wrecked things!

[BuntyB]

Hi all,

I have just had a weepy do after spending a few weeks decorating dd's bedroom in pretty pink, new furniture, carpet, new cases for CDs etc etc. Expensive, but it did look fab when it was done. I have just been up there and in less than a week, she has broken the drawers, spilt make-up on the carpet, and clothes and books everywhere. I have told her off and she has now barricaded herself in screaming her head off!

It might have seemed daft to have done it in the first place, but I think it's depressing living in a dump. Prior to the refurb, her bed was chewed and too small and the paint all picked off. It's not the only thing that's been destroyed. We have to replace the lock on the bathroom door and the loo seat regularly! I started decorating the hall and landing two years ago but never finished it because the kids were picking off the paper and scraping the paint. You just begin to wonder if it's worth all the effort! I despair!

[NickyB]

Hi all,

I have just had a weepy do after spending a few weeks decorating dd's bedroom in pretty pink, new furniture, carpet, new cases for CDs etc etc. Expensive, but it did look fab when it was done. I have just been up there and in less than a week, she has broken the drawers, spilt make-up on the carpet, and clothes and books everywhere. I have told her off and she has now barricaded herself in screaming her head off!

It might have seemed daft to have done it in the first place, but I think it's depressing living in a dump. Prior to the refurb, her bed was chewed and too small and the paint all picked off. It's not the only thing that's been destroyed. We have to replace the lock on the bathroom door and the loo seat regularly! I started decorating the hall and landing two years ago but never finished it because the kids were picking off the paper and scraping the paint. You just begin to wonder if it's worth all the effort! I despair!

 

Little DS has peeled wallpaper off the hallway wall, thrown toys into all the paintwork, and we're in the middle of decorating his room (I am wondering why, but as you say, you get fed up living in a mess ).

We have decided to give up on any more major decorating until the kids are older, and I just try to keep the place looking tidy, but in the holidays I just give up. I'll give it a good tidy in September. It does get to me, too,as I used to be so houseproud before the little darlings came along (love them really )

 

I'd better leave it there, as I can hear little DS destoying the kitchen as I type

 

<'> <'> Nicky

[Flora]

I've had similar problems with my 14 yo. When he has had melt-downs he tends to take it out on inanimate objects. He has wooden blinds in his room and has snapped a couple of them.

 

There's little you can do during a melt-down, but when it's over it's good to point out the consequences. I told Bill next time he breaks a slat in his blinds I will be removing the money from his piggy bank to replace them. He hasn't attacked his blinds since we had that conversation.

 

I have a big box of very cheap coloured pencils I got from a pound shop (hundreds of them for a pound). When Bill has lost it recently I've handed him the tin and he snaps a few of them... it gets his frustration out and nothing important is broken (actually... I use them too for the same reason).

 

I'm not sure how the process of teaching them to re-direct their anger works. Because once they've really 'lost it' all reason goes with it IYKWIM. I'm still negotiating my way throught that one, and until the action comes from them, I try to be at hand to offer an alternative to breaking something useful or valuable.

 

Accidental damage, or damage in the course of doing ordinary things is something that can also be worked in with consequences. With Bill I've never had this problem because he is so careful with his belongings and keeps his bedroom tidy. My 'NT' daughter on the other hand, nearly 16, is the worst out of all of mine. Makeup, clothes, art projects, course work, scattered from one end of her bedroom to the other! The most efficient way I've found of making her tidy up and sort out her stuff is to suggest she has friends over for a sleep over.... that makes her move

 

Flo'

[fiorelli]

Louis often throws things/kicks things when in a meltdown or he doesn't get what he wants, or someone does something he doesn't like, or he can't do what he wants to do.

 

I do replace stuff that has been broken - within reason. We live in a rented house, so far, he has broken 2 internal doors (with a little help from the doors themselves as they are the very old style doors that are just bits of sheet wood stuck together), I have been able to repair them on several occasions, but they are now beyond repair, so we will be replacing all the internal doors (thankfully my big sister works in a diy shop so we can replace quite cheaply),

 

However, if he breaks other stuff - e.g. he kept throwing his nintendo DS when he couldn't get through a part on a game - it eventually split in 2. We have not replaced it.

 

We have kept the distruction of other stuff to a minimum, in that if it looks like Louis is about to kick off (or if he HAS just started to kick off), we isolate him to his bedroom. He can trash that as much as he wants. It is his stuff, if he wants it to be nice, then he will look after it. If he doesn't then he can carry on. That may seem simplistic, but we have had far too much of him breaking other people's things and leaving his alone. We are sick and tired of it. I can honestly say that we do not pay out lots of money on stuff anymore. You can get nice things without them costing the earth, and then it doesn't matter so much if it does get damaged. (Oh, and I can heartily recommend painted walls instead of wallpaper - as nice as wallpaper is - so much easier to wipe clean/touch up if it does get damaged)

[taran0]

best thing for walls

 

never wallpaper, plaster skim the walls and then paint them (not expensive to get done), whenever they get battered, just fill any dents and repaint.

 

let the kids dirty and scribble them then once every three months put a new coat of paint, walls looks like brand new!

never wallpaper, its useless when you have kids.

 

NO CARPETS! wooden floors and rugs, rugs cheaper and easier to replace then carpets. wooden floors pretty much kid proof.

 

wherever possible find solid items or as solid or cheap as you can find. that way easier to replace and when they get broken you don't feel so bad.

 

find items with less moving parts, harder to destroy them or break parts off.

