This was quite interesting on another AS forum...

[Hughey]

This was a rant that got interesting on another forum:

 

Since I found out, I have been more angry and self hating than ever before. I don't get depressed, I just get really angry.

 

Just writing this out, I can feel myself ready to burst into flames, I hate AS so much and what it has done to me and my youth and my future middle aged life when I'm in my 30's. I hate it that much and I hate everything associated with it.

 

I keep having a recurring dream where I break the side of my skull off and pull the AS out with my hands, I can just visualize it fighting back as I'm dragging it out with both hands and then I feel like I'm cured. For the rest of my dream I'm smiling because I feel like I'm finally normal and I can meet people and talk to them comfortably, I can look them in the eye like its no big deal and it doesn't bother me at all. I won't be clumsy or weird, just normal.

When the fight is over I feel like its the first day of the rest of my life. Time to go to Ibiza and a rave and not fear the crowd and go get a girlfriend and make some proper friends who I don't have to consciously use training techniques just to hold a conversation for five minutes and I can naturally laugh and have a good time around others. Saturday I can call my friends and hang out maybe play Xbox or something, not Medal Of Honour alone with some doritos. No more social skills training classes, Hell, I might even develop a sense of humour!!!

I no longer need to make excuses like "I'm not defected, I'm just different" or "It makes me who I am". NO!! I'm the way I'm supposed to be, neurotypical, the way nature intended.

But then I wake up....

 

If your AS manifested its self as some kind of humanoid in front of you, what would you do?

 

I can't quite decide if I would strangle it and use my new neuro-typicality to stare into its eyes so I can watch it die or I would do a Sin City and just mount it and punch it in the head until all there's left is mush.

Listening to it squeal and watching it squirm whilst I'm pushing my thumbs into its eyes is quite tempting though. I always felt that making eye contact is like having thumbs in my eyes, poetic justice lol!

It will know the true meaning of physical pain and misery.

 

What would you do??

 

Feel free to give extra details as a post.

[bid]

Um, well, to be honest, I don't mind having AS...so I'd probably give it a bit of a hug as I expect it's looking a bit battered...may not be everyone's cup of tea, not perfect, but it's served me pretty well for 45 years!

 

Bid

[baddad]

Oh dear - that's one unhappy bunny, isn't it?

 

I think the problem the original poster has is that he's (that's a bit of an assumption, I know, but I'm guessing 'he' from references to (i.e.) Medal of Honour (which, in another aside I think he should perhaps give a rest given the levels of aggression his post displays) and girlfriends) assuming every negative in his life can be attributed to autism and additionally that he views autism as a 'thing' that is somehow removed from who he would be if he didn't have autism or that stops him from being who he would be if he didn't have autism...

It's not. That's how some very nasty groups (like DAN) have tried to represent it (anyone remember that tv campaign that got withdrawn for a care group a year or so ago with the boy letting his 'inner demon' out? Or, equally nasty, the backlash against the poor kid at the centre of it all who many in the autistic community were happy to demonise for making a bad judgement call... Gets complicated, doesn't it? ), but it's not that at all.

 

It's just part of who he is, and projecting blame for all the unhappiness in his life onto that one part would be as pointless and stupid as, say, Barbara Streisand blaming all her unattractiveness (or success come to that) on her nose. Barbara Streisand would be marginally less unattractive if she had a different nose, but if she had that kind of mentality she would then just lock on to some other aspect of who she was and project all her woes onto that. If she had that kind of mentality she might even lock onto having that kind of mentality as the root of all her woes. Actually, that was a bad analogy - 'cos if BS did have a nose job it could effect her singing voice, with disasterous consequences... or does that make it a good analogy? Gets complicated, doesn't it?

 

Anyhoo. Very sad that the OP feels so unhappy, and even sadder that he attributes that to autism. He should look around at all the desperately miserable and lonely NT people there are in the world, and perhaps that would reassure him a bit(?). Of course, 'Anger' is a recognised phase people go through when the find themselves disabled, along with other emotional transitional phases like grief, denial and, hopefully, acceptance. Having said that 'finding out' you're autistic isn't the same thing as waking up in hospital and finding you've got no legs - he will (or should) have had a lifetime of experience of feeling 'different' and should have made some sort of progress towards accepting and internalising that rather than projecting blame pointlessly and destructively onto something 'external'. Let's hope he gets there soon.

 

Again, thinking about someone waking up in hospital with no legs there are two or three different ways ways they can go with that. Some might end up competing in the paralympics while others lay in bed playing Medal of Honour and eating Doritos. Then, of course, there are those who just pick up the pieces and get on with their lives, accepting their limitations and working to their strengths, and end up having lives that in most respects aren't very dissimilar from those around them who have other limitations and strengths to either accept or work to.

 

Or if you're Barbara Streisand you just open you gob and sing, and ignore the fact that the audience can see right up your honking great nostrils every time you go for a high note!

 

If I could take my son's autism out I'd do what bid suggests and give it a bit of a hug. I can't, so I just hug him instead. Same thing really

 

L&P

 

BD

[Hughey]

Medal Of Honour (2010) is quite possibly the greatest piece of video art ever created. I like it because its probably the most realistic, even though it isn't at all realistic. I come from a navy family, 70-80% of the men and 50-60% of the women in my family are service members or ex-service members in the royal navy and royal marines. I was supposed to serve but they don't let people with AS in unless you sit behind a computer which is more shameful so I can't serve. Not that people should be ashamed to sit behind computers in the military but it kinda defeats the point of why I wanted to join. I might die, but I died with honour and pride, not with a rope around my neck in a tree. I can see the look of embarrassment and disappointment in my families eyes when they are asked "How old's your lad now?, shouldn't he be doing his service, he's a big lad and looks like he could be a great marine" and they have to answer. I'm not good with facial expressions but I have seen them two enough times to recognize straight away.

 

I don't attribute EVERYTHING that I don't like about life to AS, but it is the root cause of a lot of stuff that I hate.

 

I do usually see my AS as something against me because I would never want accept it as part of me. Do you mean that I think that I'm a regular NT with a case of AS?

Like I am a normal person who is changed by AS, rather than this being just who I am because I have AS?

Because I really want the first scenario to be the case and in a way it makes sense. AS isn't natural and has no purpose in biology, AS is a birth defect and not as nature intended.

I know what I would be like. I'm already tall, decent looking, athletic and come from a working class background where I'm around confident, happy go lucky people. If it wasn't for the symptoms of AS messing everything up I would probably have the regular ups and downs that most NT's have and a normal life.

I hate AS, I really hate AS, I really, really hate AS. From the deepest depths of my heart, I hate AS.

