Newbie self diagnosis at 36 years old

[Enabled not Disabled]

I discovered that I have a lot of the symptoms usually associated with Asberger’s about two weeks ago. I am in my mid 30’s. Having read a great deal on Asberger’s over the last two weeks, I thought it would be good to post my feelings and findings for others to read.

 

One of my initial worries about Hans Asberger’s ‘discovery’, was that I had gone 36 years with ‘traits’ and never ‘connected the dots’. How could Hans possibly discover Asberger’s, without having Asberger’s himself [sic]? I believe it would be almost impossible for a ‘normal’ person (NT) to make such a discovery. They appear far too consumed with social importance and appearance to have the time to make such a discovery. I was relieved to read that Hans did in fact show behavioural patterns that are today associated with his own discovery.

 

I have assumed for so long that no one could possibly know what it is like to be me. After all, I can’t imagine what it must be like to be someone else. Last week however, I discovered that my own biography had already been written (by people talking about their own AS life) numerous times over, and until now, without me knowing. I can’t wait to read them all.

 

I feel so typical of many people I have read about with Asberger’s. I have been completely alone my whole life and now that I know I’m not alone, I feel found. I have never thought of myself as disabled and still don’t. I prefer to refer to myself and others with similar traits (Asberger’s or not) as ‘Enabled’ people.

 

My only disability is not wanting to pretend I know or like someone I don’t know or like. This chit chat socialising frequently carried out by the masses appears enjoyable to them but is not to me. It is false, a lie and must (in my opinion) start any relationship off on the wrong foot. It is acting and has no ‘good’ purpose. I have frequently seen people be nice when talking to someone's face and completely the opposite once the ‘chit chat’ is over and they leave the conversation. This pattern does not instil confidence in receiving chit chat as a measurable or truthful form of communication. This is especially so for someone who finds it difficult to read body language and facial expressions. How can you ever take anything they say in future as truthful and honest if they’ve ‘acted out’ the first encounter. It is only right to add however, that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t socialise the way they do.

 

I don’t know why. The brain just freezes and stops sending messages to talk. Alcohol can ‘unfreeze’ the Enabled brain and has served as a useful tool for me to fit in amongst NT’s and disguise my usual traits. Unfortunately, alcohol remains my only interface between my world and that of the NT’s, without use of which I would be a recluse. Actually, that’s not entirely true. My wife helps me an awful lot. She is like a guide dog to the blind (meant in the nicest possible way). Although it frustrates her, she knows what I can and cannot do and helps me through social situations to avoid unnecessary anxiety. I’m sure it looks odd to ‘outsiders’ but without her I’d be a drunk.

 

I have begun lists of my traits on several occasions in the last week but they become so long and end up telling the story of my life. On the assumption that the reader is aware of the stereotypical traits of an Enabled person, I thought it would be better to state that I have them, all of them – or almost all of them. The list below contains the stereotypical symptoms normally associated with AS that I don’t have. (Yes, I am aware that I am making a list).

 

My NT symptoms

 

1.I don’t get shaky hands

2.I’m not sensitive to sunlight – although I do prefer drawn curtains during the day

3.I’m not clumsy

4.I don’t have a photographic memory or an aptitude with numbers

5.My speech development was normal

6.I don’t walk on my toes

7.I am good at assessing distance and speed

 

My GP’s referred me for diagnosis but thought I’d point out the above list to see if I’m going to fall at the first hurdle. Is there any point, without a photographic memory or without being clumsy?

[Mumble]

Hans Asberger’s

Hans Asperger.

 

You may find some more useful information with less stereotypical 'symptoms' with the correct spelling. AS is a syndrome not a disease and as such individuals will present differently.

 

[NobbyNobbs]

noone has every autistic trait ever noted, people with ASD are still people and we're all different.

 

you say you've done a lot of research. can i ask where? because your understanding of classic symptoms doesnt match anything i've ever heard and would be interested to see the contrasting information.

