Managing mess in cramped conditions + the need for order and perfection.

[Merry]

Hi....I realise this has probably been discussed before, but one of the issues i find hard to deal with is housework...or any other kind of work....another reason why jobs don't work out well for me. I am such a perfectionist that even though i crave order and organization, it takes me twice as long as most people to get anything done. No matter how much housework i do, i can never get on top of it even though i feel like i work very hard. In jobs, I've always felt i push myself harder than most, but from their perspective, i'm told i work too slowly. (In past jobs). My home is a one bedroom flat with a very messy man and a very messy baby! It is far too cramped and over-stimulating but i can never get it in any kind of order even though it's one of my main priorities! In the past, i've gone as far as throwing away all of my possesions and starting again! Obviously now that i don't live alone i can't get rid of other people's things!

 

I'm interested..........does anyone else here struggle with such things? And do you have any suggestions either about keeping on top of things in general...how do you manage it? Or, about how to organize a lot of stuff, in a small living space? The trouble with storage boxes, is that we have so many now that i can't find places to put any more unless piling them dangerously high! Was thinking of looking to China and Japan for clues as i know they are experts at fitting themselves into tiny places!

[Lyndalou]

No. 1. Get your man to put his dirty clothes/used towels in the laundry bin or better still put a load through now and again. Rope him in to tidy away all the baby paraphernalia that builds up over the course of a day.

 

No. 2. Do you need everything you have in the flat or can it be stored elsewhere to be accessed when needed? Can you use a space in a relative's garage or loft? Do you have a landing cupboard or shed?

 

No.3. It is handy to store under your bed (although you probably do that already, lol) and drawers on castors are possibly most practical.

 

No. 4. Throughout the day, pick things up as you go. If something is somewhere it ought not to be, then move it. Pop dishes into the sink into water to soak so when you come to wash them it's not caked on and harder to do.

 

No. 5. Switch to microfibre cloths to wipe down surfaces and mirrors (best thing I ever did - no scrubbing or chemicals involved!).

 

No. 6. You get reasonably sturdy plastic 'drawers' out of somewhere like Argos. They can fit in cupboards and sometimes stack so you don't always have to be moving boxes about.

 

No. 7. Go back to No. 1 - train your partner....

[Noskcaj86]

I can never get on top of house work ever!!! no matter how hard i work oh well!

[Sa Skimrande]

Hi....I realise this has probably been discussed before, but one of the issues i find hard to deal with is housework...or any other kind of work....another reason why jobs don't work out well for me. I am such a perfectionist that even though i crave order and organization, it takes me twice as long as most people to get anything done. No matter how much housework i do, i can never get on top of it even though i feel like i work very hard. In jobs, I've always felt i push myself harder than most, but from their perspective, i'm told i work too slowly. (In past jobs). My home is a one bedroom flat with a very messy man and a very messy baby! It is far too cramped and over-stimulating but i can never get it in any kind of order even though it's one of my main priorities! In the past, i've gone as far as throwing away all of my possesions and starting again! Obviously now that i don't live alone i can't get rid of other people's things!

 

I'm interested..........does anyone else here struggle with such things? And do you have any suggestions either about keeping on top of things in general...how do you manage it? Or, about how to organize a lot of stuff, in a small living space? The trouble with storage boxes, is that we have so many now that i can't find places to put any more unless piling them dangerously high! Was thinking of looking to China and Japan for clues as i know they are experts at fitting themselves into tiny places!

 

Yep on all accounts and I know what it is, it is too much stuff as I live in what is called a studio flat and it is small, but I have all my stuff around me, stuff I have accumulated over the last seven years, as I came out of my marriage with nothing except my car a rucksack of clothes and my craft tools. So all this stuff that drives me nuts is just 'interest' stuff and because a lot of it is the residue from interests I don't do anymore, ideally I should ditch it, but there is a problem in that I find it very difficult to throw anything away. I have reasoned this as when one loses everything they had, the collecting of stuff becomes a habit and the throwing away of stuff is against the habit, so to remain comfortable it is, exist in mess and learn to ignore it until the point comes one wakes up and thinks ye gods what a mess.

