Webster Stratten parenting course

[KezT]

CAMHS have sent us off on one - to "help with general parenting techniques Does anyone have any experience of this? TBH the only other people I know who have gone on one have been clients, and I wouldn't trust any of them to look after my NT kids for 10 seconds, never mind the Aspie one

 

I'm keeping an open mind, as any knowledge is useful knowledge, but to attend I will have to take another stretch of parental leave - assuming I'm not redundant by then (actually, I'm expecting to be out of work TBH), which won't go down well with the employers......

 

Will we be shooting ourselves in the foot if I send hubby along on his own & keep work happy? We've had b****er all else out of CAMHS - although I got a refrerraL there a year ago.

[Kathryn]

Hi Kez,

 

No experience myself but you might find this thread interesting and useful:

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...atton+parenting

 

K x

[frogslegs]

I did the course over a period of 12 weeks organised by health visitor when my son was 4. It was brilliant. I was determined to change things and was completely open minded when I joined. My son was angry, violent (I did not know at the time he had Aspergers), kept hurling things at me...

His behaviour changed very quickly once I started the method and I have never looked back. There were 12 of us on the course and we were filmed because it was pretty much the first time it was used and we all had difficult children with a range of issues. All the families benefitted. After each session we had homework to do and I did it religiously. It is not the child who changes it is your way of handling the child. Very positive parenting method.

Any question, please ask!

Mel

[Sally44]

I personally would find this a very difficult one.

If you have a child with an ASD, then putting their difficulties down to just 'parenting skills' would be like a red flag to a bull to me.

For anyone that has gone on these courses, did it say in your records that your child has an ASD? Or are they unwilling to put that on the file?

I would also want to put in writing that I was concerned that this course was not ASD specific and I would want assurances in writing that that was not the case. If they couldn't give me that then I also probably wouldn't go.

I might agree to attend any course as long as everyone agreed with the diagnosis. If there was any dispute about that then I would probably refuse because of the implications.

IMO other professionals read up notes and if it doesn't say ASD, but it does say the parents have attending a parenting course then they may draw their own conclusions about where the true difficulties lie.

I suppose all you can do is find out as much about it as you can, and get any questions you have answered in writing.

[hedders]

3yrs ago our Pead and Primary School tried to push me to go on this Webster Stratton Course, i can remember getting advice and heard it wasn't benifical to children on the Autistic Specturm.

 

 

So i just refused, i'm glad i did . Instead i looked into stratagies to help me understand my dd behavioural needs which helped for us. Understanding their triggers to help with the behavioural side.

 

Mind you my dd was very young so it worked for us, and i still continue now as long as i have struture and explain everything using different aids is helpful to her, time consuming it might be and now i'm looking into the social side more as this is causing a few problems with her communcation and sensory as she touches peers really roughly which to others looks like dd is being naughty just a sensory over load.

 

I'm just a prude, and can remember feeling really angry and upset when they tried to push this on me

 

And for not being negative, it has been benefical for some Parents going on the Webster Stratton Course and if it childs there child then that is what counts most of all

 

Goodluck with your decision

Edited July 15, 2009 by hedders

[NobbyNobbs]

its a really useful course, and almost everyone who actually goes on it agrees! its not about lecturing you on how you're a bad parent and you must do things this way, its about showing how to change how you handle complex situations to stop you and child from getting into a cycle of negative parenting and improve the relationship with your child. hard as it is to take, the behaviour of the child cannot change without the attitude of the parent being positive. (of course, when you're exhausted, up to your ears in behavioural issues and just can't seem to work out how to 'fix' any of it its hard to be positive, but thats what the course is all about)

 

as for the course not being ASD specific? well, firstly thats a pretty bad excuse for not trying something that might help your child, and secondly no, its not ASD specific because it doesn't need to be. no two ASD children are the same, no two NT children are the same, you will never find a course that is specific enough for your child only, whether they have ASD or not. incidentally i also know that the techniques from the course do work extremely well for the majority of ASD children purely because the nature of the problems demands the negative response the course is designed to stop.