 

congratulations on getting a referral for a diagnosis, thats usually a big fight for an adult

[Kathryn]

Neither is neurotypicality a disease - but you appear to present it as such, Enabled. There is a wide spectrum of neurotypicality too.

 

As someone without a diagnosis of AS and presumably therefore one of your "masses" (although I never have and never would never apply the label "NT" to myself), I take objection to some of your comments, particularly:

 

They appear far too consumed with social importance and appearance to have the time to make such a discovery.

 

This chit chat socialising frequently carried out by the masses appears enjoyable to them but is not to me. It is false, a lie and must (in my opinion) start any relationship off on the wrong foot.

 

If you attempt to categorise people rigidly into two groups: AS and NT - here or in "real life" - you're going to run into a few problems, I think - people just aren't like that.

 

Welcome to the forum anyway and good luck with your diagnosis.

 

K x

[Enabled not Disabled]

Thanks for your comments on Aspergers.

 

My 'snap shot state of mind' is releasing 36 years of being cooked up inside and alone. Mentally not physically.

 

I've read a lot of 'disease' ridden literature which has got my back up and presumably been written by people without AS traits.

 

Try Luke Beardon - Asberber Syndrome & Social Relationships JKP - http://isnt.autistics.org Purely to try and show people without AS traits what it feels like to have AS here it is:

 

'Neurotypical syndrome is a neurobiological disorder characterized by preoccupation with social concerns delusions of superiority and obsession with conformity. [ ..... ] When in groups NT's are socially and behaviorally rigid and frequently insist upon the performance of dysfunctional, destructive, and even impossible rituals as a way of maintaining group identity.

 

i'm not ashamed to admit that I find comfort in this. It 'puts the shoe on the other foot'.

 

Thanks for your comments anyway

 

[NobbyNobbs]

wow. thats pretty disgusting.

 

before anyone else jumps on you i'll say this - this board is frequented by NT and AS parents of ASD children, and ASD adults without children. no one of those 'types' is better than any of the other, we are all here to help and support each other. there are a great number of NT people here who have an incredibly developed understanding of ASD and what it is like. and its not like what you're describing!

 

people with AS are not spiteful egocentric people who look down on the poor NTs for not being enlightened. we are people with a social/communication disorder who may find it difficult to understand and navigate in social situations.

 

i strongly suggest you widen your reading to include books that aren't apparently convincing you you have super-powers. i can recommend Tony Attwoods 'The complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome'. i've just had a look over the link you posted and its certainly not something i would consider saying was remotely true. its spiteful and certainly not remotely a parody of what having AS means to me. i've done a lot of research over the internet and never come across something like that. which would suggest you had to go looking for it. perhaps before you post again you should take a look at some proper scientific research into ASDs.

 

none of the symptoms you listed (except normal speech development (which is actually a diagnostic criteria for AS)) have anything much to do with ASDs. if you are serious about getting a diagnosis you're going to need to read some factual information, as what you're hoping to be diagnosed with doesn't exist.

Edited October 10, 2009 by NobbyNobbs

[Mumble]

Well said Nobby.

[bid]

Ditto!

 

I would also like to say that this forum has never been a 'militant aspie' site. There are plenty of those elsewhere if you wish for that kind of online community.

 

Like many/most of those adults here with a formal dx of AS I have friends and family who are AS and NT, and I can honestly say that I have found unconditional acceptance and support from both, and I consider myself very, very lucky to have some dear 'NT' friends who help, support and care about me very much.

 

Bid

Edited October 10, 2009 by bid

[Enabled not Disabled]

Thanks Nobby. I meant no offence.

 

First book i came across actually - in waterstones. I do have Tony's book too.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Syndrome-...8866&sr=8-1

 

I guess you've had people around you who have understood your differences and helped you. You're lucky. Not the case for everyone.

 

'people with AS are not spiteful egocentric people who look down on the poor NTs for not being enlightened. we are people with a social/communication disorder who may find it difficult to understand and navigate in social situations'

 

I agree with your first sentence but i'm not sure it has to be viewed as a disorder anymore.