 

I ###### HATE IT! but it doesn't mean that I don't want to have to go to social skills classes to try and learn social cues and body language and all that stuff. To not being able to understand people and try and take things less literally and be less sensitive! I don't want it, I want it to go away so I can just relate to people better without needing to try and just do it naturally. I would like to be able to rely on friends to have some fun with on a bad day, instead of trying to avoid people on a bad day because I'm in no mood to try and use everything I have learned to try and have a stressful, headache inducing attempt at a conversation because they are difficult and require a lot of mental effort. I want to be able to be in crowds without being uncomfortable and not be so clumsy.

 

I can't accept it for what it is because I despise it so much!! and it isn't normal, its something that my brain did wrong when I was growing up, its nothing to be proud of. I'm not a complete person and I hate the side effects of it!!

 

Your Barbara Streisand only works if you are implying that AS actually has positive side effects and that I pick fault with anything. Its not like AS isn't a HUGE part of my life, if it wasn't I wouldn't be like this. AS plays a huge part in life and has a huge effect in a lot of the bigger things in life.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah... there are NT's who are miserable. But they are the minority. I never said their lives are easy or completely peachy, but its better than being AS!

 

DAN aren't a nasty group, they were only trying to help and if their methods weren't so crappy I would be a full supporter of DAN.

 

But then I read the end of your post and realized that your knowledge of AS comes from an infant and you will deny this, but once that kid reaches his teens he will hate you for bringing him into this world because of AS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA what you are in for.

 

You wont be saying this kind of stuff once he has grown up. That's for damn sure.

[bid]

But then I read the end of your post and realized that your knowledge of AS comes from an infant and you will deny this, but once that kid reaches his teens he will hate you for bringing him into this world because of AS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA what you are in for.

 

 

But you can't speak for everyone else with AS!! I have a dx of AS, and i have never hated my parents for having me! Of course, I have had big problems and challenges due to my AS, but I certainly don't blame my parents or hate my AS.

 

I know BD's lad, and I can't ever imagine him feeling like this about his dad.

 

We are all different...you are of course perfectly entitled to your persepctive of AS and there will be some people who agree with you, but please don't speak for the rest of us.

 

Bid

[Hughey]

Um, well, to be honest, I don't mind having AS...so I'd probably give it a bit of a hug as I expect it's looking a bit battered...may not be everyone's cup of tea, not perfect, but it's served me pretty well for 45 years!

 

Bid

 

I would hide it because I would be on a genocide if AS actually did what I said.

[Hughey]

But you can't speak for everyone else with AS!! I have a dx of AS, and i have never hated my parents for having me! Of course, I have had big problems and challenges due to my AS, but I certainly don't blame my parents or hate my AS.

 

I know BD's lad, and I can't ever imagine him feeling like this about his dad.

 

We are all different...you are of course perfectly entitled to your persepctive of AS and there will be some people who agree with you, but please don't speak for the rest of us.

 

Bid

 

Wasn't speaking for the rest of you.

 

You don't know how he will feel, but you seem to be one of the only people who likes your birth defect, so I think he isn't going to be very grateful.

[bid]

Wasn't speaking for the rest of you.

 

You don't know how he will feel, but you seem to be one of the only people who likes your birth defect, so I think he isn't going to be very grateful.

 

Actually, I think that's a pretty offensive comment.

 

Bid

[Hughey]

Actually, I think that's a pretty offensive comment.

 

Bid

 

Hmmm, I guess I was just getting angry at him because him himself doesn't have AS but what sounds like his infant son does, yet he was dishing out comments about my post.

 

However, I wouldn't completely rule out what I said because there is a good chance I will be right, I just shouldn't have said it.

 

Are you offended when I refer to AS as a defect? We aren't supposed to be like this via nature, something went wrong and our brains became defective and we have AS.

Kinda the whole point of my grief of this, the truth hurts and I don't like it any more than you do.

[Sally44]

Everyone has their own personal experience. But whatever that is, at some point there has to come acceptance.

Otherwise you will be just beating yourself up all the time.

Having AS or Autism is harder than some things, and easier than others.

It is the hand you have been dealt, and how you use it, deal with it, cope with it, is more important than what it is.

Take some pride in what you are achieving because you have worked hard for it. Harder than most other people you know.

I haven't got AS, but I have got something else that isn't very nice and which isn't going away. It took 25 years for the doctors to find it and give it it's name, but it's always been there. And it affects my life because I am always in pain, always tired, can't work anymore, don't have money, feel I can't provide for the kind of future I would like my kids to have. I have moments when I dwell on it and feel sorry for myself. I can get depressed about it and cry about it - but it doesn't change anything.

So I try to live with it, and enjoy the things I can do and do the best I can. Take the tablets and get on with life, which in the main is okay (even good) and could be alot worse.

[baddad]

Hi hughey -

 

I didn't realise you were the O/P... when you said 'this was an interesting rant on another forum' i thought you meant it was something you had found and thought worthy of debate... I wouldn't have been quite so flippant (i.e. the 'happy bunny' stuff) had I realised but I would have been saying pretty much the same things.

 

Of course I don't know what my son's adult life will be like, but the indications i get so far are that he won't have such a negative view of his autism as you do and he's unlikely to be using it as a justification for hating the rest of the world, which is, I assume, what you mean by

 

would hide it because I would be on a genocide if AS actually did what I said.

.

 

In fact, my view of autism isn't based purely on knowledge of my son by any means - I know many autistic adults living happy and fulfilled lives, and that includes adults living in residential care, adults living in supported living accommodation and single and happily married autistic people living completely independently. Some of them live busy, active lives and are happy to do so, others live more private / quiet lives and are happy to do so. I know neurotypical people who have made similar lifestyle choices to both groups I also think you severely underestimate the number of neurotypical people in the world who are desperately unhappy, though of course for neurotypicals (just like autistics) happiness is a sliding scale and people can be anywhere along it, and that can vary at different times in their lives.

 

You've said you would never want/accept autism as part of you. Pity, because no matter how much you don't like it you are gonna have to lump it. The point i made about barbara streisand's nose wasn't that 'her nose had some positives', it was that she didn't let it stop her from achieving what she wanted to achieve.

 

You see nature as a 'birth defect - not what nature intended'... you're assuming nature has an intent. Nature's just nature. It throws different things into the mix and sees what happens. None of us would be here if nature worked to a template, because evolution would have stopped a million years ago or whenever. The people at DAN think nature has a template and they are arrogant enough to believe they know what it is. I think if they are the best nature has to offer then nature has shot itself in the foot.