 

the negative posts on here seem to be completely misunderstanding the point of the course, its not to slap you on the wrist, and say 'bad parent, you have to do it this way' its to help you and your child, and in other posts i've seen the majority of you complaining there isn't enough help out there, so i find it odd that you advise not to take this bit

 

its not just for bad parents - yes the majority of mothers whose children are taken into care go on it (some with great success btw), but so do a lot of other people and foster carers use the techniques (we dont go on the course because we have our own traiing course) and we have children with incredibly challenging behaviour and complex needs

 

[Sooze2]

Another way to look at it is that if you do the course, apply the techniques and your child is still reacting to situations in the same way then they can plan other ways to help you.

 

I did quite a few parenting courses, which I volutiered for and most of the approaches were the same, it was the one I did at school that really upset me because his behaviour was getting so very bad and he hated everyone and all the parents were saying this worked and that worked but none of it worked for us - had to stand outside at one point and have and ciggie and a cry! I told the consultant this just before she diagnosed him last Septemeber.

 

I think these things are worth giving a go as they may just help.

 

We have found that letting a lot of the small stuff go is the key to happier days in our house because we got into a terrible negative cycle here and I found myself tense and stressed whenever he was around and that feeling started before I'd left to pick him up from school! I was removing his favourite thing as a punishment and the consultant said that by doing that I am removing his obsession and so his way of calming himself down and although I thought I was trying to be a good parent I was actually causing more harm than good. The playstation was his total obsession where he could go into a different world and switch off from reality, since he has been on meds and is happier he doesn't use it much at all apart from times like the end of term when chanes are happening etc. It wouldn't matter how many times I took it away it wouldn't change his behaviour.

 

Sorry rambling, personally I would go on the course because it is free and you may like it. You may also meet some nice people there who are going through the same things as you who you could keep in touch with afterwards. Go with an open mind and you may be surprised. If nothing else they will probably give you free coffee and biscuits.

[westie]

I know of people with SEN kids who have attended this course and benefitted. I would attend if it were offered and I was able . Even techniques/ courses that are specific to ASD will not work for everyone, so I would say its worth a try.

I had to attend a long time ago a "bonding course" and I did, it showed them that this was not the issue they thought it was and they then backed me up to get my eldest assessed further. I was offered a similar course a long time ago, did not ask my employer for time off (1/2 day each wk for 12wks) and they wrote back to paed to say they could not help me further as I refused course, it took ages to get referral back and when they offered me this "bonding course" whcih was similar time commitment I asked my employer as I felt if I did not attend then I was unlikely to get any more help from them, luckily my employer was very understanding.

 

Would say if only your hubby attends and you can't, then take a great interest in and find out from him about the techniques etc they are discussing because I would say most effectiveness will come from both of you doing same things. Unfortunately sometimes both parents are not able to attend because of work commitments or having younger children not at school and no childcare.

There is a book written by caroline webster stratton which may be helpful to read if you cant attend the course along with your hubby.

[KezT]

Well we attended the pre-course meeting/assessment this morning. It was very positive, and they are aware that DS is Aspie. As some other posters have said, any information on parenting techniques is useful information LOL. I am coonfident that I am a reasonably good parent, but we all have days and issues that are particularly difficult to deal with. Hopefully I will get something useful out of it for Aspie son, and other things out of it for my NT daughters.

 

The day ahs changed now, so I can attend without taking time off work

 

Update in Sept when the crs starts.....

[bikemad]

Ive just finished it.....was VERY skeptical to begin with n felt I was being called a bad parent....the woman was great but it was tailored more to adhd kids n my lad needs more help on the aspergers side of stuff but there was a few tips I picked up which ive used.

[Sally44]

It's good to hear so much postive stuff about this course.

I just worry when 'parenting' issues is the 'only' reason they can come up with for difficulties a family are experiencing with a child on the spectrum.

If professionals were to say to me 'we know xxx has autism, but this course might have some useful ideas', then I would probably try it. If professionals were in denial about difficulties and put it all onto the 'bad mother' or 'bad parenting' label - as is also quite common - then I would be less likely to try it as I would feel they had proved their point.

