siblings

[keeley]

Hi

 

I was wondering if anyone can give me & my husband some advice, i had a baby on xmas day and have an eight year old boy with ASD & Dyspraxia. We understand that it would be difficult for our son to accept the new baby he would not talk about the new baby when i was pregnant, he was upset enough that i was not able to spend xmas day with him which i begged for on xmas eve when the hospital wanted to keep me in to induce me because of complications.

Since we brought his little brother home he has done little things like put a teddy at the side of the baby when he is crying, handed me nappies but refused when have asked him if he wants to hold the baby, when we have bathed the baby he has ran in and out of the bathroom to look but once again refused to help, zach has always been a good sleeper will go to bed at 7.30pm if up for school and sleep through until 7.30am the next morning but since his little brother has been home he is finding it difficult to sleep often not going to sleep while 11-12pm, its his first day back at school tomorrow and he has not gone to sleep yet and i know he will be grumpy & destructive when tired, he has asked me not to bring the baby to school but my husband will be going back to work in a fortnight and im dreading when i have no choice, all advice i have obtained off the internet says to involve him in the babies life which we have tried but to no avail am i being impatient and give it time please help

[justine1]

Hi

It definatley takes time I have four boys all quite close together in age and my eldest(NT) was/is the worst with adjusting to his brothers.I say "is" because in all honesty I believe he would have been much happier being an only child,he loves 1:1 with me and his dad. When I brough Sam home when Josh was 3,he would scratch him,throw stones, and even turned his baby seat over...with him in it He made me so scared I had to take Sam everywhere,when I swent to cook,toilet etc.

 

Sam (AS) was not too bad when Dan came along,Sam was 2 1/2 and I did worry as he was a challenge at the time.He never did anything with Dan, he avoided him it was almost like he was'nt even there,really to the point where Sam would insist I carry him when I was pushing Dan in the pushchair or even carrying Dan. Dan and I have a strained relationship and I feel this may have been a factor as Dan ended up spending more time with his father and less with me.

 

 

Now Sam is very close to Dan, they get one well,both of them are on the spectrum as well.Dan lives with his dad now and Sam is always talking of and considering Dan, its very sweet. It took at least 3 years to get to this point though.

 

Don't expect your son to do to much,in the way of helping you as he may feel that all he is good for, you can encourage him but don't push or stress if he does'nt want to,he will eventually. Maybe try use something he likes like a fav telly show and say "why don't you show your little brother that show and tell him what its all about"So its more like them "playing" together. It will get easier as the baby gets older, I am sure he is wondering why all he does is eat and sleep...and poo!

[trekster]

The NAS suggests this for dealing with transitional times

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour/behaviour-common-questions-answered/challenging-behaviour-during-transition-times.aspx

[bid]

Hiya,

 

I have 4 children too.

 

Rather than encouraging him to get involved with the baby, I would concentrate on finding little bits of time when you can give him your undivided attention. So when the baby is asleep or your husband can look after him, then I would take the time to play a board game with your eldest or read to him or whatever he likes doing best. I would also 'signpost' these times very clearly, telling him how much you are looking forward to spending time just with him.

 

As far as taking the baby on the school run, I wouldn't give any real attention to his saying he doesn't want this to happen. Just be very matter of fact about it with little discussion, and present it as non-negotiable. If you walk to schoool, again use this time to talk to him and give him your undivided attention.

 

Good luck!

 

Bid

Edited January 4, 2011 by bid

[JsMum]

Hi

 

I was wondering if anyone can give me & my husband some advice, i had a baby on xmas day

 

Congratulations, bless a new baby, dont let me see, I will get all broody, and i defo have enough on my hands with my son who is would you believe it my only one.x

 

and have an eight year old boy with ASD & Dyspraxia.

We understand that it would be difficult for our son to accept the new baby he would not talk about the new baby when i was pregnant, he was upset enough that i was not able to spend xmas day with him which i begged for on xmas eve when the hospital wanted to keep me in to induce me because of complications.

 

was there any social stories put together before hand even if he didnt want to really listen social stories are good just to go throw sequence of events, just to show him what is going to happen so he is for warned.

 

 

Since we brought his little brother home he has done little things like put a teddy at the side of the baby when he is crying, handed me nappies

 

this is a great first step and a good sign that he is coming to terms with the new introduction, its similair when a child eats something, they may not take an actual bite until they have first had a look, then sniffed it, then smelt it, then the next big step is to lick it, then finally to taking a bite, in a way what he is showing already is he is taking small steps to maybe one day be finally able to going that bit further with his little baby sibling and he is going at a pace he can cope with so for me this is great steps forward.

 

but refused when have asked him if he wants to hold the baby,

 

maybe he is scared he may drop the baby or with his Dypraxia difficulties may not feel ready for that yet, tiny babys need a good confident cradle, he just may not ready for that quite yet, and if the baby cried because of the movement of been transferred into his arms he might panic and think it is something he did? or not feel comfortable able the noises the baby makes, a babys cry is very high pitched and it could be causing real hypersensory issues for your ASD son.

 

when we have bathed the baby he has ran in and out of the bathroom to look but once again refused to help

 

again at least he is interested to even have a quick peek.

 

zach has always been a good sleeper will go to bed at 7.30pm if up for school and sleep through until 7.30am the next morning but since his little brother has been home he is finding it difficult to sleep often not going to sleep while 11-12pm,

 

my son doesnt have these changes but he has had christmas and new year changes and these have been enough to cause havoc to his sleeping routine, with the increase in chocolate availability too that has defo caused hypo sessions too, I would just ensure he has a relaxing bedtime routine as possible and keep it calm from around 6pm so he can adjust slowly.

 

its his first day back at school tomorrow and he has not gone to sleep yet and i know he will be grumpy & destructive when tired

 

I would write a briefe letter to your sons schools Senco and explain about the changes and that your son will require extra support and supervision for the presant time, you could also request to pick him up earlier if you feel he is tired.

 

he has asked me not to bring the baby to school but my husband will be going back to work in a fortnight and im dreading when i have no choice,

 

use a social story that will explain the changes of you having to bring the baby.

 

all advice i have obtained off the internet says to involve him in the babies life which we have tried but to no avail am i being impatient and give it time please help

 

Don't forget your hormones and emotions will be all over the place, I dont think you are been impatient at all, just very exhausted probebly, your body is also adapting too.

 

I would say that things need to be done at a pace your son can deal with.

 

Does your area have a Autistic Outreach Service that could go into school and home to give you further advice to help you with further stratagies, from what Ive read he is slowly coming to terms of the changes, he just isnt ready to move onto the toutchy bit yet.

 

I would defo talk to the School Senco and the Midwife though to get some more support.

 

Best of luck.

 

JsMumx

Edited January 4, 2011 by JsMum

[LDF]

Everyone has given great advice and I just wanted to say congratulations.

 

Your son seems interested in his new sibling, but it will take tie for him to adjust, it can even take NT's time to adjust. 3 years ago my sis fell pregnant, she already had a child 2 yrs older than my son. Once the baby was born my son ignored her for almost 5 months, he also ignored my sister for several months, now he loves spending time at theirs again and his little cousin is the only one who he lets hug him or touch him.