 

Now in my place it's books and tools mostly as there is not much furniture and what furniture there is invariably ends up as some kind of work surface as I understand what I live in is more a workshop than a nome, but I do do bronze forging in here, anodising, patination and silver jewellery making when I can afford the silver, but so many tools that are very susceptible to rust and if rust gets them, they are finished, so they have to live in here.

 

Stacking crates I have them but they are stacked up in a few spare corners, but the only solution I see to this is get a workshop and move my workshop out of my home. But workshops cost money something which is scarce these days.

[justine1]

No. 1. Get your man to put his dirty clothes/used towels in the laundry bin or better still put a load through now and again. Rope him in to tidy away all the baby paraphernalia that builds up over the course of a day.

 

No. 2. Do you need everything you have in the flat or can it be stored elsewhere to be accessed when needed? Can you use a space in a relative's garage or loft? Do you have a landing cupboard or shed?

 

No.3. It is handy to store under your bed (although you probably do that already, lol) and drawers on castors are possibly most practical.

 

No. 4. Throughout the day, pick things up as you go. If something is somewhere it ought not to be, then move it. Pop dishes into the sink into water to soak so when you come to wash them it's not caked on and harder to do.

 

No. 5. Switch to microfibre cloths to wipe down surfaces and mirrors (best thing I ever did - no scrubbing or chemicals involved!).

 

No. 6. You get reasonably sturdy plastic 'drawers' out of somewhere like Argos. They can fit in cupboards and sometimes stack so you don't always have to be moving boxes about.

 

No. 7. Go back to No. 1 - train your partner....

 

Very organised response...can you come and clean my house?

 

I am in the same position Merry. There are 7 of us...two adults and five kids...living in a two bedroom house. Are things cramped? Extremely. However we know where everything is as we go through things once a month and throw away what is not needed,this is especially true with my 10 month old. Babies grow so fast so clothes take up space,we chose 1-2 outfits to keep and give the rest to charity.

 

My four boys share one room,my eldest has a mid-sleeper which has a small wardrobe and desk so he can store most of his things neatly, 9yr old and 6 yr old have a bunk bed again saves space and my 4 yr old has a single bed which manages to fit behind the bedroom door,his bed has drawers for storage.

 

In the room I share with my partner and baby we have two three door wardrobes(one for my partner,one for the boys),one two door wardrobe(for me and my daughter) and a four door chest of drawers next to baby's cot. We have many toys which are stored in upright toy boxes(4 sets of four) and under the bunk bed.

 

In the living room we keep very basic furniture,longe suite and dining suite and telly...no other drawers or anything. It is much easier to clean when there is less furniture,I always wanted a cabinet to keep little "treasures" or old photo's as my older family members had this but practically I cannot see that happening not only the fact I have 5 very active kids but also the issue of dust,my eldest has bad allergies and asthma so need to damp dust every three days it would be a nightmare if I had too much clutter.

 

To me there is a big difference between mess and clutter. My house is clean,relatively dust free and no food etc laying around. However there is always books lying around,my partner and I are students coupled with the boys' school books,it can be annoying picking them up all the time. Not to mention the toys. I cannot count how many times I have to pick toys up. As mentioned though, you need to teach your partner(and one day your child) to pick up after themeselves,when things are in the right place it makes cleaning quick and easy. When on placements I am too exhausted to clean so if nobody helps out the house will just get worse.

[Soda]

Oh my goodness yes! Can totally relate. Why is my house never tidy?! I find myself constantly trying to find different and better ways to organise things. I have just struggled around a million soft toys to change DD's bed so a 10 minute job took over double the time. And they all have to be put back just as they were or there will be tears! I declutter by chucking stuff in the cellar and now the cellar is almost full so will have to tackle that soon!

Soda

[Lyndalou]

My response was a bit tongue-in-cheek - I do have a weird sense of humour sometimes! Of course, it's not an easy thing to keep a house and children and do all the other things that a busy life demands.

