How do I deal with my sons behaviour??

[Boltsie]

Hello again,

 

I have posted before stating that I am unsure if my son has a disorder or not, but today he seems to be particularly bad behaviour wise - he is flipping over the smallest things. Do children with this disorder have good days and bad days? I mentioned before he was a jekyll and hyde, today already and it's only 8.10am he is being a little monster!!

 

How do you deal with asd behaviour? Do you give in to their demands? For example this is what happened this morning....

 

I made some toast for Dad and DS's little sister who is 2 is in the kitchen with me. I ask her to pass the toast to daddy, she does as she is told, but DS (5 yrs old) gets so upset because he wanted to pass the toast. You could say this is normal child siblingrivalry behaviour, but DS just couldn't let it rest, he was in tears and wouldn't forget it. I therefore went to the kitchen and got a glass of apple juice for him to pass to Dad, he calmed instantly and has been great even since.

 

Do you as a parent just have to accept that they get their way to calm them? This sort of feels wrong to me, but then I have never dealt with a child who potentially has a disorder!

 

Any advice would be so much appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

Boltsie.

[NickyB]

Hi Boltsie

 

 

Do you as a parent just have to accept that they get their way to calm them? This sort of feels wrong to me, but then I have never dealt with a child who potentially has a disorder!

 

It is a really tricky situation, but I think your instincts are right. My son is 6 and has been dx with autism. If he doesn't get his own way, he can have very extreme reactions (hitting, kicking, screaming).

 

However, I do believe that giving in to him every time is not going to help him, or me, in the long term. I think that he will be able to learn appropriate behaviour, but it will take a lot of time and patience to get there. Over time, we have learnt what the 'triggers' are for his meltdowns, and we can distract him, or explain what's going to happen in advance. However, there are times when he simply cannot have what he wants, and then we just have to 'grit our teeth' and deal with the meltdown, and talk to him after he's calmed down about how he could deal with in in a more appropriate way. Visual aids can help with that, like pictures, or social stories. It's a very slow process, but when we look back, his meltdowns have definitely become less frequent.

 

There are definitely good days and bad - we have discovered that if we have a day out, the following day is usually very difficult, probably due to tiredness and over-stimulation. It might be an idea to keep a diary so that you can see any patterns or possible triggers. That would also be very useful in the future if you decide to ask for professional advice.

 

I hope some of that will be of use

 

Take care

 

Nicky <'>

[chris54]

I therefore went to the kitchen and got a glass of apple juice for him to pass to Dad, he calmed instantly and has been great even since.

 

Do you as a parent just have to accept that they get their way to calm them?

 

First I would say from what you have said here that this could just be a case of sibling rivalry. Happens every day in ever home.

 

By giving your son an opportunity to "Get something for Daddy" it has taken the heat out of the situation and I see nothing wrong with that as such. Having made a fuss about his sister helping and not him he then needs a way to back down without loosing face. He would not be conscious of these feeling but that is what is going on in his head.

 

Taking this a step further it is important never to back him (any one) into a corner with out a way out. If you do this then the only way out is to explode.

 

"Get their way" would be when you have said no and then because of the FUSS they makes they then gets their way.

 

We have all done it but it just makes it harder the next time.

[thomastank]

 

 

Hi, I just wanted to say hi and I know what you are feeling! I have a nearly 5 year old boy (HFA) and my daughter is nearly 3 (NT). I have this situation all the time and its really hard. My son can be agressive, and its really hard to know when its just bad temper or genuinely upset. My heath visitor said to me "Autism or no autism, a child needs discipline" and to me either way he has to learn to stop hitting out. I do think you did they right thing though, I'm not always good at seeing the easy way round and just get cross! Oh and my son def. has good and bad days!

 

[wasuup]

Choose your battles-my son always wants a white bowl for his cereal, not really a problem but he also wants to win all the time or be the 1st which can lead to unavoidable tantrums when he doesn't/is not.