My Introduction

[Patrick S]

I’ve tried writing this intro several times. It always turns into War and Peace, so hopefully I can condense this.

I’m a 32 year old man. I suspect I might have Aspergers, or something related.

I have very few friends, always have. Not more than 3 or 4 at a time. I have genuine obsessions, mostly film and TV. I was completely useless at school, yet I went to University to do Media and got a 2.1 in a breeze. I find communicating very difficult with people, especially new people. I hate to travel. The idea of going somewhere new or meeting new people makes me feel uneasy, upset and usually angry (if I’m being made to). I have massive anxiety problems which CBT has done some help with.

 

I find emotion difficult. I broke up with a girl of seven years because I changed the paradigm of our relationship by being unfaithful, and no matter what I tried to rectify it within myself (I never told her) I felt like I had broken something that was irreparable. I buried my Mother two years ago, as the coffin went into the ground I didn’t cry . The only time I cried was when I saw my younger brother cry. To be honest I feel like I just mirror peoples emotions sometimes to fit in.

That’s the crux of why I’m here. I understand that when someone smiles they are happy and when they cry they are sad. I read that Aspies can’t tell this about someone. Yet people say that I say the most insensitive things and I just don’t see it. People have said that I ‘overstep the grounds of familiarity’. People say I’m distant. I make certain people uneasy just by being me, by being still.

 

I see patterns and routines in EVERYTHING in life. If I don’t listen to my Ipod or music on my computer every day I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown. I make meal plans for every night of the week; if one ingredient is missing from the home or in the shop then I just shut down. It takes time to send the signal back and fall on a new routine etc. But if I have it my head to eat parsnip for dinner, I’ll walk to every shop in a 3-4 mile radius until I meltdown and rethink things.

Cannabis and Alcohol helped me socially from the age of 17 through my twenties, but I don’t smoke weed anymore and I hardly drink. But making friends (and work contacts) is like scaling a glass building with my fingertips. Trying to focus on people when I meet them is like a massive rush; all I try to do is turn conversation to something I love (films for instance) or just question them on whatever they do and base my question’s on the little information I know about the subject.

I’m happiest on my own, in my own world, and I feel being Mr. Normal, is exhausting.

I could go on…but I would gladly listen to what any of you good people think.

[darkshine]

Hello

 

People say a lot of things but it all depends on what you want - if you are happy living as you want to, then go for it...

If you are like me and can't help but care what people do or people say, then its a harder road because it feels like everything has to be monitored, checked, measured etc and is all under a giant social lens of "what should be done/said"...

Personally I wish I didn't care about being 'normal' but the fact is: I do. And I care that the things that make me "me" are the very same things that make me different, abnormal and not fit in - a very frustrating path in life...

 

Anyhow, hope you find something in the way of what you are looking for

 

Darkshine

[Linnet]

I’ve tried writing this intro several times. It always turns into War and Peace, so hopefully I can condense this.

I’m a 32 year old man. I suspect I might have Aspergers, or something related.

I have very few friends, always have. Not more than 3 or 4 at a time. I have genuine obsessions, mostly film and TV. I was completely useless at school, yet I went to University to do Media and got a 2.1 in a breeze. I find communicating very difficult with people, especially new people. I hate to travel. The idea of going somewhere new or meeting new people makes me feel uneasy, upset and usually angry (if I’m being made to). I have massive anxiety problems which CBT has done some help with.

 

I find emotion difficult. I broke up with a girl of seven years because I changed the paradigm of our relationship by being unfaithful, and no matter what I tried to rectify it within myself (I never told her) I felt like I had broken something that was irreparable. I buried my Mother two years ago, as the coffin went into the ground I didn’t cry . The only time I cried was when I saw my younger brother cry. To be honest I feel like I just mirror peoples emotions sometimes to fit in.

