Leaving School In June

[Paula]

My son is now 16 and will be leaving school in June.Absolutley worried sick both myself though trying not to show it and my son.We have had the final review........nightmare.Long story but they brought in tow people from the local college who had never met my son before to bang on about the college and my son going there.My son has said he doesnt want to go and ive pointed out that ive heard bad things about the college and am uneasy to say the least about it.

 

The thing is My son has been in his special school since he was 5 years of age,there are only 80 kids in the school rangeing from 5 to 16 theres just no way he could go from that enviroment to a massive college mainstream enviroment full of teenagers and be able to cope.My son has tod me he doesnt even want to leave his school and ive explained hes going to have to.hes worried and getting stressed and so am i.

 

Ive told the school to drop talking over college its causeing problems at home that my son has said he just want to get leaving school out the way first then find a pt job with the help of his worker and the connexsions people.

 

 

I thought this time was a long way of and would never arrive now it has im worried sick about the future..whats going to happen,all the big changes...........

 

They cant force him into college can they if he says no..........if i say no............

 

Idealy we want to let him leave his school ,take a month out to gather his thoughts then work at getting him sorted in our own way at our own pace...........

 

 

[oxgirl]

Hi Paula,

 

I'm in exactly the same position, it's terrifying isn't it, like teetering on the edge of something very scary! No, they can't force him into college if he doesn't want it, they might just be worrying about what he will do if he hasn't any plans. My lad hasn't a clue what to do, we're going round and round in circles and getting nowhere nearer to a decision. He isn't ready to work and isn't ready for college either, tbh, but my fear is that if he leaves school he'll just sit in his room on his own all day and not know where to start to make a life for himself. At the same time, I don't want him to go to college and flounder on his own and for it to end up failing. I'm dreading when he leaves school and will really miss the support they give me, it's a terriflying thought that soon we'll be out there on our own with no-one to turn to. Sorry, no advice, just know how you feel. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[lisac]

From my experience, it is either work, college placement, day centre or direct payments where you can employ support staff to take him out and about each day . If you come across any other alternatives id be very interested to know, x

[oxgirl]

From my experience, it is either work, college placement, day centre or direct payments where you can employ support staff to take him out and about each day . If you come across any other alternatives id be very interested to know, x

 

Not sure about day centre or support staff, don't know anything about those options. Who organizes them, would it be SS and, therefore, depend on IQ? I'm not sure my lad would be eligible for any help once he leaves education as he'd be considered 'too able' and so he would just be left for us to deal with.

 

~ Mel ~

[lisac]

SS organise / provide funding for direct payments . Nothing to do with IQ. Given what you say, your son would/should qualify for support. It may be your best option , x

[smiley1590]

i was just the same as your son and my parents was same as you are worried anxious stressed wondering what's out there i struggled hard and found mainstream education tough going on me all time i work twice as hard as my peer group! i went to mainstream college for three years studying mainly childcare and even there i found so hard the 'step up' when i first started so quiet,withdrawn my MH probs became like a wedge and became an obstacle to my learning really started to affected everything! i was lucky i had supportive ,understanding lovely tutors backing me up and tried to help as much as they possibly could howevert much of a challenge i left them with!

 

i think they didn't need any AS training as i taught them everything and more lol maybe not in right way at the beginning i respected the way they treated me and the pride was with them when i kept improving each time and year getting one step closer i was very clingy needed alot of emotional support and reassurance /guidance they basically like my counsellors/pyschotherapists alot of time poor people i did feel bad and guilty keep pesturing them non stop! as i knew they have other people in their class! i got quite 'dangerous' in college over stepped the mark wasn't allowed back until checked out by professionals as 'safe' me being on college ground i had to have few weeks off!

 

when i left school you have so many options open sixth form college it becomes confusing and mind blowing frustrating you become somewhat lost and scared as feel what if i choose wrong one? or i can't cope handle things 'properly' good enough like 'everyone else' seems to be what if pressure gets to me? there too many decisions we find decision making anxious task to carry out i kniw part of living life but more than that to us! bigger picture more to it! far more!