 

Whatever problems you have in your life I hope you can find ways of achieving some of the things you want to achieve. At the risk of sounding trite, I genuinely believe you'll stand a better chance of doing that if you can stop hating so much something you are powerless to change and start working with what you've got. If your family, as your post suggests, are making the kind of value judgements that groups like DAN are making I'd start by telling them to go take a flying leap (I wouldn't say 'leap' though) at a doughnut, 'cos rather than sounding like confident, happy people they sound like they've got some serious prejudices and pretty screwed up values they could be working on. Maybe that has more to do with who you are than your autism, and maybe that's why many of the autistic adults I know - or indeed my own teenage son - don't have such a negative view of their own lives/prospects/autism.

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited May 27, 2011 by baddad

[bid]

Thank you BD

 

Bid

[darkshine]

I think your doing a pretty good job of beating up your AS already Hughey

 

You know what? If you don't feel ready to accept your AS that's fine, but there's something that doesn't make sense....

 

Why use all your energy being angry at something you can't change?

 

I mean, fair enough if your angry, I'm angry, there's probably a hell of a lot of angry people out there and the only thing it does is worry people, you seem to have a lot of passion and you describe your feelings brilliantly, but the amount of energy you are focussing seems a little obsessive, do you think you might have got a bit stuck on the feeling of being angry and forgot everything else?

 

I also wonder cuz I find anger can be quite exhilarating, like a thrill, I feel stronger when I'm angry, like I could rip the world into pieces and destroy the very fabric of existence.... It actually feels good in a way - well its better than feeling nothing....

 

Just thought I'd ask

Edited May 27, 2011 by darkshine

[darkshine]

Oh and I forgot - there should be "don't know" option on the poll for those of us who are in the depression, denial and passive anger stage

[Hughey]

Of course I don't know what my son's adult life will be like, but the indications i get so far are that he won't have such a negative view of his autism as you do and he's unlikely to be using it as a justification for hating the rest of the world.

 

Its none of my business and I shouldn't have commented anything about your son and if I offended then I'm sorry. But I was a little angry because what you said seemed like you have AS then it turns out you don't but your son (who I guessed is a very young child under 10) does and he hasn't reached the stage where AS does damage to your life when you just want to get on with life but you constantly feel like you are being held back no matter how hard you try.

 

I don't hate the rest of the world, I hate that I'm not like most of them which is more directed at myself. What I meant by the genocide was that I don't understand how you could hug the AS human manifestation thing I said about in the OP because in the highly unlikely even that it ever happens I would kill them all because I have no love for AS.

 

You see nature as a 'birth defect - not what nature intended'... you're assuming nature has an intent. Nature's just nature. It throws different things into the mix and sees what happens. None of us would be here if nature worked to a template, because evolution would have stopped a million years ago or whenever. The people at DAN think nature has a template and they are arrogant enough to believe they know what it is. I think if they are the best nature has to offer then nature has shot itself in the foot.

 

Erm, I don't want to be nit-picky, but that's really not how evolution works. It works by natural selection where to strongest survive so evolution only works to make the species more able to survive, not just by "throwing different things into the mix". AS has no purpose, there is no specific benefit to AS and it doesn't increase chances of survival, NT is the way that nature intended humans to be and when they have AS then its a mistake that our bodies made because there is no other explanation for it. Not only does AS have no benefits to survival, but human's biggest evolutionary advantage is our communication skills, something that people with AS lack.

 

It happens all the time, people are born with physical and mental deformities but they are rare, just like people are born with autism and its rare. If we were primitive, we would be the first to die just like anybody else who isn't a perfectly physically and mentally healthy human being.

 

I sound like a Nazi, but I'm just talking in terms of nature.

 

I think your doing a pretty good job of beating up your AS already Hughey

 

You know what? If you don't feel ready to accept your AS that's fine, but there's something that doesn't make sense....

 

Why use all your energy being angry at something you can't change?

 

Because I can't accept defeat!!! NEVER I WILL NEVER BE AN "ASPIE"!!

Its weak and ridiculous and I have to find a way to destroy is before I die! I'm determined. Never accept what is doing so much to destroy your life. If you have a disease, then don't just accept what you have, try and fight it or cure every step of the way! having AS is a problem and its not a part of me! I was cursed with it and I need to defeat it! Its my enemy!! And I loath it!!

AS think it can mess with me and I'm just going to have to accept it? PAH!!

 

Its weakness is what it is and so are the people who accept it!

 

Destroy it, shame it, never admit defeat!!!!!!

 

I mean, fair enough if your angry, I'm angry, there's probably a hell of a lot of angry people out there and the only thing it does is worry people, you seem to have a lot of passion and you describe your feelings brilliantly, but the amount of energy you are focussing seems a little obsessive, do you think you might have got a bit stuck on the feeling of being angry and forgot everything else?

 

Forgotten what exactly?

I know its obsessive, but the amount of things I haven't been able to do because of it is all attributed to AS!

 

I also wonder cuz I find anger can be quite exhilarating, like a thrill, I feel stronger when I'm angry, like I could rip the world into pieces and destroy the very fabric of existence.... It actually feels good in a way - well its better than feeling nothing....

 

I have never really been taught to deal with things other ways because other ways don't work. Its anger that raises your adrenaline enough to really go out and do something about your problems. If I'm at war (Which I should be right now in either Afghanistan or Libya) then trying to peacefully work things out isn't going to work on a battlefield.

[baddad]

Hi again Hughey - not much time so this will be a bit rushed but:

Its none of my business and I shouldn't have commented anything about your son and if I offended then I'm sorry. But I was a little angry because what you said seemed like you have AS then it turns out you don't but your son (who I guessed is a very young child under 10) does and he hasn't reached the stage where AS does damage to your life when you just want to get on with life but you constantly feel like you are being held back no matter how hard you try.

 

Sorry, I don't agree with your assumption that somebody has to 'be' AS to 'know' AS, and there could be offered a convincing (but wrong - Take note all you NT experts out there!)argument why people with AS would have less insight into their conditions than 'NT's'... That, however, is a moot point. The reality is that if I had presented myself as an autistic person or my views had been presented by one of the autistic adults using the forum the argument would have got taken to the next level: 'All autistic people are different'. Had that been challenged it would have then been further reduced to the personal level, i.e. 'well you're not me/haven't had my experiences'.

 

I don't hate the rest of the world, I hate that I'm not like most of them which is more directed at myself. What I meant by the genocide was that I don't understand how you could hug the AS human manifestation thing I said about in the OP because in the highly unlikely even that it ever happens I would kill them all because I have no love for AS.

 

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places when you look at the rest of the world, or making the wrong assumptions about their experience of living. I do pick up that you 'have no love for AS', but I think you fail to recognise that AS isn't a 'thing', it's just part of an individual. What you are saying is as 'ist' as saying 'I have no love for brown skin' or 'I have no love for homosexuality' or 'I have no love for the physically handicapped' or 'I have no love for people with big noses' or...... [insert prejudice here]. It's also an inverted prejudice to say 'I like autistic (or coloured or gay etc etc) people' - because the reality is that as individuals they can be as lovely or unlovely as any other randomly assigned group of people.

