self harming?

[hsmum]

Hello,

 

 

My son (H.) is a lovely boy, but somethimes his behaviour can be a little challenging. He becomes very loud, a little hyperactive and basically cannot cope with unstructured time. Occasionally my husband has grabbed hold of H. as he has whizzed around the room making noises. When my husband does this, H. repeatedly hits or bites the place where he has been grabbed until blood or bruising appears. He also screams at hubby and tries to attack him. Today, H. was running around the kitchen screaming at his brother. Hubby tried to grab H's arm to stop him knocking things over. He accidentally grabbed H. by the back of the neck (not hard). H. has scratched the area quite badly and later in the day when people have commented on the marks, H. said he did it because 'Daddy hit him'.

 

I do not know quite how to interpret the behaviour. H. seems confused about exactly why he hurts himself.

 

[JsMum]

 

 

I personally would ensure that he is given a full physical from a doctor and that the incedents are reported as described that his bruising and bite marks are his self harming, I would want to keep a dialy record and just keep the GP informed of his behaviour, it maybe that his dad could go on a holding course so he doesnt hurt his son by accident, J wont tollerate any form of grapple around the back of the neck, his high sensitivity would result him becoming instantly aggressive and violent and what might not br hard to an adult might be extreamly painful to a child with high sensitivity.

 

If his dad has grabbed him around the back of the neck and hurt him, it may be he is inturpriting the hurt with hit.

 

JsMum

 

 

 

[lisac]

personally i would not go to the GP, as before you know it, you'll have social services at the door accusing you of abuse! It happened to us. Your son sounds hightly sensitive to touch as Jsmum said and a holding course sounds good , as people can instantly react to something with out thinking, and be clumsy

[Paula]

I too would not approach the gp unless you can be 100 per cent certaine that they wont run straight to social services in a so called attempt to help.............

 

 

My son is sensative to touch..hes 15.............a slight touch can feel like a hit.and yet he has a high paine threshhold and will often not reat to actual paine or if he bangs himself yet will go crazy if you just touch him when he doesnt want touching.He also has issues surrounding tempretures and will often say water is boiling when it is infact realy realy cool.

 

 

 

I wont tell you how i know but i do kbnow that often self harm is a way of expressing "paine" fealt in the mind into a physical paine because the physical paine is easier to handle.............perhaps youre son is trying to visually show you the turmoile he feals when someone touches him..............who knows.

 

I hope you can go to youre gp and it helps i realy do but you hear so often about well to do drs who end up causeing families to go through hell.

[Diane]

My son has self-harmed but he does it when he is highly anxious about socialising. I have told his psychologist and my GP with no comeback. I think it depends on the GP and how well they know the family.

 

It is difficult to advise you on this as we will all have had very different experiences when we have disclosed this information to other professions.

 

 

[Flibs]

personally i would not go to the GP, as before you know it, you'll have social services at the door accusing you of abuse! It happened to us. Your son sounds hightly sensitive to touch as Jsmum said and a holding course sounds good , as people can instantly react to something with out thinking, and be clumsy

 

 

Soicial services may indeed become involved but should not do so in an accusatory manner but indeed to help and support the child .self harm is also used as a way of realeasing anger or tension , the reason you may feel social services are "accusing you of abuse" is due to the fact many people self harm due to the fact that the child has likely to have gone through very difficult, painful experiences as a child or young adult. That does not mean that they have but social services would be looking at those instances first if you have been told they consider you to be abusove then that is not good practice workers n social services are people just the same as those with a diagnosis (or not in many cases) I think society has a bad media representation towards those working for social services and the G.P. has to protect vulnerable people of ehcih children fall naturally into this catergory. I am sorry oif this offends but he reluctance for people to engage with social services I believe can often pout theior child at a disavantage .if you have nothing to hide and your child is slef harming then seek help.proffesionals in speacialist fileds do not hold the preconceptions the media or general public hold ...

[JsMum]

The main reason I said to go to the GP is because everytime you do it is logged and the events are detailed, it gives a history and evidence that you are NOT abusing your child, it also gives the professionals an understanding how his behaviour is effecting him, also over time if left unchecked and he required hospital addmission throw a self harm injury and he had all these bite marks and bruises they then MAY ask questions if there is NO history of his self harming behaviour.

 

I also was sugesting to see the GP just incase any of the bite marks or bruising needed medical attention and that he was ok.

 

JsMum

 

[JsMum]

 

 

The self harm may also be a way of venting his frustrations and if he is not able to verbalise his thoughts of what is happening as he cant communicate effectively when destressed/over excited/ sensory issues.

