Hey - guess what!

[Sooze2]

I was at kids party today sat at a table listening to this conversation today......... - "ADHD doesn't exsist and it is just so wrong that people put thier kids on ritalin just for being normal boys, In our parent's day there was no ADHD just normal boys who got carried away and got a clip round the ear if they pushed it too far!!!!!!!" There was more to it............. I wonder if they were fishing to see what I would say!

 

I thought all this was behind us!? These were women I know but don't really see much anymore because of this type of attitude. Once of them said to me "You were worried about DS last year weren't you - did you ever get it looked into or have you accepted that it's just the way boys are now!!!!!" I said its been looked into over the last year and we have an appointment during this holiday, then I changed the subject and they knew I wouldn't say any more about it.

 

This is why I avoid the Play Ground Maffia and keep myself to myself these days. If I don't talk I can't be judged eh!

 

Sorry, not much point to this post but I wanted to get it down on paper so to speek.

[Enid]

There is a lot of point! as time will tell. People/friends/school used to say that about mine, when he was about 8/9 now that he is 12 and they can see the problems, they dont say anything!! so just bide your time and ignore them. Enid

[pookie170]

Hmph.....in our parents' day, people were also locked away in asylums for being unmarried mothers, or for being a gargoyle (honest! that was a medical term!) and many other such charming injustices! But ah, the good old days, hey?

I prefer a bit of enlightenment, myself. And yet again, the old 'if you walked a mile in another man's shoes' thingy comes to the fore....if these people don't have any experience of dealing with behavioural problems, neurological problems, genetic disorders, then they can't possibly have great understanding of the challenges and problems that arise. Or the blessings either, for that matter.

That does not excuse their blunt rudeness and utter nosy-parkeritis however!

 

I sympathise, I know exactly how you feel and find it horribly frustrating that I cannot educate some people who have proffered such beliefs at me (quite unasked, too!). Some just don't want to be enlightened- they're the 'I think, therefore I'm right!' brigade.

 

I don't care- they matter not a jot to me and don't really figure in my life except as a sometime minor annoyance.It takes someone being extremely rude/blunt or their catching me on a VERY hard day for me to display my dander in all its shining glory to them.

And there have been those, whose minds I may not have changed, but who have certainly absorbed what I've said and decided to chew it over for a while.....

 

I just wish, sometimes, I could convey the deep struggle parents go through before agreeing to try medication- the soul-searching, worry, research and heartache that all prequel such a choice. And also just how far from the norm my son's behaviour was, pre-med, and can still sometimes inch towards from time to time. If all boys behaved like that, there wouldn't be a classroom left intact in the land, I promise you.

 

I also understand why you've drawn back from these women- they may not be intending to offend (I'm feeling generous today!! ) as I wish I had been a bit more close-mouthed while waiting in the playground when DS#1 tried out mainstream! A few of these mums now have kids in DS#2's year, and some of the questions they've asked/opinions they've thrown at me have been unbelievable.

 

Ah well, they can go and visit a taxidermist for all I care, as many more have been supportive.

Accentuate the positive, hey?

 

Esther x

[Sooze2]

I love you both <'> Esther, I love your term of phrase!

 

Wouldn't it be funny if I pointed them in the direction of his teacher and told them to ask her all about it. She has been waiting for his diagnosis since he entered her class last september because he is such hard work in class and she wants him to get help too! His head master even said to him a little while before the end of term " can I tell you something - I like being scuffy too, I'm just not allowed!" because DS always looks a total mess and HT always nags him about it every day!

 

These women were once my freinds. I have no bad feelings about it now though, I'm over it and can sit quietly and let them talk.

[Suze]

Hi sooze , I can feel your sadness a little that people who were once friends could be so tactless and ingnorant I have had that too.I think stuff in the media lately has,nt helped , stuff about ritalin being over pre-scribed, and ADHD not really existing etc.I,m sure in some cases this is true and some "naughty boys " have been miss diagnosed as having ADHD .However this does nothing to help the genuine cases out there and the parents who are struggling.I found things improved when my boy got older and started at high school.I no longer had the playground mafia problem, and as he was a small fish in a very big pond at high school the play ground mafia parents soon had other stuff to gossip about, such as the boy who was stabbed by a compass , and the lad who smuggled drugs/alcohol into school............all these were "naughty boys ".............and not dx with anything!I,m so pleased you have supportive staff at your boys school it can make such a difference , the head sounds lovely

[pearl]

Sooze, according to my MIL (who is always right) back in her day there was no such thing as;

 

ADHD

Aspergers

Eating disorders

gender dysmorphia

Post natal depression

Any kind of depression

Post natal weight problems

 

She does accept there were gay people (though she wouldnt put it quite that way), but by god no one was proud of it!

 

Her trump card is always, they survived the war so what on earth are we all whinging about? I have learned to pretend to agree with her as that drives her insane, she likes nothing more than a good scrap.

 

And as for other mothers - yes I lost "friends" too, but they werent worth having. I have made new friends both in RL and online, & in my more positive moments, think, well, I'd never have met these lovely people if life hadnt dealt me this hand.

 

Leave them to their smug little lives & have a rant on here when they get to you <'>

[Mumble]

She does accept there were gay people (though she wouldnt put it quite that way), but by god no one was proud of it!

Ah, you're one up on my mother there, then. She still holds an entirely different meaning to the word 'gay', and will happily proclaim in a loud voice (just to totally embarrass myself and my sister), "oh, aren't those flowers gay", "Oh, she's a different person when she's not with him; so happy and gay" etc. etc.

 

I think though part of the reason my mum doesn't accept my dx is because it isn't something that makes sense to her within her understanding, so I try really hard to remember that when she gives me a hard time. It's difficult though.

[biff]

don't really figure in my life except as a sometime minor annoyance.

 

That sums it up perfectly for me. I talk to a couple of mums. But they are more quiet and less snobby and keep themselves to themselves. I don't trust anyone unless they are a really close friend who I know wont judge us. I would never put myself though trying to socialise with these people.

 

THEY ARE PANTS!!!

 

Feel better now after that.

[JsMum]

Hi, I know that the mum who said that would change her mind if she had one of these "Normal boys" (ADHD) she soo would change her attitude, its is simply different when your in the situation as a parent who has to manage a child with ADHD, she hasnt a clue what it entails or how to manage, sadly some of the mums you listened do actually have ADHD sons, there just not admitting it and the child gets no support.

 

ADHD Does exist, its real and its a real problem because the support isnt there from society.

 

JsMum

[bikemad]

I hate people with attitude like that.

[Imelda]

Don't you just love all these "experts". Ignore 'em, they will be pulling someone else to pieces next week.

[Sooze2]

Do you know, the mum who started the conversation was the very same person who told me last October that DS can't possibly be Autistic because he talks and has freinds! This was at a time when he was at his worst through finding life so very hard, his teachers were at their wits ends and were trying everything to reach him and he was like a screaming tornato at home 24/7. I only said they have mentioned a form of Autism and the school are looking into it through Autism Outreach!