Problems 3 weeks in!!

[lisa2701]

hi all,

 

Was just looking for some advice as i'm sure the problems i am having is very common with Autistic children but i am not entirely sure what to do about it. My son is autistic and started school 3 weeks ago now into mainstream school. My son only got diagnosed over the summer holidays, so when the schools started back i called the head teacher to let her know and without even discussing things with me she assured me that they would manage and be able to deal with things. I also tried to talk to his teacher one afternoon when i went to pick my son up from school, just to ask if i could see his classroom as i hadn't been given the chance and my DS can't tell me about things thats happened in the past. He seems to be only able to think about things thats in the here and now. when i walked in to talk to her i was instantly told that i would have to make an appointment as she was now leaving for her lunch(thought that was horrible and so much for teacher parent communication )! anyway, got to see the class. I thought seeing the class would make it easier to prompt converstation about his day, so i could ask about things and try put bits of jigsaw together to get an idea. However, this has not helped and i have no idea what he is doing from one day to the next! They even have a thing called golden time where the children are allowed to take a toy into school on a friday and get given an hour to play as they wish during school hours. But the only reason i am aware of this is because i heard the other children in the playground telling there parents about it, ds would've went to school with nothing had i not heard that. There seems to be no communication from the school at all! My other BIG problem is that when we are in the playground in the morning waiting on the bell going the other children from his class etc seem to want nothing to do with him. DS really wants to be part of things, but doesn't understand about game rules, or people personal space etc, he can be intense with children, so i compltely understand why they may not want to play with him, but it is heartbreaking from a parents point of view. I am going to go into his teacher to discuss it this afternoon however as i know his teacher (she was his nursery teacher) i am positive i am going to be told that there is no probelms. I don't know what to do at all. I feel like the school is being very unaproachable, and just that they are dealing with things. I'm soo frustrated already. DS loves school but at this rate i can see him being put off school very quickly. He also seems to get a rediculous amount of home work for a primary one pupil, takes us about an hour every evening to do it. i really am frustrated already. any advise would be greatly appreciated!

 

Lisa xxx

[bid]

Most schools do like you to make an appointment to see the teacher so that you can sit down together and have time to discuss things away from other children, etc. Also, teachers do need a lunch break too

 

Hope you can talk to the teacher soon. A home-school book might help you get a better idea of what is going on during your son's school day.

 

Bid

[lisa2701]

Hi bid,

 

Yes i totally agree that if i wanted to have a proper sit down discussion with the teacher that i would have to make an appointment, i totally agree. I also agree that teachers are allowed a lunch break, however, the time i was talking about was my sons first ever day at school, and they were finishing for the day at lunch time. I was not taking time away from her lunch, as she was finishing for the day, i also didn't want anymore than a few minutes of her time. i do not think it is unreasonable to ask a teacher to give you a few minutes for a very quick question (or to let you see the class that your child is in) especially on there first day! I seriously took no more than a few minutes to look around the class and i did wait to the very end so there was no more children in or around the class.

 

Lisa xx

[bid]

The thing is, she wouldn't have finished for the day at lunchtime...she would either have another class to teach after lunch or preparation, etc, to do.

 

I would try and put it down to just one of those things

 

Anyway, hope you get a better feel for your son's school day soon.

 

Bid

[lisac]

lisa2701, from experience , unless you persevere and make a pest of yourself, things will only get worse. The teacher sounds like she is lacking in people skills and is not very autism aware, hope you get some answers, and good for you , x

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I could understand why you're frustrated. My son has been in a mainstream school for 3 years and to be frank, I wish I hadn't allowed myself to be talked into "allowing him to succeed in a mainstream school". We here a great deal about inclusion, but in my son's case, I'm not seeing a great deal of understanding or action.

 

I've found it to be extremely important to document everything. I'd start off by writing them a bullet-pointed information sheet about the difficulties your son has, how he can present when stressed, what kind of situations stress him out, what management strategies work for you, etc. It's worth adding in a pack (you can pick up NAS free leaflets, etc) in the hope they'll be read. I also believe it's your right (even if it may be dififcult to ask) what experience or knowledge, if any, your son's teacher has regards teaching a child on the spectrum. It's also worth asking if an Educational Psychologist will be assigned to your child to assess how he's doing/liaise with staff/make recommendations/etc and what management strategies the school themselves will be implement ie visual timetables, social stories, etc. These are all things that you should know about. It's about working together, but sadly, poor communication can create a them and us situation, which is not conducive to helping the child concerned. It might be worth requesting a meeting with the HT and class teacher to go through these things (send the info sheet in advance of the appointment, which will give them time to read it).

