Dealing with fear

[Sally44]

From the age of around 3+ my son has been frightened of the dark. We thought he might grow out of it. But he hasn't.

Infact it seems to be gradually getting worse. He used to be able to go upstairs if the light was turned on. Then he had to have someone with him eventhough the light was on.

Now he wants someone to go upstairs with him even during the day and he isn't sleeping unless someone is in bed with him. And in the morning when I wake him up he is asking for me to stay with him until he is dressed because he is 'scared' to be on his own.

Previously, although he had his dad with him in bed, he would go up first and get into bed. Recently my husband says he has found him stood in the ensuite. Apparently due to him being frightened he has gone upstairs and stayed in the en-suite until his dad has come up for bed - which might be one or two hours later!

I have mentioned this to the OT and she said it might be worth asking for a referal to CAHMS.

TBH, I'm so sick of all professionals trying their utmost to do as little as possible, that I really don't want to involve another agency who will label him and then say they cannot offer anything.

He is going camping with cubs at the end of May, and he says he will be okay because there will always be other people around, which is true.

I recently had to retrieve him out of the mens toilets at a local supermarket, and he kept saying he was scared then.

When he is frightened he can't even tell you what he is scared of. Probably things like monsters etc, but he knows they are not real. So I'm guessing it is just the 'scared' feeling he has inside him.

Does this sound familiar to anyone out there????

[JsMum]

 

Exactly the same here, everything you said, J is very scared to be by himself, I have to turn all the lights on too, I just reasure him and just identify how he feels, your feeling scared J, why J, oh, that is not nice is it, is there any way we can help you, that sort of thing, he has steadly got better, he lets me turn on the lights but he now goes upstairs by himself, so the ALONE bit isnt an issue as it was, it was the Dark bit and someone might be there, we have had to monitor what he watches and I have gone throw Dark, Fear, Scary feelings with him, he still needs assistance but he has more privacy so were gettting their, I would look at the OT doing some sensory work to see if this decreases his fears.

 

Maybe some childrens stories that identify childrens worries about the Dark, what about a torch, and some glow in the dark stickers in areas he finds scary.

 

JsMumx

 

 

 

[justine1]

Hi

Sam is the same.He is not just scared of the dark he wont enter another room,especially upstairs even if every light is on.My eldest gets annoyed just as he sits down its"Josh please come with me to my room?"

 

Recently we were all so busy and he evetually went up to change on his own.I was completely shocked,thought it was a turn around but it hasnt happened again.

Not sure why he is scared he usually says someone will come through the roof(loft)and take him.He wasnt afraid as a baby and toddler,he would go everywhere and anywhere, it started when he was four.

[got the tshirt]

I have been scared of the dark all my life. I have never had any kind of help. My dad made it worse when I was younger by forcing me to stay in the dark and taking me for walks up the lane without a torch!!

As an adult I have learnt to deal with it but it is still there.

I actually love camping and help with guides, many campsites leave a toilet block light on so it is never completly dark.

Other people haven't really been much help to me but a wind up torch [no need for batteries] and a large dose of courage usually sees me through the scariest moments.

I still put lights on all over the house and sent my patient OH to search inside and out when I hear noises in the night.

This fear is quite horendous, I hope you can find it possible to sympathise with your kids and smooth the way for them. It is always real and not made up for attention.

[Sally44]

As it is happening during the day as well, how do you deal with things like going to the toilet when out of the house. I've recently had to retrieve him from the mens toilets. And now thinking about it, his explanation for why he did not come out was because he was scared. I'm also assuming that this anxiety is something that may well mean a small class environment and not a big mainstream school with lots of moving around. He is currently taught in small groups, but his teacher says he is making progress with whole class learning. And the natural progression from the primary to the secondary school would mean he would have to access whole class learning or have a place in the autism unit. And his current school SENCO and a teacher from the autism unit at the primary school said he was not the right 'material' for that environment. So where will he fit??

I think I am going to have to be more careful in what he watches. But he loves things like Star Wars, Dr Who etc. We will also need to talk about scared feelings more as well.

I will mean it to the cubs leader, just so she is aware that he may struggle if he has to go to the toilet and it is outside in the dark. He will need someone with him. (mind you, I think I would need someone with me as well!).

[sonj186]

Camerons big fear is dogs, this started about 3 years ago and has got worse and worse, it has started getting in the way of walks etc because if he sees a dog he will run! its just like a blind panic he has no sense of where he is running to and on some occasions he has run on to the road! we got a referal to CAHMs and we have got his first counselling session on wed morning, we are really hoping this will help! it might be worth talking to your doc of paed about a referal.

 

I will let yous know how we get on on wed

[pyfan]

Just a small suggestion re fear of being upstairs - my son would thunder up and down the stairs and refuse to stay upstairs alone - it turned out that the noise from the electricity meter turning was bothering him (it is on the landing), he said it was inside his head. I could not even hear it! Once we identified it and explained it to him it seemed to help, he still runs up and down but doesn't have the fear anymore.

[Shnoing]

Our 6-year-old has to have his light on, too, when he's supposed to go sleeping. As I can remember that it was very important for me to hear something/-one when I went to sleep (and my ears are more than ok) and he, on the other hand, doesn't hear very well, I think it's that he feels too lonely when he's in the dark AND in total silence.

 

As for the incident(s) in the toilets: some autistic children lack the knowledge that things/people you don't see are still there. Maybe your little one had his doubts whether you still existed and therefore was too frightened to leave the toilets? You could try to play peek-a-boo and look if he reacts like a 'normal' 2-year-old (fascinated). At age 4, children should get bored quite quickly.

[Sally44]

My son is 9 and I think he did know that I was waiting outside, infact I would have made a point of telling him that. But he was still scared. Not sure what of.

[Sammysnake]

My daughter is 9 and responds well to lots of logical thinking through an issue. She was scared being alone at night in case a burler broke in so I showed her all the door and window locks and how they all work, explained where the keys were, talked through the double glazing and the fact that even if someone tried to break a window it would take them several times before they could get through both panes by which time her immensly big and strong daddy would be ready to batter said burgler over the head for daring to upset his little girl (that made her laugh!). To go to sleep B has a lava lamp on which gives gentle light and I leave the bathroom light on - turning them off once she's asleep as she rarely reawakes.

 

We've talked about fear of the dark being a natural response because of when we were cave men and predators would come out at night - that has helped her to know it's natural instinct of all people to feel a little scared although we don't face the same dangers anymore. Another one was going downstairs when the living room was in darkness - it look a while to work out that when the TV is on standby the light looks like and evil red eye. I make sure the lounge door is shut now.

 

Cuddly toys also make B feel safer. She knows they are not real but is happy to make up a fantasy that they are real when it suits her! Lions are a good one as no-one will venture into her room at night time if she's cuddling a terrifying lion! If she's especially nervous for any reason I'll make up a bedtime story about the lion protecting his cubs and that relaxes her.