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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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jfoster

Please help I think my child has Asperger's

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jfoster   

Hi everyone I've just joined this forum. I have a son who is 19 next week, and I've suspected for a long time that he might have Asperger's syndrome. I've never had him officially tested though. He has shown many signs of it over the years and currently it manifests itself in being obsessed with computers and having no friends (in real life, that is - he chats to people over the internet a lot but has never met any of them) he has never had many social skills or any social life. When he was little he was always obsessed with one thing, and would sit drawing this thing over and over again. These things varied from maps, traffic lights to water pipe systems and electrical sockets. When he walked in anyone's house he would immediately ask how many light sockets they had in the house and would insist on counting them all. He also used to embarrass me a lot saying inappropriate things to people (such as 'why are you fat?') And this wasn't just when you expect it at around age 3 or so, but he was in high school, about 12.

 

I have been a single parent since he was 18 months old. I was very isolated as he never made any friends (kids just thought he was weird) and I ended up avoiding social situations and not having anyone babysit for him, because I was scared he would say something offensive to them. This contributed to me having a breakdown in the end.

 

At the moment I don't know what to do with him because all he wants to do is sit at the computer all day. I end up having to take him places for the day to get him out, because I worry about his health, but people think it's weird a 19 year old out with his mother, but he has no concept of embarrassment of that kind, of course. He's never been a typical teenager or interested in things such as going out drinking or having a girlfriend. I don't think he ever will.

 

I wondered if there are any other people on here with similar experience. i would love to hear from you and get some support and solutions if possible. Thanks

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Well i'm 24 now and i relate to everything you said. I've had times when i've been out and socialised but lately that hasn't been the case. Like him i used to sit day in, day out playing video games and basically nothing else, but lately i've realised that i'm wasting time and have allready wasted so much time and i'm trying to really turn my life around.

 

Depression for me is what really made things more difficult, because before my bout of depression i was practically a different person. I was only diagnosed with mild aspergers but my life has been far from mild. I lost alot of friends with my despression too who i don't think understood what i was going through. I'd love to meet other people who i can personally relate to, as you can probably imagine i'm not the judging type and will befriend anyone willing to do the same. Contrary to popular belief most people with aspergers are desperate to make friends but are tired of being judged i think.

 

It is VERY hard to break out of a routine like the one your son is is now, and i used to think that this was it and there was nothing else that mattered, plus when your sick and tired of people judging you it's gonna make you less inclined to try and make new friends, which is sort of how i've been lately.

 

I really feel like life is starting to make more sense again, like before my bad depression hit, almost the same but not quite. It's difficult because without a job you can't really go out and if you can't go out you can't socialise. I've had some interviews lately and am hopeful about getting back into work soon, but if your son is into computers why not look into a computer course? Most people with aspergers can become highly skilled with computers. All i'd say is keep trying to push your son, and also i've started a gluten free diet and i am feeling an improvement (Mainly less mental clutter) and more focus. I'd also suggest he trys hypnotherapy as i remember after i tried it i felt more focused and all of a sudden stopped playing video games all day.

 

There is hope, i mean today has been a bad day for me and i've felt quite low but tomorrow i'll MAKE sure i feel better. I think last time i let the depression hit me hard and got into an almighty rut, but now i'll exercise or write to improve my mood. Hope this may help

Edited by Goldenben

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Beebee   

Hi everyone I've just joined this forum. I have a son who is 19 next week, and I've suspected for a long time that he might have Asperger's syndrome. I've never had him officially tested though. He has shown many signs of it over the years and currently it manifests itself in being obsessed with computers and having no friends (in real life, that is - he chats to people over the internet a lot but has never met any of them) he has never had many social skills or any social life. When he was little he was always obsessed with one thing, and would sit drawing this thing over and over again. These things varied from maps, traffic lights to water pipe systems and electrical sockets. When he walked in anyone's house he would immediately ask how many light sockets they had in the house and would insist on counting them all. He also used to embarrass me a lot saying inappropriate things to people (such as 'why are you fat?') And this wasn't just when you expect it at around age 3 or so, but he was in high school, about 12.

 

I have been a single parent since he was 18 months old. I was very isolated as he never made any friends (kids just thought he was weird) and I ended up avoiding social situations and not having anyone babysit for him, because I was scared he would say something offensive to them. This contributed to me having a breakdown in the end.

 

At the moment I don't know what to do with him because all he wants to do is sit at the computer all day. I end up having to take him places for the day to get him out, because I worry about his health, but people think it's weird a 19 year old out with his mother, but he has no concept of embarrassment of that kind, of course. He's never been a typical teenager or interested in things such as going out drinking or having a girlfriend. I don't think he ever will.

