Is invisible AS possible???

[Rob78]

 

Hi everyone,

 

I posted on here a few weeks ago and it was very encouraging to get your replies. Thank you.

 

Since then I visited the local AS/Autistic society in the city where I live and as it happened they were havig a social the same day in the evening, so I went along, really hoping to meet some people in person I could relate to. When I got there the people were friendly to me, but it was visibly clear that they were in some sense different, from people in general and from myself. Most of them were officially diagnosed with AS.

 

I stayed for the evening but went home a bit sad because I didn't really feel like I was in the same category as those guys. I don't come across in anyway different when people first meet me (as far as I can tell!!!) - and these guys definitely did. I don't want to sound mean, but I really wanted to meet a few people who I could relate to... perhaps with milder AS traits.

 

Can anyone relate to this? Would anyone describe themself as an 'AS invisible' (at least one first sight!)... Perhaps I have just learned to 'mask' things well, or have learned how to do social things ok - a bit like learning a second language (one that I can get by in, but always feel uncomfortable in).

 

Rob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bid]

I think you may have had this experience because the diagnostic criteria for AS (in adults) includes their autism having a significent negative impact on the person in question.

 

So, those with a formal dx will probably appear 'different'.

 

Don't know if I'm making sense

 

Bid

[smiley1590]

i have 'hidden invisible' AS the only give away i suppose is with my anxiety and nerve problems do tell something is there socially i'm weaker more vulnerable prone to 'knockbacks' people that know me well and know AS can see it a mile off others that don't can't and went i explained are shocked i think as can't tell in any which way to be honest!

 

people at my work are amazed how i cope and deal with things i do feel 'different' to others on inside it whole different story i feel frustrated annoyed at myself i try compare myself to others alot of time. but my verbal skills are decieving as i speak so clearly and well i think people think how can i be autistic and how make sounds noises jump everywhere stereotype and lack of understanding of range of levels within the autism spectrum does this to society makes think in certain way about how it affects people

 

i think i have trained myself well to 'cover it up more' doesn't mean not there though living and breathing with me!!! just because you can't see it my physical glance we not pretending or fakers liars anything but it as real as physical condition ..... just look beneath background and you will discover it lying there deep and raw .......

 

 

forgien language good comparsion as it is like being dropped off on an alien planet as confusing lost ..... don't understand ..... and much much more to it than that! too much in fact i'd bore you if i told you! lol

 

i cover my AS over with jokes loudness being bubbly high most of time to bounce off like protective mask so i let no-one in unless under my say so and i wish to let them into 'my world' and tell them i have that control AS doesn't give me naturally like 'normal' NT people have everyday of their lives! and take for granted i sometimes get scared afraid that people take advantage if i did let them in so make me more anxious and paranoid about the whole situation mad i know ...... that's how i personally feel! as been hurt in past bullied which lowered my self-esteem etc

 

XKLX

 

so understand completely what you're saying make sense to me i get it! lol XXX

 

 

[baddad]

Hi Rob -

 

I think maybe you're asking the wrong question, and what you need to be asking is:

 

Is invisible AS possible when you are looking for it?

 

There are no physical indications of autism as there are with most other disabilities, the indications are behavioural and (in HFA or AS) often mostly observed in interactional situations. If you felt that all of the people in the group were 'in some sense different' to you then you noticed those behaviours and they felt alien to you and you did not recognise them, in whole or in part, as part of your own interactions, even though you were in a situation where you would have been actively looking for such cues. So what you need to ask yourself is: if someone else came into that group looking for such cues would they see a significant number of such indicators in your behaviour?

Taking that outside of the autism group, if you got talking to the people you met in a pub without any prior knowledge of their condition would you 'pick up' on their differences? Would they (or other people) pick up on yours?

Feeling 'different' is part of the human condition (there's a great line in one of the Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy books where someone mentions that they 'always felt there was something different about them' and another character says 'oh, that's just perfectly normal paranoia') and what people say and do on the surface is, to a greater or lesser degree, very different from what they feel on the inside. we all wear masks, but an autistic persons 'masks' are flawed to a degree that the cracks and joins are always visible to some degree, and certainly will mark them as 'different' if placed under closer scrutiny.

 

Hope that helps

 

L&P

 

BD

[bid]

Been thinking about this some more.

 

When I have met other adults with AS I can 'see' myself in the way they interact with the world, for want of a better phrase. I can also 'see' aspects of myself in the autistic children and young people I work with...not in a patronising way, but more in their reactions to sensory stimulus.

 

Have you found that your experince with this social group gives some new thoughts about whether you are indeed on the spectrum yourself?

 

Bid

[justine1]

Been thinking about this some more.

 

When I have met other adults with AS I can 'see' myself in the way they interact with the world, for want of a better phrase. I can also 'see' aspects of myself in the autistic children and young people I work with...not in a patronising way, but more in their reactions to sensory stimulus.

