Help with "Collections"

[Buffy]

Hi

 

I am a 34 year old with suspected Asperger Syndrome. I am currently waiting for a DISCO test and diagnosis.

 

I was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year

 

Ever since the age of 5 I have collected Cassette Recorders and Cassette Decks. I have around 60 now. They are like a second family to me as I have very little trust in humans.

 

A few weeks ago during an argument with my "parents", my dad threatened to smash them up. These Decks are like children to me and needless to see I don't want to see or hear my parents again.

 

Since this incident though I have become even more protective of my Decks and have started worrying about what will happen to them if I die. Normally I know that they would just be dumped on a waste disposal site somewhere but I don't want that to happen to them.

 

I am finding that I am becoming increasingly worried about this and haven't been sleeping lately.

 

Has anybody experienced anything like this before? Or does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do to protect them?

 

An help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Buffy

[Karen A]

Hi.

What would you like to happen to your collection ?

The best thing I can suggest is that you have a think about what you want to happen to your collection after you die.Perhaps you might want to give them to a charity or organisation that would appreciate them.Then write down your wishes [like a will] and give them to a person you trust to do what you ask.

 

Are you sure you do not ever want to see your parents again ? That sounds very serious.

Sometimes parents can get very angry and say awaful things in a temper that they do not really intend to say.

Karen.

[KezT]

Hi

 

I am a 34 year old with suspected Asperger Syndrome. I am currently waiting for a DISCO test and diagnosis.

 

I was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year

 

Ever since the age of 5 I have collected Cassette Recorders and Cassette Decks. I have around 60 now. They are like a second family to me as I have very little trust in humans.

 

A few weeks ago during an argument with my "parents", my dad threatened to smash them up. These Decks are like children to me and needless to see I don't want to see or hear my parents again.

 

Since this incident though I have become even more protective of my Decks and have started worrying about what will happen to them if I die. Normally I know that they would just be dumped on a waste disposal site somewhere but I don't want that to happen to them.

 

I am finding that I am becoming increasingly worried about this and haven't been sleeping lately.

 

Has anybody experienced anything like this before? Or does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do to protect them?

 

An help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Buffy

 

 

there are a numb er of things I want to write in response to this post....

 

Breast cancer does not mean you're going to die (well, not imminently). there is over 80% survival rate.

 

Many people argue with their parents, and, especially in times of stress, things are said that they don't mean. please don't cut them out of your life over one stupid threat.

 

But a simple answer to your actual question is: make a Will. Considering you are in dx process atm, I would suggest using a solicitor - they usually offer a fixed fee, so phone around and get quotes. you can leave your collection to another collector, a friend, a museum etc.....

[caci]

Not quite the same, but my husband's passion is cinema organs. He is the editor of a members newsletter and we often get phone calls asking if he could pick up someone's collection of memorabila after they have died.

 

Is there some sort of collectors group you could become part of ? Maybe some sort of online forum would be better for you then going to any sort of meeting.

 

Once you have found like minded people, I am sure you will have many volunteers to inheirit your collection when the time comes - although I hope that won't be for many many years yet.

[Tally]

You can write a will to specify who you would like to give your collections to after you die.

 

You could choose to pass them on to a relative who might appreciate them to remember you by. However, that person may choose to dispose of them or sell them. You cannot force someone to keep them.

 

You could choose to pass them on to someone you know who will enjoy them as much as you do. Again, they will have a choice about what to do with them.

 

You could ask for them to be sold and the proceeds donated to charity or passed on to someone of your choosing. That way they would go to someone who would enjoy them, but it will be a stranger.

 

You can write a will with a solicitor. Sometimes you can get this for free through your bank or some organisations you might be a member of. You do not need to see a solicitor to write a will. You can buy a special kit from a stationers that will help you write a will that is done properly and official. You will need to keep it somewhere safe where it would be found after your death. In with your other official documents would be a good place, as your family would need to sort through them.

