Worried newbie

[Thursday Next]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm not sure where I should start really so please excuse my confused ramblings.

 

I've always suspected I was out of synch with the rest of the world - half a step out and jarring against everyone else really. I've had lots of times where I've misunderstood something, or missed a "cue" which has resulted in a falling out or an argument - usually leaving me very confused as to what has happened. But last weekend something major happened with my sister which has spurred me into action.

 

I read up on some stuff on Aspergers, which I've suspected for a long time that I have (I am 39, have a BSc (Hons) in psychology so I have a bit of knowledge on the subject). I did the Baron-Cohen AQ and EQ tests and came out at 44 and 6 respectively (80% of Aspergers score 34 or above, and 30 or below respectively) so I am well within the limits (my husband did the AQ too and scored 14, highlighting the differences between us). I've obviously done a lot of reading up on AS and I felt this huge wave of relief wash over me when I read the AS stuff on the NAS website - it was like finally something made sense!!! My husband also agrees that a lot of the AS stuff explains a lot of my behaviour.

 

I feel I really need an official diagnosis, so I am seeing a psychiatrist privately on Tuesday to hopefully get one. I feel it will help me, and more importantly, my family understand me a bit more. Especially as I've never really fully explained all the difficulties and stresses I feel with day-to-day life.

 

But now I'm worrying that it might not be AS. What if it's not? What then? It has just clicked with me so much and I felt relief and euphoria last weekend when I did the tests and thought I'd finally sussed myself out. But what if the psychiatrist on Tuesday says it's not that. I'm not sure what I'll do.

 

I know that no-one can really help with this as such, but maybe someone can relate to my fears and worries and offer some advice? I'd really appreciate it.

[Shnoing]

After I've got my dx I have analyzed my past behaviour(s) critically in that new light, and it tookover a year to go back to "normal life" (I was employed all the time, though, just what I thought about in my spare time centered aroud AS).

 

A label is still only a label, and an individual remains an individual. Took me some time to see that (again), so perhaps you might lower/reduce the expectations/fears what your dx might change.

[raydon]

Hi, welcome to the forum

 

I have recently self diagnosed, and also had that sense of relief, that at last, something made sense. There are a few threads on this forum discussing the pros and cons of a formal diagnosis. I am still undecided whether to go for one or not.

 

I think a key factor in the diagnosis is that AS is a life long condition, and not a reaction external events. Coping (or non coping) strategies can appear as other ailments.

 

I have found just having this knowledge has been enough for me to relax and accept myself a little better.

 

I for one will be very interested in hearing how you feel post diagnosis, but whatever the outcome, you are still you. Tying to find workable strategies to improve your lot is more important than having one label or another.

[Mannify]

Hi. There have been some threads recently which discuss the pros and cons of diagnosis.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/28872-the-danger-of-late-diagnosis/

 

and

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/28940-but-in-support-of-late-diagnosis/

 

HTH

[trekster]

hi and welcome

 

My diagnosis was poorly done and has led to some frequent misunderstandings commonly occurring especially amongst female autistics. Some of my family accept me and others refuse to accept the literal behaviour and routines side of things. They even object to me having a playmobil person on a table or trolley near them (because i might start talking to it but i tend to talk to them whether they are there or not).

 

There are some autistics who have an ability to appear more able than they actually are, they can to an extent blend into the background or because they hardly speak are invisible to onlookers.

 

It is very difficult to get a diagnosis (for many things not just Autism.aspergers) and a reason other than 'because i need to know' unfortunately is unlikely to work. Problems with private diagnoses is 'you paid for your label' tends to be an excuse by other services when presented with a private diagnosis.

 

The what if it's not aspergers? question is understandable in your situation. There's a possibility it could be something similar to autism or you could have additional things that go along with your autism.

 

i totally understand the uncertainty of not knowing what you are (or not) is difficult for you.

My best advice would be to take the AQ results and a relative or your partner with you to back up what you are saying. Often diagnosis is made by a variety of different methods including childhood development which a close parent could answer. I've got friends who have struggled to get a diagnosis because they've got no one that knew them when they were a child. Also as painful as they are see if you can mention the fall outs you have with others and how confused you were or still are, if you feel it is relevant mention how you feel now about the situation.

 

My gran had to go with me because my 'parents' wouldn't accept that i could be autistic (and to an extent they dont). If my family would accept me for who i am then i think my life would be a lot different.

 

if you wish to PM me further feel free