 7, 2008 by BusyLizzie100

[Lynden]

I was just wondering (and this is me thinking aloud so I could be totally wrong and I don't know if it's any help) - might he, as is common with ASDs, be having problems with seeing faces properly? For me, they can be terribly frightening and distorted, a bit like monsters. If this is the case and he's non-verbal, might he be lashing out at the face as that's the most frightening part?

 

Hi Mumble - I'm not sure tbh. He's fascinated with my face and even if his quiet times he likes to stroke and touch my face. When he lays with me when he's tired he has to be touching my face so I'm not sure if he would do that if its scary? but I probably react more when he hits my face than anywhere else. Worth baring in mind though.

 

How are you doing?

 

Lynne x

[Lynden]

Thanks for the replies everyone Reward charts etc are beyond Logans understanding at the moment. I might think about the punch bag idea - I'm not sure if it would work or not. He definitely gets a sensory 'high' from the sensation of hitting, and I think the issue is at the moment that its a big game. I suppose it fits with his developmental age too - but in an NT child of 2/3 maybe easier to put a stop to.

 

We do generally use hands down and hold his hands, or gentle hands. He doesn't react at all when I use a cross voice/face other than to think its hilarious. He will stop at my husbands voice though - maybe I need to get him to record it LOL

 

I do need to work on being slightly more consistent. I try to be but its hard sometimes when its happening so often.

 

Thanks for the advice

 

Lynne x

[oxgirl]

Maybe he's finding the change of facial expression very interesting. If he enjoys watching your face while he's stroking it, then he'll see your face suddenly change if he slaps and that might be what's stimulating him. Extremely hard, I'm sure, but if you could try not to alter your facial expression when he slaps then he might lose interest. Good luck with that!!

 

~ Mel ~

[smiley]

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Sometimes, our ASD kiddies only associate a persons face as being 'them', not the whole body......... do you see what i mean?

So by touching your face when he's not highly aroused, but then hitting your face when his arousal levels are high could indicate that's how he sees you..

 

So, a strong 'no' and turning your face away could re-enforce that you are not pleased..............?? He may try to seek out your face, in which case you know you're onto something! (maybe!!) Sounds like trying to move his hands would reward him - if he's after sensory stimulus.

 

Using something else to get that sensory high may help - I've seen a punch bag used before nappy change, with child sat on mums lap, and mum holding his hands to show him how to hit punch the bag in front of them............. it worked for that child...... But it may make L high as a kite and up for a wallop session!!

 

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[LizK]

The 'ignore redirect reward' method was used by a friend with a child with ASD and learning difficulties. Essentially ignoring the behaviour moving them on to something different (but not a reward) and then rewarding them when they don't engage in the behaviour or direct it more appropriately. If he is not getting anything from it the theory goes the behaviour will cease. Easy in theory! If his understanding is a bit further on can be combined with an immediate 'no hands down' as you redirect.

 

Does school have any suggestions? Might be worth asking them

 

Lx