My son's education

[stressedmumto2]

I really don't want to offend anyone as I write this but it's something that just keeps bubbling up inside me and I feel myself nearly wanting to explode. I'm going to try and get out what i want to say as I just feel I need to talk to others about my experience, their experiences as I know I am definitely not the only person whose child may experience difficulties within the education system.

 

As many of you may be aware I have been trying for several years to get my child into a residential specialist ASD school after the failure of two mainstream settings, currently he is in a ebd day school which the tribunal agreed was the correct placement for him. The first tribunal agreed it was the correct placement for him as my chosen school at the time did not have an appropriate peer group for him plus the tribunal didn't conclude he had an asd and needed a school placement for children with asd, however the school I wanted did meet the needs of children with ADHD/ASD/PDA etc but this school primarily catered for children with mod learning difficulties of which my son doesn't have so tribunal agreed his needs would be met in local day school. I went back to tribunal because they failed to put in his therapy needs which were documented in reports and the hope they would re-open up the original tribunal as they got a lot of things wrong. At the 2nd tribunal they only looked at part 2 and acted on it.

 

We now have a statement which has included his therapy needs, makes reference to his diagnosis but still isn't working.

 

My son is into his 2nd year at this school, on the first term back this year he only attended school for 6 full days, the rest of it was refusing to attend and then a part time reintegration programme on the advice of our autistic out-reach specialist, on the last week of last term he was attending 11.30-3pm this term school decided to start him back at 9am (not the advice of the autistic specialist), he went in the first day, was restrained 6 times in one day the first restraint was during a maths lesson where he refused to work, was then threatened with an hr's detention after school so run off and locked himself in the toilet. The day just got worse. He ended up doing his detention and when I collected him he told me had had been held for most of the time, the information sheets I got states he was held twice during it for 5-6 minutes each time. Following on from Monday he only went back to school Friday and that was at lunch time.

 

When he first started the school he was restrained many times, in the end the school on my instruction said they would not restrain unless absolutely necessary as they found they couldn't get near him without him running off as he didn't trust that they would not just try and grab him, restraint on my son made him worse, a lot worse. So half way through the year they hardly never restrained him, they worked with me on suggestions about detention as it makes him anxious about going to school especially if they think he has to do it the next day. However this year they seem to be going back to their old ways, they think it's worked for the other children and will work for son, but all it's doing is make him school refuse.

 

This school in my opinion is really not meeting his needs, sometimes when in school he is either completely engaged in learning, co-operative or the complete opposite, running out of school, being disruptive in school or completely refusing to go. The therapists find it hard to work with him, either again co-operative to a certain extent when he's not feeling under pressure or not and if you look deep enough into the times he is co-operative it's when he feels he can do the work ok, the times he refuses it's cos he doesn't understand, he told the out-reach autistic worker that if he is struggling he will not ask for help.

 

At home he is being a pain, when things are on his term he's nice, friendly co-operative but when I try to set limits i.e. staying in time, not playing out, bath time, brush teeth time etc etc he is hard work. He is not damaging the home as much but when he is in a rage usually out of frustration at not being able to have his own way he does damage my property.

 

Out in the community he is getting into all sort of trouble, he plays with children around the same age as him but children who appear to have no boundaries, he doesn't see when they are bullying him or he does but he still plays with them, he's been recently caught shoplifting but doesn't seem to learn from it. I am seriously concerned for his future. He is meant to have regular foster care for holidays (after a huge battle to get it)but refuses to go, refuses to go out with his dad on weekends when he's meant to and it's not cos he wants to be with me he just wants to be with his friends.

 

Today he has refused to go with his dad and I desperately needed some time away from him so I locked all the doors and stated if he wasn't going to go with his dad he could stay in with me as a consequence, so he's climbed out of a window. I can't keep him in, he will find a way out and this is something I am hoping having an occupational therapist will give me some advice over (he's very clever and works out how to break the locks!!)

 

I really don't know what to do anymore, s/s have agreed to direct payments so they are doing what they should, school are saying when he's at school they are meeting his needs but even when he is in they are not documenting the times he has left the school grounds.

 

Now this is the bit I struggle with, I can go back to tribunal but I just don't know if I can take much more of it, I feel like maybe he should be in this school (even though I know it's not right). I have been to two tribunal cases and had 2 high court cases surely if he wasn't meant to be there it would of been decided by now. Everyday he goes to school they say they meet his needs, everyday he spends at home they don't seem to care, every meeting that is held education say that it's being dealt with by SENDIST, the case is still continuing. Nobody will do anything about his continuing school refusal.

 

I know nobody on this site has had a special school placement given to them on a plate and we have all had to face challenges to get it but I think because my son does have a school placement maybe that's all the system thinks about, is that he is in a school. I also think that cos we have so far fought this hard and still not got there then maybe people think he just doesn't require a specialist residential school (I know my social worker has that view) maybe I should give it longer and eventually this school will start to work (I have huge doubts).

 

Sorry for my ramblings, I just don't know what to do anymore, keep fighting or give up. If I give up though I worry I am giving up on my son having a proper future.

[JsMum]

 

 

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Firstly Its clear that you have fighted, fighted more than anyone here, so dont beat your self up, you have done everything you can, you have spoken the truth and you have been extreamly supportive to your son, who clearly isnt in the right enviroment.

 

All I can say though if I have learnt anything on this SEN road, is you cant give up, your son needs you.

 

Keep the communication going with the school, keep saying you dont feel his needs are been met, and just keep the light and hope alive that one day he will get the right enviroement soon.

 

I have a lot of beliefe in fate, if he is ment to be in another school, it will happen, it sounds almost impossible what road you have been on, your post is about the worse sanario I have ever come across, it goes to show what a true fighter you are, why stop now, your strong and bags of courage, you must have or wouldnt of survived the trauma so far.

 

Keep going is all I can say, seek further support, CONTACT A FAMILY, ect....

 

You will get there I just know you will.

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JsMum

 

 

 

[Enid]

Hi, could ave written most of that post myself, I am in virtually the same position, and my son seems/sounds very similar to yours, he is at an EBD school, when he goes, and education say they are meeting his needs, I am going to fight for the residential boarding school at Mondays meeting. We walk on eggshells everyday in this house, even as I type this! the relief when he is asleep is immense, pity I`m too tired by then to enjoy it! will keep you posted. Enid

[hazma]

My son is currently still struggling in mainstream,we hear if he will get a statement on 19th of this month.The school sound similar to my sons mainstream,completely ignorant of asd and Ive heard many parents say ebd is the worst placement for an asd child,and you have every right to be concerned.Good luck in whatever you decide to do I hope that policies within government soon change so that more parents do not have to fight throughout their childs whole childhood for a decnt caring education with people who can connect with,and understand our kids.In our case just a bit of patience and understanding towards our son would be nice.Both before and after dx that was in short supply.

[stressedmumto2]

Thanks for the reply's and J's mum for your pm's. I will continue to fight for residential placement for son, whilst I have solicitor and barrister still helping me all the way I can't give up and whilst his placement is failing I can't give up, thanks again <'>