silent days

[NobbyNobbs]

yesterday my mother made the comment 'oh she's just having a silent day' to my aunt when i couldn't say anything to her. she acted like this was a perfectly normal thing (which it is for me). is this common with AS? does anyone else have someone who just stops talking?

i have days, weeks and once a month(!) when i simply go completely non-verbal and cannot speak to anyone. i follow the conversation directed at me but just never seem to get any words out. in the end i get told off for being rude and annoying and sent out of the way until i can speak again.

[Diane]

Our son either talks non stop about his interests or not at all, we remind him that he needs to give an answer to which he will respond "I don't know" because he does not want to talk and if he has said something then he is not being rude.

 

Has your mum explained why this happens to your Aunt? If not perhaps you could ask her to talk to her so your Aunt knows that you are not being rude and ignoring her.

[ScienceGeek]

Definitely. I have times where words just won't happen.

[Flora]

My son who is 14 frequently has days when he can't/won't speak. His consultant once suggested he was 'selectively mute'. However, I'm not so sure because he doesn't appear to be able to control this and the word 'selective' suggests that he is chosing not to speak and I'm not so sure he has that much control over it. Sometimes when he's like this I've tried to encourage him to answer my questions etc, and when he does it just comes out as a inaudible whisper. It's very puzzling.

 

Flora

[Tally]

Selective Mutism is not actually something the person deliberately chooses. It is not really a very good term, but it does mean that the person does not (cannot) speak in certain situations. This diagnosis was suggested for me as a child because I would not speak in school, only at home, but my parents felt the same way about it as you and did not take it any further.

 

As an adult, I have not had extended periods of time where I cannot speak at all. I do get times when it is extremely hard. At these times I would prefer not to speak, and if I did, would be unlikely to be able to manage anything particularly meaningful. This is difficult, because sometimes I say things I don't mean just to stop the conversation.

 

It happens to me at times of stress or pressure.

[pookie170]

The crux of selective mutism is that the child CAN speak but will not- sometimes it's a control thing, sometimes it's down to paralysing fears (of rejection, humiliation, punishment etc) or other reasons. Whether or not it needs treatment is down to personal judgement calls, and the severity of the problem....

Thing is, a selective mute normally manages to have their needs met (in a physical sense- food, drink, etc) because the silence makes others uncomfortable and they invariably become a party to the child's silence, by almost talking for them, including them without their having to ask, etc.

 

I'm not sure you'd fall into that category, nobby. If it's something you feel powerless over......

My son has quiet days sometimes too, again mainly at school. That's an environment he finds very stressful though, and it might even be his way of staying out of trouble, like Diane's son.

Are you comfortable in your Aunt's company? (Don't mean to be personal, and don't feel that you have to answer that! ) Just wondering if that might have a bearing on things. Or it may even be those blasted old hormones coming to the fore, or the weather that's affecting your mood. I know that some days, if it's very grotty outside, it makes ME feel grotty inside..... and I do become a sparse conversationalist at those times........

 

Don't get too down on yourself about this, though...it's a fairly harmless habit, and you're not hurting anyone. But if you feel that it's getting in YOUR way, then maybe you should go see your GP, try and access help?

 

Take care,

 

Esther x

[Bard]

My OH can go for hours or entire evenings without talking.

I used to chat to fill in the gaps, but there's a limit to that even for me.

[wasuup]

The crux of selective mutism is that the child CAN speak but will not- sometimes it's a control thing, sometimes it's down to paralysing fears (of rejection, humiliation, punishment etc) or other reasons. Whether or not it needs treatment is down to personal judgement calls, and the severity of the problem....

Thing is, a selective mute normally manages to have their needs met (in a physical sense- food, drink, etc) because the silence makes others uncomfortable and they invariably become a party to the child's silence, by almost talking for them, including them without their having to ask, etc.

 

I'm not sure you'd fall into that category, nobby. If it's something you feel powerless over......

My son has quiet days sometimes too, again mainly at school. That's an environment he finds very stressful though, and it might even be his way of staying out of trouble, like Diane's son.

Are you comfortable in your Aunt's company? (Don't mean to be personal, and don't feel that you have to answer that! ) Just wondering if that might have a bearing on things. Or it may even be those blasted old hormones coming to the fore, or the weather that's affecting your mood. I know that some days, if it's very grotty outside, it makes ME feel grotty inside..... and I do become a sparse conversationalist at those times........

 

Don't get too down on yourself about this, though...it's a fairly harmless habit, and you're not hurting anyone. But if you feel that it's getting in YOUR way, then maybe you should go see your GP, try and access help?

