Temper tantrums, sensory problems and controlling behaviour

[joybed]

Hi just wondered how you all would deal with this. Piers behaviour is becoming worse every day of the holidays. I am truly worn out by it. He and Lydia,s relationship is detriorating rapidly and I need to go shopping but he is reluctant to get dressed yet again and i am not thrilled at the prospect of a screaming child in Tesco,s. Piers has aspergers and probably ADHD also. HE has numerous sensitivity issues he has always had an issue with socks and shoes but this has now progressed to clothes also. He is very small and needs trousers with an adjustable waist but cannot stand the elastic because i need to pull it in in so much. He will only wear clothes that have Ben 10 on them or another character he is in to. I don,t tolerate this and encourage him to wear other things but it is literally a fight to get him dressed. He prefers to remain naked but then tantrums he is cold and this is obviously not an option. He is very controlling in the way he plays he insists his toys are perfectly straight and screams for them to be perfect, he cannot explain what perfect is so screams until I hit on the right thing. His speech is good but he cannot find the words to explain himself. He becomes easily frustrated and becomes destructive if he cannot do something. His DS has been removed as he tried to break it and we had to stop a Wii game after 1 minute yesterday because he was having such a tantrum. Life is one huge tantrum. To top it off Lydia is winding him up all the time and all they do is fight. At The moment I am finding it hard to deal with the tantrum that has just occured as i felt close to losing my temper. He cries all the time, is constantly attached to my leg, he is now saying nobody in the family likes him and will not be reassured. He is also refusing most foods. He has a cold and a nasty cough and obviously the school rouitne isn,t there also. We are trying to get back to mnormal after the mayhem of christmas. DH is now back at work and i am at home alone with the kids. Marcus has gone to his Nannas as he cannot cope with the noise Piers makes. The house is chaos and i cannot see a way past it. It is soul destroying to see a 6 year old so frustrated deeply unhappy.

[Mandapanda]

Hi joybed

 

Sorry life is so hard for you all at the moment.

 

I've had my way of dealing with these things, and I know not everybody agrees with it, but personally I would let him wear Ben 10 stuff (I think I saw some in the sales). You have to pick your battles otherwise life will be a constant battle and miserable for everybody, and you will end up totally exhausted and, if you're anything like me, feeling a total failure

 

We have just had our calmest Christmas ever. Aw is 14 now. As the boys have got older they have got a little less rigid, and it is so difficult waiting for that to happen.

 

Aw has learned not to get so over excited about Christmas, and have such high expectations of presents etc, which always led to huge disappointment in the past. Robodog and Roboraptor had a lot to answer for in previous years!

 

I don't know how your household operates, but I would suggest giving him chance to wake up properly in the morning, and warning about what you will be doing. Don't automatically expect him to enjoy doing things the others enjoy doing - I've come a cropper by doing that many a time.

 

Thinking of you. <'>

[bid]

Huge hugs Joy, I can still remember all too well what life was like when my adult son was 6!

 

First off, have you looked at making sure you have a really clear routine at home? So, meals at the same time, getting up and dressed/bedtime at the same time, and so on? I think that our kids benefit hugely from a very clear home structure, especially in the holidays. I would back this up with a very simple visual timetable somewhere like the kitchen, so that Piers can easliy see for himself what will be happening each day. You can include things like Christmas visits, etc. Apologies if you are already doing this!

 

Once the home routine is clear, then I would look at the behaviours...you might even find that some of it has disappeared if he feels more secure with what happens within home life. Only pick one behaviour to tackle first, the one that is having the worst negative impact. Then I would make lots of visual signs saying 'No hitting' or whatever it is you want to tackle, and put them up around the house and in Piers' room. Then fix on one simple phrase that you are going to use consistently for that behaviour, very simple: 'No hitting'...no emotional, complex stuff that we all say 'How many times have I told you, etc, etc'. You can then link this in with a reward system, but make sure you pick something he really cares about...stars, etc, rarely work for our kids as they are too abstract. You also need to have very short periods to be rewarded...a week, or even a day, is probably too long to start with. I would divide the day into 2 or 3 periods with a reward for not doing the target behaviour for that period. Again, have a simple visual chart so that Piers can see what he is aiming to do.

 

Phew...hope that's not too much, and good luck! Hope someone else can help with the sensory stuff.

 

Bid

[justine1]

Huge hugs Joy, I can still remember all too well what life was like when my adult son was 6!