 

the last year i helped others who found the course a struggle hard tough helped with assignment notes etc college gave me the structure foundation to move on from 'safe zone' abit more and step outside sometimes! it was hard to let go at first off emotional support/reassurance i had to be 'weaned off' it slowly as like a drug but when i felt comfortable safe and secure enough for that to happen! and become possible!

 

i had an LSA /SENCO who i became very attached to at school she there again when had emotional struggles/batttles in my life when 'all became too much too soon' she again tried to deattached by i latched on so strong made it nearly impossible to do!

 

you feel so angry with yourself with not knowing at the crossroads where you should be what you should do? but then i think NT's peeps have same problems just ours is magified with AS,anxiety and stress a hell of alot more

 

i found my local connexions lady at the time very kind helpful and useful and i was lucky enough to be pointed in 'right direction' for me and my needs at that time!

 

maybe he needs the options of what he can do with his own needs and qualifications what available next for him after school break it down step by step on paper and talking then once decided go from there maybe have an action plan and transition plan set up ahead to help reduce stress and anxiety attached to current situation connexions should be able to assist with you and your son present in an appointment /meeting with any other professionals he is involved with

fingers crossed to you and your son

 

take care

good luck

XKLX

[smiley1590]

sorry got mixed over your post read it wrong! i'd still make an action /transition plan over what he actually wants to do next with connexions and yourself with appointment/meeting discuss his needs and what part time job would suit this i was lucky and volunteered `at local nursery then got offered bank staff position part time i now do under 16 hours due to DLA benefit and direct payment scheme i do around 13-15 hours a week and that is suited to my needs and how i cope with employment my work are very understanding and supportive especially my boss i know i am lucky to have that as many don't i used to worry constantly how would i ever start to fit into the world of work routine and structure from school it wasn't easy then change of any routine isn't nice comfortable but something that sometime has to be done at your own pace to process what is happening in the situation is you don't feel so muddled lost confused frustrated so isn't a major shock to the system preparation of the change is vital and needs to be looked at closely in alot of detail steadily and not rushed gradual when he gets the say so about part time job at certain place maybe going round and have an intial visit maybe couple of times to get used to environment and new people and wtih additional support,guidance and ressurance from you or connexions worker then when reduced anxiety and stress gently withdrawn this!

 

XKX

[Kazzen161]

It is worth you going to look round local colleges - they do vary a lot in their provision for special needs and their environment.

 

Although colleges are large, often the child will stay in one area (department) so it may not be as bad as you think. Some colleges also have SEN "units". Some offer part-time courses. Even if you decide now is not the time, you will know what you need to prepare him for in the future.

[baddad]

Hi Paula -

 

very difficult situation You have my sympathy <'>

 

If possible, i think if you can 'nudge' him toward some sort of post school education it will be much better for him and you - in the short term and long term. While not a 'rule' as such it tends to be the case that people with disabilities stay within the educational system until they're nineteen (I think originally this arose from 'adult services' within SS and provision/resources, but that may be more historical than practical these days?).

I'd put the emphasis of lifeskills rather than qualifications/work skills, and try to sell him the social and practical benefits like self help, travel traing and stuff like that...

 

We had a similar situation with my nephew a few years ago... managed to get him to stay on for one year after doing some independent living skills beytween school and college at a local resource.

 

He's been living semi-independently for over a year now (boy - that one was a fight, I can tell you, but i worked the old baddad magic in the end ) and is working 4 shifts a week too, but those things have highlighted for him areas of self-management that he now wishes he'd stayed on the extra year for...

Sooooo... we've just signed him up for a lovely money management course which he's really excited about (Wah!? Seriously - he's really fired up for it!) and have our eyes on him taking on cookery later in the year, both at local adult ed resources.

 

I hope you find the above reassuring - both in the sense that you may be able to turn him round and get him into college and/or that if you don't it isn't necessarily the 'last chance' for him to get the skills he needs.

 

Good luck

 

L&P

 

BD

[Kathryn]

Hiya Paula,

 

It's a scary time - after the security he's had at school, everything is going to appear strange and a little less accommodating of his needs.

