Really upset ....................

[oxgirl]

I feel so upset and tearful today. Jay came home yesterday and said he'd overheard someone talking about a trip to Sealife Centre on Monday and they said that he wasn't involved. We haven't heard a thing about a trip mentioned to us and, as you know, fish and fishy things are Jay's big 'thing', he would have loved to have gone. The mainstream kids in his class are going on a trip to Dreyton Manor Park on Tuesday. He heard people talking about it weeks ago, but we never received a letter inviting him and he didn't know anything about it. Eventually, one day last week we were given one day's notice to say if we were going, talk about an afterthought! I didn't say anythng about being upset about that because he wouldn't have wanted to go on that trip anyway, but it would have been nice to be asked!

 

I asked another mum if she knew anything about the Sealife trip, she said she didn't but that her lad was having a special trip out on Tuesday with a member of staff to visit something of his choosing within his special interest. Nothing has been arranged for Jay to go on and I feel so upset for him. He said that he thought the staff liked the other children more than they like him.

 

Next year he moves to another site, away from all the kids he's gotten to know. In his new site he'll be the only child who is verbal so he'll have no-one to interract with at all and now being excluded from this trip as well it just feels like no-one gives a damn and it's the last straw.

 

~ Mel ~

[Annea]

Mel <'>

I am absolutely incensed at your post... because my daughter was discriminated against last year too!

 

I have posted about her experiences elsewhere on here...

 

It is ILLEGAL to discriminate against children who have a disability!!

 

We sucessfully took our daughters school to a dis disc tribunal and won.... the school were slammed for their disgusting attitude to some of the children and the lack of policies and trainign within the school....

 

All I can say is... FIGHT them.... it is so hard for our children to be treated like second class citizens... we all KNOW how secial our kids are, and it's about time that others stopped this.

 

If I was you, I would contact IPSEA who helped me bring a sucessful claim against the school, there are time limits on when you can claim, so look into it soon... It isn't easy.... but you can do it for your son!!

 

I would start off by asking the school in writing for a full explanation as to why your son has not been included in the trip, if they say that he could have gone to Dreyton Manor, then ask them what extra provision they had arranged.... Schools have to document all this and you are entitled to see the risk assesment they will have carried out on you son as a child with special needs.... If they find that there is need for extra provision, then they have to provide it as long as the provision is realistic, they can't just decide he can't go! One days notice is not acceptable for a child with A/S to be prepared for a trip to such a busy site with all it entails! Funnily enough that was the trip that was highlghted for my daughter too before she became a school refuser, there is no way she could have coped with it.

 

As for the change of site, this is a seperate issue, it seems awful that your child will effectively be segregated by being put in a class full of children who can not communicte with him....

I would maybe ask IPSEA about this too?

 

Maybe others have some other opinions, but good luck with everything......

 

5 years on we are still fighting for the correct education for our daughter who is now going into year 10... it is a very long haul at times!!!

 

Good luck!

 

Anne x

[pearl]

<'> mel <'> so upsetting for you both. I think Anne is right, you should make a complaint. More stress though I know <'>

[Flora]

Mel

 

When does J break up? If they have nothing planned for him next week then perhaps you could make your point to them by keeping him off for a half/whole day, explaining to them that as he isn't included in any of the planned school trips you want to take him out for a treat somewhere (perhaps on the day the others are going on a trip?). That way you can get your point across in the same letter/conversation.

 

Next term it would be a good idea to ask them to work with him on extra curricular things... for instance projects involving his interest in snails and fish etc; that way he will feel that they value him and who he is,otherwise he is left feeling like a spare part .

 

Poor J must feel so isolated. What a pity it's so late in the day regarding changing his placement.... he must be starting GCSE courses in September is he? Otherwise you could have looked at that other school I was telling you about... Anyway I'm digressing and I know at this stage it probably isn't a viable option. However I do think they should be putting more effort into integration, nurturing and encouraging J in his areas of interest.

 

Flo' <'>

[Clare63]

Mel, that's so sad, Poor Jay, as you say he would love Sealife and his unit really should know that it would be right up his street.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[bid]

Really sorry to hear this, Mel

 

Bid <'>

[Minxygal]

This used to happen to my youngerst all of the time. Difference is that I now know that this is discrimination and they aren't allowed to do it. I've come across many schools who have , in their opionions, found ways around the discrimination claims by doing things like saying there were only certain places and so names had to be pulled from a hat, lo and behold my sons name never got pulled out. Another way was to look out for a petty reason where my sons behaviour warranted his exclusion. It is exactly that though, exclusion and its not legal.