 

First off, have you looked at making sure you have a really clear routine at home? So, meals at the same time, getting up and dressed/bedtime at the same time, and so on? I think that our kids benefit hugely from a very clear home structure, especially in the holidays. I would back this up with a very simple visual timetable somewhere like the kitchen, so that Piers can easliy see for himself what will be happening each day. You can include things like Christmas visits, etc. Apologies if you are already doing this!

 

Once the home routine is clear, then I would look at the behaviours...you might even find that some of it has disappeared if he feels more secure with what happens within home life. Only pick one behaviour to tackle first, the one that is having the worst negative impact. Then I would make lots of visual signs saying 'No hitting' or whatever it is you want to tackle, and put them up around the house and in Piers' room. Then fix on one simple phrase that you are going to use consistently for that behaviour, very simple: 'No hitting'...no emotional, complex stuff that we all say 'How many times have I told you, etc, etc'. You can then link this in with a reward system, but make sure you pick something he really cares about...stars, etc, rarely work for our kids as they are too abstract. You also need to have very short periods to be rewarded...a week, or even a day, is probably too long to start with. I would divide the day into 2 or 3 periods with a reward for not doing the target behaviour for that period. Again, have a simple visual chart so that Piers can see what he is aiming to do.

 

Phew...hope that's not too much, and good luck! Hope someone else can help with the sensory stuff.

 

Bid

This is excellent advice I had all these problems with both my boys, Dan still has some of these issues(mostly the contant crying and hanging on my leg or his dad). Sam would spend 90% of the time in just a vest(even in winter) until the age 5 1/2.

 

I have to say with Sam over the past year,6-7, he has come such a long way. Trust me he still has huge issues but I feel we have quashed alot of problems,the problems that pushed me to the edge of dispair.When I found out he has aspergers and I came here, I got all the advice and put it into practise.

 

The hardest thing has been sticking to it,not just saying he has a consequense for the bad behaviour but actually following it through.Not just having the timetable on the wall but sticking to it. Giving him rewards has been very helpful. He has a jar that he fills with marbles and it works wonders,each week he gets to chose a small gift for £1,sometimes he gets the same thing over and over but it makes him happy.

 

At the moment Sam is sick as well so it has been rough as he is quite grumpy,but same rules apply.

[JsMum]

Piers behaviour is becoming worse every day of the holidays.

 

This could be the trigger, the changes of christmas ect...

 

As for the sensory issues to clothing and been naked, we buy Base Layers for J, that way he tolerates differing materials more and base layers are comfortable so if he just wore these indoors without clothing he wouldnt get cold.

 

And it has been FREEZING lately, even J agrees to wear a coat in these sub zero tempretures.

 

The words finding is a real trigger for built up frustration so what about having some visual communication, visual pictures to point to what he needs.

 

PEC or Widgets.

 

Defo agree with the routine maybe place them on the wall in visual format.

 

We are having great behavioural difficulties we have informed the GP and CAHMS.

 

Do you recieve any additional support for Piers at home or recieve any extra provisions such as a sesstional worker or home help.

 

As for interaction with his sister it sounds like his sister needs some extra support too, and maybe that could be an area to look into recieving additional support with your CAHMS as I think I read your Daughter also shows traits of ASD.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of ASD needs and its only you, maybe you need additional support, I recommend you write down your concerns and send it to Peirs and your Daughters CAHMS Consultant.

 

Keep a daily diary.

 

I think christmas is a big trigger with having different changes and then the new year and then the return to school, so he has a lot going on for at the moment and controlling behaviour is most certainly a result because they feel they dont have any control and there trying to regain it.

 

JsMumx

[JsMum]

I found this link helpful.x

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/en-gb/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour.aspx

 

JsMumx

[Enid]

Hi,

Dont come on much these dyas, but I remember your story well, hope today is going better for you all, sending you huge support. advice? well pick your battles let him wear ben 10 or sportacus or whatever else he is into, then you get the day off to a good start. Shop online!! then if you need things during the week just pop to nearest shop for milk/bread etc on way back from a walk etc. Do what works for you,him and her. Visual timetable is great if not I always tell mine, 15 now, what we will be doing the next day and them run through it again in the morning. Good luck Joybed and Happy New Year. Enid

[smiley1590]

hard when the routine is interputed through a long holiday and nothing you can do gets into lost confused anxious state hard to work through and feels like never going to end! it is stressful when this happens and annoying when out of 'your control'! not easy at best of times that why his behaviour is physical! not excusing but that may be reason behind!

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

is plain frustrated or go further than that and depressed as anger can be one physical sign and aggression i used to be the same about shoes socks and clothes so can sympathise and empathise with your son isn't easy to deal with sensory issues as seem to follow you around everywhere with different situations that you can't avoid!

 

XKX