 

I've kind of turned into my mother but a less efficient and organised version of her. In my chaos and disorganisation as a child, my home was an oasis of tidiness and order. I used to resent it greatly as I waded through my mess, unable to find anything and annoyed when my mum could produce what I was looking for straight away. I used to be upset when I went to visit and she would tell me off for dropping my shoes beside the sofa. Now, I have many of the same 'rules' surrounding tidiness and my children will no doubt think the same of me in time!

 

I have discovered that as I have accumulated more 'stuff' over the years and have to do more, I've had to 'up' my game in the housekeeping stakes and I do find it very stressful. However, I find an untidy house even more stressful so trying to keep on top of mess and clutter wins out! I simply couldn't get through the day if I didn't order my drawers in a particular way and I can't even begin to tell you the meltdowns I have when the light shines through the window and it reveals grubby fingerprints and dust!

[Sa Skimrande]

I can't even begin to tell you the meltdowns I have when the light shines through the window and it reveals grubby fingerprints and dust!

 

I gave up with that years ago, as my front window faces the sea and after a particular howling night the window is covered is salt stains, no point washing it of as when it rains normally, rain will sort it out and so it is in my place now I will only touch the windows when the amount of light that comes through is seriously reduced.

 

But I sort of gave up a few years ago with the house proud ideal as living on one's own, what's the point. But my training in being particular and I was good at it was because of the military and the legendary Bull night, because failing a bull night meant restriction on freedom and having to do the bull night again the next evening after work and any subsequent nights the officer in charge had decided was a fitting punishment for being too tired to do it properly in the first place or just the inevitable sadistic streak often displayed by those in power over others.

 

When I left the mob to live with what would be my future wife, she was a bit of a minger so I took on the cleaning and as a result kept up the bull night, every monday evening where the place would get cleaned to military specification by me my ex wife not lifting a finger. I even did my own laundry and repairs to clothing, the only thing I didn't touch was cooking that I left to my ex through me having the ability to burn water, an art I never got the hang of through too much going on all at once. I can multitask easily with my crafts and skills but cooking no chance.

 

Since the end of my marriage and my re location to another part of the country everything I was good at fell by the wayside and I have been this way these past seven years.

[robert7111a]

Hi Merry

 

I have to confess, I'm rather a "messy man" too.

 

The problem is, I never used to be. My lodgings always used to be tidy but then I suppose I did not have much to my name. Although I've only myself to blame, it seems coincidental since I met my wife and acquired more things, I let things slip and the house is in a constant state of mess - yet it is "organized mess" - I generally know where everything is. But since my daughter was born (she's now 13), she has never - ever kept her room tidy and I suspect this is down to dyspraxic traits rather than following her father - as mum is very tidy!

 

For the last 6 months, my wife has been pestering to decorate - which means clearing out the main room we live in (most of it with my stuff!) and this has crossed my comfort zone. I don't like change and to me, this is a huge upheaval. It means moving the telly, the computer - literally everything out of our living space (we occupy the upper floor of her father's house) so have our own living room/bedroom etc. Although she has given me notice (bless her!), I need constant reminding so I have started (in small doses) working on little areas at a time clearing rubbish or consolodating elsewhere. We both work full time long hours and so the last thing we want to do when we get home is housework! Especially for me as I don't get home until 8- 9pm.

[Merry]

Hi, I'm going to try to reply to everyone who has posted because i've found each response helpful.

 

Lyndalou, as always, you have come up with some really useful ideas for example, i'm going to try microfiber cloths and see if i can find any willing relatives to look after some of our storage boxes. As for "training the man", I've been trying to do that for the last 5 years and when a friend of the family offered to `life coach` me (As it is her new career), most of our discussions were about training him but nothing ever worked so i've given up on that. Since he was made redundant and is out of work, he makes more mess than i have time to clear up! But thanks for the idea! And your second post I found really interesting because i've noticed recently that i'm turning into my mother too!...Now that i'm a parent too, i understand her a lot more! (And why a tidy house was always so important to her!) So this is the 2nd THANK YOU i'm giving you today!

 

Noskca, it's a horrible feeling isn't it, when you feel like you're working so hard but not getting anywhere?! Thanks for your response.

