Smoking at 13

[madme]

My son was caught smoking at his boarding school. He has admitted to me that he has been smoking for a while. I'm shocked as he has always been really anti-smoking -particularly with his grandparents who smoke heavily. I havent smelled it on him ever. I am supposed to be speaking to the medical staff at school today. He has promised to stop. He didnt have any on him this weekend and he has no money as I have refused to give it to him! He has asthma. He wouldnt discuss it at the weekend and stormed off every time I tried. Unfortunately he is full on teens.

[chris54]

All I can really say is that it is something most teenagers do at some time or another.

 

We must remember back, when I was that age if you did not smoke you were the odd one out.

This now sounds dreadful but as young as 10 my mum would ask me to light up a cigarette for her and I would often go down the shops to get her siggys.

 

But despite that or maybe because of that I never took up smoking.

[mossgrove]

Very difficult issue this one. Go in too hard and you could alienate him and make things worse but it doesn't seem right to allow it.

 

Helping him to,understand why it upsets you so much may be all that you can do at this point as well as making it clear he will never be allowed to smoke at home.

 

Simon

 

 

 

 

[madme]

If anyone has any personal experience of this with their kids please share it. I feel such a useless mum at the moment. The medical staff have a stop smoking clinic at the school and he attends that now and is getting 1-1 counselling. When she mentioned that they may try patches or an inhaler I felt sick. My biggest worry is if he tries cannabis which I am aware there have been problems with in some older kids in the past. Some were kicked out.

[chris54]

All we ever did for our oldest pair was have a strict no smoking policy at home, not even in the garden or on the door step like you see a lot of teenagers doing.

 

What they did away from home I don't know and to be honest as we would have had very little control over it we never really worried to much about it.

 

But then the pair of them liked their sweets to much to spend their pocket money on cigarettes, so it was never much of a problem. Only a few times smelt tobacco on them and as far as I know never of them smoke now. They are 19+21 and no longer live at home so don't really know for sure.

[Canopus]

Most kids at my residential school didn't smoke when they started but it was rare to find one who didn't smoke after 6 months inside.

[madme]

Canopus I'm shocked to hear that. Do you have any idea why?

[chris54]

When you say he has been smoking for a while, do you mean the odd smoke now and then or is he addicted, cant function properly without a smoke.

 

If the later then patches may help but you have got to want to give up.

If he is not addicted then I don't see that patches will make any difference.

 

As for cannabis, there are plenty of people who do not smoke ordinary cigarettes but do smoke cannabis.

[charliesmomuk]

My 15 yr old son smokes (not in front of me..sneakily with his mates). I hate it, but realise there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I tried the grounding him route, stopping pocket money.

Tried (lots of times) to discuss how detrimental it is to his health and wealth..but he is 15 and thinks he is immortal like all teens do. I think if your son was at home you'd probably not know about it...

 

In the end they can only decide for themselves..thats the hardest thing, knowing that in the end you can say and do what you can but if they want to smoke..they will..

 

However as someone who started smoking at 12 and gave up as an adult, I am pretty sure that my son..and yours, WON'T be a smoker for ever. These days it is just too unacceptable socially, too expensive and it will dawn on them that actually it was a really stupid idea getting hooked.

 

Here's hoping your son decided to quite and stay quit soon:)

Julex

[Canopus]

Canopus I'm shocked to hear that. Do you have any idea why?

 

1. Stress - and plenty of it.

 

2. Peer pressure from people who smoked.

 

3. The headmaster believed in the right to smoke and allowed kids who were 16 to possess fags and smoke them outside the school building but in the school grounds. Consequently there were several Y11 and some Y10 students held back a year who openly smoked in front of younger students and set a bad example for them.

[madme]

I have no idea how many a day. The nurses think only a couple a day but he claims that he feels a craving. I'm unsure how long this has been going on as he won't talk to me or anyone in the family.

 

As far cannabis the link is that the smokers and those in the past who smoke cannabis all go into the woods around the school which is part of the school land and although banned to the kids and patrolled is a large area. My fear is that if peer pressure has been at work and others try cannabis then he might be tempted.

 

Canopus the head sounds rather unusual. At least at my son's school they know that there is a problem and even the staff are not allowed to smoke anywhere but there own private homes ie not in the grounds or in front of the kids.