 

I'm a big believer that time will tell .... and it will. It'll be a big change for your son (and you) and you're both bound to feel a big lost/bewildered/etc given it's a time of change. Like I say, time will tell.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[lisa2701]

hi, thank you for your replies. I was told today that the school have requested help from the autism outreach team for my ds, so thats good. I have to admit that i am not the most assertive person in the world and i find it very difficult to be persistant, however i can and will if i feel its needed when it come to ds. Autism is something VERY new to my family so we are still trying to learn and work out what ds triggers are, and how they may effect him at school. I belive that there's an educational psychologist that is now going to be invloved, and when i called to inform the school of the diagnosis i was told that his teacher had experience with a much more severe autistic childwho is now off to SE school so everything would be fine. Did not fill me with confidence that the school were looking at him as an individual i have to admit!

 

I must say that myself and my husband have seriously thought about wether or not ds should be in mainstream or not. I do not want to wait untill something happens, or he is not coping before making the decision as i don't want him to be put off school. I do not have asd and i know how hard i found school with bullying and struggling to fit in and i'm not sure if perhaps due to my bad experience of school perhaps i'm a little extra sensitive to things. DH and i do think that perhaps SE school would be better for our ds, and there is a very good one only a few miles away from us but everyone keeps telling us to give him a chance in mainstream. i'm totally torn as to what to do. I do not think the school will support the move, and i'm not sure if that will make things harder, or even come into it? I haven't a clue about how to go about asking for the change, or if he is severe enough to get in to SE school or not. Sorry if anything i said sounds silly but i'm really not sure about how things work. Also, i strongly believe that ds will not cope long term in mainstream so just feel like whats the point in letting him go 2 3 4 years, whatever it might be, and then ask him to change his teacher, school, enviroment, friends, routine etc etc when we could do it as soon as possible before he gets too stuck in his ways there??

I'm not sure.

 

Lisa xx

[bid]

Does your DS have Statement of Special Educational Needs? This is the legal document drawn up by your Local Authority that sets out his needs and the support a school must provide. He won't be able to go to special school unless he does have a Statement.

 

Apologies if you already know this...wasn't quite sure as you said everything is still very new. If you look at the pinned topics at the top of the education section here you should find more information I think.

 

Bid

[puffin]

I think that the best thing to do would be to make an appointment with the teacher and talk over things - and perhaps talk to whoever is in charge of special needs at the school (SENCO?) to see what support might be avilable.

 

The most important thing is to guage how you think that your child is coping. Are there any specific problems that you have identified that you think that your child needs support with? Does he seem happy about school? Are there areas that you think need more support?

 

It was a little unfortunate that your first contact with the teacher was when she was in a rush - it's a common misconception that the teacher is "free" when the class go home - but the staff don't end their day - often staff are re-deployed to other classes, or having meetings booked or may even be running a lunchtime club and have less than 30 minutes for lunch.

 

It's positive that there are specilists involved - and perhaps things like a home-school book would be a good idea where the staff can note important information about your son's day and you can write back with any questions and queries

Is your child on the SEN register?

[lisa2701]

hi all,

 

thank you so much for your replies. I was given ds diagnosis in july and handed a pack and sent on my way. I don't have another appointment with the specialist seeing him for 6 months. So as far as i am aware the only things happening for ds are that he is involved with a language group at school run by his speech and language therapist, and now, the autism outreach are going to get invloved. All through nursery we were told that our ds did not cope emotionally with things. His nursery teracher is now his primary school teacher, so thats been very good for him to have the same teacher through out. Certainly what i have noticed with all children, not just those at school, is that they are welcoming of ds initially, but when they realise how intense he is they then refuse to play with him. As he doesn't understand (after all they have played with him before) that they don't want to play with him he becomes very insistants pushy and bossy with them, and very often this leads to them physicaly trying to remove him for there group through pushing etc.

