amygriff Report post Posted October 26, 2010 hi everyone im new 2 this site but i really thought this site would help me with my son. he is only 3 and half but he is disruping the whole house with my other two kids and my hus band he has bein a handfull since birth with constant crying and not sleeping! due to him bein the youngest i knew there was somethin not right. he has bein under the hospital for milk intolerance and reflux but got discharged coz said it was a behaviour problem. at 2 we was then put with a support worker and i have done parenting classes which with all the technigues have not worked. i am writing here coz i feel i am not getting anywhere he is now 3 and waiting to see consultant they think he has as but not sure!!!!!! he is hitting and being violent no eye contact too loud no safety awareness not socialising with other kids not listening to instuctions has to have everythin the same in his room please could any one offer advice i am at breaking point thanks amy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 26, 2010 Hi, welcome to the forum, Im sure many of us here will relate to your first post and the urgency to the cituation due to prediagnosis and assessments, if I look back all those years ago with my own son, now 13, I have to say 3 and 4yrs old were the most difficult for me, since then we have put in a lot in place, though we still struggle we are in no way in the same situation to the three and four yrs sanario, so it is very difficult to deal with and you have other children too, so it will be very demanding and exhausting. Firstly is he in any nursery/school? and if so does he recieve any additional support? What was the parenting course called, was it designed for children with additional needs? I would look out for one that is called stepping stones a couson of Tripple P but it is designed for children with additional needs. A few short suggestions in the mean time to help you throw the next few weeks. Visualise as much as you can. Use pictures to illustrate the request. Visual instructions, prompts, visual day time routine. Keep Instructions simple, one instruction at a time. Have an area in the house that you can set up as a chill out zone, a corner somewhere with a beanbag, CD player for relaxation CDs, low lighting, with a couple of books and puzzles, so he can retreat to his own little place and he has somewhere safe to go, that is not for punishment or consequence, but for self managing his own behaviour and ensure he will not be bothered by his siblings this needs to be somewhere for him. We now have a sensory room and this has helped desculate situations. Look into providing some risk eliment activties, such as tumble tots, gymnastics, Trampolining lessons, 1-1 swimming lessons ect as this can give a good replacement for risky behaviours and burn off some of that excess and nervous energy. Sure starts are good venue to look at social activities such as Dance Class, music group, singing morning, ect... Keeping a diary helps too. JsMumx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beebee Report post Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) hi everyone im new 2 this site but i really thought this site would help me with my son. he is only 3 and half but he is disruping the whole house with my other two kids and my hus band he has bein a handfull since birth with constant crying and not sleeping! due to him bein the youngest i knew there was somethin not right. he has bein under the hospital for milk intolerance and reflux but got discharged coz said it was a behaviour problem. at 2 we was then put with a support worker and i have done parenting classes which with all the technigues have not worked. i am writing here coz i feel i am not getting anywhere he is now 3 and waiting to see consultant they think he has as but not sure!!!!!! he is hitting and being violent no eye contact too loud no safety awareness not socialising with other kids not listening to instuctions has to have everythin the same in his room please could any one offer advice i am at breaking point thanks amy Welcome, firstly..!! I think a mother's intuition is usually pretty good. I have a son who was recently diagnosed with 'AS' at 15 years old. It had unfortunately taken a very long time for any one to listen to my concerns. I for many years, suspected that my son was not your 'average' child and as he got older his difficulties became more apparent...well certainly to me..!! The things you have described seem to be mostly consistent with 'AS' although some could crossover into 'ADHD' difficulties. I am told that it is sometimes the case for children with 'AS' to also have 'ADHD', as they can sometimes go hand in hand. Obviously i am no professional but having lived with an 'AS' child for nearly 16 years, they are all familiar to me.! Does your son go to nursery? If so are they aware of your concerns, or indeed have any of their own? I work with special needs children and i can honestly say that the sooner they are diagnosed and supported, the better. As your son is so little, hopefully with immenent intervention and support(if needed), the future should be easier for you all. I would say 'PUSH' hard for a referral and definately don't take no for an answer..!! It can be extremely stressful and sometimes feel like your the only one experiencing these things, but there is light at the end of the tunnel...it's not all bad. My son has grown into a lovely 'quirky' lad, who iam proud to call my own. Good luck with everything...!! Bee Edited October 27, 2010 by Beebee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