[lizj]

I am a parent of a young person with Aspergers. Please try not to be too hard on your parents. They are very worried about you and probably get angry because you seem more concerned with your collection than you are with your own health and well-being. I have sometimes told my son that things "come between him and his wits" and this is how it looks to NT people.

They don't mean you or your decks any harm, they just want you to focus on getting well. Trying to talk to them about how you feel might help them understand.

Good luck, hope you are soon well again.

[Buffy]

I am a parent of a young person with Aspergers. Please try not to be too hard on your parents. They are very worried about you and probably get angry because you seem more concerned with your collection than you are with your own health and well-being. I have sometimes told my son that things "come between him and his wits" and this is how it looks to NT people.

They don't mean you or your decks any harm, they just want you to focus on getting well. Trying to talk to them about how you feel might help them understand.

Good luck, hope you are soon well again.

 

Hi Lizj

 

Thanks for your message

 

I have been trying to talk and explain to my parents for 34 years! Even with the psychiatrist's semi-diagnosis their response was "We don't want to know!". Although I have exhibited these traits from a very early age my parents never once sought help toward finding out what was wrong let alone helping me. My mom often says that "she knows best" but she doesn't know me. I have been forced to live my life as two people - Clair and Buffy just to keep my parents happy but they seem totally unaware of how much damage this has done to me. Even when the school approached them about my behaviour they always denied they was anything wrong and I would just be punished like I had some evil spirit in me that that were trying to exorcise out of me. But they never once sought help from doctors etc. My mom has this habit of calling me "Nutty Nelly" which I find extremely hurtful but I can't help feeling that If the had done something about it and got help things wouldn't be this bad now.

 

It's sad I know but I don't feel I can trust them any more, they have betrayed me have and have targeted what they know will hurt me most. it's been 3 months since we last spoke but I have to say I am contented as I am not having to worry about what they will think. It's the first time I have been able to go out - and take my decks out with me and feel confident. I don't mind having to explain myself to strangers as I wouldn't expect them to know but when my parents turn against me it doesn't give me much outlook for the future.

[Sally44]

My son can also be a bit of a hoarder. He definately gets an emotional attachment to items. His current collection is bottle tops because of the pictures they have on them. I'm not too happy about this because it effectively means picking up rubbish from the streets.

And the level of his emotional attachment is something I watch.

He recently saw a news item about someone whose garage was flooded and "all their stuff was ruined by the water". He was devasted about that and it got him worrying about "his stuff" and "how it might get damaged" and "what would happen to it" - which is similar to how you are thinking.

It is a good idea to think what you would like to happen to your things, especially if it makes you feel better.

 

Regarding relationships at home. Do you have a Social Worker. Do you work at all? Have you ever considered living in your own flat?

 

My sister was supported over a long period of time and moved into a flat that was part of a warden scheme. She had carers coming into to help her with housework, shopping, paying bills etc.

 

This happened when she was in her mid forties. And part of the reason was that mum and dad needed their space and had to let her become more independent. And my sister was getting more and more resistant to their parenting.

 

Your parents may well know best, but for most of us we eventually have to learn to do things our way and live with what we are happy with. That might be different to what your parents want or expect. That is something we all go through, but which is harder when it involves children/adults with special needs.

[PStevenson]

hi Buffy I thought I'd reply to this as I have a similar collection habit, I collect alot of audio equipment, tape recorders being one part of that, my parents were never understanding of it and would often throw things away, of course I'm now 28 so I have locked everything up. anyway my point for replying is that there are alot of people who love tape recorders - well any kind of audio equipment and because I have a similar worry of things being thrown away after I go I have written an "open on my death" letter which among other things lists various groups of people into the same kinds of things to be notified about my things to be taken for free on the condition that they look after them as I have.

 

like you, I feel as though my audio/electronic equipment is like a second family and if you are interested this is known as a anthropomorphic personification. I cannot pick things up in shops and not buy them because I feel like I will hurt the thing I have picked ups feelings.

[bid]

Ho Buffy,

 

You could research any museums or university collections around your specialist subject, and then specify that you want to leave your collection to them in a will.

 

Bid