Boys being mean

[Mannify]

I wasn't sure whether to post this or not, because maybe it'll make me feel even more upset. Anyway, here goes. I went to take Lola for a walk while my husband was making tea with the front door open so that he could keep an eye on our daughter playing with next door's little girl. Somehow, he failed to realise that Ehs had gone out the front door, and I found him sitting on his own round the corner with a load of spit and grass on his back. Two boys had lured him out to play and told him that a lovely teenage girl who's always kind to him was on the field. He was upset that she wasn't, and was quite tormented by it. They both spat into grass and put it on his back. I asked him, "Who did this?", and he said,"boys". I asked, "what did you do?" and he said "No!" in his high-pitched, frightened voice. They then told him they were playing 'duck, duck, goose', one of his favourite games, but just ran off and left him. I'm currently trying to contact their respective head teachers, because although it was out of school time, I feel they should at least know what these boys did.

[darkshine]

Have another angry emoticon on me - unfortunately I can't make it so large that it fills the page or I would....

 

[A-S warrior]

law of the jungle im affraid. the kids are like a pack of volves, i was always used as the big dumb animal in junior school, they would pick on me then when i would lash out and put one through a table they would then go crying to there parents and then teachers would come and start flapping there gums at me. basically the teachers diddnt like me either lol i diddnt have a friend in the world for a while. but it got me ready for adult life. we all have to be bullied at some point. i know pepole will get upset by my post but its true.

[darkshine]

Yes, it's part of the real world - but it's still ###### though...

[Mannify]

Well, Warrior, Ehs doesn't have the capacity even to recognise it as bullying or to consider retaliating. He'll just keep taking it and being utterly bewildered by it, and there ain't nothing gonna force that connection through that he should do something about it or get away from it. So the hardening up bit isn't going to happen however much he gets bullied, and therefore no good can come of it.

[bed32]

If you know their names why not call the police?

[A-S warrior]

If you know their names why not call the police?

 

what are those useless doughnut eaters gona do?

[Mannify]

Well, the good news is that at least one of the schools has taken it seriously, mainly because there was another witness who came forward. So one of the boys got into trouble and his parents were told. Still waiting to hear what the other school did,

[Sa Skimrande]

Kids will be kids sadly it is the law of the jungle and kids will pick on anything they perceive as weaker than themselves, it is nature and there is no getting away from it and no amount of chastisement will rid it as other will also do in future.

 

I was a pussy as a kid always picked on and bullied, but my father reacted by sending me to boxing lessons where I learned at least to fend for myself, but the trouble was I did not have a gauge, I could not gauge what was required for the given situation, so I got into trouble for fighting back. It is a no win situation, the law of the jungle, but perhaps what I should have learned way back then but I expect it wasn't around then was defensive tai chi as defensive tai chi is inoffensive and anyone that gets too close or acts in a certain manner, well, their force is enacted upon them. It is grass and spittle now, what will it be when the kid concerned is older.

 

Inoffensive self defence is something everyone should learn, it makes for less victims.

[Mannify]

Ehs has learning difficulties and his coordination isn't hot. Even if he learnt self defense I don't think it would occur to him to use it.

[Sa Skimrande]

How is Ehs for art and activities involving movement, I ask this as we can be trained and if we understand something is an art then arts if we enjoy we will learn. I am also directionally stupid yet I can drive a car and have a driving license and still suffer directional issues driving and in other things I do, but the tai chi I learned years ago is always there as was proved quite recently when a drunk lunged at the hat I always wear, (an australian diggers hat because I don't like getting my hair wet) and I don't remember doing it but I stepped aside and the drunk was on the floor, a friend who still does tai chi said excellent tai chi, yet I thought i had forgotten it all, I just saw someone coming closer than I was comfortable with and well did what I did, it was natural But as directionally stupid, dyspraxia I think it is called I every week go to dance classes to learn belly dance and after four years of going, I am finally starting to get to grips with direction as I have a long history of stuffing up the class by going the wrong way or moving in impossible ways to most and as a result I am learning about movement employing weight shifts from the hips and so my off road cycling is getting far more agile.

 

But a friend who is a professional belly dancer I asked to test a theory I had on the origins of this dance, you see she works in a school somewhere up north for autistic kids and she said often they put on music for them to boogey too so I asked my friend to put on Egyptian belly dance music and see what the music inspires and lo and behold she came back to say yes the kids started to move with their hips, thus confirming this dance is driven by music and it was perhaps created in response to a type of North African music driven by a type of drum native to Africa.