philipo Report post Posted October 27, 2010 you could try keeping his focus.eg.Instead of trying to sit down and get him to paint a picture(which involves more talking etc) ,both of you sit down and paint your own pictures.Then he will MIMIC you rather than trying to communicate using verbal/oral channels.Keep the languauge simple,as we all know that language is mostly irrelevant to littler ones.Physical contact is important and more so for children with 'learning difficulties'.have him sat on your lap when watching telly or reading,this with give him a feeling of security.I always found after meals as their stomach slows them down. You must also seperate the behaviours out,as a 3 year old he might have had an easy ride with the terrible two's so his behaviour may be more 'normal' than asd aspies etc behaviour.Aspies or not just remember that many parents have to face off with the little toddlers,once they know how to say no ,and when they make the transition from non verbal toddler to walking talking aware young child. hope it helps.It also helps to let your kids see you cry when life gets a bit much,unfortunatley the majority of 'Neurotypicals' are incapable of simpler emotional honesty.another ,if somewhat controversial method to use when our children hit us is to hit them back.OK yeah there's a big debate about what constitutes'reasonable chastisement',but if you have a child ,or a dog or cat ,that attacks you you must give it a reasonable slap back at least once to express disgust and enable the attacker to feel what its like to be attacked/hit/slapped.To not retaliate at all means that you have given that animal no reason to change it's behaviour.I'm amazed that my understanding of body language is better with animals than most people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) ,if somewhat controversial method to use when our children hit us is to hit them back.OK yeah there's a big debate about what constitutes'reasonable chastisement',but if you have a child ,or a dog or cat ,that attacks you you must give it a reasonable slap back at least once to express disgust and enable the attacker to feel what its like to be attacked/hit/slapped.To not retaliate at all means that you have given that animal no reason to change it's behaviour.I'm amazed that my understanding of body language is better with animals than most people. I would advice strongly against this method, physical chestisement does not work with special needs management. It should never have to resort to physical punishment. Usually when an animal bites it is within the dormaine of an another animal, we are not animals, where human beings. If a Dog or Pet did Bite/attack me or another human there are Laws in place that can have the animal destroyed, we are talking about children who display challenging behaiour because of fear or stress and what you are suggesting is when that child has attacked a Fully sized adult, that Adult then attatcks back! that in some situations could be dangerous on both parties. Attacking back also gives a message it is right to use threat/violence/attack in the first place as well, just acts as a reinforcer basically. If a parent is having real difficulties with a child who is displaying attacking behaviour they need expert, proffesional help which sadly isnt avialable in todays society, its what many of us parents are fighting for. JsMumx Edited October 27, 2010 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amygriff Report post Posted October 27, 2010 hi again thanks for replying as you all know its really hard with no answers. just relyin back yes he has bein nursery and he jus started a school one in september they have picked up on the fact he does not respond to any instuction and he cannot concentrate on anythin he also does not talk to the other children plus he still wettin. i done incredible years course but it was good for my "normal" 4 year old but not my 3 year old. I have got routine charts round the house they do make a bit of difference but please please any more suggestion please leave them it be gratefull amy xxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 28, 2010 all them signs you have listed do add up to autism jigsaw picture i would note down and record all things you notice 'odd' 'weird' 'different' or that finding challenging hard or and effort for his age group and once have evidence/proof i don't think GP's are anxious to officially diagnose too early but then don't want to get it where alot of us have in our lives 'too late' stage either so finding the correct balance i don't think ever 'too early' speak up your concerns where possible .... as the earlier the better it will be for him later on growing up .... got raw end of the stick like many by getting in too late .... treatment better off early steps stages to work more successfully anf effectively XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 28, 2010 alot aspies/autistics have gasco reflux probs and intolances probs when younger this more physical thing that shows up then rest follows behaviour wise ... does your son have health visitor? does he recieve extra help and support? like pyschologist /paedtrician don't know if he is too young but worth trying to engage with services now maybe ... what about sure start NAS for practical tips advice and support? have you approached anyone about your son's issues apart from hospital which didn't sound helpful useful source just passing buck onto you by saying 'behavioural probs' can't treat that disgusts me to be honest! be careful he isn't 'labelled wrong' with say A.D.H.D when got A.S as so close can get misdiagnosed and treated read as 'something else' going on! it think it does start to develop more in early childhood three upwards .... the signs all sound pretty autism clear but i'm not professional so can't say for sure does sound likely! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amygriff Report post Posted October 30, 2010 hi ya he got a nice support worker from sure start bein doin about his emotions hich he doesn seem to have apart from cryin or screamin he is under allens croft so jus waitin for that appointment as you all know takes forever. his nursery are supportive to be doin visual signs for meals so he doesn get confused at the dinner hall. i think as a parent tryed most things now that why needin help coz what i done not worked plus as a family need a bit of routine and a bit of calm if that can ever happen!!!!!!!! thanks for support any more suggestions are more than welcome xxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
