Lyndalou Report post Posted July 11, 2012 I struggle with that too, anticipating the end, I'm constantly questioning, wondering, wanting definitions and stuff and I find trust so very very hard - and it hurts when people drop me, it kills when certain people drop me, I crave certainty, I crave definition - but it can't always happen... I have no problem with any person either wanting or not wanting friends - that is everyone's choice. But when I look at myself, I know all my defensiveness is me trying to protect myself - but I have to say that when certain people come along, and I start considering trusting them, like my friend from years ago, and it's so scary it makes me totally freak out - but I don't think we have to give trust all at once, it's a working thing, it starts with people not screwing us over to start with, and then can be built upon a little bit at a time - but it can never pass a certain stage if we don't give enough trust to build upon - because if that distance is always there it can be hurtful too, because it can lead to other questions that aren't comfortable, questions about acceptance and people liking us for who we are - and how can they ever do that if we never show ourselves to people? Most of my "friends" just take from me, even the long term one, I don't ask things of most of them, they don't wanna hear about my life, my mind, my thoughts, my problems... I took a chance with the longer term one a month or so ago and told them that I had AS - I was bricking it and was totally shocked at the accepting response - that has now made a possible door open, it is my choice whether I discuss things further, and I probably won't, but at least I know that there's some give from that person, and that they didn't betray my trust. I don't think we have to hand all our trust to someone on a plate and risk everything at once... and of the people who call themselves my friends, I can talk to 2 out of half a dozen, but even then I don't always do that, I don't let them in most of the time, because I don't think they'll like what they see, so when I do take chances I get really uncomfortable cuz I remember all the times I've been hurt or used or screwed over I freak out. But on the rare occasion I give a person a bit of trust, or a lot of trust, if they treat me with respect and they then trust me and give me trust back, I have to say to myself - how far are you willing to take this? The truth is I don't know - but I know that if I don't even try then I will miss out on the good things about friends - and I believe that people who step into our strange little worlds and don't do a runner, are worth taking a harder look at, and I think it is worth asking ourselves whether we are willing to just take a chance. What always takes me unawares is that I think that I AM trusting certain people, that I think THIS is going to be a special person to me, perhaps someone that will turn up regularly on the doorstep just for a natter, the person that will accept me completely and with them all my uncertainty and lack of trust will disappear, there's a word or a look and the paranoia kicks in and all the walls fly up and all the trust I believed I had invested in the person begins to evaporate. I am caught out each and every time. That's the problem with being an optimist but I'll probably just keep right on believing that I'll stop automatically putting the walls up one day... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sa Skimrande Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I tend to trust the wrong people or don't trust anyone at all, but many a time I come unstuck for trusting the wrong people and it is a problem that if I know a friend knows someone I don't know, that person gets my trust and I have since found out this is pretty common with AS people. But my friends and I have very few are the sort of people I would trust my life with as I prefer few trustworthy infallible people than lots of well acquaintances. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I tend to trust the wrong people or don't trust anyone at all, but many a time I come unstuck for trusting the wrong people and it is a problem that if I know a friend knows someone I don't know, that person gets my trust and I have since found out this is pretty common with AS people. But my friends and I have very few are the sort of people I would trust my life with as I prefer few trustworthy infallible people than lots of well acquaintances. I have had that problem - of trusting the wrong people or not trusting at all... but I think you are right, it's best to trust a few people who are worthy of it rather than have having a load of acquaintances who you can't. What always takes me unawares is that I think that I AM trusting certain people, that I think THIS is going to be a special person to me, perhaps someone that will turn up regularly on the doorstep just for a natter, the person that will accept me completely and with them all my uncertainty and lack of trust will disappear, there's a word or a look and the paranoia kicks in and all the walls fly up and all the trust I believed I had invested in the person begins to evaporate. I am caught out each and every time. That's the problem with being an optimist but I'll probably just keep right on believing that I'll stop automatically putting the walls up one day... I've had this problem too (had lots of trust issues) I can't speak for you - but I think when I suddenly get paranoid it is often more to do with my fear, my insecurity, my worries and panic than it is to do with the other person... although there have been times where I have been right - so that makes it confusing dunnit All you can do is keep trying and work on it I guess - that's what I try to do anyway - I know I learn as time goes on, and I suppose having better judgement about such things can be improved too it's a work in progress Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I tend to trust the wrong people or don't trust anyone at all, but many a time I come unstuck for trusting the wrong people and it is a problem that if I know a friend knows someone I don't know, that person gets my trust and I have since found out this is pretty common with AS people. But my friends and I have very few are the sort of people I would trust my life with as I prefer few trustworthy infallible people than lots of well acquaintances. It's a problem in job interviews too because you think "yey!" I'm really going places here When in fact the opposite may be true as their true feelings are truly masked from your cognition. So the bad news has double the shock Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sa Skimrande Report post Posted July 13, 2012 Job interviews, I always think negative in them, I think things are going bad, so must try harder and some where I have not wanted the job, I have tried to get the interviewer on the run, over power them. Also I tend to alter my speech for interviews to the point my accent goes and people believe well, that I am from a posh background, how I do this, is the same way I speak to non native English speakers, slow, clear and precise, do that, accent backs off and interviewers struggle to locate where you are from, plus I like to try to keep people guessing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