 

I think the original quote was well intended - i.e. an attempt to make people with AS view themselves as normal and view NTs as different.

 

 

 

 

[bid]

I think the original quote was well intended - i.e. an attempt to make people with AS view themselves as normal and view NTs as different.

But why??

 

We are all just people, and don't need this kind of divisive, inverted prejudice!

 

Bid

[Mumble]

I guess you've had people around you who have understood your differences and helped you. You're lucky. Not the case for everyone.

No, not the case for everyone. And no you're not the only one who hasn't had people who understand. But it's not an excuse for putting others down.

 

'people with AS are not spiteful egocentric people who look down on the poor NTs for not being enlightened. we are people with a social/communication disorder who may find it difficult to understand and navigate in social situations'

 

I agree with your first sentence but i'm not sure it has to be viewed as a disorder anymore.

One of the diagnostic criteria is that The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. To try to rework ASDs as something they're not and a fluffy nice thing to have that makes you a bit different takes away the real struggles that individual face on a daily basis.

 

We are all just people, and don't need this kind of divisive, inverted prejudice!

Yep - it segregates, rather than bringing people together to develop mutual respect and understanding. I need people's support to help me function. I am not going to get that if I deride everything they say and do do as it's not what I do and make out 'my way' to be someway superior.

[barefoot wend]

Enabled not disabled

 

Welcome to the forum and best wishes for getting a quick diagnosis, it's great that you have the support of your GP.

 

Barefoot

[smiley1590]

as you well know AS is also on spectrum of autism now and you can not have some traits and be affected more in other areas so this could be what happened with you or have a lesser form of AS maybe??!!! just because you're 'missing' the 'classic' signs could be that you have just ASD traits not or ASD not enough to class as one type of autism condition ???

 

XKLX

[NobbyNobbs]

I guess you've had people around you who have understood your differences and helped you. You're lucky. Not the case for everyone.

i've grown up exactly the same way as you have. i only got my diagnosis a couple of months ago so i've had no help with my differences either. i understand how frustrating it can be to suddenly realise there might be a reason behind your battles, and that if it had been realised sooner everything would have been much better. but if you hang around and read some of the posts by parents of children diagnosed with AS you'll soon realise thats not the case. having a diagnosis and people around you who understand doesn't make the problems go away.

[matzoball]

i'm 32, and was diagnosed a few months ago. and i can tell you that i am still learning about all of this - i ask myself questions everyday about whether my behaviour is typical of someone of aspergers and there is no 'one' answer. this is why there is a spectrum, and why there are so many definitions of what having asd means.

 

please take the time to not just read books, talk to people on here, listen to what they have to say, and maybe you will find the answer you are looking for. we're good people.

[justine1]

No offence but you seem very arrogant and sure of yourself.You keep refering to NT and AS people and saying "people like us" when you have not even got a diagnosis.You refer to "normal people" there is no such thing really!You seem to have read alot but I must tell you many people who write books have no idea what Aspergers is like,they do it simply to get a profit,and it is the same with many other syndromes and medical conditions.I have been on various sites for three months now and have heard very strange and worrying statements about Aspergers.As other members have metioned The traits of Aspergers and indeed other forms of ASD vary just like every person is different so is every person with ASpergers.I think you should have come on to the site telling a little about yourself and saying how you are awaiting an assesment,but you have offended me and others.Anyway I realise you have apologised and I do wish you luck in your diagnosis which ever way.

[wishingwell]

Hi and welcome to the site.

 

My wife helps me an awful lot. She is like a guide dog to the blind (meant in the nicest possible way). Although it frustrates her, she knows what I can and cannot do and helps me through social situations to avoid unnecessary anxiety. I'm sure it looks odd to 'outsiders' but without her I'd be a drunk.

If your wife needs an outlet to vent her emotions she is very welcome to join.

[dee23]

I think i have read the stuff you are referring to, where Neurotypicality is written about as though it is a disorder, with set traits and a prognosis for future progress etc.

