care manager - flat has come up

[smiley1590]

care manager rang up last week said flat has become available but just moved house with my parents in august and reassuranced them that i would move in by myself i'd move in with them that's what i decided so they could get 3 bed house instead 2 bed which cost less money to run i keep umming and ahhing such a massive step decision to make feel scared anxious don't know if i'm ready as have NO daily living skills ... can dress myself make bath make sandwich open a tin that's it really!!! me and my best friend drove round to have a look on outside of what flat looks like and look lovely so nice just feel comfortable secure with parents and twin brother and scared move in and won't have done 'right' ill get lonely and MH probs will creep up suddenly don't know what to do really whether i'm ready how will i know massive jump of faith to go it alone i don't think my parents think i'm ready and with me on p/t wage from work get paid monthly where would that leave me really struggling financially? i know i'd get my DLA and prob hosuing benefit and care manager said i'd be entitled to community grant with my furniture i buy but what does that mean can anyone explain go into more detail for me as really lost confused and in the dark ...??? how i dislike hard decision making grrr.... the flat looks lovely really nice so tempted go for it but what if can't cope i can't manage or don't work out ..... And flat like 1 min away from town centre itself so handy in that way practical walk into town get bus to my parents .... but all been sprung on me such short notice my parents think i'm not ready i just don't know i know in ideal location

 

care maanger's email :

 

"Don't think they are safe yet due to building work around the site. We are hoping they will be ready some time in December but as you can guess builders do not keep to a schedule. so an accurate date would be difficult. You would be able to get regular support from the provider we have allocated to the project or you can choose to remain with NAS."

 

I have seen the blue prints, they one-bed roomed open plan flats. They come with flooring in the bathroom and kitchen and a washer/dryer. If interested you can apply for housing benefit and a community grant to buy furniture.

 

 

 

what does mean if i want instead getting help from NAS i can get regular support from 'the provider' - provider of what ?

 

XKLX

[Kazzen161]

Is this supported housing? In that case, an agency (provider) support worker is part of the offer - they can help with tenancy issues, such as paying bills, sorting out elecricity/gas supply, other residents being noisy, etc. You should also be able to get help with independent living skills via social services (someone to come in and help/teach you learn to look after yourself). I presume you currently get some support via the NAS, and she is saying you could choose to carry on getting them to help you. You should ask her to explain exactly what help is provided (is the support person on site or only there once/a few times a week?). How long can you stay in this flat? (they sometimes give a maximum time, by which time they expect you to be able to move into a normal council flat).

 

A Community Grant is where you can apply for help to buy essential furniture - they only help certain people, so you would need to check if you meet the criteria. Unfortunately, you can never predict how much they will agree to pay you, but you can get lots of things second hand or off free-cycle. The flat may come with some appliances fitted.

 

I would go to the CAB and ask them to calculate what benefits you would be entitled to. Do you know how much the rent and council tax are?

 

It sounds like a good opportunity. If it did not work out, would you be able to move back in with your parents?

[smiley1590]

no i don't know very much deep details on it really at all!!! how much rent council tax rates will be gas electricity etc yes i'm working with N.A.S atm

 

XKX

[smiley1590]

yes it is supported living flats

[jfjyhtftr1]

I'm afraid I can't offer any usefull advice, but I think I really know how you feel. I'm 24 and still live with my parents, but sometimes wish I could have my own home. I've never even mentioned it to them though, and I don't think I will do anything about it in the near future. I really am torn between feeling safe and secure at home, and the appeal of having a bit more independance. I spent a week away from home on my own for the first time earlier this year, and, although I was really lonely and cried myself to sleep on the first night, I was surprised how well I coped (although admittedly staying in a B&B and eating out of a chip shop I didn't have to do much practical). I think in the end I will partly regret whatever choice I make, but I hope some time I will be confident enough to make the leap. Sorry, I know that's probably not a lot of help, but I know reading this forum I've found it really reassuring that other people have the same worries as me.

[JsMum]

How has the flat with supported living come available? Did you fill in an application so that you could look into the future of independant living.

 

If you filled in the application was you thinking it may take longer for a flat to become available?

 

From what I know these flats are far and between and it is a great sign that one has come up,especially a nice one, right near the town centre that accessable to buses and local amenaties,it could be a long time before another was available that is for sure.

 

What about giving it a go, you could still go home for short periods of time, part live in the flat and at home, that way you will still see your family and at the same time have your own space too and your mum still needs your room as you would be staying over some of the days.

 

The move in could be done over a longer period of time as there is no rush to move in a day a couple of days, you could pace your self, giving yourself time to adjust.