 

Thanks all. I just hope ihe sees sense.

[Canopus]

I regarded the headmaster as an authoritarian dictator but my father said he had a libertarian side to him like a traditional English gentleman. One of the teachers was very anti-smoking and wanted to impose an outright smoking ban for all students and staff but the headmaster stubbornly refused to impose it on the basis that 16 year olds have the legal right to smoke if they wish to do so.

 

What was really weird was the way the headmaster informed parents in the annual review if their son was a legal smoker but very rarely informed parents if their son was an underage smoker even if fags were at the root of many social problems they had.

[mossgrove]

My recollections of bein a teenager are pretty dim and distant, but I do remember that anything adults told me about smoking made no difference to my behaviour. When you are 15 the future is infinitely long and you are going to live forever.

 

Simon

[chris54]

Just a few points.

 

There is not legal age for smoking, it is the buying and supply of cigarettes that is controlled.

 

As for staff smoking in the school grounds, as it is their place of work they would not be allowed under the ban on smoking at work. They would have to leave the school ground to smoke.

Also if you are a professional caring for children you are not allowed by law to smoke in their presence or anywhere that is used for their care.

 

And as for cannabis, you have the same thing everywhere. At our oldest 2's old school they would every so often do a sweep of the school with sniffer dog just to keep the kids on their toes, only ever twice found any sign of anything and then only the smell.

Edited November 19, 2008 by chris54

[warrenpenalver]

1. Stress - and plenty of it.

Problem is, only the first few cigarettes you ever smoke will relieve stress!! Its been medically proven that once addicted to nicotine the "stress cycle" of smoking to alleviate stress is totally caused by the nicotine addiction and merely adds to the real life stress you may be suffering. The "appparent" releif of all stress is a placebo.

[Canopus]

There is not legal age for smoking, it is the buying and supply of cigarettes that is controlled.

 

I am aware of this but the headmaster was known to phrase things in funny ways and tell half-truths, which was why he said "16 year olds have the legal right to smoke if they wish to do so".

 

As for staff smoking in the school grounds, as it is their place of work they would not be allowed under the ban on smoking at work. They would have to leave the school ground to smoke.

Also if you are a professional caring for children you are not allowed by law to smoke in their presence or anywhere that is used for their care.

 

This was the early 1990s so the attitude towards smoking was more relaxed back then. In 1984/5 the headmaster smoked cigars in his office in front of students and blew the smoke into their face! I was verbally informed that around the same time, the headmaster would take a student to the pub on their 18th birthday and buy them an alcoholic drink.

[chris54]

We must remember back, when I was that age if you did not smoke you were the odd one out.

 

But that was then before we, the mass of the population know of the dangers of smoking.

[madme]

warrenpalver I raised this with my son who would not accept it. I will have to do my own research but is there any research about what you say? My son also is dx as ADHD , in fact Hyperkinectic disorder and I wonder if dopamine is playing a part. Her is on Concerat 36 mg and 1x 10 g ritalin.

[warrenpenalver]

MAdme this is the picture of the smoking cycle: smoking cycle

 

And this is a text link: smoking and stress/mental health

 

I suspect he will say the doctors are wrong

[chris54]

I don't think that anyone now disputes the fact that cigarettes can give you lung cancer, throat cancer, heart problems and a general deterioration of your health.

 

If someone came up with the idea of smoking now it would be banned outright.

 

Some say that the worst part of smoking cannabis is the tobacco its mixed with, but hay who cares about that

 

The best way to give up smoking is to go cold turkey. If you can go a few days a week at most, then that is it all the rest is just habit, But like alcohol it does not take much to get back in the habit. So never say to your self "Ill just have one." because you will be hooked again.

 

But to be successful at giving up cigarettes ( or anything come to that ) using any method you have to really want to give up or you are just wasting your time.

Edited November 23, 2008 by chris54

[Paula]

My daughter whoes now almost 17 tried a fag when she was around 12 years of age.........i smelt it instantly as no one in my household smokes.

 

I took her straight round to see her auntie who at the time.....shes now dead......was lieing in a bed hooked up to oxygen gasping for air her lungs filling up with liquid all due to lung cancer caused by smoking...............

 

She didnt do it againe.

Edited December 2, 2008 by Paula