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Paul Armstrong

new to the site and looking for info about help groups

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tough couple of weeks, slow reply. i'll reply to these separately instead of bunching them all up into one post

 

 

Hey :)

 

Back to quotes again :rolleyes:

 

 

 

Sorry about your date - total bummer when someone cancels or reschedules - especially if you sort of live parts of life around perfect time keeping and planning ;)

 

The thing trying me right now in life is that I'm thinking over and over and over about my diagnosis of AS - I've spent much private time over the past year trying to disprove my dx and failing big time cuz all I do is find more and more evidence that the dx was accurate - another ironically funny thing if I force myself to take a step back and look at what I'm doing - which is essentially torturing myself!! It's also ironic in that there are people out there dying for a dx and I have one and don't want it.

 

Mix this in with the trying to disprove it and its a very messed up picture - for this moment in time I see the funny side. . . I probably won't later :lol:

 

I have very little self worth - I also have a mix of illogical and logical - I really want to bring this up with the CBT person as I've heard that logic works well with that. Its dumb to live life according to stuff that isn't true or stuff that doesn't make sense - believe me I know!! But its not always so easy dropping those negative belief systems or irrational ones!

 

It's good you are aware that your SA has maybe moved into a new stage where you potentially can deal with some of the effects. Personally I'm still stuck highly in SA mindsets - mixed with features of AS it gets too stressful and tiring for too much of the time. I am hoping to get into a place similar to where you are kinda at and see if I can take it from there... all I gotta do is get to one place to get to another (a map would really really help lol).

 

 

 

Yeah, my home town is like a ghost town compared to where I live now - the population difference is doubled where I currently live - there's more traffic - more people - more people (did I mention more people?)

 

Nope, no dx for eating - I think of myself as walking a fine line on it - its a battle every day though.

 

Things were rescheduled cuz of job changes (to put it briefly) there's lots of other reasons, and as annoying as it is I don't mind too much as the reasons are valid and understandable - so long as it isn't a regular occurrence ;)

 

 

 

It's annoying when the first choice of help is unavailable - especially when the link to what you need help with is so clear and direct... What I find is that looking at it again and seeing if there's something that relates to the issues at hand in a less obvious way. So in my situation there's no anger management available at all - so anxiety management and CBT are sorta similar cuz its stuff to do with those areas that makes me angry in the first place. So an indirect solution (I'm pretty impressed with my thinking these days - only a year ago I'd have slumped into depression then spent 3 months being angry and then mistrustful and bitter) there are some minor improvements :lol: they aren't reliable or lasting but at least there's glimmers of hope!

 

I hate clichés - its why I avoid group stuff cuz I get the impression that it happens a lot!! It just makes me so angry too because the obvious sayings people use are so obvious and I'm thinking "well if it was as simple as that I'd have done it already wouldn't I?" or other non helpful internal thoughts on similar lines. The last thing that would help is listening to a load of do gooders spouting happy crappy nonsense at me :devil:

 

I think he did shout PUNK'D at her.

 

Yeah those points in the clips were hard hitting - so long as you aren't afraid to hear it (if you know what I mean - generally not you personally btw). It does not surprise me that a woman was behind you watching them lol there's some good stuff in em though... I liked the bit where she was talking about the guy who wanted to ask her a question at the book signing - and the bit where she said she needed a therapist for a year after her studies - that made me laugh.

 

 

 

Isolation is a brilliant cure for most social anxieties and inadequacies - shame that isolation is also the thing that makes the anxiety and inadequacy worse!!!

 

I find that a lot in life - almost everyone I know is completely unable to discuss things without it turning into a pissing match - I sit there thinking why does pain/depression/woes have to be a competition - and equally (although I don't tend to do it) there's people who do it the other way best car/most money/who's met what celebs etc drone drone drone :lol:

 

I feel this conversation has been an equal comparison of experience - not many people can do that... of course I am flawed.... there has been times when I've literally thrown everything I've got at someone - this only happens when I get angry or stressed though :oops:

 

The thing that gets me about groups is there's always set people there - you get the yes person, the no person, the I wanna be leader, the pushy git, the know it all, the back stabber/shite stirrer, the I've done everything person. And you might get a couple of comparatively normal, decent and honest people. I've been members of voluntary groups (MH group by the council, drug help group, the police's advisory group, and a "service user" understanding of disability and sort of signposting group (yes its long that last one but its was all one bigger service))

 

All these groups were to do with enhancing or providing a service to the groups of people they focused on.