 

It would would be nice for your family to visit you too in your own flat, Im sure it would be a milestone your mum would feel very proud of once you where more settled in, maybe she doesnt want to let you go quite yet, the important question is do YOU think You are ready?

 

I sense a tiny bit of total excitement but more worried it will all fail? if that is the case then your gut does want to do it, but your fearing the lonelyness, bills, not coping, but if you dont try you could end up living at home for another decade, and you would never of known.

 

Due to the flat been nice with local ammeanaties and services and your going to get Support you have all the ingredients of it working rather than it not.

 

I would at least give a trial run, you never know you might love your own place and you might enjoy the space and not feel to lonely.

 

You could make it all really cosy, and have it how you want it, this would be yours.

 

Due to working part time Im not sure how much you would qualify for HB but you would be entitled to HB, I just dont know how much you would get. for the utility bills there is direct debit where it can be deducted each week from your weekly money, I pay around £10 a week per bill, but I have a large house, there is no denying it bills are expensive but yours is a little flat and wont be that much, as long as you keep on top of them and pay them regularly they shouldnt come out of control.

 

Community Care Grant is based on individual needs and depends what you request, you have to apply for essential items such as a Bed, Bedding, Cooker, Fridge, Washer Machine, pots and pans, cutelry exct and if you feel you have not been awarded enough to cover your basics you can appeal, so you should be able to get enough support to cover at least the essentials you need for your flat, and really it takes months and years before you have most of what you need, you gradually collect the things you need.

 

Do you have a DOVE furniture store near you, we have and some of thier stuff is like new, lovely so check them out.

 

 

I personally think you have a fantastic oportunity for at least some independance with support and Id say take that oportunity.

 

JsMumx

Edited December 2, 2010 by JsMum

[Kazzen161]

Another bonus of moving into this type of place is that you might find you make friends with some of the other tenants.

 

Social workers have to convince the housing people that you are suitable/ready for this type of housing, so they must think you are ready.

 

Once you know what the rent and coucil tax is, you can use www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx to calculate what benefits you would get.

[Sally44]

I think you would be more re-assured if social services put on paper exactly what they are going to help you with.

 

My sister moved into a flat and was supported by carers going in three times a week to help with cooking skills, cleaning. They went with her shopping and dealt with her mail. We set up all her bills to be paid by direct debit and once a quarter we look over the bank statements. My sister has no understanding of money at all. We had to give her a weekly budget and write down what she needed to spend for certain things.

 

My sister received direct payments and used this to pay for the carers to come in and support her. Before she moved in the care package was all agreed and set up.

 

I think if you know exactly what you are going to get that will re-assure you. I think you need to tell your family and social services that you need it all to be talked through, agreed and written down so that you are not so anxious.

 

Also talk about what you will do if you do move into this flat and you do not like it for whatever reason. We told my sister that if it did not work out, for whatever reason, that she could move back in with her parents. We also ensured she was taken by SS to a centre for adults once a week for some social life outside of work. She also visits family members every week. She actually has a better social life than I do!

 

My own sister also was not entirely sure about moving out and had alot of reservations. Now you would have to drag her away from her house. She likes her independence and being able to do what she wants instead of having to fit around other family members and parents.

 

It is only natural to feel a bit but there is every chance it will turn out

Edited December 2, 2010 by Sally44

[smiley1590]

yes i was told may takes months years for a flat to become available so i'm lucky just feel so at crossroads getting me in a tizz a spin just want to feel like any 'normal' 20 year old but will this fill the missing gap continuely searching .... my care manager wants me to get in contact so give me more details and understand HB /C.G etc just everything rushed through actually feel depressed bout this decision it dragging me down i feel bad guilty as don't know how i feel about any of it being ready .... my care manager from J.C.T ( Joint commisioning team) also MH nurse. it weightin heavy on my mind as christmas going up don't know if step too far grrr.... just keeps freaking out over it thinking O.M.G thinking about it all time trying to work out what best solution .... i don't want make knee jerk reaction have to live to regret and end swallowing my pride which drop self -esteem make my depression bad i never forgive myself! i just keep panicking feel like being BIG BABY crying over spilt milk over nothing but to me BIG DEAL one part me say YES jump at chance other part screaming NO DON'T DO IT! fighting /battling with A.S /dyspraxia as always! where does leave me?!

