Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
smile

Feeling lonely

Recommended Posts

smile   

I hope it is no bother me writing a post, am still in the process of having an assessment done.

 

I am just so lonely at the moment, I dont know how I get through a day, well I do I have my routines and follow it to the plan. Its been so hard over christmas/new year, because there have been days where I would normally be doing things and it has made me feel lost.

 

I know this maybe a bit of a private question, so please dont answer if you dont want to, but does anyone have any problems in relationship wise eg girlfriend/boyfriend. Im in my late 20's and have never had a relatioship. Im not saying I dont want one, but Ive given up. Ive seen people (wouldnt class it as a date unless they told me it was), the longest Ive done this for is two weeks, before I back down.

I have a major problem with intimacy, I find it horrible, If I could go without kissing someone I would, however Ive been told over and over that this is normal in a relationship and whoever I was with would not put up with no intimacy. It just repulses me. I do find people attractive but never on a sexual level. Im just so confused. Earlier this year I told my parents I would never have kids and probably never be in a relationship. I guess on benefit to living on my own is that I can follow my routines without it effecting anyone else.

 

Ive never known how to make friends and I cannot maintain anything with anyone, I just feel so lonely. Im not the type of person who wants to go to the pub for a drink or to a club or shopping. Infact my one friend, Ive only met them for a tea, we have never done anything else with each other in over 10 years. Ive only spoken to them once or twice on the phone in that same time, We only communicate via text. I just feel so different to everyone else, like Im an alien in this world. I wish I could make some changes, but I need to stick to my routines and follow my plans otherwise I cannot cope. I cannot even watch a full tv programme because my mind wonders, or I start looking at things in my room or get up walk around. I just cannot concentrate.

 

I am just really struggling, its like trying to get through each day and I dont enjoy hardly anything. Its like im existing rather than living.

 

New years eve I was in bed just after 8pm and got woken up by the fireworks at midnight, I heard everyone celebrating. I felt so alone and wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry.

 

Sorry for going on I just thought someone might understand how I am feeling, Noboy else does.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand how you are feeling about intimacy, loneliness, and just existing not living, but I have no advice because most of these issues I haven't resolved myself - all I can say is I understand and I hope it gets easier as time goes on - I don't know if it will help knowing you aren't alone with this but that's all I can say :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quixotic   

Hi Smile,

I have also previously had a great deal of trouble with relationships, whether they be romantic relationships or just friendships. I’m not terribly new to this forum and so perhaps I shouldn’t really start talking about my personal life straight away, but I can tell you that I didn’t have a romantic relationship until I reached my late twenties; so I can understand why you might feel like giving up Smile. But I wouldn’t give up. I’m sure there are people out there who would understand your problem with intimacy and would be fine to enter a relationship with you on those terms. But based on what you have said it seems to me what you actually need at the moment is just a few friends, so you don’t feel so lonely. I have been through periods in my life when I’ve felt very lonely. When I was at university I felt like that. Everyone else was going out to bars, clubbing and socialising and having a great old time. Whereas I rented a house on my own, shuffled off to lectures and to the library and never spoke to anyone. I lived like a hermit. So I do know what it is like, how sad and desperate you must feel. I also find making and maintaining friendships very difficult. I have one friend at the moment and that is someone I work with. What I have found however is that a good cyber-friendship can help, if you have trouble meeting and dealing with friends in person. If you can meet someone online you feel you can trust, you can talk through your feelings, exchange a few jokes, talk about shared interests and not have to adjust your routines too much to accommodate for them. It’s just an idea, but it has worked for me in the past. :)

Edited by Quixotic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
trekster   

I can identify with both the feeling lonely and the sensory issues surrounding relationships.

 

Is your friend OK with the texting communicating? My friends apart from a few who can't text are

happy to text me in between meeting up.

 

I've also had the mental confusion and the depression but found only dietary interventions help

with those problems as meds seem to make the problem worse.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JeanneA   

Hi Trekster sorry to hear how sad you are feeling. I know you have to have your routines like my son Glen. I'm glad there are other young people on here who can relate to you and hopefully you can then help each other.