 

I will briefly add that I was able to do all this following CBT several years ago - I stopped going to all of these groups (apart from one that shut down) about 4 years ago (approx as I can't quite work it out) this was cuz I had a major regression that I've been sorting out ever since - I've still got nowhere - hence the second try at CBT - which I hope to learn from my previous mistakes and all that cuz I got hindsight now and I find hindsight to be very very useful.

 

I haven't met hardly any gay couples - only singletons (both sexes) - for the reasons you state and others I think that in terms of love and commitment (this is in people who actually want long term relationships) I could easily imagine that things could be more honest and fair - but then I'm speculating. . . I do know from one guy who said "you think you've seen fighting with straight couples? Now imagine it with 2 guys who won't talk or back down, or two women who just have to be right or won't let things go" It made me laugh cuz I've seen a fair few stereotypical domestics and then to imagine 2 of my dad for example or 2 of my mum arguing and I get this cartoon clip in my head that goes to stupid extremes. :lol: I think in some ways we are all the same - but I also think that anyone who differs from the "traditional norm" has to fight more in life, they have to have balls sometimes you know? I think maybe that struggle can add qualities to a person.

 

and delayed gratification has always been something i've struggled with

 

this is the problem with picking up conversations a fortnight later (just like like dates!). why have you been trying to disprove the diagnosis? i can't directly relate as i was diagnosed young but try to keep yourself busy or distracted as going over something in your head is a helpless task, find whenever i do have these internal debates that i'm just constantly flip flopping and achieving nothing. but if it is something that's troubling you talk about it with others, i'll listen if it'll be useful to you at all

 

sometimes have trouble finding the line separating humour and despair

 

any specific examples? as for me working on the logical, the physical, was the thing i could make clear progress with. like spend a little more on your appearance, not silly stuff where other people won't even notice or even if they do it'll be debatable whether they'll appreciate but simple things like every six months or so freshening up your wardrobe. the difference that having all the clothes you're wearing at any one moment being new and of a good fit makes, and then if you add in their being nice clothes and matching too. or getting your hair cut more often and maybe showing the barber or hairdresser a picture of yourself where it was of a good length and style. these little things which make a clear improvement, there's a satisfaction that comes with that. instead of looking at the whole picture and being overwhelmed maybe try focusing on aspects of yourself whether it's appearance, physical health, or intelligence and looking for things you're clearing doing wrong. the glaring issues, we've all them

 

you're thinking too much about the long term and the theory of it all

 

oh ok, i thought it was maybe the reverse and that the lack of options now afforded you was triggering anxiety

 

have you thought about trying for a diagnosis for it? just it seems to me that with something like an eating disorder there could be clear benefit to getting an actual diagnosis for it

 

so what's it your waiting for now and what's the timescale?

 

who's the anger towards? if it's something you really are struggling with then bottling or repressing won't work. i found exercise to be an ok outlet for it

 

well these groups i've been to they've been more informal, not run by or even affiliated with the NHS so come to think of it all the leaders to all the groups i've been to have been sufferers too. most of the people that attend these groups are just quietly trying to endure, if anything i've been the do gooder spouting happy crappy nonsense!

 

"PUNK'D I'M YOUR SON"

 

and her point of weakness and vulnerability being ok and not things that need hiding

 

that whole dichotomy of short term solution but long term worsening and breaking out of that even at the cost of emotional and physical pain

 

yeah is a work in progress for me too

 

honestly at these groups i've found that while they're not all necessarily people i'd want to spend time with outside of the group that they're mostly flawed and good people that are just looking for a sympathetic ear and the relief of hearing from others with similar experiences and struggles

 

i might've already asked but what caused the regression? was it something like your stopping the CBT?

 

one thing i've been struck with when i've met gay couples is just how similar they are, both appearance and personality. little creepy on a a purely superficial first take but that equality between them and i think that equality leads to consistency and both those are such healthy foundations on which to build any sort of relationship

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The problem with a picking up a conversation 2 weeks later.... :lol: I lost track too a bit - why have you had a tough couple of weeks?

 

 

this is the problem with picking up conversations a fortnight later (just like like dates!). why have you been trying to disprove the diagnosis? i can't directly relate as i was diagnosed young but try to keep yourself busy or distracted as going over something in your head is a helpless task, find whenever i do have these internal debates that i'm just constantly flip flopping and achieving nothing. but if it is something that's troubling you talk about it with others, i'll listen if it'll be useful to you at all

 

I get some use from internal conversations although it might take me longer to dissect than other people.