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

thanks for all your replies appreciate for me couldn't happen at worst time with festival period coming up with family and this following me around i know should be excited happy .... feel like i'm just 'running' from myself A.S grief /anx .... i feel such a chicken moaning groaning over something like this just have push myself all time feel like in race with my 'norm' mates have bf , etc don't know being doing it to avoid certain situations in my life that finding hard difficult just want to 'escape from' hide away from the world my parents break down scream shout .... over how i feel about my life etc the flat feels so 'wrong' even talking about it but also feel bad guilty why i don't know ... feel like i'd be betraying the hard work /effort my parents have done over years all struggles/difficulties i had to face head on! what if i collapse straight away can't hack it get panic attack .... depression ends spiralling out of control what then ...!! i don't want call on people all time guidance reassutrance feel such BURDEN nuisance my head screaming out! makes me sick! hate me because of it!

[Sally44]

Rather than thinking of this as a huge life long decision, try look at it as 'trying on a jumper to see if it fits'.

 

Take it in small steps. When my sister got her flat, she did not move in for about the first 4 months. Then she tried sleeping there, with mum, for just one night and we gradually extended it. She could go to her parents house any time and decide to sleep there if she preferred. We tried not to put pressure on her by leaving all alternatives open.

Edited December 2, 2010 by Sally44

[smiley1590]

i tried switching off not thinking off it as life changing decision but mind keep falling back to that trail of thought making me anxious ,depressed wreck keep crying over which way to go ... keep trying weight up each option seperate i keep thinking am i kidding myself can i really do this? am i up for BIG challenge ahead of me this time of year? i know sometime got to face this just daunting .... i know it is for anyone just got learn everything in baby steps and could be possible to learn when in flat cooking independence living skills that are missing due to A.S /dyspraxia made harder to face trying avoid due to panic and anx!

[smiley1590]

don't want feel like yo-yo to and from all time my parents house to my flat can see myself getting frustrated ,annoyed tired worn out with that becoming drained .... just going round in circles driving me mad crazy .... am i running before i can walk as usual!? fear i maybe just prove i can do it but if i fall i know rip me into pieces literally i'll be deverstated in myself if end up at square one i'll feel like idiot failure .... grrr... ill be so angry towards myself annoyed!

[bid]

Rather than thinking of this as a huge life long decision, try look at it as 'trying on a jumper to see if it fits'.

 

Take it in small steps. When my sister got her flat, she did not move in for about the first 4 months. Then she tried sleeping there, with mum, for just one night and we gradually extended it. She could go to her parents house any time and decide to sleep there if she preferred. We tried not to put pressure on her by leaving all alternatives open.

 

This is an excellent suggestion from Sally.

 

You are also so lucky to have been offered this support package...many young people with ASD would love to have such an opportunity, and many parents on here would be so thrilled if something came up like this for their adult child.

 

Life is all about moving forwards, even when it feels very frightening. Plus, remember you have been offered this package because the provider thinks you would benefit from this flat and the support.

 

Good luck, and I hope you get the support you need to move forwards on this new adventure.

 

Bid

Edited December 5, 2010 by bid

[smiley1590]

i don't if ready with skills to be ready face opportunity as support workers suppose to be helping me getting prepared are always on annual leave off sick and when i have work they don't bother rearrange they just cancel i'm so want grab this opportunity but risk of falling from great height is greater be dangerous rollercoaster to be on! without any brakes! who's the provider? don't get who's flat they are don't think care manager even gets what's going on she never knows whole story behind anything all a sham big front behind is nothing!!! i feel let down again by NAS system! it's disgraceful i could do better job myself! i feel stick your flat where sun don't shine! my care manager don't give time to prepare nothing but say help and support me well havn't done fab job so far in proving this to me! my parents feel the same too! i feel so alone! i probably going to get critised writing what i have in this post but don't care had enough can't take much more .... i keep telling my care manager IM NOT READY for flat end of i'm so confused myself pulled all direction in my own head without them! i think fooling myself i could afford to live on benefit money i'd be getting pay everything!

 

XKLX

[bid]

Why don't you get your parents to go with you and find out the exact set up? I'm sure they can phone for an appointment with the Care Manager for you all.

 

It doesn't sound to me as though you have been let down, more that you aren't clear about the package.

 

Offers like this are few and far between, and I think you are very lucky. You just need to get a clearer picture of the situation, and maybe this is where your parents can help.

 

So, my advice would be:

 

1. Get your parents to make an appointment with the Care manager.

 

2. Write a list of everything you are woriied about to take to the meeting so that you don't forget. Go through the list with the Care Manager and write down her answers next to each thing you're worried about.

 

3. Get all the details of the package written down so that you can re-read them again to reassure yourself.

 

Bid

Edited December 9, 2010 by bid