 

Have you found that your experince with this social group gives some new thoughts about whether you are indeed on the spectrum yourself?

 

Bid

Hi I think Bid makes a valid point.If you could not identify with any of the people in the group it may be that you have not got AS(but I am no doctor and do not know you.)

If you had gone to a family gathering for example you will have similar qualitys to some other members because of genetics and the way in which you were raised.So in this case although you all come from completely different backgrounds you should be able to see certain things where you will say "I am a bit like that."

Are you persuing a diagnosis?I would also say you may have been nervous etc as it was a new place and prehaps "put up a front", so prehaps try again and see from there.Were you able to inteact with any of them? sort of swap stories maybe you will discover similarities.

 

I knew nothing about AS until my I was told by th GP my son may have it,then after reading everything said "wow everything is just like Sam " but it wasnt until he was fully assesed was I able to see exactly how he behaves it was strange like seeing him with new eyes then everything seemed to fall into place and he was diagnosed.I dont think I was in denial it was more uncertainty of the unknown.So my point is you may see yourself as being AS but maybe being "invisable AS" but others may see you as being just as AS as all those in the group you went to.(hope that makes sense.)

Edited January 14, 2010 by justine1

[Tally]

WHen I first met other people with AS, I kind of felt the same. I did not have a formal diagnosis at the time. I felt very out of place and I felt as though I did not have difficulties to the extent as the others did.

 

People with AS are often unaware of how they seem to other people, so it's possible that you have difficulties you are unaware of. Also, this is all new to you, so there may be an element of denial going on. I have experienced this!

 

If you do have AS, then that doesn't automatically mean you are going to relate well to other people just because they have AS too. I personally find that it makes no difference wether the other person has AS as to whether I can get on with them.

 

So I don't think your experience rules out AS altogether. I think you need to learn and think more about it before pursuing a diagnosis, and it could be helpful to give the social group another go and see if you can relate to some people once you get to know them a bit better.

[Rob78]

 

Dear all,

 

Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate your help.

 

Smiley1590 - I can definitely relate to what you waid about 'letting people in' - I can be quite gregarious socially sometimes (even though I still don't really feel like I 'get' what is happening) - but it is often a mask to protect myself... And I am very selective and careful about who I 'let in'...

 

Baddad - thanks for your thoughts. I had to read your response a few times! Yes - I think someone who knew about AS might pick up a few 'clues' from my own behaviour... my partner has for one (she teaches AS and autistic kids)... so perhaps I am not so different from those in the group! (I still *feel* like I am though!)

 

Bid - yes, I came away wondering if perhaps I was on the spectrum at all! Perhaps instead I am just socially insecure... but other stuff makes me think this isn't the case, e.g. my happiness to spend lots of time on my own on my 'pet projects' and my 'self-centredness'...

 

Tally - some of what you said really made me think... yes, I am assuming if I found someone with AS in a similar way to me we'd be best friends... but perhaps this would not be the case! Usually when I meet people like me, they just annoy me...! And the denial thing might be in there... To be honest, I don't want to be labelled in the same way as those guys... that doesn't sound great, but it's only because I am not like them. My thing is different - seems more subtle... but perhaps I am just fooling myself...

 

Again, thanks all.

 

Rob

 

 

 

 

 

 

[capt_slog]

 

Rob,

I am 50 yrs old, and have had AS all this time without knowing it. I was diagnosed Oct 2008. I sort of knew even as a child that I didn't always fit in, but you can become very good at masking or hiding AS, to appear like everyone (NT) on the surface. AS is a broad 'spectrum', which means it covers a large sweeping landscape of different levels and difficulties. It was only a few yrs ago that I discovered it via the internet, and it was that Eureka! moment for me. I then did a lot of reading and thinking about AS, spending over a year deceiding to get the diagnosis or not.

Now, a year on, I'm still in a state of excepting the fact that I have AS. I've learned a lot about myself via Aspire in Birmingham, where I'm on a course, and it has brought up a lot of emotions, soul-searching and regrets for me. I'm seeing a counseller soon to talk things over, and there's a support group I'll be attending. AS, is a unique thing to each person who has it, I've been getting rather down about it recently - like opening a can of worms - the genie is out off the bottle now. As no two people are the same, so it is with people with AS.

 

Regards, Paul Kay

[Zen Dragon]

Hi Rob

I too went to my local group and felt different and alienated, but I suppose that was always going to happen for two reasons.

1 Thats the nature of Aspergers!

2 As paul says its a very broad spectrum and its unlikely that anyone is going to mirror your exact quirks.

 

I too have considerable social skills (just read that back and that sounds very grand, sorry)but no friends in that I can't let my guard down and be myself. I'm always mimicking the NT world but somehow not part of it.

I can do eye contact most times and can listen, pick up social cues OKish but somehow there's more and i'm just not getting it.

I dont think even baddad would spot the cracks on a good day but inside its a totally different story and you just know.

I guess we just have to know our limitations and get on with it.

Good luck

Jon