What makes me so cross is that our children are forced to conform to so many things they find difficult, in the name of inclusion, and yet when schools have the opportunity to fully include our young people in ways that would really make them feel included, they make excuses and dont do it.

[lorryw]

I know how you feel, my son was excluded from so much during his school life.

However, is it possible the trip is part of some kind of end of term reward scheme. Our school takes the "house" that has earned the most house points on a special trip.We also have treats throughout the year for children as rewards.

With regard to disability discrimmination they will sometimes cover themselves by saying its a health and safety issue. Its really very unfair.

[Frangipani]

I am not sure if this may be the case, but my son used to loose all his letters, he would forget to put them in his bag or, possibly he was not at school on a day things were handed out. He missed out on a few things and so I asked his teacher to write things in his diary as she understood he had trouble with this.

 

Things improved when my daughter started at the same school, as they chose to give all letters to her, as she loved junk mail and would give me everything. Typical social bee she was, didnt want to miss a thing.

 

Just thought I would mention this, it may be worth asking if they lost the letters.

 

xx

[oxgirl]

Thanks for the responses everyone, I'm so steamed up about this I was awake half the night fuming. The thing is, because it's a unit for ASD children, it's not discrimination because of his disability because they are taking some children. I just can't see why he isn't going too and why it has been arranged without us even knowing anything about it. I have emailed the teacher to ask why he hasn't been included but they'll probably come back with a very defensive reply and make me look like I'm moaning about nothing and put me in the wrong somehow.

 

~ Mel ~

[bikemad]

The poor lad-dont you let them make you feel like you are moaning bout nothing!!!! <'>

[cathyz]

Hi may sons school tried to exclude him from an activities week trip, this is the letter I sent to the head

 

Dear Mrs

 

Further to my telephone conversation on Friday 25th January 2008 with Mrs H concerning my son and the removal of his place on the Capital Experience trip during activities week, I would like to express my extreme disappointment as to the way he has been treated.

 

I received the letter confirming his place on the Capital Experience and have received no further communication about this from anyone at the school whatsoever. Yesterday evening he returned home from school and told me that he now may not have a place, I then spoke to Mrs M about this and she said that she would call me back on Monday morning.

 

During today?s telephone call a variety of excuses were put to me including being told that his place had been cancelled as he had said he didn?t want to go, that the teachers going were concerned about his behaviour, that Mrs H herself didn?t actually know him, that I had forgotten to pay the deposit, that the place had been allocated to someone else and to include him now would mean having an odd number on the trip and then that the place had not been allocated to someone else. All of these negative statements have been made without any consultation with either me or his father.

 

His comment that he did not want to go on this trip was made because he was concerned that other pupils would be made aware that he has take medication and when he was reassured by myself that this could be kept discreet he was happy to take part.

 

I accept my son?s behaviour can be difficult and impulsive at times due to his diagnosis of ADHD but with the right strategies in place any adverse behaviour can be minimised.

 

My son has a recognised, diagnosed and medicated disability, that with careful planning and communication can mean that he is no more disadvantaged than his peers, and it is therefore discriminatory to punish him for behaviour that he may or may not display. Exclusion from this trip on the basis that he may have difficulties with the issue of free time should be a last resort after consultation with myself or his father.

 

I am concerned that excluding him from this trip will only escalate his problems, and will encourage a circle of negativity as it appears that the school is not adopting a ?whole school approach? or operating an equal opportunities policy affording the same rights to all children.

 

I appreciate that Mrs H after consultation with Mrs D is looking at the possibility of now including him and I give my assurance that he will be made fully aware of his responsibilities towards both himself and others if he is allowed to resume his place. The school also has our permission to send him home by secure train if a serious situation arises as I would assume would be the case in any other child?s breach of good conduct.

 

I look forward to your reply.

 

He was on this trip last week and he had a fantastic time, when the coach got back to school late on friday night Mrs M came up to me and said 'we were wrong P has been a model pupil what a star he never set a foot wrong'!!!! I asked her to let the head know!!

 

When they try to exclude keep at them personally I hate doing it but if I don't fight for him nobody else will.

[oxgirl]

Well done, cathyz, for proving them all wrong.