 

I've been trying to disprove it because I have an excess of mental energy and I don't just accept things just cuz somebody says so - I wanted to test my dx, I wanted to make sure it was right - it isn't so easy to do and that's why I've spent a year at it before I've finally got to the point where I have little left to argue. The big things about it was my childhood and from reading certain books, and allowing my mind the freedom to wander I have remembered more of my childhood and teen years in the last year than I've remembered of it for ages as I buried it all so well.

 

Having a dx slants the memories, it makes me view them in more ways than one, it gives me understanding of why things went wrong, why people didn't understand me, why I could not explain, why I didn't keep friends, why people appeared not to like me and so much more.

 

I have to say that my dx seems to as be accurate as I can find - I've read so much on the internet and finally ready a book a couple or 3 weeks ago and if we view it on a percentage of "evidence or proof" I have to say that from the beginning the proof figure has just grown. As it stands now I have a 90/10 spilt - 90% for accuracy of dx - and 10% against. Even that is being liberal with the figures, I still try to tilt it one way and that one way is against the dx - if I could be truly honest I'd say 95 to 5 instead - but I'm not happy with that figure so 90% for AS diagnosis will have to do - if I could get more info out of my family it would help but that aint gonna happen any time soon...

 

sometimes have trouble finding the line separating humour and despair

 

you're thinking too much about the long term and the theory of it all

 

have you thought about trying for a diagnosis for it? just it seems to me that with something like an eating disorder there could be clear benefit to getting an actual diagnosis for it

 

I think that's why the saying "if I don't laugh I'll cry" exists - humour and despair can be more closely linked than people think.

 

I'm thinking nothing in some ways - the place I'm at now has no definition - its too mixed up, too complex - I have this feeling that these past couple of years and possibly some more in the future are all about a change. I don't change easily and I think one day the tide will change. In the mean time I'm trying to learn as much as I can, I'm trying to find healthier outlooks and outlets. But the fact is that I don't know what I want to do, or how, or anything - and the defeatist in me just wants to give up - so its a battle too.

 

I have thought about getting a dx for it - but the services have no help, they have no help for any of my problems - you read literature about AS and it says that co-morbids that exist in a person should be tested for and diagnosed at the time of AS diagnosis (like social anxiety, or OCD, or ED;s or whatever else effects the person) I know I have other issues, I've also been told that I have other issues by professionals - but they haven't ever put any of it in writing (well, other than depression or agoraphobia - but even those are buried in my file and not on any other paperwork).

 

so what's it your waiting for now and what's the timescale?

 

who's the anger towards? if it's something you really are struggling with then bottling or repressing won't work. i found exercise to be an ok outlet for it

 

I'm waiting for the change that will come once I've learnt enough - I know I've changed over the past year and a half - that change hasn't stopped, I feel different, I can think more broadly - the biggest help has been talking to people on this forum - especially the people who ask questions who offer advice and then are willing to discuss it further, the people who are behind me on life's journey show me where I was and where I've got to - and the people who are ahead of me show me that I can get there too if they did. And the people who are in similar yet different places to me show me things to look out for in my own life.

 

I used to just write everything to myself - or for health professionals - since I joined here I get people answer me and that has improved my verbal communication as it has improved my written communication - not as quickly for the verbal but there has been noticeable improvements since I joined here.

 

When I get angry I get angry at anything and everything - I am irrational and rational - and that is mainly down to a loack of coping ability and negative or distorted thinking - it is a thing that will take more work in my life and I know I am not there yet on this issue - but it isn't an issue that comes up too often on here and for the time being I've left it alone - I don't have the ability to write about it properly - there was a stupid poem on my profile for the past year that did it justice but I accidentally deleted it and I can't be bothered to put it back as its too negative. Maybe I'll pick the topic back up one day :)

 

honestly at these groups i've found that while they're not all necessarily people i'd want to spend time with outside of the group that they're mostly flawed and good people that are just looking for a sympathetic ear and the relief of hearing from others with similar experiences and struggles

 

i might've already asked but what caused the regression? was it something like your stopping the CBT?

 

Yes stopping the CBT before it was complete was a big factor.

 

I'm thinking of trying out a group in the near future - I was gonna do it last week but tedious life stuff got in the way and so it will have to wait for a bit - maybe 2 weeks, maybe 4, depends on money and getting myself into a mindset that means I can actually have a good go at attending - which is very very hard.

 

So what about you? What are things like in your life? I see you are more positive than me in many ways and I know I lack focus at times in my life - but I sense that there's something more to it all...

 

Best

 

Darkshine

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Hello to another Armstrong...

 

Welcome to group. Sorry can't help with support groups because I've never been to one. Nor do I have the social skills to attend one...

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