 

Erm, I don't want to be nit-picky, but that's really not how evolution works. It works by natural selection where to strongest survive so evolution only works to make the species more able to survive, not just by "throwing different things into the mix". AS has no purpose, there is no specific benefit to AS and it doesn't increase chances of survival, NT is the way that nature intended humans to be and when they have AS then its a mistake that our bodies made because there is no other explanation for it. Not only does AS have no benefits to survival, but human's biggest evolutionary advantage is our communication skills, something that people with AS lack.

 

It happens all the time, people are born with physical and mental deformities but they are rare, just like people are born with autism and its rare. If we were primitive, we would be the first to die just like anybody else who isn't a perfectly physically and mentally healthy human being.

 

Actually, I think we are still primitive - i hope so anyway, because if the human race is the peak of evolution's potential i say again that nature has shot herself in the foot! We're destroying the planet fer god's sake!! But actually there is clear evolutionary evidence that 'primitive' cultures- even ones that could be extrememly brutal to outsiders - did look after their needy, and their sick, and their 'weak'. And evolution is not so cut and dried that it always works to increase survival prospects - there have been countless species that have died out because they 'evolved' and adapted to their environments so spectacularly that when the environments collapsed (as they are wont to do) the species went with it. That's why biodiversity is so important, and that's why 'autism' as a factor of human evolution is so important. In the most practical terms, the human race owes a huge debt to the 'positive' aspects of autism: intensity of focus, logic, pattern recongition, maths... Look at pretty much any groundbreaking scientist, mathmatician, inventor, artist, musician, whatever and you will find aspects of autism somewhere in the mix, often to the point (and I'm not saying I agree with this) that people who really are supposed to know their onions regarding autism feel confident about offering a retrospective diagnosis!

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying autism is 'great' - that would be patronising and ridiculous - but what I am saying is that autism - all disability - is part of the 'bigger picture', and nature, the dispassionate old bag (or god, the dispassionate old sod, if god's your bag) aint really got much to do with it.

 

There are animals on this planet that lived for millions of years before we came along and unless we do something really silly the liklihood is they will be here millions of years after we are gone. The liklihood is, if anything comes along after and picks up our bones or our technology they'll look at what we've done to ourselves and to the rest of the planets resources and say 'what a bunch of prats' - and they won't be making any distinctions between the AS and NT amongst us!

 

L&P

 

BD

[Mumble]

Its weakness is what it is and so are the people who accept it!

How insulting to those of us who choose to get on with our lives, who understand that human life is full of ups and downs and who just want to make the best we can of what we have.

 

Have you had any therapy or support with how you're feeling - generally as well as about your ASD? It appears to me that you're projecting every negative experience past and future onto your AS and seeing it as holding you back. As AS does not have, to use the terms in your post, an actual 'form', it can't be holding you back. What it holding you back are your thoughts, beliefs and associated reactions. Some type of therapy, perhaps longterm CBT to look at and help you change your thinking patterns, might help you find a better way of addressing things than you currently are. You could see your GP about this as a first step.

[darkshine]

Hey Hughie,

 

I'm trying to stay awake (lack of sleep - really tired) cuz today has been pretty bad and the rest of the day is ruined anyway so I might as well stay awake and suffer every living second of it, sorry lost my point there - so I'm gonna respond to each of your answers (that's my point btw) and this is gonna take me SOME time cuz I can't work out the multiquote Grrrrrr

 

I'll do it in order so this one first.....

 

 

Because I can't accept defeat!!! NEVER I WILL NEVER BE AN "ASPIE"!!

Its weak and ridiculous and I have to find a way to destroy is before I die! I'm determined. Never accept what is doing so much to destroy your life. If you have a disease, then don't just accept what you have, try and fight it or cure every step of the way! having AS is a problem and its not a part of me! I was cursed with it and I need to defeat it! Its my enemy!! And I loath it!!

AS think it can mess with me and I'm just going to have to accept it? PAH!!

Its weakness is what it is and so are the people who accept it!

 

Destroy it, shame it, never admit defeat!!!!!!

 

 

Ok, so I don't really care whether you accept it or not, I don't even know if I accept it myself so I'm in no position to argue the toss about that What I meant about wasting you time is that you say your sitting around playing MOA and eating Dorito's and so essentially doing nothing but building this incredible anger... Well, my point was that if you have this amount of energy and passion why not do something about it?

 

I don't know if I buy all this AS was needed for Einstein to do blah blah blah, but just saying its true, for a few seconds, IF, its true, a person would need a very high level of focus, energy, determination, passion etc to do what he did in the first place, now it so happens that AS traits include these features... And for the record I don't think it requires high IQ's or any of that rubbish, it just needs someone who can look at something in a different way and learn everything about it - to an obsessive level and do something with that information that a 'normal' person wouldn't ever think of...

 

And as far as I'm aware - you look under cure and it still says none for ASD's, so that's why I don't understand what your point is, because your not actually doing anything about this mission you have to destroy it.

 

 

 

 

 

Forgotten what exactly?

I know its obsessive, but the amount of things I haven't been able to do because of it is all attributed to AS!

 

 

But you just said you don't accept AS!?! So how can it be AS to blame? Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy, I do nothing, I feel no achievement, I should never have even existed, I didn't know about AS til recently so everything I thought was based on me and not something else. I actually cried for about 20 seconds today, I was having a heated debate with my carer about AS and appointments and everything else and suddenly I just said "its all my fault - this, its all my fault" and that did it.

 

Losing my point again sorry.... You've forgotten that there are some things you could do about it if you were inclined to make that choice

 

 

 

 

 

I have never really been taught to deal with things other ways because other ways don't work. Its anger that raises your adrenaline enough to really go out and do something about your problems. If I'm at war (Which I should be right now in either Afghanistan or Libya) then trying to peacefully work things out isn't going to work on a battlefield.

 

 

Now, ask most people and they'll tell you life isn't a war but god doesn't it feel like it sometimes?

 

Are you referring to manipulation regarding this statement about anger - for instance to get results/make things happen?

 

I wondered because there's a story - Aesop I think - about the sun and the wind arguing, and they challenge each other to separate some man (who just happens to be walking along at the time) from his coat that he's wearing...

So the wind blows and howls and batters the man senseless but all he does it pull his coat tighter, the wind gives up and the sun has a go, he shines and beams and the man takes off the coat.

 

I've always remembered it because anger and aggression don't always win and I can think of loads of situations where I have found this to be true...