Sometimes professionals can get set on a certain 'belief' pathway, and it is then very hard for families or individuals to try to persuade them that that 'belief' is not correct.

Unfortnately, bad experiences with professionals and LEA can make you less trusting, and my experiences were not particularly good. But I would readily agree that that is a mindset that I probably have to work on now. But as the saying goes 'once bitten ....'.

[frogslegs]

As I say, my experience was very positive. It is used with children who are at Maudsley hospital which is a psychiatric hospital in London for severe mental issues.

I find it surprising that some of you are so critical without having done it. That is being prejudiced. Maybe you ought to try because you judge

I did not feel I was called a bad parent but I was told I was not in control and that was true. I kept saying NO and empty threats... I was really stressed and raising my voice all the time. I was offered the course for free because I asked for help because I did not want that horrible relationship with my children.

I am the one who changed. I learnt positive language, I learnt to keep my expectations simple, to control tantrums.... Very gradually the atmosphere at home changed. Much much more positive. My son relaxed, the tantrums became far less frequent and we stopped being at logger head.

I am not saying it solves every problem. As I say I did not know that my son had Aspergers but I knew somethings was wrong, but I learnt a lot of tips. Later on I worked as a childminder for a few years and used the tips with all the children, some of them had serious behaviour problems. Because I have a good positive relationship with my son, we can communicate effectively and that is of great help to him.

 

 

[Tally]

I don't think that needing a parenting course makes you a bad parent. Most parents seek advice and reassurance about their parenting, but when your child is different, friends and family may not be in a position to offer you anything useful.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I felt I had no choice but to jump through CAMHS hoops to prove I'm not a bad parent.

 

Firstly, the programme is NOT designed specifically for kids on the spectrum, but it can help. Got that from the horses's mouth so to speak - I emailed Carolyn Webster-Stratton directly. The programme has been researched and proven, but on neurotypical kids, not specifically those on the spectrum. Straight off the programme is going to have it's limitations since a lot of it is designed at looking at feelings, both the child's own and of their peers.

 

I found the parenting group worthwhile - only chatting with them. I found sitting through staged american video clips and being asked questions (although it was good to debate some strategies and get other thoughts) and the given sweeties and stickers downright patronising (and something which made me feel very uncomfortable).

 

The fact that the programme revolves around the book without deviating from it angered me somewhat. My son has significant behavioural problems, self harms, threatens me with kitchen knives, llies in the middle of roads, etc, yet I was told to ignore this. I ended up feeling like I must be neurotic. I felt staff were so stuck on the book that they had little practical experience and therefore couldn't help with R's extremely challening behaviour. It needs to be borne in mind that ASD kids can misbehave like any NT kid, but my feeling is that when you're dealing with a child on the spectrum with significant and often unusual issues, you cannot always apply logic or use the same strategies. I guess this is what I had a real problem with. I note that some have had a positive experience which is great and I guess it comes down to whose running the programme, etc.

 

I do feel that the programme was designed for parents with poor parenting skills. No one is a perfect parent, but there are varying degrees - it goes right back to basics and asks questions like 'do you play with your child?', etc. There were some things that helped and other things that actually created issues where there hadn't previously been any. I found the whole experience time-consuming and extremely stressful. Given that it's not specifically for chldren on the spectrum and that there was no specific specialist advice, I wouldn't recommend the programme. Careful consideration also needs to be given to whether the child can cope with the disruption from attending a unit. R found it incredibly difficult. The only thing it did for us was to remind us and reinforce management strategies that we were already using. I think an autism specific programme is much needed and frankly of much more benefit to both child and parent/s.

 

Caroline.

Edited July 15, 2009 by cmuir

[Sooze2]

Questions like "do you play with your child" , this time last year I would have had to lie if I was asked that question because I couldn't play with him for years because he was just so unreasonable, controlling and everything had to be his way. Saying "no I don't ever play with my child" would have made everyone think I was totally rubbish

[cmuir]

Questions like "do you play with your child" , this time last year I would have had to lie if I was asked that question because I couldn't play with him for years because he was just so unreasonable, controlling and everything had to be his way. Saying "no I don't ever play with my child" would have made everyone think I was totally rubbish

 

 

 

Hi

 

Your answer is precisely what I mean about the programme not being autism-specific. Children on the spectrum can behave like NT children, but they can also have a lot of issues which are related to having an ASD for example, extreme anxiety, obsessional behavioural, self harming, etc. I'm all for holding my hands up and saying 'hey, I need help to cope with my child', but I believe it's much more valuable to parents and children if they attend programmes which take this into account. I personally don't feel that the Incredible Years/Webster-Stratton Programme does that.