 

Sa Skimrande, another lovely post...I really enjoy the little snippits i learn about your life as time is going by and i read more and more of your writing!...It sounds like your wife was lucky to have such a tidy man, I hope she appreciated you...there aren't many like you around that i'm aware of! And I agree, if it's just you, mess isn't such an issue, cus it's only YOUR mess...and when I lived alone, I always knew where i'd put things, even if things got untidy! I liked the bit about "learning to ignore it." I do that pretty well most of the time but then it just gets too much and i have to do something about it or i'll explode or something!

 

Justine, I second your response to Lyndalou, I wander if we could start a business on her behalf...maybe call it something like: "RENT-A-LYNDALOU"! It seems she would be a very useful person to have around! It sounds like you have a very busy home so a good person to take advice from in this case...for example, letting go of our baby's old clothes...such sentimental things, but pointless keeping them really. Thanks so much.

 

Soda, I'm guilty of hiding mess a lot of the time too! When we have visitors, i tend to throw all the piles of laundry i've been working through into the bedroom, or stuff it in the wardrobes, but with me, `out of sight out of mind` is a problem because i often find it causes more work in the long run i.e when i find that the next time i'm putting clothes away in my partner's wardrobe, i can't do it because it's full of stuff i threw in there a week ago and conveniently forgot about!

 

And to trusty Robert7111a, I love the way i'm able to visualize the things you talk about, because you write in quite a professional way i think, you just have a nice way of illustrating things, and also it makes me smile or chuckle! I bet your house is full of fun! I don't think i'd cope too well with redecorating either....especially if i was working such long hours. I don't blame you for being a little "messy" but organized!

 

There! Don't think i missed anyone out. And I just thought of something else someone mentioned about being untidy but not dirty. That's a good point. I am very clean, just hopelessly disorganized. For example, today i bleached my bathroom from top to bottom, all the tiles, windows, everything! Feels wonderful. And I LOVE the smell of bleach, as swimming pools were my favourite places as a kid! But it's just all the stuff! This is the point....My chap has at least 5 times more cosmetics, creams, shaving things, sprays and and hair products as i do. I'm more of a minimalist with a few areas of sentimentality. My chap likes to keep things he doesn't need FOREVER! So often i find myself throwing things away in secret!!! Why do we keep so much stuff? Every xmas and birthday, new things have to be stored, but old stuff never seems to find it's way to the bin!

Edited January 9, 2013 by Merry

[Sa Skimrande]

Merry, to be constructive in these comments of woes, have a look at Ikea and what they can offer in very small spaces, for I have lived in Sweden and been to places smaller than my own where couples have lived with children and though sort of messy in every day use what the Swedes can do with space is impressive and it's well built and very functional definitely not the usual UK Made For Idiots approach that crumbles when you move it.

 

It's not cheap, but I will have you know Ikea in Sweden is more expensive than the UK, but what they make is to a very high standard and worth the investment.

 

Starter homes for Swedes are flats and yes the white goods; cooker, washing machine and fridge freezer are part of the deal and rotated every three years, living in such small spaces invites ingenuity and so what is in Ikea is Swedish thought on solving problems of small spaces and i have not come across anything better.

[Sa Skimrande]

 

 

Sa Skimrande, another lovely post...I really enjoy the little snippits i learn about your life as time is going by and i read more and more of your writing!...It sounds like your wife was lucky to have such a tidy man, I hope she appreciated you...there aren't many like you around that i'm aware of! And I agree, if it's just you, mess isn't such an issue, cus it's only YOUR mess...and when I lived alone, I always knew where i'd put things, even if things got untidy! I liked the bit about "learning to ignore it." I do that pretty well most of the time but then it just gets too much and i have to do something about it or i'll explode or something!

 

 

 

Yes I was handy around the house and I repaired everything as well, electrics, plumbing- no problem and I looked after her children and grand children and I was never out of work and with that bringing in a tidy sum but there is more to being married than bringing in the bread and doing the house work for XXY you see, I lacked in other departments, sex drive with me is nil and it was a chore I got bored of.

[Merry]

Sa Skimrande I can relate to that too. I have to try really hard because i'm with a normal man and his needs are very different from mine.