 

And I don't buy the "I wasn't taught" line either, cuz "I wasn't taught either" and all I can say is do what a lot of people have to do - learn - teach yourself along every stupid painful and demeaning little step you take, because I have to, and I think I have more right to moan cuz I want some of the things you want in terms of 'normality' and at least I'm trying to learn, and trying to understand how to reconcile this learning with feeling like its so so hard and like living a lie. Or failing that you could always get a new high score on MOH (personally prefer COD) but oh well...

 

You intrigue me Hughey because so many things you say I identify with, but for you its AS's fault and for me - its mine...

 

I was right btw - it did take me a LONG time to write this!!!

[darkshine]

And I don't buy the "I wasn't taught" line either, cuz "I wasn't taught either" and all I can say is do what a lot of people have to do - learn - teach yourself along every stupid painful and demeaning little step you take, because I have to, and I think I have more right to moan cuz I want some of the things you want in terms of 'normality' and at least I'm trying to learn, and trying to understand how to reconcile this learning with feeling like its so so hard and like living a lie. Or failing that you could always get a new high score on MOH (personally prefer COD) but oh well...

 

Was thinking about what I posted earlier and am not happy about this bit - I'm having a bad time of things and this paragraph was unnecessary - Sorry if it seems a little harsh

 

As for the rest of what I said - although a little argumentative - I stand by, although if it upsets you, I'd regret saying it cuz I don't want to upset anyone. I have a bad habit of challenging something if it doesn't make sense and asking questions to the point of being annoying - but to be fair Hughey, you aren't challenging yourself about it at this time so maybe someone should...

 

[Hughey]

Hey, Darkshine.

 

I appreciate what you wrote and I have read it a few times through and I like what you wrote.

 

I will respond to it tomorrow and to be honest I like you and don't think anything you wrote is bad at all.

 

I have a very long response, but I have been writing it for a long time now and I'm quite tired because I was up pretty early today and will post it tomorrow when I'm happy with it.

 

It doesn't have much contradiction to yours, but there are a few things I need to explain in my defence to what you wrote.

 

I know this might sound a little strange, but can I ask: A/S/L ? Just so I can have a better idea of who I'm talking to?

 

Also, I need to respond to a few things baddad wrote too.

[Sally44]

BUT as uncomfortable as this OP's opinions maybe, I have to admit that my own son really struggles with his difficulties and often says things like "I am going to kill it, i'm going to squeeze it out of my brain". I really really do hope that he does come to terms with his diagnoses, because it is wasted engery to be so angry and upset about something you cannot change. BUT I don't know if he will every say "ASD is part of who I am and without it I would not be the same person". I think that if he had the option of "removing it" he would jump at the choice.

 

And as his mum, I have had very dark times when I've thought "if this is how it is going to be for the rest of his/our lives, then maybe it would have been better if he had not been born". Sorry to say that. But that is how I have felt, and I know that that is how he has felt. I have also said in the past that "I would never change him", but having been through some very difficult times recently, I would take anything offered if it made things more tolerable for him.

 

It is impossible to walk a mile in another mans shoes.

 

BUT life is made up of ups and downs. And today I don't feel like that. Infact we both had a really good day today. And sometimes that is all you can do is take one day at a time.

[darkshine]

I'm tired too - what's A/S/L? Anyone answer this please

Edited May 28, 2011 by darkshine

[Hughey]

I'm tired too - what's A/S/L?

Age/Sex/Location (Are you a Brit?)

[darkshine]

Ah ok, age: 30, sex: not relevant at this time... location: England - that's narrowed down enough for me just now so hope that'll do

[Hughey]

Ah ok, age: 30, sex: not relevant at this time... location: England - that's narrowed down enough for me just now so hope that'll do

 

Okay.

 

How come you wont say if you are a guy or not. I'm making it relevant.

[darkshine]

 

Your so funny Hughey

 

"I'm making it relevant"

 

It doesn't make a difference just now

 

Edited May 28, 2011 by darkshine

[darkshine]

Hey, Darkshine.

I appreciate what you wrote

 

Thanks, I look forward to your response - also to seeing where the hughey/baddad debate leads us next!

[RainbowsButterflies]

Ah ok, age: 30, sex: not relevant at this time... location: England - that's narrowed down enough for me just now so hope that'll do

I thought I knew what gender you are - but when I check back it was just an assumption. I'm intrigued now...

[Hughey]

Baddad:

 

Sorry, I don't agree with your assumption that somebody has to 'be' AS to 'know' AS, and there could be offered a convincing (but wrong - Take note all you NT experts out there!)argument why people with AS would have less insight into their conditions than 'NT's'... That, however, is a moot point. The reality is that if I had presented myself as an autistic person or my views had been presented by one of the autistic adults using the forum the argument would have got taken to the next level: 'All autistic people are different'. Had that been challenged it would have then been further reduced to the personal level, i.e. 'well you're not me/haven't had my experiences'.

 

Its not so much about knowing AS as a whole. I know all about stuff like Paranoid Schizophrenia because certain mental illnesses used to fascinate me but I have never suffered from it myself, so I agree that you don't need AS to know about it or be an expert on the theory of AS.

 

What I was talking about are the things that are really hard to know unless you have it, things about acceptance, especially if AS wasn't diagnosed until adult life and its already done enough damage to make you really hate having it once your realized all this time is was something like AS causing it all.

Telling somebody to accept it is easier said than done and although you may have observed your son and his AS all his life and know all about the theory of AS and might have a wide knowledge of the subject of AS, you have never been through the things that they struggle with and its very hard to take stuff like "accept it" from somebody who has never had to accept it himself.

 

It's like sally44's post about her son. Her son says "I am going to kill it, i'm going to squeeze it out of my brain" which upsets her (and I understand why) and she hopes he will one day say "ASD is part of who I am and without it I would not be the same person" when she herself has never had to deal with AS, so to her and people like yourself accepting it is something easy to do from an NT view but when you actually have it and have to deal with it everyday, its not so easy to just accept and I don't think the regular mentally healthy NT understands that.

So, like a man with Paranoid Schizophrenia, just because I'm interested in his condition and I know all about it, I would never be able to just say "Well, you are stuck with it, so you are just going to have to accept it" because he is going through things hat I have never experienced.

 

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places when you look at the rest of the world, or making the wrong assumptions about their experience of living.

 

I take my views from the people I grew up around. I see the people I see my family, my co-workers and the people I went to school with and they are all living decent lives mostly because of their social lives. I deleted my facebook page last year because I was sick of seeing all the pictures of them having a good time with friends, out at bars and they all used post update messages saying things like "Me and *names of about 6 people* are going to *name of cool place* and going to go *name of fun social activity* because last time we..." and so on. They are all at university and are enjoying their lives the best they can doing things that I don't even understand. Things that they do don't appeal to me like drinking alcohol and playing football and when they go away they go clubbing which I don't even understand how they can like it, and I really hate crowds, but they seem to be enjoying it and I wish I could enjoy that stuff too.