Edited July 28, 2008 by taran0

[bikemad]

Thats what we are doping slowly working thru the house n plastering then painting the walls way easier lol.

[hassleabe]

this week we have to replace a coffee table which my son smashed when he came home this weekend i have only had it 4 weeks .....we also need a new bathroom door as this seems to be his main thing for smashing now when you go to the loo you have to hold the door in place lol...we used to have a lovely house but now i feel so ashamed of it

[purplehaze]

Hi, my son who is 14 throws, kicks, hits etc when having a meltdown. He has ripped his bedroom door and blinds off and after mending them over and over again I have decided not to replace them. Only thing is he couldn't careless. I have made him fill a hole that he made by kicking. Consequences are a big thing for me, but I find he just doesn't understand or just can't think like that at all-it's so hard at times. X

[lynyona]

Befor i decorated my living room i found my calendar came in handy to cover up the hole he had punched in the wall,and his posters to cover holes in tboth the wall and bedroom door

[Enid]

this week we have to replace a coffee table which my son smashed when he came home this weekend i have only had it 4 weeks .....we also need a new bathroom door as this seems to be his main thing for smashing now when you go to the loo you have to hold the door in place lol...we used to have a lovely house but now i feel so ashamed of it

 

Poor you, how is the school going? had 4 good ish days in a row here, after a shocking 2 weeks so hoping we are having a good spell! Enid

[hassleabe]

Poor you, how is the school going? had 4 good ish days in a row here, after a shocking 2 weeks so hoping we are having a good spell! Enid

beginning of the week was horrendous i kept havin to ring up cos he kept phoning with complaints about them ....then he rang and said hi mum guess what i can do JUGGLE KNIVES i went mad ...i rang them and they said he wasnt juggling he had got a knife and was in his bedroom carving up the wardrobe i told them do you know he is heading for a major meltdown and knifes are his thing so be careful and make sure he his not left on his own.....anyway one of the workers took him to pizza hut and sat and talked to him and then tonite we collected him and took him to the beach for tea and we had a fantastic night even his brother got on with him lol....we have his 4 week review tomorrow then he is home for 4 weeks for summer going back to school for respite 1 nite a week

[Enid]

beginning of the week was horrendous i kept havin to ring up cos he kept phoning with complaints about them ....then he rang and said hi mum guess what i can do JUGGLE KNIVES i went mad ...i rang them and they said he wasnt juggling he had got a knife and was in his bedroom carving up the wardrobe i told them do you know he is heading for a major meltdown and knifes are his thing so be careful and make sure he his not left on his own.....anyway one of the workers took him to pizza hut and sat and talked to him and then tonite we collected him and took him to the beach for tea and we had a fantastic night even his brother got on with him lol....we have his 4 week review tomorrow then he is home for 4 weeks for summer going back to school for respite 1 nite a week

 

Not as bad as it could be then! pity its the summer break when he is just settling, but the one night a week respite will keep him on his toes!!! enid

[darky]

Oh my you could be describing my girl!! She destroys everything and always has done. I have tried everything possible, social stories, visuals, telling off, rewards, you name it!! Nothing has been used for it's purpose and everything gets chewed, ripped, sucked, or changed in some way.

 

Last year we moved into a bigger house. She has nothing in her bedroom other than her bed and a few soft toys. She now has a playroom downstairs with a swing, chair, mini trampoline and her toys etc. She has chewy tubes for the chewing. We had the walls plastered in both rooms. Got THE most expensive paint we could find at �30 a tin which is scrubbable. We made sure we have plenty of paint to freshen the walls. Good job because it has had to be re-painted 3 times in less than a year because of the scratches, grime, spittal and instead of "drawing" in the walls with PENS, she marks them with toys. When she can't reach on the walls, she spits out little bits of paper she's chewed. We also have laminate through the house. It is dirt cheap in comparison to carpet.

 

I now throw away broken toys because they are always dangerous for a child that chews. Once a week I blitz her playroom, remove broken bits daily, but clear out the paper and make sure she isn't hiding anything she shouldn't have. But other than that I have just learnt to live with it most of the time. Thing is she gets genuinely upset. She does not understand it's wrong. I suppose to her it's my rules not hers and they just don't make sense with her. A lot of the damage is accidental. Too heavy handed, and understanding the cause and effect! So for us now it is damage limitation. She just does not view things the same way I do. It gets on my nerves because I don't like clutter, dirt or destruction. I am quite OCD so I have found it really tough. I have lost count the amount of beds she has had. She can't be trusted with even a chest of drawers in her room. You have my sympathy. Sometimes it gets too much for me I must admit.

[Enid]

Darky, I`m with you here! I like it all tidy and sorted, and it really pains me to see DS`S room, it has no lampshade, just a bare bulb hanging, cos he just holds them against the bulb, no curtains, he rips them down all the time, and big gouges on the walls, could go on but you get the picture, at the mo he is into rolling bandages, he hurt his leg and they put him one on at school, he has them all over the show and keeps tearing little bits off!!!! bits of white cotton all over the house! heigh ho. <'> Enid

[darky]

Oh Enid, I so get that one. Plasters or dressings are banned unless it is absolutely necessary. The dressing is on, off, on, off, and she will not stop going on and fussing over it. Any cuts or grazes are picked and picked and picked. She has a sore on her shin she has had for months. Pick pick pick. She has spray plaster most of the time now. It at least keeps things clean. One day she will get one infected I am sure.

 

Anyone elses heart sink when a child brings home art work from school?? I know what is going to happen to it!!