DS Driving us mad over x-box -Help!

[av16]

Hi, don't know if anyone has any ideas but our DS (12 yrs - AS) has an Xbox which up until November he was happy to play football games on; he uses the on line facility to play with his friends and it has helped him socially. A new game became the in thing at the beginning of November - Call of Duty which is for over 18's as it is very violent, we said he couldn't have it - obviously but all of his friends have it. (You can see whose playing what online). He is driving us mad - refusing to get up/go to bed/eat/dress/ go to school without massive arguments and fights. He has pulled out the light fitting in our bedroom (Christmas day when he realised he wasn't getting it as a present) he has physically attacked me, his sisters and his dad had to restrain him today.

I don't know how much more we can take. He's refusing to go to school as he says everyone is laughing at him.

 

Any ideas? Today we were desperate - he was out in the garden kicking a ball at the window for ages after he'd trashed the living room. Who can we ask for help?

 

AV

[justine1]

Hi there

I recently posted something similar in that my son doesnt want to come off the computer.I don't really know how much help I will be,but I do think you should not give in to him after all it will be like rewarding the negative behaviour.

I know how hard it is when all the other kids have it,my two that are at school always say what their friends have and moan about not having it.

When I was pregnant with my first son I was adamant that I wont be consoles and games because of this very thing you are talking about and the fact I thought its likely they will do nothing but play games all day.I have stuck by this decision for 9 years now,no DS,no Wii,no playstation NOTHING!

I do allo them to use the computer though but the time is divided between games and learning basic word skills.I prefer the idea of the computer as they will inevitably use a keyboard at some point as adults so they will be familiar with it.

 

Going back to your son,prehaps when he is calm explain why he cant have the game and say if he continues with the bad behaviour you will remove the console.Just an idea I am sure others will post soon.

[baddad]

My son's the same age and also likes 'Call of duty' but he hasn't got a cat in hell's chance of playing the latest, 18+ version.

He's happy enough playing Call of duty World At War, which is rated 15 (at least it is on the wii), and he plays this with the 'no blood' setting on. Unfortunately, when he plays it online the 'no blood' option's not available and there is a little bit of swearing, but it's still 'fifteen' blood and swearing, IYKWIM rather than 'xrated adult'.

He recently bought COD 2 Big Red One for the gamecube (which also plays on the wii) and that's a fifteen too.

Your son aint gonna like it, but if you don't want him to have it then there's nothing more to be said, and if the fifteen versions of the game aren't a big enough concession... well, with my son, it would be 'okay - just play sonic the hedgehog and rayman instead' and the option of no console at all if that didn't suit.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Sorry - I've just read your OP again, and i had really only skimmed it the first time.

TBH I think if your son is this violent/destructive generally then even the fifteen version is probably not a good idea. I think the jury is out on whether violent games effect well-adjusted children, but certainly since the law case surrounding 'A Clockwork Orange' it's been generally accepted that they do have an influence on those who already have a capacity for violent/aggressive behaviour.

 

 

Edited January 10, 2010 by baddad

[jon79]

i dont belive its govt responsbilty to impose their own view oncensorship of material. It should be down to yourself the parent to make the decesion not the culmination of a censorship panel with vested interests.

[mygifts1306]

Sorry to hear this. I really dont know what to say, but i would just say stick to your guns about it and try and restrain him so he does not hurt others or himself.

 

 

 

[purplehaze]

Hello-I have also gone through this with my son-he asked & asked-I said no & said no. I firmly told him before christmas he wasn't going to get it and he has acepted it. The same as Baddad my son also plays the lower age one-i'm not really happy with that but he is 16.

 

I think the difference between him acepted it & being agressive is he is calmer since he has left mainstrean school-he doesn't have to prove he fits in as much.

 

It's up to you but in my experience if you have said no & give in then you will be telling your son to be agressive next time you say no to get what he wants. I know it's hard but stick to your guns-good luck xxx

 

 

[av16]

Hi - we won't give in but he's making us very miserable. Refused to eat yesterday evening but he did say sorry at bedtime (nearly a first!). Today he has said that his friends will get it for him - if he can't give them the money they will contribute! Not sure if this is true but it's sort of nice that he has friends who would do this (if it is). He still won't get to play it though.

 

I did ring our CAMHS and left a message yesterday asking for help - no-one has rung back so far, I wasn't in a position to call them today but will tomorrow. I wish he had someone to talk to other than us who could explain things to him and help him with his anger.

[Kathryn]

I agree with the others - stand your ground- but it's tough. <'> If you win this battle it may make subsequent ones easier.

 

K x

[Nora]

My son's friends are allowed to play resident evil which is about slashing and killing zombies. During an argument, one of my son's friends went downstairs and came back wielding an axe! Having said that, I can't imagine most kids contemplating such an action. Can't help linking it with watching the video game though.

 

Nora X

 

 

[matzoball]

i agree with what was said about violent games being an influence on the people who play them who already display aggressive tendencies - my brother has had the various consoles over the years and they were all violent games. his aggression is off the chart - my mother never kept it in check as she was over compensating for an absent father and the subsequent isolation he felt at school. however even after he made friends he continued with his aggressive behaviour to the point now where he destroys the furniture in the house or is extremely verbally abusive and intimidating if he cannot get his way - and he's now 28.

 

keeping with what the other members have said it is best to keep up what you are doing as if you get the game for him, he will assume that if he does this everytime he can't get his way it will result in him eventually getting it anyway.

 

when he is calm and you have explained why then hopefully he will understand. children are cruel as hell to other children, but there is always another game to obsess over so he may forget about it in time.

 

it makes a person miss the days of ataris!

 

hope it works out for you x

[Paula]

My son is 16 and he plays the latest call of duty modern warfare 2 game on line on his xbox and ive no problem with it.

 

 

Id like to point out that when you first load the game there is actually a facility where you can sensor certaine scenes and language it comes up do you want to play the full adult version or the tamer version............words to that effect anyway.

 

I feel the game has been hyped up a bit too far and isnt half aas vilent as the makers try to make out......enhances sales figures ...........its no worse than the other call of duty games........

 

Its just a war game and boys of all ages through the ages enjoy playing these types of games............it doesnt make them violent or want to reinact any of it .......lets face it there too busy hooked up to the xbox to be bothered wandering out onto the streets causeing agro.

 

Grand theft auto is far far worse because that game is violence for no reason and vilence against women and kids and all sorts............Call of duty is a stargergy war game based on playing in teams,difuseing bombs,rescuing folks,and yep you shoot the bad guys......but lads have always taken up a toy gun and if not a gun then a stick and shouted bang bang.........

 

My opinion i know but id let him have it and just choose to sencor the game when it asks if you want to.