Its like football and rugby, when I was a teenager I really wanted to get into football or rugby so I could play it with people and I could talk about it and join in with their tribal love of some premiership team or something like that. I still don't.

 

I come from a military (Navy) family where everybody is confident and tough and I have always been the black sheep. We are all boxers (even quite a few of the women and a few of us have won some amature titles) I should be a big, confident bootneck right now nearing the end of my service. This is where I get my NT world view from. I wasn't allowed in. I got a phone call after my medical saying that AS is not allowed in the marines.

 

Not to mention my co-workers. I'm the youngest in the firm and the average age there is about 38 and even though they don't do the same stuff I should be doing at my age, the things they say lead me to think they have good lives with friends.

The guy who I work with is 41

 

I do pick up that you 'have no love for AS', but I think you fail to recognise that AS isn't a 'thing', it's just part of an individual. What you are saying is as 'ist' as saying 'I have no love for brown skin' or 'I have no love for homosexuality' or 'I have no love for the physically handicapped' or 'I have no love for people with big noses' or...... [insert prejudice here]. It's also an inverted prejudice to say 'I like autistic (or coloured or gay etc etc) people' - because the reality is that as individuals they can be as lovely or unlovely as any other randomly assigned group of people.

 

I know I'm prejudice. Of myself, if I didn't have it or have anything to do with it then I wouldn't care about AS.

I know it isn't a "thing" its not a foreign entity just how my brain was formed just like homosexuality and stuff like that, still hate it. Can't explain, don't know how. Just hate it and everything to do with it.

 

That's why biodiversity is so important, and that's why 'autism' as a factor of human evolution is so important. In the most practical terms, the human race owes a huge debt to the 'positive' aspects of autism: intensity of focus, logic, pattern recongition, maths... Look at pretty much any groundbreaking scientist, mathmatician, inventor, artist, musician, whatever and you will find aspects of autism somewhere in the mix, often to the point (and I'm not saying I agree with this) that people who really are supposed to know their onions regarding autism feel confident about offering a retrospective diagnosis!

 

Well, this just boils down to me being pissed off again. Where's mine?

Where's my intelligence? Where is my artistic creativity? F**k AS. Doesn't make me hate it less. Still a regular dumbass who can't do maths or understand science or anything like that above a C level.

Oh, the joys of AS.

 

What about people like me? So Newton and Mozart were two people with AS who were brilliant minds, but what about the other 99.9999999% who aren't?

Does this make AS a good thing?

[Hughey]

I'm trying to be civil and keep emotions out of this.

No angry rants or anything like that.

 

What I meant about wasting you time is that you say your sitting around playing MOH and eating Dorito's and so essentially doing nothing but building this incredible anger... Well, my point was that if you have this amount of energy and passion why not do something about it?

 

To be honest, I'm not even sure what to do about it.

 

I have been to a bunch of these social skills building classes and been to a few councillors and stuff like that. Most of my anger comes from not knowing what to do. Even though I'm not very confident ant everything, I'm not the kind of guy who gives up too easy and this is the first thing that has seriously defeated me and the futility of fighting back is the thing that really makes me angry. If I had a problem, then I agree something should be done about it. If I feel like I'm getting chubby and I don't like it, Its my responsibility to either do something about it and get to the weight where I'm happy. I was diagnosed with AS, I don't like it and I need to do something about it, "TELL ME DOC!! HOW DO I BEAT THIS!, LETS MAKE ME NORMAL!!", when I was told it was probably like the recent Osama killing, we finally found him, so lets send in the Navy SEALs and take him out! and that's what I was thinking, we found the problem, now lets send in the cure and take it out! "Well, I'm sorry, but you are stuck with it, AS isn't a disease, its just how your brain is formed..".... "So no cure or any way to get rid of it?"... "Afraid not"....

 

Another thing that brings on the anger is when I look back at my past and how its lead to my current situation. I don't want to sound vain or anything, but I'm a pretty good looking guy and I'm tall, if I wasn't I would still probably be a virgin and would have had absolutely zero female attention at all. I used to walk around the hallways at school with my head down in my shoulders and eye contact with people and trying to make friends was painful. I had no ideas about social cues and could never really relate to people. Basically AS symptoms were showing massively and never really enjoyed being around people and was lonely through school and college and was depressed a lot because friends seemed like this massive challenge where I had to try and figure them out and once I crack the puzzle I will make some.

This is something I can do nothing about, I can't get my youth back and it was screwed from the start.

 

I woke up on my 21st birthday about a year after my diagnosis and looked back on my life and there is nothing good to look back on, I'm not officially an adult and I'm a lonely, friendless loser and the main reason is because I didn't know about having AS, as far as I knew I was just a weird person who couldn't seem to do the same things other people do but now there is a name for it and I just became so angry.

That's why I view it as something wrong, because I never wanted it and it has ruined my youth, the time I was supposed to be like everybody else partying and being crazy, I was at home learning 300 more things about Che Guevara.

 

I don't even know what to do about it.

 

I don't know if I buy all this AS was needed for Einstein to do blah blah blah, but just saying its true, for a few seconds, IF, its true, a person would need a very high level of focus, energy, determination, passion etc to do what he did in the first place, now it so happens that AS traits include these features... And for the record I don't think it requires high IQ's or any of that rubbish, it just needs someone who can look at something in a different way and learn everything about it - to an obsessive level and do something with that information that a 'normal' person wouldn't ever think of...

 

But how does this effect me?

 

I know Einstein and all that had AS, but I'm not Einstein, I'm just a regular guy. I was never going to be a great scientist or artist, so I have no idea how its supposed to be a positive thing for a person with AS. Einstein had a moustache and is often shown at an older age with white hair. Is that to say that people with white hair and moustaches should take pride in the fact that Einstein also did?

 

I have never had a consistent obsession I jump between them. For a few months I will be obsessed with something and then I will switch to a new one. I have been into everything and seem to obsess over one thing exclusively. But recently I haven't been into anything at all.

Nothing I have done has put me any closer to any success for anything. It just makes me a little angrier.

 

But you just said you don't accept AS!?! So how can it be AS to blame?

 

When I say I don't accept it, I mean that I will never welcome it. I will never let it be a part of my life the same way I see other people with AS accepting it.

 

Like I said, AS and not knowing I have it is the reason to a lot of things I get angry about.

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy, I do nothing, I feel no achievement, I should never have even existed, I didn't know about AS til recently so everything I thought was based on me and not something else. I actually cried for about 20 seconds today, I was having a heated debate with my carer about AS and appointments and everything else and suddenly I just said "its all my fault - this, its all my fault" and that did it.