 

Let us know how the assessment goes when you have it done. Take care :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smile   

sorry for not replying sooner. My friend is happy texting, but gets frustrated because they feel that we can misunderstand each other about whats being said. It has been an issue at times, but we work through it.

 

I was given a diagnosis of aspergers and ADD today, the specialist said there was no doubt in his mind that this was what has been going on. That my OCD and depression of part of the diagnosis. He said he can see how much I want to make friends, interact and be close to people, but I just dont know how to go about it.

He said the more questions he asked the more clearer everything was.

 

He has suggested medication for the ADD should I want it, he said that it would help with my concentration and dealing with my emotions. I dont know what to do to be honest. I am struggling big time with concentration, I just get very aggitated, cant sit still, cant watch tv, get distracted very easily. It just builds up and up until I have to find a way of releasing it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   

Hi Smile, sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely. How do you feel about your dx of Asperger's/ADD? Are there any Asperger's support groups near you, do you know? My lad is 18 and goes to a group each week, you might find that there is one in your area.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the intimate side of relationships at the moment, there is lots and lots of time for that. When the time is right and you meet somebody that you really, really trust, you both will be able to work through the physical issues at your own pace, if that's what you want. It's not great to rush into the physical side anyway, until you really feel you can trust the other person. I was incredibly niaive and inexperienced, shy and reluctant about that side of things when I was in my mid-twenties too, it just takes some a bit of time to get up their confidence with the help of the right person.

 

I hope you can find a group where you can meet some other young people or is there an evening class you could think about going to? I know it isn't easy. Do you enjoy sport? Swimming or running would be really good activities, would probably help with your restlessness too and could be places to meet people. I went swimming early yesterday morning and discovered it was like a mini social club, the people that go to that particular early session most days had all got to know each other as they see each other most days and they were very friendly and welcoming.

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smile   

Hi Mel,

 

thanks for the reply, I guess a part of me is relieved about the diagnosis, because now I can start to understand myself better and everything is falling into place. My mum also said that it wasnt until she was asked questions in the assessment that she realised that there we things that happened as I was a child that do stick out. I think what has happened is that she has gone away and thought about the different aspects of me as a child. She has been great with her support and I think she is just as relieved as me to be honest.

 

I will think about looking for a support group once things have settled down. I do love exercise, but cant do it by myself, if I go for a run I get bored after 5 mins and stop. Its not that Im not fit, its just my concentration. Im much better in group exercise, which I do once a week. That is a challenge in itself, because I struggle with talking to the others that are there and end up feeling the odd one out. I played team sports as a kid and teenager, but always struggled with the other people and because of that was bullied. Because I always tried hard and did what was asked of us, I was classed as the goody goody or teachers pet etc.

If I could play sport everyday and train everyday I would. Its just impossible financially sadly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smile   

sorry to post again, but there is something that I wanted to ask, I am a bit embarrassed about it and no one knows this at all. I have a problem with washing. I do have a bath or shower, but I can only wash intimate area and underarms, I cannot put shower gel anywhere else and I cannot wash my face. I dont even remember the last time I washed my face. Ive never spoken to anyone about it, however during the assessment my mum did say that I couldnt let water go near my face. I dont know how to get round it. I have bought face cloths, but cant even wet that and wash my face. I dont tend to not look after my clothes eg wash them and take a shower everyday, but just cannot wash myself as such. Does anyone understand that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate washing my face - and I hate getting my hands wet - which paired with the fact that I love being in water, makes it very strange...

 

I have a bath daily, I have to just dunk myself at the end, before I get out - until then, my face and hands stay dry, because I'll read a book or something.

 

If I'm stressed though I'll put up with my hands and face getting wet because I find it calming to shove my head under water and lie face down as if I've drowned - until I need to breathe of course or I'd be dead....

 

Years ago I went through this regression and used to have 6-8 baths a day... so maybe the opposite problem in some ways... but a lot of those baths I did not wash my face or hands so maybe a bit of both?

 

My only method is to force myself to do it - I force myself to wash my hands, and I force myself to wash my face...