 

I'll be interested to find out tomorrow what reason they come up with as to why he wasn't included. I'll let you know if I get a response to my email or not! This has really put a damper on his last week. I'd encouraged him to paint a picture for the staff as a gift and I was going to get cards for staff and send in some fish- and snail-shaped cookies for him to share as a goodbye and this has now left a very sour taste in my mouth as I suddenly feel that they don't give a damn about him.

 

~ Mel ~

[Annea]

Thanks for the responses everyone, I'm so steamed up about this I was awake half the night fuming. The thing is, because it's a unit for ASD children, it's not discrimination because of his disability because they are taking some children. I just can't see why he isn't going too and why it has been arranged without us even knowing anything about it. I have emailed the teacher to ask why he hasn't been included but they'll probably come back with a very defensive reply and make me look like I'm moaning about nothing and put me in the wrong somehow.

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

mel,

 

I am not sure about this bit you have written....

 

To suggest that the school can't be discriminating against your son is incorrect.As we all know each and everyone of our children are different, have different needs. SO in a way, if the school are only choosing to take some children for whatever reasons, this makes it worse.

 

It certainly doesn't mean they are not discriminating against him.

 

In fact, at our disc hearing the school pulled out a huge wad of information about how they don't disciminate because they do XYZ for certain children.

The chair of the panel asked them how this information related to our daughter and the case that was being heard. They said again that it proved they didn't discriminate against children with special needs...

She told them in no incertain terms that No, actually it only appeared that those children wern't being discriminated against, at that time and in that situation and bore no relevance to my daughters case!!!!

 

So, I would still ask the school why your son was not asked to go on a trip, that was suitable for him and his difficulties, in time to fully prepare him, and with any support that would be deemed necessary after risk assessment had been carried out.

If you are not happy with the answers, then discrimination action maybe the way to go....

 

If you are not sure, take advice, but don't presume that they can't be in the wrong because they have taken some children. It might be that they have just messed up numbers, messed up support, or have another reason for him not going, but it is your right to find out what those reasons are!

 

Anne x

[oxgirl]

mel,

 

I am not sure about this bit you have written....

 

To suggest that the school can't be discriminating against your son is incorrect.As we all know each and everyone of our children are different, have different needs. SO in a way, if the school are only choosing to take some children for whatever reasons, this makes it worse.

 

It certainly doesn't mean they are not discriminating against him.

 

In fact, at our disc hearing the school pulled out a huge wad of information about how they don't disciminate because they do XYZ for certain children.

The chair of the panel asked them how this information related to our daughter and the case that was being heard. They said again that it proved they didn't discriminate against children with special needs...

She told them in no incertain terms that No, actually it only appeared that those children wern't being discriminated against, at that time and in that situation and bore no relevance to my daughters case!!!!

 

So, I would still ask the school why your son was not asked to go on a trip, that was suitable for him and his difficulties, in time to fully prepare him, and with any support that would be deemed necessary after risk assessment had been carried out.

If you are not happy with the answers, then discrimination action maybe the way to go....

 

If you are not sure, take advice, but don't presume that they can't be in the wrong because they have taken some children. It might be that they have just messed up numbers, messed up support, or have another reason for him not going, but it is your right to find out what those reasons are!

 

Anne x

 

Thanks Anne, I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it tomorrow, that's if I can bring myself to ask them face to face. I've sent an email but resume they won't see it until after school tomorrow.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Well, I spoke to the teacher and I'm dreadfully unhappy. Jay came home really depressed, he was left stuck in the unit ON HIS OWN ALL DAY! Apparently, the trip was only for children who usually do a different activity, which was cancelled today. The other kids who don't usually do this activity have started their holidays early and are not in this week at all. One other student was there, but he never really comes into the unit, as he is in mainstream lessons all day, so that left Jay stuck there on his own fiddling with the computer and generally being bored and lonely all day.

 

I said to the teacher that if I had known I would have kept him at home and we could have had a nice day together. His mainstream class are off tomorrow and there are no lessons, so I asked what were they planning to do with him because I'd keep him at home otherwise. She had a think and, as an afterthough, offered for someone to take him to visit a local fish shop and said I could pick him up early. I'm glad about this, but, if I hadn't rung, he probably would have sat on his own all day again. I don't think they even care about how miserable and lonely and depressed he is, but I guess it's good practice for next year when he'll be stuck in a portacabin on his own with no-one to talk to all day and every day for the whole year.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Just had a nice email from the teacher saying how sorry she was that Jay was upset, so feel a bit better now, but have had the most awful day and am totally exhausted now.

 

~ Mel ~