 

May be looking at emotional responces and identifying emotional release will also help him, usually done throw picture communication.

 

JsMum

 

[gavpedz]

The self harm may also be a way of venting his frustrations and if he is not able to verbalise his thoughts of what is happening as he cant communicate effectively when destressed/over excited/ sensory issues.

 

May be looking at emotional responces and identifying emotional release will also help him, usually done throw picture communication.

 

JsMum

 

 

Have you read up on sensory perception etc i think this could be what your facing here. i am no doctor but have work with Autism and Aspergers for 7 years and also have a son of 8 that has a lot of sensory needs he used to do similar things when touched. here is some good info on sensory issues. http://www.autismnetwork.co.uk/sensory.php

[JsMum]

Have you read up on sensory perception etc i think this could be what your facing here. i am no doctor but have work with Autism and Aspergers for 7 years and also have a son of 8 that has a lot of sensory needs he used to do similar things when touched. here is some good info on sensory issues. http://www.autismnetwork.co.uk/sensory.php

 

Ive had a quick look, it looks very detailed and great info, thanks for sharing this.

 

JsMum

 

[MelowMeldrew]

The self harm may also be a way of venting his frustrations and if he is not able to verbalise his thoughts of what is happening as he cant communicate effectively when destressed/over excited/ sensory issues.

 

May be looking at emotional responces and identifying emotional release will also help him, usually done throw picture communication.

 

JsMum

 

 

The fact nobody really knows what triggers such behaviours means we just have to ride out a lot of it, it is dodgy to ask for specialised help because they treat parents with suspicion via their ignorance. They don't know how to address it any more than some of us do.... If a child is hurting himself or marking himself via some OCD, they suss the worst everytime. Why do children do this ? there must be something wrong at home, DOH !!!! In reality this seriously undermines help our children and us need.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I wonder if your son has sensory issues - he doesn't like people touching him (he may actual feel 'phyical pain' as a result of someone touching him. This in turn causes him to irritate the area when he was held. An occupational therapist would be able to identify and assist, if this was found to be the case. I also think that it's important that your husband seeks advice on holding your son properly. In addition, it may be worth looking at prevention of escalation (in other words, trying to avoid the scanerio) and assess whether holding him is absolutely necessary. I agree that you should approach your GP. Worst case scenario is that GP could contact SS. However, my son has on a number of occasions said that various people have eg hit him, etc (this includes me and the teaching staff). This would only be taken seriously after investigation if your son showed obvious signs of physical abuse. Thankfully, I was believed and it's been noted on my son's medical record/s, in the event of the child protection team ever becoming involved, that R has made unfounded allegations. If in your son's case, these issues aren't flagged up soon to eg your GP, if your son were continue accusing his father of making these marks, things could become worse. If your son has a consultant, might be worth bypassing GP and going straight to him/her.

 

Caroline.

[MelowMeldrew]

Hi

 

I wonder if your son has sensory issues - he doesn't like people touching him (he may actual feel 'phyical pain' as a result of someone touching him. This in turn causes him to irritate the area when he was held. An occupational therapist would be able to identify and assist, if this was found to be the case. I also think that it's important that your husband seeks advice on holding your son properly. In addition, it may be worth looking at prevention of escalation (in other words, trying to avoid the scanerio) and assess whether holding him is absolutely necessary. I agree that you should approach your GP. Worst case scenario is that GP could contact SS. However, my son has on a number of occasions said that various people have eg hit him, etc (this includes me and the teaching staff). This would only be taken seriously after investigation if your son showed obvious signs of physical abuse. Thankfully, I was believed and it's been noted on my son's medical record/s, in the event of the child protection team ever becoming involved, that R has made unfounded allegations. If in your son's case, these issues aren't flagged up soon to eg your GP, if your son were continue accusing his father of making these marks, things could become worse. If your son has a consultant, might be worth bypassing GP and going straight to him/her.

 

Caroline.

 

 

It's still a total lottery that's the trouble. the fact you have to go around the houses to try to help your kids because social worker and medical ignorance, makes things worse, because a parent may be too scared to seek help in case the SS sends the heavies in and threatens to take their child away.... the total inconsitence of social services is not much help either, they either adopt a knee jerk approach or wait until your child is hospitalised before they act, or as in the case of poor baby P even that doesn't make them move ! I have no faith or trust in social services at all, they have a long way to go before I would deem them capable of real support for our children. Some of them clearly have no idea what they are dealing with, or listen to us at all...

Edited March 3, 2009 by MelowMeldrew