 

Losing my point again sorry....

 

Don't be sorry.

 

I totally understand and I'm in a very similar situation. I'm not sure what to say. You can always PM me if you want to, I wish I could make you feel a little better.

 

You've forgotten that there are some things you could do about it if you were inclined to make that choice

 

Like?

 

Are you referring to manipulation regarding this statement about anger - for instance to get results/make things happen?

 

Yeah, anger usually does help me achieve stuff. Problem is, is when I have no way of using it it tends to just linger.

 

I wondered because there's a story - Aesop I think - about the sun and the wind arguing, and they challenge each other to separate some man (who just happens to be walking along at the time) from his coat that he's wearing...

So the wind blows and howls and batters the man senseless but all he does it pull his coat tighter, the wind gives up and the sun has a go, he shines and beams and the man takes off the coat.

 

I have heard that one too.

 

I've always remembered it because anger and aggression don't always win and I can think of loads of situations where I have found this to be true...

 

And I don't buy the "I wasn't taught" line either, cuz "I wasn't taught either" and all I can say is do what a lot of people have to do - learn - teach yourself along every stupid painful and demeaning little step you take, because I have to, and I think I have more right to moan cuz I want some of the things you want in terms of 'normality' and at least I'm trying to learn, and trying to understand how to reconcile this learning with feeling like its so so hard and like living a lie. Or failing that you could always get a new high score on MOH (personally prefer COD) but oh well...

 

You intrigue me Hughey because so many things you say I identify with, but for you its AS's fault and for me - its mine...

 

Well, I don't want to blame my family for anger, but that's generally how I was raised to deal with things. I don't think its such a bad thing. I was actually taught to hold a grudge, an enemy is an enemy and anger if used properly is an excellent tool.

 

Who said I wasn't trying to learn?, who said that I haven't just come onto the internet because there isn't another forum for me to express my angry views?

I can't even talk to councillors because I'm uncomfortable like that, I try and talk to them and I try to make it better.

Yeah, I have lost a little faith because I don't know what to think of everything and I am very confused, I keep getting angry and everything just feels like a giant mindfuck.

 

 

Your so funny Hughey

 

"I'm making it relevant"

 

It doesn't make a difference just now

 

 

 

I think you are a woman, if somebody questioned my gender I would be like "NO! I'M A MAN!!! A MAAAAAYYYYUUUNNN" and post a picture of my balls.

 

I hope you got some decent rest and I hope you have a better day today.

[darkshine]

OMG!!!!!!!

 

I have so much to say to all that!

 

But briefly since you are still going on about gender (which I have a pre-prepared response for btw)I'd like to point some things out:

 

1. I'm passive right now

2. No matter what - I am not telling yet

3. I aint rising to tactics to provoke me either

 

And your thoughts about this - quoted below:

 

"I think you are a woman, if somebody questioned my gender I would be like "NO! I'M A MAN!!! A MAAAAAYYYYUUUNNN" and post a picture of my balls."

 

Is not completely logical, because I do not wish to divulge this info I have to resist all comments in such a fashion - this is not easy bet hey, I chose this

 

I'll reply properly shortly - but - for anyone's information if you want to see my pre-prepared answer about this topic of gender I will happily post at someone's request

 

[darkshine]

And for the record I think I speak for all of us when I say

 

"we don't wanna see ya balls"

 

[Hughey]

OMG!!!!!!!

 

I have so much to say to all that!

 

But briefly since you are still going on about gender (which I have a pre-prepared response for btw)I'd like to point some things out:

 

1. I'm passive right now

2. No matter what - I am not telling yet

3. I aint rising to tactics to provoke me either

 

And your thoughts about this - quoted below:

 

"I think you are a woman, if somebody questioned my gender I would be like "NO! I'M A MAN!!! A MAAAAAYYYYUUUNNN" and post a picture of my balls."

 

Is not completely logical, because I do not wish to divulge this info I have to resist all comments in such a fashion - this is not easy bet hey, I chose this

 

I'll reply properly shortly - but - for anyone's information if you want to see my pre-prepared answer about this topic of gender I will happily post at someone's request

 

 

I'm just kidding ya know.

 

I'm not trying to provoke an answer out of you, we were joking about it yesterday and I thought I would throw in another little joke about it at the end of that last post.

 

Its none of my business and I know there is as such thing as taking a joke too far and wouldn't have said anything else even if you joked back.

 

Sorry you took it that way. Just hope you don't hold something against me for it.

 

And for the record I think I speak for all of us when I say

 

"we don't wanna see ya balls"

 

 

 

Really?

 

I have really nice balls.

[darkshine]

Baddad:

 

Telling somebody to accept it is easier said than done and although you may have observed your son and his AS all his life and know all about the theory of AS and might have a wide knowledge of the subject of AS, you have never been through the things that they struggle with and its very hard to take stuff like "accept it" from somebody who has never had to accept it himself.

 

 

I have to respond to this one point you made to BD, in terms of acceptance the discussion has interesting facets, but I wonder if you forgot that these parents have had to accept AS haven't they? And worse, they watch their kid and they don't always have instant access to how AS feels and stuff so they have to work pretty hard to learn and accept all this.

 

I know it is not the same - but it has similiarities.

 

Also is the feeling of loss that has to be got over, some parents seem to mourn for the normal child that never was, isn't this like you or me mourning for our lost youth? for our lost experiences and everything else?

 

I know we have to experience it and for some that's hard, but I know if I take a step back I would really hate to watch my innocent child go through this and find there's sod all I can do but watch them suffer and feel helpless about it.

 

Just a consideration......

[darkshine]

[darkshine]

........

Edited May 28, 2011 by darkshine

[darkshine]

I'm trying to be civil and keep emotions out of this.

No angry rants or anything like that.

 

Thank you

 

 

To be honest, I'm not even sure what to do about it.

 

I have been to a bunch of these social skills building classes and been to a few councillors and stuff like that. Most of my anger comes from not knowing what to do. Even though I'm not very confident ant everything, I'm not the kind of guy who gives up too easy and this is the first thing that has seriously defeated me and the futility of fighting back is the thing that really makes me angry. If I had a problem, then I agree something should be done about it. If I feel like I'm getting chubby and I don't like it, Its my responsibility to either do something about it and get to the weight where I'm happy. I was diagnosed with AS, I don't like it and I need to do something about it, "TELL ME DOC!! HOW DO I BEAT THIS!, LETS MAKE ME NORMAL!!"

 

I like that you answered honestly, I also do not know what to do, I want to fight back but how in god's name do you do that?!? guess that's why we're on here isn't it?

