smileyK Report post Posted May 15, 2012 i know this part and parcel of having living with A.S taking comments to heart taking everything personal to me and not letting it rise above me over my head this situation happens quite abit at work especially today by boss get upset angry at myself as put pressure on myself to be like 'them' i feel like divide of me and 'them' in work place and finding this difficult hard manage/deal with it nothing to do with 'them' creating these difficulties it me and where my head at and my thoughts/feelings emotionally overwhelm me to point i struggle to come back from and forget move on and say " tomorrow is another day" start again but it isn't as easy as that as keeps coming up time and time again really try hard to overcome it i get paranoid over my slow processing gets me frustrated/annoyed /depressed me trying to compare myself just adds more strain .... as i ain't as quick/fast as 'them' to get things done which i was .... when it noisy sensory issues it hard to digest spoken words /information as if i'm deaf! feel like i'm bad colleague ... bad person failuire everywhere i go right now can't do anything 'right' 'normal' i'm trying work things out .... everything getting to me as getting to point of emotional 'break down' crying non-stop tears or explosion of anger snapping gr! anyone understand get what i'm mean trying to say ... wish i could run away hide and never be seen heard again XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted May 15, 2012 Smiley, I don't think this is part of Asperger's, it sounds more like depression. Everyone makes mistakes, but a person who is well can shake them off and feel Ok about it. But when you have depression, you can end up thinking all sorts of negative things about yourself and spiral into all these negative thoughts you talk about in your post. I think this is something you can get help with. CBT therapy can be especially good because it focusses on the automatic negative thoughts, helps you recognise them, and replace them with something more realistic and healthy. You seem to have a good understanding of your thought patterns - you explain them very well in your post. So I think you would be in a really good position to benefit from CBT therapy. I had CBT about 5 years ago now to help me with similar negative thought patterns. Even though it was so long ago, some of the skills are still with me now and help me to keep things under control a bit more. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 16, 2012 talk to smiley 1590 i think you have alot in common. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted May 16, 2012 talk to smiley 1590 i think you have alot in common. smiley k is smiley1590 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 16, 2012 smiley k is smiley1590 lol i know it was a bit of hidden sarcasum. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 16, 2012 lol i know it was a bit of hidden sarcasum. That isn't very nice Smiley - I agree with Tally - and as someone who struggles with these things too I'd say her post was spot on Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 18, 2012 Hi SmileyK I can really sympathise with you as I have been there zillions of times throughout my working career - even now at times. If people look at you and think that you are weak, they will use you as a scapegoat for their inadequacies and make you feel anxious and depressed. This came to a head with me in the early 1990s when I suffered serious clinical depression and indeed tried to end it all (on two separate occasions). As Tally says, this is not Aspergers speaking but the onset of clinical depression and that downward spiral. I get days when I feel great and full of confidence, then I get dark days and don't wish to talk to anyone and just want fall down a bottomless hole Easier said than done, don't let them get to you. If they can see what upsets you, they will continue. This smacks of workplace bullying. Do you have anyone at work you can confide in? Please feel free to PM me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 18, 2012 robert- the way you've described my work place is wrong totally opposite they understanding/supportive of my needs and NO BULLYING ever taken place .... tally- i had CBT in past from CMHT felt it was unsuccessful unhelpful waste of time/energy didn't feel i got anything from it to be honest just made me feel more fed up /frustrated/angry .... so made questions trying to work out 'everything' my head ,my A.S life , my thoughts so much work out felt overwhelmed /pressured/uncomfortable just felt this type of therapy wasn't for 'me' ... so what next ... where does this leave me??? parents today have suggested writing a list of what is bothering /stressing me out making me depressed /worried and numbering them from 1-10 as can't verbally express how things are for me but even that i feel i don't know where to start /begin as they said then can help me work through the list together this makes me jump Automatically straight to scared letting anyone one in i find SO difficult! sounds bad i know! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted May 18, 2012 I agree that what's going on at work does not sound like bullying. I'm glad that you have a supportive employer, but I also understand that criticisms and suggestions can be difficult to hear. I also had no luck with CBT the first time I tried it. I would still recommend trying again with a different therapist. A good therapist should be able to guide you through the process without frustrating you. Sometimes you simply don't 'click' with a therapist even if they are good at their job. So don't let one bad experience put you off trying again. There are also many other types of therapy you could try. The reason I suggested CBT is because it does not involve in-depth discussion of your emotions and that can be good for people with ASD who are not very good at this anyway. But you might still find another therapy technique works well for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 19, 2012 why oh why do i become so worried paranoid/anxious about such 'small things' turn into such BIG mountains is it because after all these years of knowing now still left high and dry with so many unknown questions ... fears etc which throw me into tizz spin and i try understand myself my life just ends up more 'complex mess' is it because i don't get myself,my life that others don't get me my life??? will i ever make sense of anything? will issues become ;less messy confusing and the feeling of lost lonley i always need endless adult reassurance seeking for at work home makes me feel insecure needy clingy .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted May 19, 2012 Smiley have you tried typing the list and showing to your parents? Have you tried reading literature about autism/AS? Have you tried joining your local autism group? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 19, 2012 Have you tried looking at any positives in your life instead of just focusing on the negatives? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