 

C.

[KezT]

Hi

 

I felt I had no choice but to jump through CAMHS hoops to prove I'm not a bad parent.

 

Firstly, the programme is NOT designed specifically for kids on the spectrum, but it can help. Got that from the horses's mouth so to speak - I emailed Carolyn Webster-Stratton directly. The programme has been researched and proven, but on neurotypical kids, not specifically those on the spectrum. Straight off the programme is going to have it's limitations since a lot of it is designed at looking at feelings, both the child's own and of their peers.

 

I found the parenting group worthwhile - only chatting with them. I found sitting through staged american video clips and being asked questions (although it was good to debate some strategies and get other thoughts) and the given sweeties and stickers downright patronising (and something which made me feel very uncomfortable).

 

The fact that the programme revolves around the book without deviating from it angered me somewhat. My son has significant behavioural problems, self harms, threatens me with kitchen knives, llies in the middle of roads, etc, yet I was told to ignore this. I ended up feeling like I must be neurotic. I felt staff were so stuck on the book that they had little practical experience and therefore couldn't help with R's extremely challening behaviour. It needs to be borne in mind that ASD kids can misbehave like any NT kid, but my feeling is that when you're dealing with a child on the spectrum with significant and often unusual issues, you cannot always apply logic or use the same strategies. I guess this is what I had a real problem with. I note that some have had a positive experience which is great and I guess it comes down to whose running the programme, etc.

 

I do feel that the programme was designed for parents with poor parenting skills. No one is a perfect parent, but there are varying degrees - it goes right back to basics and asks questions like 'do you play with your child?', etc. There were some things that helped and other things that actually created issues where there hadn't previously been any. I found the whole experience time-consuming and extremely stressful. Given that it's not specifically for chldren on the spectrum and that there was no specific specialist advice, I wouldn't recommend the programme. Careful consideration also needs to be given to whether the child can cope with the disruption from attending a unit. R found it incredibly difficult. The only thing it did for us was to remind us and reinforce management strategies that we were already using. I think an autism specific programme is much needed and frankly of much more benefit to both child and parent/s.

 

Caroline.

 

I have to say, they were good in the meeting today. There was a lot about it not being due to bad parenting (I never thought it was, cos TBH, no-one has said that about us since the very early years when DS's old school was in denial! Oh, and my mum- but that's what mum's do LOL) In a way I am jumping through their hoops, as I want them to stay on board & to see me as co-operative, but equally I reckon the course will be useful in a general knowledge type of way if nothing else.

 

We have already attended the early bird course, which was ASD specific, which was fantastic, but also had a lot of irrelevant info in it. ASD covers a wide range of issues...

 

On the plus side, the deliverer has been involved for 20 years and does have plenty of practical knowledge (hopefully) rather than just reading scripts. Although these things usually end up as discussions about personal experiences anyway:)

 

A lot will depend on who else is on the course I think. I did raise my concerns that I have previously only heard of it for those with poor parenting skills (and usually poor life skills), and they were honest enough to agree there would be some like that, and some like us, and some with other issues. It is specifically for parents of 6-12 year olds, there is a separate one for younger and for older kids. I think more of the awful parents get sent on to the younger one.

 

I consider myself sensible enough to work out which techniques will and won't be worth trying with DS. Some will be useless as they are based around empathy!!! but I have said that there ought to be professionals offering their knowledge to us, and I'd be a fool not to listen to them when they actually do that.

 

As far as I am aware, the child does not attend at all. It is for parents only, so there should be no disruption to him.

 

I'm hopeful it will be useful. And if not, its another bullet in my armoury if we need to ask for more.....

