smileyK Report post Posted May 24, 2012 anyone else feel same way as me ... abandonded let down failured lost alone fed up by so many services i've worked with seem o.k to start with then things begin to change lack of understanding or miscommunication between professionals, i only see my care manager once a yr for a review of my care package and needs have changed in anyway but no-one seems check up on you see if things running smooth if you're struggling manage/cope with everyday you have do chasing yourself ring them to talk to them never recieve a telephone call or email asking 'how are you' how things going no-one seems have time anymore and because you're seen as HIGH FUNCTIONNING AUTISM you seem least of their worries/concerns i having inter turmoil at moment can't seem talk anyone about it over it just feel like i get pushed away and not heard so FRUSTRATING! makes want to run and scream ... no-one seems get why i feel like i do! i feel i left in dark not told about changes made within team don't fit into any tick box anywhere at any time in my life so SICK TIRED OF IT! because i wasn't officially diagnosed/picked up into early teens just makes it SO MUCH WORSE! i keep losing courage to speak to care manager about how BAD i really feel inside would i be entitled to MH worker or Social Worker as i have A.S ,depression & anxiety? struggling get by day to day at work i becoming slack and 'don't seem with it all there or any real enjoyment' ..... more accident prone at work living on my nerves /nervous energy get flustered worked up /stressed easy ... feel i have no where to go turn .... every direction seems blocked off like no one can be bothered too much like hard work stress etc keep ringing care manager but 'chickening' out of explain my situation how it is though have emailed her like explained in previous post and no nothing back! just feel only matter of time before i burst /explode so draiined of carrying on like this! feeling forgotten and invisible not nice feeling either just adds to everything else makes darker! because i work part time i think people assume i ticking over 'just fine' and because i have A.S my difficulties are relatively 'mild' so much more than that when live with day in day out wearing me down.... i've always been lost in systems or lost interest along way and not wanted to understand/know and only so much you can take on your own before start BREAK CRACK UP reaching that stage so near holding on by thread /my fingertips not good XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie C Report post Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) I too was ready to explote physically and emotionally before I opened up to my care manager about my true feelings after botteling up for so long, I new I needed help but with trust issues stemming from years of childhood abuse I was reluctant to engage in services because it takes me a long time to trust people, I also had the feeling that my problems aren't good enough for help, but after opening up ro my CPN I was able to unload my true feeling feelings and just told it plainly and my CPN listened, I guess I was lucky. I got help then..... Instead of emailing her your feelings maybe you should sit down face to face and tell her your problems openly and honesty and she'll have to answer you back instead of ignoring you.... i keep losing courage to speak to care manager about how BAD i really feel inside would i be entitled to MH worker or Social Worker as i have A.S ,depression & anxiety? Your entitled to help, believe it or not there is more help available for people on the spectrum from specialist teams then able people. You'll be for entitled for support for both depression & anxiety, you need to be honest to them about how your feeling. Edited May 24, 2012 by Charlie C Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 24, 2012 i asked when i was at adult MHT if was entitled to CPN as have been real low in past self harm on and off when struggling/stressed but was told my issues weren't bad enough with just depression /anxiety didn't qualify story of my life anything i ask for/need support for i don't 'fit' tick all right boxes on forms questions to get anything real solid! and i'm in deep right now! Discharged myself from adult MHT as waste of time/energy just like rest of services i've been involved with past/present no-one seems tell anyone anything or don't seem get what's going on in professional world all effort/energy has come from you all time and reached end of the line! with lot of them! when will stand up and really notice! trying so hard to work at it myself keep things together/on track don't know how long this will be before ... before i fall apart completely! never had any GOOD LUCK with help/support being pointed in right direction at all! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 24, 2012 i feel like people on outside looking in say 'just A.S' simple easy live with it makes you think like that and believe it and also that you're not worth dealing with! i giving up real hope! no one seems to know what going on with each service involved so you yourself have make an effort pass on information/details ... can't be bothered /asked anymore! nothing seems change around! never seem to find right person/right support /right place feel safe enough comfortable i suppose! just doesn't help your situation at all makees feel so damn selfish for asking for help /support seems falll on deaf ears all time too! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie C Report post Posted May 25, 2012 If you haven't been assigned a CPN you haven't gone that down the process, you need to tell them your true feelings and give them an ultimatum, (bluntly, If I don't get any help you feel like killing yourself you feel so bad) You really need to be honest how your feeling... Is your care manager apart of the CMHT or the manager where you live? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 my care manager is MH nurse also she has two job roles!!! but like i say only normal see her once a yr for care plan review check funding etc that is it! that's where support/help runs dry /ends in past 14-16 years old tried ODing on tabs had to go A & E was seen by on call emergency pysch team up the hosp came home same night/early morn and was seen by 3 days by crisis team for 1 hr each time but again wasn't much help/support whenever i go feel no offered nothing really all sounds too good to true which it my case normally it is as never normally works out good wish it did! pray it would! i find it SO hard get to place of 'honest' find words express together ... feeling like going round in circles with systems that just see you as number on their list! tick you off that it ends there! bit confused atm as care manager just come back from being on long term sick so everything all up in air in whether she contuining stay /remain as my CM or whether i ending up with locality social work team involved instead ... and also waiting for pyschologist be found as old one left in NAS but feel if don't chase up in left bottom of pile all goes cold and quiet .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 just running out of stream .... energy... thoughts are spinning in my head... i feel like i'm trying my best with everything no one else wants do 'their bit' in helping/supporting me ... feel so worried/stressing over general living /day to day .... i just want say 'forget it' to NAS and care manager but then will be stranded well truly! feel so hopeless that things turn around! just hope for 'better' from services all time doesn't seem do anything/work/improve ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie C Report post Posted May 25, 2012 SmilyK this site has been very useful for me, you might get more help then here, King regards Charlie......mentalhealthforum.net Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 25, 2012 I was never diagnosed as the condition was almost unheard of/not understood when I was growing up and it does seem that many professionals are not interested or have too much on their caseload to be interested. SmileyK, can you not think of any positives in your life that you can focus on? If these "professionals" can't help you, have you looked to self-help? I went through 4 years not wanting to be alive but obviously, something must have worked as I wouldn't be here today. Even something simple like a hobby? Are you married/have children? What do they think? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 what about a holiday with the gals? a couple of weeks in spain would help you recharge and have fun again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 my parents commented today saying im either really happy high buzzing hyper or other end really sad depressed miserable just don't get it! go no middle balance of mood like see saw! today i couldn't stop doing jobs when zumba class /gym came back from that did weeding out front then picked up pinecones loads cover our grass then made tea for me and my twin brother washed up made parents cup of tea hung mum's washing out for her brought some in , did polishing of bedroom at 8.30-9.45 when parents when bed spray bleached kitchen units .... just one job to next to next .... can't stop myself feel so here there everywhere just lately! then next day have no energy wiped of it but still push myself hard .... so confused about this! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 robert- can't go on hols with girls ain't as easy as that wish it was! most of my friends work full time can't drop everything and just go off and i work part time haven't got money can't afford it and end of june (30th) go turkey for 2 wks with parents and twin brother! and i work so can't just up and leave .... reality of life! i have a hobby exercise! no i'm not either married or have kids! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 my parents commented today saying im either really happy high buzzing hyper or other end really sad depressed miserable just don't get it! go no middle balance of mood like see saw! today i couldn't stop doing jobs when zumba class /gym came back from that did weeding out front then picked up pinecones loads cover our grass then made tea for me and my twin brother washed up made parents cup of tea hung mum's washing out for her brought some in , did polishing of bedroom at 8.30-9.45 when parents when bed spray bleached kitchen units .... just one job to next to next .... can't stop myself feel so here there everywhere just lately! then next day have no energy wiped of it but still push myself hard .... so confused about this! XKLX no doubt in my mind, you have severe depression, and it sounds like you need a course of anti depressents as soon as possible, if your already on them then there not working and you need something stronger. i have a hunch you could have bi polar, i would get to a doc right away. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 i not on any meds came off years ago as felt weren't doing anything really for me to stabilise balance my moods enough felt like after while everything stopped working ... just feel my moods are extreme flike yo-yo effect i'm trying to avoid docs & anti'dps meds as put on endless weight gain which wasn't great! .... just feel crashing faster than fast! feel like can do everything in one day then feel like can nothing such weird/strange ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 feel so tired /drained either have bundles of energy or none but when have none force myself do more! when i'm in 'high mood' talk really fast high speed things catching up with me then feel whole world in slow motion slows down can't seem focus on any one thing ... feel like haven't got no time for food just for exercising is my main focus! scared go docs incase think making things up! and don't want go back to Adult MHT like explained before bad bad past history there! not good at all! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 today havent been able to sit at all really for long length of time had be doing anything something! when not doing something feel like i should be! when crash normally after comes high again then back down to low! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 the doctor is your next point of call, i do have suspicions that you could have bi polar, and you need to be put on the RIGHT meds. the weight you gain on anti dps is water retention which is easily sorted. the main thing is making smiley smile again. get to the docs, tell him or her everything you,ve told us and get refferd to the right person. you shouldnt have to live this way, everyone deserves to feel happy inside themselves. if your reccomended meds, take them, and take everything else as it comes, (the weight etc) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 oh and if they dont solve this problem, then bang there door down till they get it right, we pay our taxes for that useless opperation called the nhs lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 bipolar? really? i don't want be put on meds make me put on weight end of! feel like lows are end of the world have serious dark huritng thoughts cross my mind alot when in this mood state! feel like don't care about anything! when high feel like can tackle the world! is docs only real option/route ? no one ever mentioned BD before to me no pyschs or pyschologists? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 i don't earn enough to pay any tax at all! national insurance nothing! i ain't going bed til early hours! haven't got fight within inside me to 'bang doors down' ... that tired/drained of energy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 well my father was in a long term relationship with a bi polar woman and everything you post does seem to sound famillar and seems to has bi polars fingerprints on it. i dont know for sure, but its a guess. you could just be severly depressed. but in either case yes doctor is awnser. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 i don't earn enough to pay any tax at all! national insurance nothing! i ain't going bed til early hours! haven't got fight within inside me to 'bang doors down' ... that tired/drained of energy! thats what we have parents for, when we have nothing left and every step is agony, our parents and familly carry us over the finish line. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 25, 2012 don't think i could face the docs atm too much .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 25, 2012 don't think i could face the docs atm too much .... up to you kid, the balls in your court. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 26, 2012 yeah i know it is that's what's scarying me even more freaking me out! ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted May 26, 2012 you can do it. i know right now you feel like you cant, but we humans are capable of amazing things. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 26, 2012 feel so restless too, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aspiemumto1 Report post Posted May 29, 2012 Dear Smiley You remind me so much of my 16 year old daughter. This is just how she was up until just recently. Huges highs and then plunging into deep lows, hyper one minute and no energy the next, poor appetite and poor sleep. I took her to the doctors and eventually after much fighting she was put on antidepressants. There are so many different kinds now and not all of them make you put on weight. I know the thought of going to the doctors is scarey and you are worried that you wont be believed. May be if you write your symptoms down just as a list and show the doctor that might help you to talk about it. No one can force you to go obviously, but sometimes we have to take the first step to helping ourselves. Mental health is changing and you have had a bad experience but there may be other ways to help you that you havent tried. I dont know how old you are, but dont give up. There is someone out there who will listen, its just hard to find them sometimes, or may be you arent shouting hard enough. Is there a friend maybe who knows how you feel who would be able to come with you for support. If you feel the docs arent listening then be brave and tell them - you are not listening to me, I cant carry on like this. Please dont carry on like this. I can tell you are in a very deep low where nothing seems to work or help, but if this has been going on for a long time it is obvious you need some help. I agree with AS Warrior, the next step is your GP. Good luck with it all hun x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 29, 2012 don't think i could face the docs atm too much .... Could you not go with a trusted friend? You cannot do this alone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 29, 2012 Oh I forgot, your GP could run basic health checks like bloods etc to check for hormone imbalance etc etc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 30, 2012 had social worker ring up yesterday as think reason was she taking over care manager job role to ease pressure off her as she been on long term sick so taking on alot of care manager work cases my mum has informed her about my weight loss and as my mum sees it excessive/obsessive exercise routine' and that my mum thinks it taken place of self-harm ( cutting) she told S.W hope don't get asked loads questions tomorrow about it as S.W ringing me tomorrow on my mobile and she wants meeting with me and my mum she reckons a review is due of my care package but with care manager this normally happens in october time so confused.com hope more is explained when speak to S.W and becomes clearer! i feel dead embarrassed over my mum telling S.W over exercise weight loss ... XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted May 30, 2012 robert - had basic blood tests done not so long ago few months ago and everything came back 'normal' fine so no need why hormone balance??? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted June 1, 2012 robert - had basic blood tests done not so long ago few months ago and everything came back 'normal' fine so no need why hormone balance??? XKLX sometimes a womans estrogen levels can be thrown off balance, and that can cause depression. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted June 3, 2012 Would abnormal high estrogen levels show up in blood tests then? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spastigirl Report post Posted July 12, 2012 Could well be bipolar. I have type ii bipolar, the one not many people know about, which is essentially mixed-state and irritable. If I have an episode I tend to get a mixture of weepy/low mood, low concentration, no appetite and no ability to sleep. Comparatively, a fair amount of pure depressives have no energy but sleep as opposed to dithering about the way I do. One thing you mentioned was really familiar to me. At one point my parents bundled me up and brought me back from the mental hospital, still in a state where I couldn't easily eat and sleep. I kept dozing off during the day but not sleeping at night. I felt so guilty about not-getting-better and making things difficult I remember getting up at three in the morning and washing the bathroom (I'm not keen on housework at all...). OTOH, I think type i is more marked by big, excitable highs. This is the one most people have heard of, and is more likely if you have visible 'high mood' or euphoria. It's also the 'dangerous' one for people who want to turn their lives around (change job or marriage etc) in instant, unreliable ways (doesn't sound as though you have that one). Flashes of energy or high mood in 'depressed' days are reasonably common in both sorts, I think. I feel I'm poor at managing my mood-states because I often don't know what my emotions or moods are (often not very strong or marked) so I can't see the warning signs before something happens. But there is help out there, and it's of the utmost importance you (and any support network/family you can get together) push for it. It sounds as though your brain is already giving you warning signals that things could get worse. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sa Skimrande Report post Posted July 12, 2012 There is such a thing as Bipolar 2 which is often mistaken as depression, but even with depression one cycles up and down like a yoyo most of the time, the key of course in sensitivity as when one is depressed they are sensitive to stimuli many others aren't, even reading other's input on forums can send one's mood up or down. But how can these things ever be diagnosed as to be fair how long does a doctor see you for and how can they make a judgement other than depression from what you say, unless of course a medic is fortunate enough to receive you in the manic phase in which case they could diagnose any number of maladies, schizophrenia and autism included and is such that people who are later found to have autism have been diagnosed as schizophrenic because the diagnostic criteria is very similar. But a question of medications, medications come with a list of side effects, so it stands medications themselves could cause illnesses and perhaps especially so as many of the medications given for whatever are based upon one theory in many and by being a theory they might actually in fact be causing issues where they were not there before. But mood cycling and depression I understand is common to those with ASD as is anxiety, so if you have ASD, then it is possible the anxiety has caused a variation of depression of which much of what you describe in the OP. But anxiety, I understand many are reporting success via the regular consumption of fish oil, not any old fish oil, but fish oil containing a few grammes of something called EPA and DLA, something I will have to investigate myself when there is some spare cash available. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sharn Report post Posted August 7, 2012 Really sorry to hear you having such a rough time. I agree you must see GP or psych if you got one ,get reffered if not. I understand you feel you cannot do it yourself, you need your mum or an advocate to take you. Im not sure your seeing things straight and bi polar is a possibility or depsession but you need meds urgently in my opinion. I know how hard it is to get the help you need,but get your mum to make them listen . Hope you get some help totally understand how desperate you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted August 7, 2012 I'm now on medication Anti- depressants ( paroxetine) 20 mg went to the doctors with best friend she agreed come a long with me for emotional support! Had one medication review already got go back to doctors in 3-4 weeks have another review / check up see how things are going Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