 

Earlier this year i was reading a lot about AS, with regard to someone close to me, and lately i have been reading up about another health issue that has affected a member of my family. A lot of this information, especially the stuff that seems to jump to the top of internet searches, is presented as lists of traits and behaviours, and from that point of view i found it interesting to read an account of being neurotypical presented in that way. It certainly gave me food for thought at the time, with regard to how it could feel to be on the recieving end of such a list, if you see what i mean. I didn't for one moment take it seriously, rather i took it as a spoof (although one which did go to something of an extreme), and now i feel rather flippant! The responses to it in this thread have been very interesting, and have given me yet more food for thought, which often seems to be the way with this site (and that is most definately a compliment......)

[LicklePaulie]

...but I must tell you many people who write books have no idea what Aspergers is like,they do it simply to get a profit,and it is the same with many other syndromes and medical conditions.

I have to take exception to that statement, I'm afraid. There are many books written by people who simply wish to help others by explaining their own individual understanding of the condition. For the record, Luke Beardon (quoted earlier in the thread) is one of the most knowledgeable NTs I have ever encountered, having worked with individuals with autism and Aspergers for many years. There seems to be several very strongly-held (and often inappropriate if not entirely erroneous) views emerging throughout this thread. I'm all for freedom of expression, but let's at least try to ensure some degree of understanding before we all wade in with our comments...

[Tally]

The Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical is a JOKE!!! It is not meant to be taken seriously or offend people. It is a light-hearted way for autistic people to make them feel a bit better about the difficulties they face.

 

Some autistic people do have so many difficulties that it's easy to feel like the world is an unfair place filled with big bad NTs. It really does feel like that sometimes for me. I have to hold on to the knowledge that many of the times I feel I have been treated unfairly, I have actually misunderstood the other person's intentions, but it would be easy to lose sight of that on a really bad day. Even so, I tdon't really go in for the whole Aspie Supremacy thing.

[justine1]

I have to take exception to that statement, I'm afraid. There are many books written by people who simply wish to help others by explaining their own individual understanding of the condition. For the record, Luke Beardon (quoted earlier in the thread) is one of the most knowledgeable NTs I have ever encountered, having worked with individuals with autism and Aspergers for many years. There seems to be several very strongly-held (and often inappropriate if not entirely erroneous) views emerging throughout this thread. I'm all for freedom of expression, but let's at least try to ensure some degree of understanding before we all wade in with our comments...

I am sure you did see I used the word "many" not all!I do believe that autobiography's are a useful tool but again it is based on the individuals life so at times you cant apply their own techniques etc. to your own/childs life because we/they are different.My brother suffered three strokes since the age of 23,he has found just one book out of millions that he can relate to and the medical profession do not know how or why he got a stroke and there are few funds to do research into cases like my brothers,the same goes for Autism.I think everyone on here is well informed prehaps not about your situation but on their own so nobody is here to cause offense and apologise are made when appropriate,this is a place to share and compare opinions.So sorry if I did offend you!

 

[asnewb]

My only disability is not wanting to pretend I know or like someone I don’t know or like. This chit chat socialising frequently carried out by the masses appears enjoyable to them but is not to me. It is false, a lie and must (in my opinion) start any relationship off on the wrong foot. It is acting and has no ‘good’ purpose. I have frequently seen people be nice when talking to someone's face and completely the opposite once the ‘chit chat’ is over and they leave the conversation. This pattern does not instil confidence in receiving chit chat as a measurable or truthful form of communication. This is especially so for someone who finds it difficult to read body language and facial expressions. How can you ever take anything they say in future as truthful and honest if they’ve ‘acted out’ the first encounter. It is only right to add however, that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t socialise the way they do.

 

Hi, I'm new too. I am older than you and have not been diagnosed officially but it has come to my knowledge that I may very well have AS, at least two AQ tests I've done said so.

 

The above comment is exactly, word for word, how I feel about socialising.

How can people tolerate such nonsence!!??? I'd rather be on my own.

Edited October 15, 2009 by asnewb