ScienceGeek Report post Posted January 25, 2011 Anyone else feel like being too passive means that their support needs are being overlooked? I've got to the point where I am just fed up and mad at myself for being so reasonable/accommodating/passive all the time. I feel that because I'm understating the problems that I'm having and trying to be strong that it appears that I'm doing better than I really am. That people don't truly know that I'm annoyed with them, it's that whole mentality of not wanting to "rock the boat" or cause a fuss. So I am then being let down a lot because I find it hard to communicate that I am angry/let down etc. I find anything that could potentially cause conflict really hard and I run away from it because it is harder to face the problem and deal with the conflict, and find it really hard to ask for help. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lee2010 Report post Posted January 25, 2011 Yes i can relate to that first times i went to see mental health team i automatically come across that i cope fine, find it hard to explain or begin to explain the problems i have and up just end up not saying anything. I come across exactly the opposite which why ended up with a mood disorder the first time a couldnt exxplain the points as to why may of been ADHD at the time. I find myself just wanting to go home as i cannot deal with the surroundings and this why partly why i am passive in thje situation. I just make it seem as if i am normal i have become so practiced at it that in any unfimilar situation i automatically do this. Regards Lee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 25, 2011 For me it depends on the situation, i waited about 2 years before making an official complaint about someone's worrying behaviour. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted January 25, 2011 You can be assertive without being rude or demanding. It is something you can learn and get better at. There are a lot of books on assertiveness and even classes. It is a difficult skill because overdoing it can make you pushy, which does not help either. I suppose it would be a common problem in ASD when it's difficult to tell how the other person is interpreting you. Being too passive can be unfair on other people, because it can leave you feeling let down by them when they actually have not had the opportunity to live up to your expactations. Do you have any kind of advocate who can tell you what you can reasonably expect and help you obtain that? If you are confident about what you are entitled to, it might make you feel more comfortable about asking for it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lee2010 Report post Posted January 25, 2011 For me it depends on the situation, i waited about 2 years before making an official complaint about someone's worrying behaviour. Nice to see a fellow Liverpool fan Trekster regards lee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGeek Report post Posted January 26, 2011 You can be assertive without being rude or demanding. It is something you can learn and get better at. There are a lot of books on assertiveness and even classes. It is a difficult skill because overdoing it can make you pushy, which does not help either. I suppose it would be a common problem in ASD when it's difficult to tell how the other person is interpreting you. Being too passive can be unfair on other people, because it can leave you feeling let down by them when they actually have not had the opportunity to live up to your expactations. Do you have any kind of advocate who can tell you what you can reasonably expect and help you obtain that? If you are confident about what you are entitled to, it might make you feel more comfortable about asking for it. I know that it is possible to be assertive without being rude or demanding. I will look into assertivenes books/classes thanks for the suggestion. I definitely don't want to come across as rude/demanding but most of the time I have no idea how I come across to people. I just don't know how to get the things I need, and how to be firm on that, and what is reasonable to ask of a person. I am trying though, so it's not like I'm using my autism as an excuse. I don't have anyone to guide me on that front. People think that I'm assertive and confident, when really I'm not or at least not as much as they think I am. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted January 26, 2011 yes i am the same can't get out i'm angry /let down scared hurting someone's feeling though my support needs are not met as they should be! sounderstand what you mean where you coming from so frustrating we so sensitive others feelings we forget about us in the end!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