 

What I am trying to say, is everyone can be trained, it might take longer with some, but we can't all be good at everything or indeed anything, but we can be trained and if we practice we get better. Now something which is found to be enjoyable sinks in until we hardly know it is there, but it like walking comes to us when we need it. We learned to walk, therefore we can learn any movement, but to say someone can't learn because they have learning difficulties I say is wrong thinking, give people a good chance and they may surprise you.

 

As it is of a few world class belly dancers, they have revealed to me they also are on the spectrum, yet they have made it where many would not even try.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[bed32]

what are those useless doughnut eaters gona do?

I wasn't talking about any useless doughnut eaters - I was talking about the police.

 

If you report it once - they are unlikely to do much. If it happens again then they may take it more seriously. The police take this sort of harassment much more seriously these days, and the equality act gives them a useful tool.

[trekster]

Disgusting behaviour, i would join the 'anti bullying campaign' wish i knew a way to make autistics less naive if i find it will tell you.

For those that are thinking 'what doesnt kill you makes you stronger' how do you explain how i got CPTSD? This happens after

repeated traumatic bullying of many sorts (in my case different types).

 

i have called 101 for legal advice in the past. i didnt realise that someones behaviour of being clingy was harrassment until a

police officer on the 101 number told me it was the case. Someone rang me 7 times in 1 day. She was ringing me to ask why

something had happened when it had been posted on a message board "because of another committment". i know shes autistic

and has major problems reading but she started ringing me immediately after i started posting on the message board. i am being suffocated by a few very clingy autistics in my life. They are clingy because i am trying to help them when i can and cannot cope when im not there for them.

 

If you ring the 101 number and ask "is this a crime?" you should hopefully get an understanding person on the end of the phone.

The 999 number is still available for crimes or other emergencies in progress You will get a log number either way and keeping a

record of calls you've made (or calls made to you if thats what you are calling about) which you can use to build up a casebook.

 

Does the school offer a buddy system? A child that is trusted by the school for look out for others could be assigned to help your child

and your child encouraged to ask the buddy 'is this a good idea' or even the buddy to explain why something isnt a good idea.

 

Is Ehs your daughter? If not could your daughter keep an eye out fr Ehs?

[Sa Skimrande]

Everyone has to learn to defend themselves or to recognise when to walk away as the world is not safe with laws that protect everywhere, I am late diagnosed I got bullied all the way through my life, even in employment as to laws on equality well from experience such laws are not as toothy as they proclaim to be. Bullies exist everywhere it is part of life sadly, but they exist so one has to prepare themselves for the possibility of being bullied. As to ptsd I have it as a result of attempted murder, four broken ribs and a fractured skull, but it does not stop me living life, because if I let it, I would have no life and bullies would have won. Me, I fear kids, because gangs of kids take the mikey, I react they call the police and police tend to believe kids not lone adults and groups of adults as it was a group of adults that tried to kill me, I see them I walk away or cross the road, to avoid trouble I get out of their way. Now chances are such people might not cause trouble but I don't hang around to find out, sure I might detour, but I avoid trouble. But if confronted with no way to get away I can defend myself, badly perhaps, but at least I can make an effort.

 

The world is not a nice place and no one can be wrapped in cotton wool forever, not even in Britain as what laws exist only exist for those that can afford it, or are part of a politically sensitive group and then only then for as long as it is the politic flavour of the month.

[Mannify]

trekster, Ehs goes to special school, and I don't think bullying is a big problem there, especially since he's in the primary bit with only 10 pupils. There are two lovely teenage girls on our estate who are almost indescribably kind to him. He wouldn't normally be allowed to play out without supervision, because he has a limited sense of danger, but he slipped out without my husband noticing.

 

sa skimrande, I see what you're saying, and as he gets older and his motivation increases we will try to make all sorts of opportunities available to him ( we have a piano, for example, which he has no interest in playing and any attempt to get him to play it would have him digging his heels in, but it's there for when he does find an interest because he really loves music). I do feel that there are sections of society ( a 7 year old autisic boy, might qualify, as might, for example, a 90 year old) who are currently unable to defend themselves, and it is thus the responsibility of competent society to ensure justice when bullying occurs. Anything else offers the clear message that bullying vulnerable people is worth a go, because noone is really going to notice.