That’s the crux of why I’m here. I understand that when someone smiles they are happy and when they cry they are sad. I read that Aspies can’t tell this about someone. Yet people say that I say the most insensitive things and I just don’t see it. People have said that I ‘overstep the grounds of familiarity’. People say I’m distant. I make certain people uneasy just by being me, by being still.

 

 

 

 

I see patterns and routines in EVERYTHING in life. If I don’t listen to my Ipod or music on my computer every day I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown. I make meal plans for every night of the week; if one ingredient is missing from the home or in the shop then I just shut down. It takes time to send the signal back and fall on a new routine etc. But if I have it my head to eat parsnip for dinner, I’ll walk to every shop in a 3-4 mile radius until I meltdown and rethink things.

Cannabis and Alcohol helped me socially from the age of 17 through my twenties, but I don’t smoke weed anymore and I hardly drink. But making friends (and work contacts) is like scaling a glass building with my fingertips. Trying to focus on people when I meet them is like a massive rush; all I try to do is turn conversation to something I love (films for instance) or just question them on whatever they do and base my question’s on the little information I know about the subject.

I’m happiest on my own, in my own world, and I feel being Mr. Normal, is exhausting.

I could go on…but I would gladly listen to what any of you good people think.

 

Hi

 

Most of what you say is very familiar. I could have written your post myself. I particularly identify with 'being Mr Normal is exhausting' although in my case it's being Mrs Normal. I wish I could offer you some advice but despite being quite a bit older, I haven't found things get easier with age.

 

L x

[Patrick S]

Thank you both for your responses. I guess I'm just asking whether these things I've mentioned sound like Aspergers.

 

I would hate to think I'm just wasting a professional persons time by trying to get diagnosed. If it turned out I have Aspergers I would want to know.

[ScotchEgg]

Hi Patrick,

 

I have just written something similar in a new thread (although mine is "War and Peace"). I understand what you are saying and I feel similar frustrations. Let's hope we both get some good advice and also some satisfaction in what we are seeking to discover.

[trekster]

Welcome to the boards.

 

I hope you can find answers to your problems. 'aspergers and alcohol' seems to correlate with your experience.

[RainbowsButterflies]

Hi and welcome

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm NT but has a son with a formal diagnosis of Aspergers and a husband suspected (by same professionals that diagnosed my son) as having the same.

 

I couldn't possibly say one way or another whether I think you have Aspergers, but you describe traits that I can relate to and some traits which are could perhaps point to Aspergers. I think with the adults seeking a diagnosis is more difficult than seeking a diagnosis for a child. Nowadays, professionals know much more about ASDs compared with 10/20/30+ years ago (I have a 44 year old uncle who was diagnosed at 19 with Tourettes – he almost has celebrity status where he lives because no one seems to know anything about Tourettes and he hasn't had any support, etc). I also think that generally we live in a more accepting society (compared with days gone by), whereas perhaps years ago parents wouldn't entertain the notion that something may be wrong with their child (ignorance/lack of knowledge/socially acceptance/etc all come into the equation). Therefore, I'd normally say 'ask your relatives/friends what you were like as a child, etc', but for the aforementioned reasons, it may be difficult to get an accurate account. In addition, one becomes very accepting of others idiosyncrasies, etc which also make it difficult to distiguish between those and AS traits. It's worth considering lots of other things e.g. how you coped at social gatherings, at school, etc etc. Ultimately, I guess the first step is to see your GP to ask for a referral. Could you ask a friend/relative to attend the appointment with you? Also, might be worth giving NAS a call or looking at their website – there are some useful contact details.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[lilnicki]

"I would hate to think I'm just wasting a professional persons time by trying to get diagnosed. If it turned out I have Aspergers I would want to know."

 

These were my exact same feelings just before i was diagnosed recently aged 38.......What i did was read the DSM guidelines ( make sure you find the up to date ones)........ it's a big list of criteria, and also tells you how many boxes you need to tick to get a positive diagnosis.... this should give you some idea as to where you stand.....not literally ....lol

 

Nicki