 

Take care,

 

Esther x

selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. It causes the larynx to tighten and the person very much wants to speak but can't. It is not a refusal to speak and the person is not choosing not to speak-that is a common misconception. Selective Mutism can occur on the AS combined with aspergers.

People who have SM are not mute all the time just in certain situations or with certain people-when they feel comfortable they usually feel relaxed enough to speak

Professionals don't know a lot about SM-treatment is speech therapy, CBT and in more severe cases Prozac can be used as part of the overall treatment plan.

It affects adults and children and the key factor is an inability to initiate conversation. Someone with SM maybe able to respond quietly in a few words but not be able to initiate conversation as well which adds to the complexity of misunderstanding this condition. The name is misleading and people just think that the affected person is refusing to speak which they are not and they are feeling equally as frustrated as the person they cannot speak to if not more so.

Edited August 21, 2008 by wasuup

[bid]

In extremely stressful situations I have an enormous struggle to get words out...it's almost a physical block. I also think it's connected to the fact that in such situations the words don't organise themselves in my head either.

 

On the other hand, there are those on here who can testify that I can shout talk non-stop if the feeling takes me!

 

Bid

Edited August 21, 2008 by bid

[Bard]

selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. It causes the larynx to tighten and the person very much wants to speak but can't. It is not a refusal to speak and the person is not choosing not to speak-that is a common misconception. Selective Mutism can occur on the AS combined with aspergers.

People who have SM are not mute all the time just in certain situations or with certain people-when they feel comfortable they usually feel relaxed enough to speak

Professionals don't know a lot about SM-treatment is speech therapy, CBT and in more severe cases Prozac can be used as part of the overall treatment plan.

It affects adults and children and the key factor is an inability to initiate conversation. Someone with SM maybe able to respond quietly in a few words but not be able to initiate conversation as well which adds to the complexity of misunderstanding this condition. The name is misleading and people just think that the affected person is refusing to speak which they are not and they are feeling equally as frustrated as the person they cannot speak to if not more so.

 

I would agree with this, in particular that it is usually not under the individual's control, and that the fact a child can say a quiet word or two on one occasion doesn't mean that it will happen in another, identical situation. It's a very complex and frustrating condition and little is known about it in mainstream SEN.

[wasuup]

It is common to kind of "freeze up" in anxious situations for people who have SM, small children can physically stiffen up. There is not a lot of research on it, it is thought that it is connected with "fight or "flight" response. It is a real grey area that is still being discovered.

[Bard]

I taught a nine year old boy with SM, and he was becoming a school refuser as well. When he was stressed, he would become rigid, and his fingers would freeze onto his pencil. He would vibrate with the tension.

Certain music calmed him down, and after a track he'd relax. He had a lot of other things going on in his life, he found eating and swallowing a challenge from being a baby.

[wasuup]

I taught a nine year old boy with SM, and he was becoming a school refuser as well. When he was stressed, he would become rigid, and his fingers would freeze onto his pencil. He would vibrate with the tension.

Certain music calmed him down, and after a track he'd relax. He had a lot of other things going on in his life, he found eating and swallowing a challenge from being a baby.

 

My daughter is nine and has SM. She has refused to go to school and become extremely anxious because of the lack of understanding (despite being given all the information) that she has encountered at school by her teachers. This has led to her being humiliated and let down by her teachers who ignored other children who were bullying her because they couldn't understand that SM is not a refusal to speak or an attempt to control/manipulate to gain attention.

Some of the symptoms are very like those on the Spectrum.

 

This info is from the latest SMIRA (Selective Mutism Information and Research Association) awareness campaign leaflet.

 

Key Characteristics

 

Children with Selective Mutism are likely to?

 

 Find it difficult to look at you when they are anxious ? they may turn their heads away and seem to ignore you. You might think that they are being unfriendly, but they are not ? they are just not able to respond.

 

 Not smile, or look blank or expressionless when anxious ? in school, they will be feeling anxious most of the time and this is why it is hard for them to smile, laugh or show their true feelings.

 

 Move stiffly or awkwardly when anxious, or if they think that they are being watched.

 

 Find it incredibly difficult to answer the register, or to say hello, goodbye or thank-you ? this can seem rude or hurtful, but it is not intentional.

 

 Be slow to respond ? in any way ? to a question.

 

 Become more anxious when under pressure to speak.

 

 Worry more than other people

 

 Be emotionally sensitive

 

 Be physically sensitive e.g. to noise, smells, touch, crowds.

 

 Be very sensitive to the reactions of others ? they may misinterpret these reactions.

 

 Find it difficult to express their own feelings - because it is painful to do so.