An old school friend of mines is now an infant teacher at the local schools, she has worked both SEN school and mainstream. I was able to talk to her last night and discuss my concerns and what the differences are between them, and after a long chat she has convinced me that for now i am probably best to keep ds in mainstream. Maybe give him the first year and see how he copes, unless something happens of course. I am going to make an appointment on monday to go and talk to his teacher, and hopefully we can resolve any issues that i currently have. i truely do need something like a school-home book, and this would probably settle my mind a lot. Obviously if what i am seeing is him being isolated in the morning then i have to assume that is whats happening during the day too, and as he can not tell me other wise it has upset me a lot. I was BADLY bullied in school and the thought that it could be happening to him and he's unable to tell someone really frightens me.

 

If he is having problems in the playground is there any supposrt he can get during breaks? obviously teachers not with them, and as much as they have a playground supervisor she can't be everywhere at once?

 

Thanks Lisa xx

[Karen A]

hi all,

 

thank you so much for your replies. I was given ds diagnosis in july and handed a pack and sent on my way. I don't have another appointment with the specialist seeing him for 6 months. So as far as i am aware the only things happening for ds are that he is involved with a language group at school run by his speech and language therapist, and now, the autism outreach are going to get invloved. All through nursery we were told that our ds did not cope emotionally with things. His nursery teracher is now his primary school teacher, so thats been very good for him to have the same teacher through out. Certainly what i have noticed with all children, not just those at school, is that they are welcoming of ds initially, but when they realise how intense he is they then refuse to play with him. As he doesn't understand (after all they have played with him before) that they don't want to play with him he becomes very insistants pushy and bossy with them, and very often this leads to them physicaly trying to remove him for there group through pushing etc.

An old school friend of mines is now an infant teacher at the local schools, she has worked both SEN school and mainstream. I was able to talk to her last night and discuss my concerns and what the differences are between them, and after a long chat she has convinced me that for now i am probably best to keep ds in mainstream. Maybe give him the first year and see how he copes, unless something happens of course. I am going to make an appointment on monday to go and talk to his teacher, and hopefully we can resolve any issues that i currently have. i truely do need something like a school-home book, and this would probably settle my mind a lot. Obviously if what i am seeing is him being isolated in the morning then i have to assume that is whats happening during the day too, and as he can not tell me other wise it has upset me a lot. I was BADLY bullied in school and the thought that it could be happening to him and he's unable to tell someone really frightens me.

 

If he is having problems in the playground is there any supposrt he can get during breaks? obviously teachers not with them, and as much as they have a playground supervisor she can't be everywhere at once?

 

Thanks Lisa xx

 

Hi.There are a few possible approaches to difficulties at break times.Some schools have a circle of friends [a group of children who are helped and supported in being friends with a child].Sometimes an adult can be involved in working with a child during unstructured times on activities or strategies to develop social skills and friendships.

Autism outreach may well have some good ideas and be able to help school to put them into practice.

If a child has a Statement there is no reason why it can't include support at breaktime if that is an area of difficulty.Ben needed strategies in place during unstructured time because difficulties at breaktime could carry over into the whole day if not resolved.If your child does not have a Stastement it would still be worth talking to the SENCO.Karen.

 

[Karen A]

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...393&a=12203

I thought this link might be helpful.It gives more information re unstructured times.Karen.

[thomastank]

hi all,

 

thank you so much for your replies. I was given ds diagnosis in july and handed a pack and sent on my way. I don't have another appointment with the specialist seeing him for 6 months. So as far as i am aware the only things happening for ds are that he is involved with a language group at school run by his speech and language therapist, and now, the autism outreach are going to get invloved. All through nursery we were told that our ds did not cope emotionally with things. His nursery teracher is now his primary school teacher, so thats been very good for him to have the same teacher through out. Certainly what i have noticed with all children, not just those at school, is that they are welcoming of ds initially, but when they realise how intense he is they then refuse to play with him. As he doesn't understand (after all they have played with him before) that they don't want to play with him he becomes very insistants pushy and bossy with them, and very often this leads to them physicaly trying to remove him for there group through pushing etc.