 

I wondered if there are any other people on here with similar experience. i would love to hear from you and get some support and solutions if possible. Thanks

Hi and welcome..!!

The things you describe do sound fairly typical of someone with AS.

My 16 yr old ds was diagnosed with AS last July and some of the things you describe i can totally relate to..!!

He always did 'quirky' things as a child including being innocently outspoken when something occured to him. He has many unexpected traits for a teenager and is definately not your stereotypical adolescent, with little or no interest in doing the thing's his 'peer's' enjoy.

On the plus side, in the last 3/6 months there has been improvement in his 'socialising' and he will spend some time out with friends (although usually those, some 18mths younger). Prior to this he spent most of his free time on his playstation/laptop or making lists of games played on 'Yu-gi-oh cards..!!

I don't know if i can offer any advice on how to improve your situation but just that a combination of constant encouragement,pushing and subtle suggestion's have shown some positive improvement with my ds..!

That said,'HERE' is a great place for support and somewhere to seek advice from other's in a similar situation as yourself.

Bee >:D<<'>

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Sally44   

I'm just wondering what your future plans for him are.

Did he go to a mainstream school and did he sit exams?

What does he want to do work wise?

Is college an option?

How independent is he ie. could he look after himself if you were not around?

Have no professionals ever been involved with him throughout his school life? (such as speech therapist, educational pscyhologist, clinical psychologist, paediatrician etc).

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Hi everyone I've just joined this forum. I have a son who is 19 next week, and I've suspected for a long time that he might have Asperger's syndrome. I've never had him officially tested though. He has shown many signs of it over the years and currently it manifests itself in being obsessed with computers and having no friends (in real life, that is - he chats to people over the internet a lot but has never met any of them) he has never had many social skills or any social life. When he was little he was always obsessed with one thing, and would sit drawing this thing over and over again. These things varied from maps, traffic lights to water pipe systems and electrical sockets. When he walked in anyone's house he would immediately ask how many light sockets they had in the house and would insist on counting them all. He also used to embarrass me a lot saying inappropriate things to people (such as 'why are you fat?') And this wasn't just when you expect it at around age 3 or so, but he was in high school, about 12.

 

I have been a single parent since he was 18 months old. I was very isolated as he never made any friends (kids just thought he was weird) and I ended up avoiding social situations and not having anyone babysit for him, because I was scared he would say something offensive to them. This contributed to me having a breakdown in the end.

 

At the moment I don't know what to do with him because all he wants to do is sit at the computer all day. I end up having to take him places for the day to get him out, because I worry about his health, but people think it's weird a 19 year old out with his mother, but he has no concept of embarrassment of that kind, of course. He's never been a typical teenager or interested in things such as going out drinking or having a girlfriend. I don't think he ever will.

 

I wondered if there are any other people on here with similar experience. i would love to hear from you and get some support and solutions if possible. Thanks

Hi,I can identify with you and your son ....my youngest is 12 in 2 weeks time......and im waiting for dx from CAMHS...his obsession is the computer he doesnt have any real friends only cyber type .....chats to them alot....he comes in car with me occasionaly...i could see him being the sameas your son in the future....he has home tutor as secondary school is too stressful......i do worry about the future but can totally understand you......lindy

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Hi everyone I've just joined this forum. I have a son who is 19 next week, and I've suspected for a long time that he might have Asperger's syndrome. I've never had him officially tested though. He has shown many signs of it over the years and currently it manifests itself in being obsessed with computers and having no friends (in real life, that is - he chats to people over the internet a lot but has never met any of them) he has never had many social skills or any social life. When he was little he was always obsessed with one thing, and would sit drawing this thing over and over again. These things varied from maps, traffic lights to water pipe systems and electrical sockets. When he walked in anyone's house he would immediately ask how many light sockets they had in the house and would insist on counting them all. He also used to embarrass me a lot saying inappropriate things to people (such as 'why are you fat?') And this wasn't just when you expect it at around age 3 or so, but he was in high school, about 12.

 

I have been a single parent since he was 18 months old. I was very isolated as he never made any friends (kids just thought he was weird) and I ended up avoiding social situations and not having anyone babysit for him, because I was scared he would say something offensive to them. This contributed to me having a breakdown in the end.

 

At the moment I don't know what to do with him because all he wants to do is sit at the computer all day. I end up having to take him places for the day to get him out, because I worry about his health, but people think it's weird a 19 year old out with his mother, but he has no concept of embarrassment of that kind, of course. He's never been a typical teenager or interested in things such as going out drinking or having a girlfriend. I don't think he ever will.