 

 

Another thing that brings on the anger is when I look back at my past and how its lead to my current situation.

 

This is something I can do nothing about,

 

I woke up on my 21st birthday about a year after my diagnosis and looked back on my life and there is nothing good to look back on,

 

This feeling is so destructive isn't it? I've had this feeling too since age 20/21 and the stuff you say about facebook - I see this too - everyone is doing something every day - why do they get all the fun?

 

Please do something Hughey, I know you don't know what to do and maybe you'll come up with something but I tell you from the bottom of my soul

 

IT DOES NOT FEEL ANY BETTER 9 YEARS LATER

 

 

I have never had a consistent obsession I jump between them. For a few months I will be obsessed with something and then I will switch to a new one. I have been into everything and seem to obsess over one thing exclusively. But recently I haven't been into anything at all.

Nothing I have done has put me any closer to any success for anything. It just makes me a little angrier.

 

Same, too many obsessions to list, and my Einstein comment was just to point out some twisted positive to AS, you said earlier it had no purpose - evolution etc - I guess I was just saying there are some purposes but its not very useful when we aint a genius.....

 

 

When I say I don't accept it, I mean that I will never welcome it. I will never let it be a part of my life the same way I see other people with AS accepting it.

 

Like I said, AS and not knowing I have it is the reason to a lot of things I get angry about.

 

I'm angry I never knew too, and I haven't got a clue where acceptance is supposed to come from either since I never before this and now there's a whole new level of complication to it.....

 

 

Like?

 

I haven't got a ###### clue - just sure there are or we're all ######

 

Yeah, anger usually does help me achieve stuff. Problem is, is when I have no way of using it it tends to just linger.

 

My problem is mine just builds inside me til I explode

 

Well, I don't want to blame my family for anger, but that's generally how I was raised to deal with things. I don't think its such a bad thing. I was actually taught to hold a grudge, an enemy is an enemy and anger if used properly is an excellent tool.

 

Who said I wasn't trying to learn?, who said that I haven't just come onto the internet because there isn't another forum for me to express my angry views?

I can't even talk to councillors because I'm uncomfortable like that, I try and talk to them and I try to make it better.

Yeah, I have lost a little faith because I don't know what to think of everything and I am very confused, I keep getting angry and everything just feels like a giant mindfuck.

 

Sorry for suggesting you weren't trying to learn, guess I should've asked My previous post agrees about self expression as I'm sure you'll notice...

 

 

I hope you got some decent rest and I hope you have a better day today.

 

I did though I'm out of sync now - finally slept at 430am and woke up at 1230 today

 

I totally understand and I'm in a very similar situation. I'm not sure what to say. You can always PM me if you want to, I wish I could make you feel a little better.

 

I might

 

 

I loved the youtube clip - watched it while trying to eat tea and everyone thought I was crazy cuz I was laughing at my computer

 

I just previewed this and how come I use very mild words and get bleeped out and you get to use mind####!?! Oh well....

Edited May 28, 2011 by darkshine

[baddad]

Baddad:

 

 

 

Its not so much about knowing AS as a whole. I know all about stuff like Paranoid Schizophrenia because certain mental illnesses used to fascinate me but I have never suffered from it myself, so I agree that you don't need AS to know about it or be an expert on the theory of AS.

 

How would you know? How do you know everything you're assuming to be AS isn't paranoid schizophrenia? How can YOU know what anybody elses autism feels like, to make judgements that your perception of other people's disabilities is more accurate than someone elses? As I said to you in an earlier post, it wouldn't matter a flying [doughnut] whether I was autistic or not - several other autistic people have answered to say that they don't see autism the same way you do and you've been no more willing to listen to them, have you?

Seriously, ol' fruit, I think you have much more going on than just autism and I'd hazzard a guess you think that too, which is why your so determined to make it all about autism because then you don't have to confront the other stuff.

I don't know why Sally 44's son might say the kinds of things he does, but my son, and plenty of other autistic kids, don't, so i'm guessing without knowing the whys and wherefores neither of us are in a position to make assumptions, eh?

 

Spend the rest of your life hating yourself and hating the world - no skin off my nose, feel free... Fill yer boots... But if all you want to do is rant about how much you hate everything have the courage (you have a big thing about 'courage' and 'honour' so show some) to take responsibility for it yourself instead of projecting it onto a diagnosis and then attacking people with the same diagnosis or who have children with the same diagnosis who don't accept your bile as a definition of that diagnosis.

 

Darkshine: with the best will in the world you have no more insight into my son or anyone else with autism than anyone else does. The only autistic person you know that intimately is you, and as you have no idea of how much 'you' is down to autism and how much 'you' is down to every other aspect of your life and your experiences of life and your psychology and upbringing and your...... etc etc you should be cautious about generalising who YOU are as a definition of autism. Yes, I have had to watch my son 'suffer' in some situations - but rarely because of his autism... When he 'suffers' it's because of the kinds of value judgements people make about him and the kind of value judgements people make about autism - exactly the kind of judgements Hughey is making...

 

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited May 28, 2011 by baddad

[darkshine]

Darkshine: with the best will in the world you have no more insight into my son or anyone else with autism than anyone else does. The only autistic person you know that intimately is you, and as you have no idea of how much 'you' is down to autism and how much 'you' is down to every other aspect of your life and your experiences of life and your psychology and upbringing and your...... etc etc you should be cautious about generalising who YOU are as a definition of autism.

 

Your wrong actually, I know one person with Asperger's, and yeah, its only one person, and this kid is so wonderful and special and so screwed up and depressed that I don't see him often cuz he can't go out either, he's the nephew of the close friend I told everyone about in my earlier post.

 

My carer told me he read a few of your posts and thinks your a condescending, judgemental and dangerous person.

 

You come on here offering advice like some wise sage who knows everything - you know nothing bd nothing, you know nothing about me.

 

I haven't generalised about who I am cuz of ASPERGER'S - which although is on the spectrum is NOT autism, I have not been diagnosed with AUTISM, and you know what?

 

EVEN IF I HAD, I have more compassion for suffering than you'll even get a hint at, I was hoping for a reasonable discussion but you have to stick your oar in and not in a helpful way either.

 

GOD you make me so angry - why can't you help the people that are here? why are you making me feel like a piece of ###### for even being here?

 

I was hoping someone like you would be able to help others in their quest for understanding but obviously not.

 

And for the record I never said I know anything about your son - and I never would say that - I was talking from personal experience from people I have known and met -

 

I was just naive...

Edited May 28, 2011 by Kathryn
To remove personal comments

[laila]

Thankyou Darkshine!! at last someone has said exactly what ive been thinking! Iv actually been put off from writing anything at all on this forum because of his attitude. I think he has more serious issues than most people on here, especially with women!