Help!

[JeanneA]

Hi my son Glen, 15 who is autistic is unwell at the moment has a cold virus. Unfortunately being unwell is making him aggressive extremely anxious, keeps waking in the night. I don't know what to do. I even called out the doctor this morning and he telephoned instead of coming and told me my son just had a cold virus, give plenty of fluids, paracetamol etc. Glen wants me with him all the time he won't even sleep in his bed, he has been on the sofa the last 2 nights. My husband is away I feel like a prisioner. Glen has hit a number of times now in the last 2 days, he is very strong and when he hits you know all about it. I haven't said much to my husband on the telephone as I don't want to worry him, he will be back Friday night. I just wish I could ease Glen's anxiety somehow but nothing I try and do helps. If anyone has any advice please give it, many thanks.

[caci]

I don't know your son at all, but when our son (11yrs old - PDD-NOS) is ill ,he reverts to liking things for a much younger age group. For example, instead of playing 18 rated games on XBox live, he will happily sit and watch CBeebies on TV.

 

I don't know why this is. Maybe being ill is such hard work that he feels the need not to have to think about anything ?

 

Maybe you could try putting on a DVD that he enjoyed when he was younger and sitting with him to watch it.

 

Carol

 

[lisac]

Poor you Jeanne , i know all about this. The only thing that worked for me was getting drunk and riding it out. Give him the largest dose of painkillers. 2 disolvable paracetamol plus 2 disolvable neurofen meltlets every four hours on the dot. Id give my son a slighly extra dose of risperdal as well . Im sure he will improve soon, x

[mygifts1306]

You could always try aromatherapy, a few drops of lavender in his bath and on a cotton wool under his pillow. Sorry to hear that. Why does he hit you?

 

Kind regards

 

[Suze]

Hi, hope your o.k..........just wondered if the change is due to a raised /high temp...........when my son is ill he hallucinates sleep walks etc.This isn,t mild stuff either, its very disturbing and he is totally out of it.Obviously for us we try to cool him asap and give paracettemol/ibuprofen.I would keep your son as cool as possible all the time, and as another poster said keep his paracetemol dose up.Check with doc how much he can have as his weight may mean he can have a slightly higher dose......check with doc though................if he hits again leave the room , and ill or not make sure he knows its not acceptable................do you think he is hallucinating when he,s in this state??

[JeanneA]

 

Hi thanks for all your comments. I tried syndol last night just to make Glen sleepy, Glen has slept through downstairs on the sofa he wouldnt' go to bed, so had his quilt and pillow down here. I slept on the other sofa, didn't get much sleep though. He has woke up much similar to yesterday so not great. I can see he is very anxious and the aggressive is creeping out to will see how the morning goes.

[caci]

I've just had another thought, when our son has a blocked nose he really panics as he thinks he can't breathe. He does know, and understand, that it is fine to breathe through your mouth, but at night he really can't cope so he wants to sit up all night rather than lay down.

 

Sorry, not much help but lots of understanding

 

Carol

XX

[lisac]

Just keep dosing him up and try and keep your distance, is what i do . When my sons in pain or discomfort or just feeling different he will too turn aggressive, (it makes sense) , hope he starts to feel better, not much fun is it!? , x

[baddad]

Hi Jean -

Obviously lots of good advice there about temp and paracetamol etc, but reading between the lines how well is your son able to understand what's going on? Feeling ill is difficult enough for any kid, but even more so for children who lack the conceptual understanding to know that it's something that happens to everyone sometimes, that it's nothing necessarily to be scared of and that it's temporary. How verbal is your son? Does he have the theory of mind to make the kinds of links and associations I've detailed (i.e. can he be reassured about what's happening, or is it more a case of trying to alleviate a discomfort he cannot 'understand')?

I'm not sure what changes (if any?) you can make in your approach, but a child who is responding to symptoms because he is scared and doesn't understand is a very different situation to one who is responding because he is uncomfortable and frustrated and generally feeling awful but with some degree of understanding about 'why'.

If it is the forner scenario then maybe a district nurse or someone like that may have a bit more insight and be able to offer a bit more support than a GP? They may be able to offer you other kinds of support - maybe suggest a voluntary service or something like that that can help with the day to day stuff so you can just 'lay low' with your son for the duration?

 

Hope he - and by implication you - are feeling better soon, and that your O/H can get home nice and early tomorrow to offer some respite and support.

 

L&P

 

BD

[JeanneA]

Hi no it isn't much fun Lisa, I just hope it doesn't go on much longer! Thanks for all the advice. Baddad unfortunately Glen hasn't got the understanding to know whats going on. When he is ill he is always much more anxious, tends to go on and on about the same thing. It's the aggression which is the worst thing. I am keeping him 'dosed up' today to a cetain extent so that will keep his aggression at bay. Glen can't be reassured about what's happening I'm afraid.