 

Don't be too quick to write off the local college though, they're all different but some of them offer very good FE provision for young people with SEN, even if they have been in a specialist environment before. My daughter has been at our local college since she was 16. She started off in a department for people who with various disabilities and learning difficulties and it was a secure environment where she got the support she needed, although it was on the main campus. Many of her fellow students were doing a range of different things, from basic life skills to vocational and A level courses: the main thing they had in common was that they couldn't attend mainstream college, although some of them were working towards that and some were doing the occasional mainstream course with support. A few had AS and there were people with physical disabilities as well. Although we've had our ups and downs with them, I felt that the college tutors have always been sensitive to what my daughter wants, and have supported her well through turbulent times and helped her towards independence. At the moment she's mostly refusing additional support but she knows it's there if she needs it.

 

I can understand your fears about your son being left to fend for himself in a typical college environment but it may not be like that at all. Maybe your local college could offer some kind of programme tailored to his needs and interests combined with work experience or part time employment. Probably worth a look anyway, even if it's an option you eventually rule out.

 

K x

[Paula]

Thankyou for all youre advice its given me a bit of food for thought.

 

There is an open eveing in march at the local college,but i think ill get in touch before then and arrange to go down and see what provision there is for special education.My son is expected to get a grade F in maths and possibley a slightly higher grade in woodwork he isnt been entered into any other gcses........he has a reading age of 9 and it has been this for a long time now so i think hes reached his maximum potential on reading.........he can get by.

 

 

There are a few organisations in and around where i live that help adults with learning difficulties gaine employment but theres the catch youve to be an adult so these things dont kick in till you reach 18.

 

June doesnt seam that far away suddenly.

 

Ill keep you posted and thanks for shareing.

[smiley1590]

the NAS have an employment service team and also sets up different work placement i would ring or email them and explain ur situation to them!

 

XKX

[Paula]

Ive managed to arrange a visit to see the special needs provision at the college he would attend next wednesday,ill be able to see the students working in a real time enviroment chat to them and have a coffee and a chat with the special needs supporter and voice all my worries in a calmer manner.if i still feal its not for my son then at leats ill have looked into it prperly instead of closeing it down.My son said theres no harm in looking so im takeing my lead from in.The lady was realy nice and i apologised for my outburst at the review meating where i was utterly negative and wouldnt listen but thats just my way eventually i se sence and am willing to listen.

[Kazzen161]

It may be worth looking at agricultural colleges too, if your son would be at all interested in the subjects they offer. They run a lot of level 1 courses (eg: looking after farm animals, woodland work, working with horses, dogs, fish, etc) and because they are such large sites, you don't get any hustle and bustle. They also seem to be well set up to support children who need more support.

 

My son went to the (specialist) Ruskin Mill College which is like an agricultural college but they also do crafts, arts and drama + lots of life and independence skills. It is a beautiful place - very calm and peaceful.

[Paula]

 

 

Just an update ive visted the local college and visted the special needs provision and met the students on the foundation course my son would be doing and the teachers and support staff.My mind is now a lot more at rest,so ive contacted my sons special school and said its ok for them to take him on a visit and fill in the application forms ect if he wants to attend then its ok with me.It realy helped that the lady who runs the department had three children of her own all attending the unit all with very complex learning disabilities i thought yep she understands she gets it.

 

 

of course if my son turns round after he visits and says no mum i dont want to go then of course i wont push it he must deicde for himself.

[oxgirl]

 

 

Just an update ive visted the local college and visted the special needs provision and met the students on the foundation course my son would be doing and the teachers and support staff.My mind is now a lot more at rest,so ive contacted my sons special school and said its ok for them to take him on a visit and fill in the application forms ect if he wants to attend then its ok with me.It realy helped that the lady who runs the department had three children of her own all attending the unit all with very complex learning disabilities i thought yep she understands she gets it.

 

 

of course if my son turns round after he visits and says no mum i dont want to go then of course i wont push it he must deicde for himself.

 

That sounds really positive, Paula, I hope he gets on well during his visit. Best of luck with it.

 

~ Mel ~