 

I have a suggestion with the face thing... can you use wet wipes? Or those facial cleanser wipes? They are less wet than water... so maybe less stressful? During ocd times I love wet wipes - they do them for just about everything these days! Brilliant things :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   

What about taking a bath instead of showering, would that work for you? That way you could put bubbles in the just sit and soak and the bubbles would 'wash' you to a certain extent, just splash it over yourself. What about wet wipes for your face or cleansing your face with baby lotion and cotton wool? I used to go to school with a girl who was a budding model and she said she never let water touch her face because it would dry out her skin. She just used to cleanse her face with cleanser and cotton wool and then use a toner and she had lovely skin.

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smile   

Thank you both for the advice, the only thing Ive gone near before is wipes for acne (one of those brand named ones) and that I can manage, but it doesnt last long. Cream is a big no no, I dont even like my hands touching cream. On the times Ive got someone to put cream on my face I do feel more refreshed. Oh and the bubble bath, I cant stand bubble bath, to bubbles touching the skin etc. I also have a problem with the hot water, I literally have just about warm enough water for a quick shower. I do much prefer baths over showers. I just cannot stand anything like creams touching me, I know the thought of my nieces using paint sends shivers down me. Even people writing on the hands with pen makes me feel squirm. I will definately look into getting face wipes like the ones I used before, just to keep my face clean and fresh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oxgirl   

You can get gentle facial wipes that cleanse and moisturise at the same time too, a lot less harsh and drying than the acne specific ones.

 

~ Mel ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Creamy stuff and bubbles are a big no to me too urgh... sounds like face-wipes are the best way to go for now - my mum uses the ones that I can't name :lol: er... they have a white and green logo, and advertise saying they don't use any colouring or anything harmful, and are good for sensitive skin and the name rhymes with dimple but with a 's' at the start :D:devil: and they don't smell too perfumed - I guess this might be important if used regularly? (the sensitive stuff not the smell/fragrance)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
shas   

I shower once or twice a week, Why bother. As long i do not smell

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate washing my face - and I hate getting my hands wet - which paired with the fact that I love being in water, makes it very strange...

 

I have a bath daily, I have to just dunk myself at the end, before I get out - until then, my face and hands stay dry, because I'll read a book or something.

 

If I'm stressed though I'll put up with my hands and face getting wet because I find it calming to shove my head under water and lie face down as if I've drowned - until I need to breathe of course or I'd be dead....

 

Years ago I went through this regression and used to have 6-8 baths a day... so maybe the opposite problem in some ways... but a lot of those baths I did not wash my face or hands so maybe a bit of both?

 

My only method is to force myself to do it - I force myself to wash my hands, and I force myself to wash my face...

 

I have a suggestion with the face thing... can you use wet wipes? Or those facial cleanser wipes? They are less wet than water... so maybe less stressful? During ocd times I love wet wipes - they do them for just about everything these days! Brilliant things :D

 

How do you manage about washing your hair? I hate showers and washing hair in the bath or washbasin isn't easy so I pay to have someone else do it. It's an expense but I save on other things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
smile   

I dont know if this will help, washing hair was a nightmare for me too. It was always sit in a bath and use a cup to pour the water over my head, then we got a hand held shower thing attached to the taps, so then I could lean over the bath and only get my hair wet. Now I have a shower and when I wash my hair I stand with my back to the shower, plus my shower isnt very hot so Im literally in and out. Added bonus, got my hair cut short (not to everyones taste), but I tell it is a breeze compared to before. When it was longer the amount of times I lost it with my mum. She used to straighten my hair a few times a week, it used to hurt like mad, which she couldnt understand, it got to the point I told her I would rather not straighten my hair because it was such an ordeal (also because I felt useless that I couldnt even do my own hair at that age).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How do you manage about washing your hair? I hate showers and washing hair in the bath or washbasin isn't easy so I pay to have someone else do it. It's an expense but I save on other things.

It's only an inch long - and when it needs washing it becomes part of the general dunking method - then I torture myself further by pouring 4 jugs of water over my head from the taps - I can't be bothered with messing around with it so I go for the dive in the deep end sort of short sharp shock method and live in peace til I have to do it again :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×