[baddad]

Hi no it isn't much fun Lisa, I just hope it doesn't go on much longer! Thanks for all the advice. Baddad unfortunately Glen hasn't got the understanding to know whats going on. When he is ill he is always much more anxious, tends to go on and on about the same thing. It's the aggression which is the worst thing. I am keeping him 'dosed up' today to a cetain extent so that will keep his aggression at bay. Glen can't be reassured about what's happening I'm afraid.

 

I'd definitely try to track down a dist nurse or speak to SS in that case, as you will be trying to deal with a level of distress that most GP's simply wouldn't have a clue about.

very best with that, and hope he is feeling better very soon

 

L&P

 

BD

[NobbyNobbs]

you probably know this but having read the comments just wanted to say dont give paracetamol and ibuprofen at the same time. give one and then 2 hours later give the other and keep cycling like that. that way everything stays much more even and you dont get that horrible dip while the medication is running out and you have no pain relief before you can get the next dose in. if hes having trouble breathing then something like a karvol plug in might help, as that really gets to grips with the bunged up, and seems to be very soothing particularly at night.

 

i hope things improve for you and Glen

[lisac]

Yes you're right NobbyNobbs. That is the sensible approach. When my son is in a state i just want to get rid of his discomfort asap so will give pain relief together at first, then 'stagger' it , ( pain relief, not me drunk) so hes always got something. Hope your day improves, x

[lisac]

Baddad, but what could a district nurse or SS do? Are you thinking the district nurse could prescribe a sedative? Or a GP?

I guess SS may provide emergency respite in the home ,if needed , so mum could get out to do every day stuff? Apartfrom these , i cant think of any benefit , unless im missing something ?

[JeanneA]

Glen won't sleep in his room again tonight, I've suggested a few times but he keeps saying 'no' sleep downstairs. Although I have dosed him up today he is very restless at the moment. I just he will settle int he next hour or so.

[JeanneA]

What do you think? I don't know whether to sleep down here again tonight or try to go to bed, please advice I'd appreciate your thoughts. I thought if I went to bed would it encourage Glen to do the same?

[lisac]

You could try going to bed and see what happens , but i think it will probably naturally occur when he feels better

I know with my son , if he is ill, he insists on getting in bed with me ( he's 22 ) . I always think its his way of showing he's scared or worried and wants a bit of reasurance. I let him and then when he stirs in the night i lead him back to his room , or i get into his bed . Its no big deal to me , the dog sleeps in bed with me all the time!

 

[baddad]

Baddad, but what could a district nurse or SS do? Are you thinking the district nurse could prescribe a sedative? Or a GP?

I guess SS may provide emergency respite in the home ,if needed , so mum could get out to do every day stuff? Apartfrom these , i cant think of any benefit , unless im missing something ?

 

I think a district nurse might have more 'hands on' experience with autistic people than a GP and be able to offer some helpful strategies, or maybe some pointers to other resources who might be able to help. A long time ago, but when I worked in residential care the district nurse used to do quite a bit of that kind of stuff, but i think it has a lot to do with the individual district nurse etc - worth a shot though. SS - Yes, firstly for possible respite in the home (even just for a couple of hours so mum can get some sleep) but also because they might have some ideas about other resources...

 

Jeanne A - I think you could try going to bed... It sends a very strong signal that it IS bedtime and you being in a separate room may make him less inclined to come looking for you, even if he himself decides to sleep on the sofa. The only reason I can think for not trying it is if you feel it may trigger more aggression/anger, but apart from that I don't think you've much to lose and quite a bit to gain. If it doesn't work it doesn't work, and you're back to where you are now. But if it does work you and he may both get a better night.

 

L&P

 

BD

[lisac]

What other resources though? I am interested as it is horrible feeling so helpless . I am wracking my one brain cell but cant think what other resources there might be , any ideas? , x

[baddad]

What other resources though? I am interested as it is horrible feeling so helpless . I am wracking my one brain cell but cant think what other resources there might be , any ideas? , x

 

It would depend on the area - i'm talking about local resources rather than national ones'...

A district nurse might know of a local group or service who might be able to offer practical support or put the OP in touch other parents who might have useful experience in this type of situation. In any situation like this it's just a matter of 'fishing' and seeing if you hook something...

Trying to think of an example, I have mentioned a local semi-funded respite service (Carer's First) at a large number of support groups etc and people at the groups have never heard of them. A dist nurse (or equiv) is more likely to be involved at 'grass roots' level with services like that than a GP or a social worker.

 

[bid]

Sorry, everything I tried to post just seemed really unhelpful, so I deleted.

 

Hope things get better for you guys anyway <'>

 

Bid

Edited January 15, 2010 by bid

[JeanneA]

Its been a terrible nite. Even though I gave glen syndol he wouldn't go to sleep he finally did at 3 this morning. I have had hardly any sleep feeling so exhausted. I will have to ring the doctors again this morning I just cant cope at the moment.

[Suze]

<'> ..............I,d definitely try your docs, will your son settle with dvd,s ...........just trying to think of things that can help him relax....not much help I know ..........