[hedders]

I love to know how Parenting courses were labelled for Poor Parenting Skills or Bad Parents.

 

I class hubby and i of parenting problems for having two dd's with SEN the diffculties came from us so it's for me and hubby to stop the cycle repeating or at least a learning curve to help support our dd's and to understand our selves, for what we are.

 

At the end of the day Equality and Diveristy is all about choice, good and bad.

[Sally44]

I also understand the pressure to 'lie' or cover up.

For example when I first raised issues about my son I did not tell anyone that my son became hysterical if my husband picked him up and would only want me and be calm with me. I was afraid that if I said that that 'abuse' would be the 'elephant in the room'. I know that my husband did nothing. Now, with hindsight, I know that my son had alot of sensory issues and my husband being 'rougher' in his handling of my son used to terrify him. At the time I never could understand why my son looked so terrified - eventhough I have tactile oversensitivity myself - but even now (he is 8) he will frequently complain of being 'hurt' when he has only been touched.

Another question I tried to avoid was the 'do you play with your child' question. The answer was 'no'. But again if you say that you feel like a bad parent. When infact I would have loved to play with him, but he simply was not interested and any attempt from me always led to tears and tantrums from my son. That took me a long time to figure out what had caused them. Now I know that I was too 'spontaneous' when all my son wanted to do was re-enact something he had already seen. Also any interruption into his 'focus' of attention - even when playing - would produce head banging and vomiting.

And when you have already spent some time raising concerns only to be told - there's nothing wrong - you do feel unable to tell the truth again. Afterall you told the truth before and no-one believed you, or told you the behaviour was okay - when you knew damn well that it wasn't.

God, I'm glad all that is behind us know. Now I just say it like it is and because of the diagnosis I am alot more confident in my own judgement - because I was proved to be right all along in ajust about everything.

For those that don't have the answers yet, and when questions are starting to be raised about 'bonding' and 'parenting skills' etc it must be a very frightening situation. And you do feel the pressure to 'jump through hoops' because that is what we have all had to do to go through the process of getting a diagnosis and professional input and a Statement etc.

If anyone has read Kafka's 'The Trial', I felt like that was my life for such a long time.

[KezT]

I agree it would have been difficult to go on before dx - that was an awful time! but we have had plenty of time to come to terms with & understand the dx now - I know it is nothing to do with my parenting:) In fact, we had to take youngest NT daughter with us to the assessment as we had no child care, and she kindly did a perfect demonstration of a well-parented NT child for us LOL I think the psych was ready to take her home at the end of the hour!

 

I have no problem about being open about DS's AS and as militant as necessary about what that means to us all, but the hardest thing about his AS is each time he develops a new behaviour, or starts a new issue we have to fumble around in the dark trying to fine the correct management technique. Hopefully this course with give us a whole load of ideas to shorten that process.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

In response to one question, I think that some parenting classes/courses are for parents who lack effective parenting skills. Let's face it, there are parents out there who don't play with their children, left them run riot, have little or no discipline, etc. There are two groups of parents, those parents who simply don't care and those that do, but perhaps require guidance/confidence. I think it's inevitable when you have a child that doesn't quite behave like one would expect, that agencies are going to look at reasons for this - in my own experience, I was very much aware that obvious reasons were looked at first, eg abuse, poor parenting skills, etc (I had a community paed look around my son's bedroom and look through his DVD collection (presumably to check I wasn't allowing kiddo to watch the Excorcist, Terminator, etc). I was also asked about what I talk about in front of my son and let him watch on TV, for example. I accept that those things have to be considered, but it doesn't feel good being judged. I think that's where it's difficult. Without doubt, my parenting skills were assessed as much as my son and that's why it can be difficult being asked to go on courses.

 

With regard to the Webster-Stratton course, both my son and I attended. He went to dinosaur school while I went to a parenting group. I think there are some positives about the programme, but on the whole, I can't get past the fact that it is not specifically designed for children on the spectrum. Therefore, I believe that there are more worthwhile programmes and means of support/advice available which have been specifically designed for kids on the spectrum that are more effective.