 

I wondered if there are any other people on here with similar experience. i would love to hear from you and get some support and solutions if possible. Thanks

Hi,I can identify with you and your son ....my youngest is 12 in 2 weeks time......and im waiting for dx from CAMHS...his obsession is the computer he doesnt have any real friends only cyber type .....chats to them alot....he comes in car with me occasionaly...i could see him being the sameas your son in the future....he has home tutor as secondary school is too stressful......i do worry about the future but can totally understand you......lindy

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Tally   

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am an adult with Asperger's.

 

Have you spoken to your son about Asperger's at all? Is he aware that he is different and has difficulties?

 

The internet can be a good way for people with Asperger's to socialise so I don't think it's completely a bad thing if your son enjoys this. But it's not ideal as the only source of social interaction and I do think it would be good to encourage your son to get out and meet a few people somehow. Might he go to a social group with other adults with Asperger's, or a club or class associated with an interest? If he's not in employment, voluntary work might be a good way to start to build up a CV and some confidence mixing with people in the workplace.

 

I don't see any problem in him going out with you. If it gets him out of his bedroom it can only be a good thing in my opinion!

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oxgirl   

Hi,

My lad is nearly 18 and I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. He has no friends either and I understand about having to take him out and go out with him, it doesn't feel 'appropriate' somehow for an 18 year old to be traipsing about everywhere with his mum, but what's the alternative? I take my lad out for regular walks to our local lake to feed the ducks and see the ducklings, something you'd think more was an activity for a four year old, but he enjoys it and at least he's getting exercise and fresh air. I do feel awkward sometimes when we was past a group of teenagers and I feel embarrassed for him really, being seen out with me, but he's just so used to it I don't think it really crosses his mind, or I hope not.

My lad is at college now, an ASD specific college, but when he leaves and it's time for him to try to get a job, that's when it's going to get really tough. There's no way he'd be up to filling in application forms and attending interviews (or even ataining interviews) on his own, but there's no way he could have his mum turn up with him, so I'm quite anxious about that.

 

~ Mel ~

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jlogan1   

hi ,i too have son of 13 no diagnosis but older sister diagnosed about 6 months ago at the age of 14 ,she hasnt been to school for 3 yeras my son hasnt been properly for nearly a year ,but is getting more difficult as time goes on ,he doesnt want to go anywhere or see anyone ,the school have recently provided out of school tuition for 2 hours per week ,but he just struggles so much,says he has his reasons but cant say what they are,and sooo sensitive,anyone else have this problem,we end up being too frightened to say anything,like have a shower! he takes it as having a go and the more we say anything the more he just digs his heels in!!but its anything that a 'normal 'kid would just ignore ,anything that could offend he takes so personal and then just clams up ,even his school have said they have never dealt with any one so super sensitive,he very rarely sees any friends but will facebook and talk on xbox but seeing someone face to face he just cant deal with.is even trying to get out of seeing CAMHS,socail work are involved because my dd of 10 is also having social problems at school and all they say are 'you must MAKE him go to see his teacher etc'but they seem to forget he is 13 and 5ft 8 inches ,great if he was 5, was different then,so any advise from anyone on this point would be good,but just take one day at a time.

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Dijac   

Hi,

 

My almost 12 y.o son has now been diagnosed with AS (last week) - he also prefers to spend his days on the computer. He does still go to a normal school, but we are having more and more problems, so we will have to see how that goes.

 

I have to switch the computer off and force him out to walk the dog with me, so that he gets fresh air too. He always complains, and hates me etc., but after he does always say he feels a bit better, so it is worth the abuse he gives me.

 

We are coming over to UK next week - (and my husband and I are dreading it) - but after that, the psychiatrist has has arranged for him to join a group of other adolescents, for group discussion. I am hoping this will help him a bit.

 

I don't really have any advice - we are completely lost to - but maybe if they have any groups like this for your son, maybe you could try that.

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Hello and welcome

 

I'm 20 and Until recently I was afraid to go anywhere alone. This was the cumulative result of my somewhat overprotective parents and the hard time I had with school. In the end I realized that these fears were unjustified. To get out of this rut, I started to implement little challenges for myself, starting with silly little things like going to the local shop, eventually leading in the confidence to go to Amsterdam to attend a conference, and to move out shortly afterwards.

 

To be honest, at 19, weather your son has autism/aspergers or not is his own problem, and his choice weather he wants to pursue diagnosis. What you should be doing is slowly introducing subtle challenges on him, to challenge and increase his independence.

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