matzoball Report post Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) Was discussing support for people on the spectrum in the workplace (i feel it is essential) on an Aspergers related page. A guy posts about how he thinks people with autism should not be relying on carers or support as he managed to become a success in his field without anyones help, and knows he is a success because his NT peer group tell him so all the time. So I point out while his acheivements are great - he can't generalise about other ASD people because it is a spectrum for a reason. I briefly and without naming names highlight an instance in my old job about how getting support helped me immeasurably. He comes back with how I should be self advocating and more independent. Those of you who know me well enough on here know that I am. But I do recognise when I need help - and I recognise when others do too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not a weakness. So I set him straight, and he backtracks a wee bit. I got really riled because of how dismissive he was of people who he seemed to perceive as somehow less than him because they needed support. I just let it go because he obviously wanted to have the last word, be acknowledged for his acheivements(which he was), and basically have his own wee individual spotlight. 'Aspie-rational' is a great thing to be - but when you are patronizing people with the same disability as you - no thanks. Edited October 20, 2012 by matzoball Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted October 20, 2012 When I damaged my knee in a cycling accident I wore a knee support for many months. The pain began to ease and still I wore my support. I became quite good on my bike again and began to perform as I always had. 18 months later a cycling mate told me to remove it. When I did this my knee was weak and I had to regain muscle mass in that leg in order to walk and cycle without the knee support. The moral of this story is that relying on support too much can seriously stymie the individual through the process of 'entropy' where the underlying disorder is propped up increasingly by the support until it can no longer function without the support. Remove the support and the situation is hopeless. Let's not get too ahead of ourselves and become a little too arrogant of achievements etc (good though they are) because one day the support that propagated such success may not suddenly be there. Even the most independent of individuals needed someone to help get them there. Please spare a thought for those other people because they may not always be there and might even need your support one day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) Are you asking me to spare a thought or the person who was arguing with me? Because if you are asking me you've misunderstood what I am talking about entirely. Edited October 20, 2012 by matzoball Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted October 20, 2012 Was discussing support for people on the spectrum in the workplace (i feel it is essential) on an Aspergers related page. A guy posts about how he thinks people with autism should not be relying on carers or support as he managed to become a success in his field without anyones help, ... Difficult one. I'd have said the same thing as him 6 years ago (when I didn't have my dx, nor my son's). By now, I see where my son needs support, and lots of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted October 20, 2012 Its human nature aspie or not. best thing to do is stick to what your belifs are. if everyone was the same the world would be boring. but i digress, respect is everything, therefore make sure you add the 'i respectfully disagree' disclaimer before you reply. otherwise things tend to spiral down into a battle of the wits. (which on one ever wins) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 20, 2012 You did what you could to convince him by politely mentioning that his perspective was exactly that his perspective. As for arguing I prefer to discuss what the problem is until the problem is resolved, but there are some people in my life (or out when they are avoiding me due to my autism) who won't even say to me ''Alexis we have a problem' (note we have a problem rather than you have a problem or I have a problem). There is someone who claims this doesn't work but I remember a time in the past where it did work for about a year then the problem reignited randomly. Apparently I need help because of my 'sudden' wheelchair need. This wheelchair need is anything but sudden in fact it was something I was considering since 2008 but ironically delayed due to the short sighted opinions of those that in the past claimed to be my friends. Now im deciding to cut ties with those that disagree with the viewpoint of 95% of wheelchair users need their wheelchair due to pain or fatigue management. This is after all possible options have been exhausted. Even friends who also use their wheelchairs for the same reason as me are finding a mixed bag of opinions. Anyone who thinks someone is taking the easy way out by using a wheelchair should hire one for the day and push themselves around in it, then translate any experiences they have in that day to working out how it could be for the rest of their lives at the most. It is possible this guy isnt as autonomous as they would like and is projecting that resentment onto others by trying to make them suffer as much as him. 'I don't get help why should anyone else' type mentality. Whereas if someone did get help or something I didn't (and wished to get) I would most likely say 'good on you explain more think this could help me as well'. Being told you have something mildly or a milder form of autism compounds this problem IMO. Also this guy doesn't know how to end the conversation with regards to the forum posting. Repairing conversations that have gone wrong is a skill many autistics lack. Being brought up in an environment where being disabled (or trans or a different sexuality) is wrong is also likely to have compounded the problem. It takes guts to admit when you need someone else to help, whether that be taking something off you or helping you to do something with them. Sometimes I can manage by being shown how to do the task other times I prefer someone to do the task for me. There is also the danger of being underestimated in terms of capacity by being told 'well you cooked for yourself yesterday so therefore you can cook for yourself all the time'. I had this problem with the cleaning and find it discourages me from telling folk what I have managed to do because they think im cured of that problem when I just happened to have a day where I could manage. This is the case where anyone has a disability that fluctuates. In fact the benefitsandwork.co.uk website has a section on fluctuating levels of need (in the DLA applications). 'AS Warrior' the respectfully disagreeing is an attempt to show empathy rather than a disclaimer. IME Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