 

That said, I hope you get something out of it. As you pointed out - you are no doubt astute enough the pick and choose the best strategies for your child. That's precisely what I did. It wasn't easy though, because the programme revolved around the book and in our case, staff were keen shall we say that parents stick to every aspect, so that was tricky. However, I did pick and choose and there were some helpful hints, etc - parents group was the best part (hearing what's worked for some).

 

Caroline.

[KezT]

Well, the first session was yesterday.

 

There were parents of 7 children there, 3 of whom had ASD's and another awaiting a dx The session itself was not the most illuminating, concentrating on how to play with your kids (which I know, and do, and occasionally teach ), but it was nice to talk to other parents, and the course generally looks like it should be OK.

 

I think we're probably the most expereinced parents there tho - we were giving a lot more advice than we were recieving LoL, but on the whole I'm feeling rather relieved that everyone there seemed perfectly decent

[westie]

I start on a course tomorrow!

[shaz71]

I start on a course tomorrow!

 

Hi i haven't been on for a while, but wanted to say i am half way through a course now. I must admit i was like a lot of you very sceptical about going on it thinking they were judging my parenting skills, but i have to say i really like it. The positives certainly gets you out of the negative cycle and has made me more closer to Melissa although her behaviour is still fairly bad which by now it should have calmed down as i can tell by their faces that i should be seeing improvements. And sometimes i really didn't feel like playing with her after a bad day but i still did it to try.

 

Although Melissa hasn't been diagnosed with anything as the school said she is fine so the pscyhologist thought i must be a parent that needs parenting skills. Melissa hit me in the face last week just before they broke up at the time i was really annoyed i told them what she had done but then later when i had calmed down i didn't tell her off i just said calmly you are grounded to which made her worse but i just ignored it i realised it was because i had asked her to apologise in front of some kids, now Melissa doesn't like attention on her in fact she as a serious anxiety problem with groups, she wouldn't go to the playscheme which i had paid for and it took her an hour to go in with her clinging to me at the age of 7.

 

Melissa is struggling in school not far off 2yrs behind in everything although she is progressing just a lot slower than her peers. I think she has dyslexia and dyscalcula as she struggles with both. But i think that it is me not doing anything at home, which i do but doesn't make any difference i have read to her from the age of 18mths to help with her speech which she didn't do. She is now in yr3 reads stage 3-4 books. She didn't sit the sats last yr due to her not being able to read the questions, she also writes but is unable to be read she has to translate what she has put, she is on the special educational needs register but only because i was worried????? She has one iep in place from her speech therapist which i pushed for. I have had no correspondance from the school about any of her problems. Her report from last year for her general said that she is an energetic member of the class, she has a tight knit group of friends (which funnily enough flap their hands a lot)..... but she does act impulsive saying mean things to other children and hitting out. The teacher last year said she is very immature for her age she is still touchy feely stage. And recently she has just been diagnosed with reflux, she suffers from bad nights, sleep walks, talks kicks out shouts out, still wets the bed which i know can be normal. Oh and her fine motor skills are not too good scissors, colouring in, writing, knife and fork, she was forward in her gross motor skills ie walking sitting, she didn't crawl until a lot later walked first. I could tell you about my other kids but that would need another 5 A4 sides, lol. Nice to be back anyway. Sharon x

[cmuir]

Hi Shaz

 

Glad the programme is going well for you.

 

I think there's some benefit in the Webster-Stratton programme, but my bug-bear was really that it wasn't specifically developed for children on the spectrum. I found when I asked any questions like 'how do you recommend I handle things when my son is charging at me with a knife in his hand?' (I might add, I do my best to keep cutlery out of reach, but there have been once or twice when I did bank on kiddo fetching one from his dinner plate). I was fobbed off, simply because I don't believe that the particular staff that were running the programme in Edinburgh had the faintest clue - I was actually told to ignore this behaviour by the clinical psychologist. I found that the programme wasn't tailored in any way for some of the more serious behaviours which needed to be addressed. But, yes, the programme focuses on positivity and improving parent-child relationships which can be uplifting and because the programme runs over 3 months, there's some non-ASD specific support.