An old school friend of mines is now an infant teacher at the local schools, she has worked both SEN school and mainstream. I was able to talk to her last night and discuss my concerns and what the differences are between them, and after a long chat she has convinced me that for now i am probably best to keep ds in mainstream. Maybe give him the first year and see how he copes, unless something happens of course. I am going to make an appointment on monday to go and talk to his teacher, and hopefully we can resolve any issues that i currently have. i truely do need something like a school-home book, and this would probably settle my mind a lot. Obviously if what i am seeing is him being isolated in the morning then i have to assume that is whats happening during the day too, and as he can not tell me other wise it has upset me a lot. I was BADLY bullied in school and the thought that it could be happening to him and he's unable to tell someone really frightens me.

 

If he is having problems in the playground is there any supposrt he can get during breaks? obviously teachers not with them, and as much as they have a playground supervisor she can't be everywhere at once?

 

Thanks Lisa xx

 

[thomastank]

Doh, sorry.

 

I just wanted to say my son was diagnosed in the summer holidays before school too. I too was extremely worried about mainstream. Now in his 2nd year (although staying in reception for another year) I am convinced it is right for my son at the moment. I just wanted to say give school a chance, the fact that they've called in outreach shows that they are being pro-active and not just ignoring his difficulties. Outreach will give them lots of advice on how to make life easier for your son. My school is always calling in different people for advice. If it turns out that you and the school think he still is not coping then it might be that you have to apply for a statement and get him moved but that doesn't happen overnight. A lot depends on the individual teachers/school but I hope you've got a goodie and things work out for you. Wishing you the best of luck. Oh, and yes, make an appointment with your teacher to discuss how your son is getting on.

[NobbyNobbs]

i think that a lot of what you have described is stadard starting new school issues. we have this with all the foster kids as we always miss information days etc as we jump in halfway through the story as it were. i would imagine the same thing happens with reception for everyone. how old is your son? have you missed any meetings or information days? Golden time is a modern strategy for rewarding good class behaviour (not my favorite because it causes problems for chilren without the 'cool' toys or unusual interests) but i would imagine at some point a letter or talk was given detailing it as its not used across the board.

 

perhaps the school would be willing to give him a buddy from his class or the older years to play with him etc at breaks. unfortunately you can't force the other kids to play with him and if he doesn't know how to play properly (through no fault of his own, but still) they aren't going to want to include him without some serious coaching as to why it is important to let him join in and tolerate his behaviour.

 

a home school book is a great idea as it will help you to know what your son has been doing in the day so you can talk about it with him and monitor any specific problems etc.

 

as to the teacher not being willing to talk to you... how would you feel if the teacher had just refused to talk to you without an appointment and then made an exception for another parent? she probably had had other parents wanting to talk to her and had to have a blanket rule or she'd have been there forever.

[lisa2701]

Hi,

 

Thanks again for everyones replies. I have decided that i am going to keep ds in mainstream. Although it is hard to know if ds fully understood what i asked him i have spoke to him about if he is happy at school and if the other children play with him. He seems to be happy (he's always enjoyed nursery and now school) and says that the other children are nice to him. This is obviously not what i have witnessed so i am not entirely sure what to think. I know he has one good friend, who he has been friends with since nursery, he seems a lovely little boy and i am soooo glad they have been put in the same class. I agree that the school seem to be pro-active regarding the autism outreach team, but at the time i posted the original post they had nothing apart from a visual timetable and i was feeling frustrated by it. I am going to call on monday and get an appointment at the school so i can sit down and discuss things with his teacher. Has anyone been involved with the autism outreach team? If so can you tell me if i will likely be involved with that process or how it works?

 

To answer NobbyNobbs questions, my ds is 4 (5 next month) and i haven't missed any meeting with the school. i totally agree regarding golden time as ds doesn't play with the type of toys they are expected to take in. He will only play with computers, and although i would be willing to let him take his hand held computer into school i am sure that this would NOT go down well with the teacher or other pupils so can not allow him to do it. AS for the other children not playing with him, i know and have told ds that i can not force the other children to play with him. Its just so heartbreaking when he comes and asks me to make the boys play with him. Feel so sorry for him. I also can completely understand though why the other children do not want to play with him and they seem very weary of him, probably because if things don't happen the way he wants it he gets frustrated. I am not entirely sure how to help him in this situation.

 

I am sure all of this is just one big learning curve for both ds and more so, myself. I am sure we will grow stronger and more tolerant people as a result of it all. I am a true believer in, everything happens for a reason, and that everything will workout in the end, and i am sure that it also applies to the situation with school.

 

Sincere thank you for everyone who has taken time to reply to this post.

 

Lisa xx