[Ceridrial]

but i am more worried about you, Jeanne, you sound 'done in'

 

I would say you could try calling the drs and telling them you need some help - even if its just to get some sleep. When is your hsuband back? Do you have a friend/relative that could come and sit with Glenn while you havea break.

 

My oldest is violent, but still only 7 (nearly 8) and i know when he hits/kicks me.... and i get to go out to work.

 

Hang in there, sending you hugs x x x

[lisac]

Jeanne sorry to hear you had another bad night . You must be exhausted , which makes things seem worse . You can and will cope because you have done it all this time , give yourself a massive pat on the back . Id call your GP and ask him to come out and prescribe a stronger sedative for your son. If it was me, i would do this . People without this level of autism have no idea how soul destroying it can be at times , good luck girl, you are a star! , x

[JeanneA]

Hi I rang docs a friend picked up prescription: diazepam 2mg, 1 tablet 3 times a day. Hope this helps anyone had this for their child? Glen is really getting anxious and aggressive again so hope the tablet works soon!

[JeanneA]

Hubby due back late afternoon, early evening thank goodness!

[baddad]

Hi jeanne (hygeine? ) -

I just did a quick 'wiki' and diazepam is what they call valium these days (I thought they were similar but never realised they were one and the same - though that said wikipedia isn't the most reliable source of info!)

Hope it helps for both of you.

 

L&P

 

BD

[lisac]

Hi Jeanne , ive no personal experience of this drug but i know diazepam is used for the management of anxiety disorders or for the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety. Go with it, wish you some peace , x

[JeanneA]

Hi Lisa and BD Glen has just had his second tablet now. He is still anxious but not as bad as earlier, so fingers crossed! One other thing if anyone can help me with Glen's pupils seem very large, do you think its down to his anxiety?

[cardiff_mum]

all the very best to you and your son at wot sounds like a very difficult time for you both.

my son also has these problems when he's ill, until recently when i discovered the magic that is 'the lava lamp'. now even when my boys ill he wants to go to bed and if he wakes hes happy to stay in bed as long as im with him. jus a thought.

also, with the diazepam, it sounds drastic but pls, go with the docs, because you also need a rest. its important for us as parents to rememebr that sometimes we CANT cope, and if we dont look after ourselves how can we look after the kids?

i wish u all the best and your son a speedy recovery.

make hubby sleep on the settee 2nite

xxx

[JeanneA]

Thanks for your kind comments cardiff mum. I would ask hubby to sleep on the sofa but I know Glen will want me down here. He has become very clingy to me again this week. I just hope Glen will soon want to go back to his own bed.

[cardiff_mum]

another thing i do when my son is being clingy is give him 1 of my hoodys (that sounds really chav lol) sumtimes it works and hes happy to cwtch with it all night, sumtimes it doesnt and i end up cramped up in his lil bed with him worth a try, i bet ur at the stage where ull try anything!!

if you do find that your sons still clingy, jus make sure that when ever you can, you take sum time to relax n unwind (i find a hot bath and mp3 player gd 4 this)

[puffin]

My daughter 13 AS/ADHD has a tendency to become very hyperactive and sometimes short tempered when sick - it's like the fever has an effect on her brain. She also reverts in behaviour to a younger age and it is not uncommon for her to sleep in our room - although these days I insist that we bring a matress or sleeping bag so that she can sleep in the room but not in the bed as I have arthritis.

 

I find you have to structure the day as she does not always want to be alone - so a lot of films etc. If I need a break she has to be organised - on the sofa. tell her where I'll be (even if in the house), water bottle, book, nintendo all within reach etc. I get DH to take a turn by chosing films or DVDs she loves (Dr Who, Merlin, Star Trek).

 

One thing that the Dr. recommended was an anti histamine (for allergies) they make you very tired but have few side effects

[lisac]

Im not sure about the large pupils , could be anything. It may be just because he is unwell . My son and daughter have always had large pupils and so have i , x

[bid]

A short course of diazepam should be absolutely fine. Sometimes it's necessary to balance the desperate need for some relief from anxiety with concerns about meds, which is when short-term meds can be really helpful.

 

At work we have whole teams of supported, trained professionals and it's still sometimes necessary to use short-term meds. Having to cope on your own at home, unsupported 24/7 is a dreadful thing for any carer to have to live through

 

Jeanne and Lisa, I think you're both doing a fantastic job and I hope things can ease up a little <'>

 

Bid

 

 

[JeanneA]

Thanks for your comments Bid. Glen has been much calmer this afternoon/evening. He has had all 3 tablets now.

Glen still wont go to bed though he wants to stay downstairs on the sofa. Hubby and I are both going to bed and will check on him during the night. Hope that this might encourage Glen to want to go to bed you never know!

[JeanneA]

Hi, I am happy to report Glen went to bed last night once hubby and I started to go up. Glen said 'bed', we were so pleased. Glen has slept right through the night I am about to go up and get him up now. So good to have hubby Carl back to he has been brilliant!

[baddad]

[lisac]

Yay!!