 

Caroline.

Edited November 2, 2009 by cmuir

[KezT]

I have to say, having made it half way through now, I am finding it a bit pointless. other than a vaguely smug feeling that we already do all that, we haven't learned anything, and I agree, they tend to shrug off any questions about ASD specific behaviours.

 

I also think that there is waaaaaay too long a time period between families contacting CAMHS and getting on the course - most of the parents on this course (including us) would have got a lot more out of it two years ago when we first started having problems with our kids. Now we have either solved those problems ourselves or given up hope of doing so This may be a geographic specific problem, as when i said this to my ed Psych sister last weekend she was absolutely horrified and said she complains if people wait longer than three months

 

But I am ticking the box as required - in case I need CAMHS again in the future:) It's not exactly a terrible chore to go along to.

[shaz71]

I have to say, having made it half way through now, I am finding it a bit pointless. other than a vaguely smug feeling that we already do all that, we haven't learned anything, and I agree, they tend to shrug off any questions about ASD specific behaviours.

 

I also think that there is waaaaaay too long a time period between families contacting CAMHS and getting on the course - most of the parents on this course (including us) would have got a lot more out of it two years ago when we first started having problems with our kids. Now we have either solved those problems ourselves or given up hope of doing so This may be a geographic specific problem, as when i said this to my ed Psych sister last weekend she was absolutely horrified and said she complains if people wait longer than three months

 

But I am ticking the box as required - in case I need CAMHS again in the future:) It's not exactly a terrible chore to go along to.

 

Hi me again, just wanted to say you get some nice chocolates and biscuits and some of the role playing we do just makes me laugh. I think they don't know why it isn't working for Melissa as when they gave me the playdough recipe i said already done it at home, baking i already do in fact when i look at how much i do do with the kids even on an individual basis i didn't realise how much of me they really get and they don't respect that. What gets me is that i have had problems since she was young and i told the psychologist that so why when she has been behind in her speech and emotional and understanding do they put it down to parenting skills oh and her fine motor skills are really bad, and the reflux obviously down to parenting.....

 

My 14yr old daughter still struggles with using the clock 12hr one she will stand there for about a minuite working it out I know all my children have their own problems and looking back my son who is now 18yrs old could have been assessed as autistic as he wasn't social especially when he was 5 and most of the way through primary he preferred to stay in rather than play out his self confidence was shot had bowel problems, severe asthma he couldn't walk up a little hill without wheezing bless him. But it didn't know anything back then i remember the teacher coming up to me and saying they were concerned about him socially and i said he likes his own space what is wrong with that, i was young so didn't realise the importance of it just thought he would grow out of it, which to be honest he is a lot better but he as some serious anger issues and even school and college put him onto some councilling who told him he needs more help but he won't do it....... I just wish i knew what i knew now. Sharon x

 

[cmuir]

Hi me again, just wanted to say you get some nice chocolates and biscuits and some of the role playing we do just makes me laugh. I think they don't know why it isn't working for Melissa as when they gave me the playdough recipe i said already done it at home, baking i already do in fact when i look at how much i do do with the kids even on an individual basis i didn't realise how much of me they really get and they don't respect that. What gets me is that i have had problems since she was young and i told the psychologist that so why when she has been behind in her speech and emotional and understanding do they put it down to parenting skills oh and her fine motor skills are really bad, and the reflux obviously down to parenting.....

 

 

Hi

 

Choccy biccies, eh? I got sweeties and stickers when I attended. Needless to say, I wasn't amused. It felt extremely patronising - whilst it's appropriate to on occasions reward children in this way, it's not appropriate to do that for adults.

 

Yup, I felt some of the programme was more of a refresher course. Not saying I'm a perfect parent, but I felt a lot of the content was more appropriate to parents who perhaps lacked some parenting skills/whose relationship with their child is poor.

[shaz71]

Hi

 

Choccy biccies, eh? I got sweeties and stickers when I attended. Needless to say, I wasn't amused. It felt extremely patronising - whilst it's appropriate to on occasions reward children in this way, it's not appropriate to do that for adults.

 

Yup, I felt some of the programme was more of a refresher course. Not saying I'm a perfect parent, but I felt a lot of the content was more appropriate to parents who perhaps lacked some parenting skills/whose relationship with their child is poor.

 

Hi sorry we do get the chocolates and stickers too it was at break time that we indulged in the marks and spencer biscuits about 3/4 of them just to be greedy, although i couldn't this week as a raging infection in my mouth from an infected tooth so not happy about that.

 

I do agree a little on the patronizing part but i also like some of the positive points, Melissa loves all the positive stuff and i now prefer to be more positive than negative, i am this week learning how to do a reward chart, now that i have done lots of positive things with Melissa she might accept the reward chart better and understand it better. So see if it works this time. I am just trying different approach as i was so fed up of arguing with her although a lot of playing i was doing with her it wasn't individual which then led to her doing naughty things for attention but i did spend individual time with her when her younger sibling was in bed. Mind you she was 4 and half years old when she was born so had quite a bit of quality time there although she had older brother and sister she was youngest but she has been like that since the age of 2 so i know some of it might be parenting which is what i am undoing but not all of her behaviours, now her other behaviours are standing out more, like how she doesn't like social gatherings, i am also finding ways of coping like the summer winter clothes as she still understand the concept, her foot sensitivity or lack of as she would prefer to be without anything on her feet to feel everything on them, she is a lot better and i am coping better with her but it hasn't stopped her behaviour.

 

Went to Brimham rocks rock climbing with her last week and she spent 7hrs with me and her time and all she wanted to do was argue with a boy and girl as to who was going to be first and the boy has adhd?????? To be honest our Melissa is a lot more hyper than him about 10times so..... on the way there we were talking about red kites the birds and one of the blokes who took us said what about the blue ones joking we all laughed and Melissa after about a minuite said "they don't do blue red kites" bless her we all laughed at that which she didn't like, she hates being laughed at. Whilst there she couldn't sit still and was constantly being told to sit down and not run off as there were a lot of dangerous rocks there. And the woman from the parenting course rung whilst there and Melissa was even worse and started really playing up always does when i am on phone and the fellas kept having to tell her i must have heard her name about 4 times whilst on the 5min phone call, no one elses just hers. I have notices the more comfortable in a situation the more she plays up, i think that is why her behaviour is deteriorating a little at school as she is getting used to it. She is more anxious this year as it is a new year, new classroom and new teacher and a lot more work oh and she is now school dinners so a lot of change, she isn't too bad with change if warned about it which she had six weeks of it but if dropped on her she hates it and it does make her go mental literally tapping and repeating.

 

Although i do know it might feel patronizing i do think it is working probably more for me building a better relationship rather than being negative and it is making me aware what is upsetting her rather than jumping in feet first and carrying on with her. Like when she hit me in the face which she did get grounded for but i knew after what had caused her to do it her anxiety not because she is naughty and because she is impulsive she didn't think before she did it. Melissa seems to be a lot more calmer than what she was before, but then you could look at i was a lot more stressed before and i know Melissa picks up on this and that is also when her behaviour deteriorates, i have been poorly with the infection which i haven't done any playing this week due to being in absolute agony, tired hungry as not eating and in pain which makes everything little seem so big. Melissa behaviour was quite bad but then when she saw me crying which i rarely do she laughed at first but then realised something was wrong and came and rubbed my hair fairly hard and said you ok mum then tried to straighten my hair after when it was a mess, lol. So i am glad she is starting to realise emotion a little more as she did the same with a friend of mine she broke down and our Melissa laughed again i think she thinks people are joking you know when they are younger and you pretend to cry she must think we are doing that but that is when they are about 2yrs old Sorry rambling again lol can't take me anywhere without sending people to sleep, lol. Sharon x

[wallace&gromit]

I am currently doing this course, personally I don't think it's great in terms of dealing with my ASD son but it's a good way to meet likeminded parents and support each other. I was expecting the course to be quite condescending which it isn't at all and I can see how a lot of the strategies could work but all children are different and the behaviours that my son displays I don't think can be helped by doing this course. This is my opinion and other parents may find the course very helpful.